My son is almost 3 1/2 years old and refuses to potty train. Last summer he was doing great and using the potty a few times a day when he had to pee. We did a rewards system with him, if he used the potty he got a couple of M & M's. Once fall came he lost all interest and refused to go. For the past few weeks I have been talking with him a lot about how we need to work on it and start trying again. He simply says no, I don't want to. I bring him in the bathroom and have him sit on the potty and he cries hysterically. I sit on the floor and hold his hands, I sing, I tell stories, we have books in the bathroom for him. He just screams and cries. So today I decided we were just going to be matter of fact about it, we were putting underwear on him and we are just going to go for it. Again he refused to go to the bathroom, I put the potty in the living room to try that. Nope. So I figured if he goes in his underwear he will see how yucky it feels and he will learn right? Nope. Usually if he has a bowel movement he leaves the room and goes to a corner and crouches. He didn't even do that, he was sitting on the couch watching a cartoon and he pooped and pee'd in his pants and did not care. I was cleaning the kitchen from breakfast and my younger son was playing on the floor. I could smell it and figured it was my younger son. I was shocked that it was my older one, just sitting in it. I asked him doesn't that feel yucky and he looked at me and said no, it's no big deal.
So what now? I've tried everything from the books. I have read if you force the issue it will just make them fight back even harder and can create bigger problems. Yet he is a very smart and capable boy, so I just don't get it. Do I give up for now and wait until he has an interest in it? Or do I hunker down and get ready for battle and show him the issue isn't going away?
Thank you all so much for your advice and feed back on this topic. I've decided to just let it go. For me the big "tell" was also that he pooped and sat in it while wearing underwear. To me that does show he is not ready. He is a smart boy and he is also just like his Mom, stubborn:) I think it is not worth making us both miserable. He'll do it when he is ready. Ia m going to wait a month and bring the topic back up and if he feels the same, I'll try again in another month. Who knows, maybe he'll wait until summer, by then my younger son will be 1 1/2 and maybe they'll do it together. Hey a girl can dream can't she?! LOL!! Thanks again!
Walk away from the potty training ... give it up for now ... one day my son (4) woke up and said ... mommy I have to go potty! and ran to the potty been smooth sailing eversince. We struggled with it starting around 2
I would let it go... My son was 3 yrs. and 4 m. when he decided he was ready. I was getting pretty frustrated until I talked to a teacher friend about her son's potty training when he was little. Her son was a former student of mine and very intelligent. When he took the State end of course assessment for Algebra in my class, he scored a perfect score! She told me that he was almost 4! It eased my mind to know that! I knew my son was smart enough to go to the potty, he just didn't want to! Once I let it go it was only about a month before he decided one morning that he wanted to wear underpants. The rest is history!
It is completely up to your son and forcing the issue will only make it worse. My daughter went in waves and a month after she turned 3 it was like a light switch turned on and she just decided she wanted to wear underwear and not diapers. We tried everything like you and drove ourselves crazy trying to potty train her to find out that our months of frustration were absolutely not worth it. Hang in there, he's not going to wear diapers forever!
If he craps his pants make him clean them up, and wipe up any pee on the floor, wash out his clothes, dump poop into the toilet and scrub the poop out of his underwear (with your supervision ad helping him wash his hands after of course), and then make him get new clothing. Won't take him long to realize you mean business and aren't being a big pushover, and that it takes a heck of a lot less time to just use the toilet. 3.5yr old are manipulative and he knows what he's doing. I wouldn't back off, he's walking all over you and making it a game. Make him clean it up, a few times of scrubbing his own poop out of underwear will make using hte toilet seem pretty great. At 3.5 he knows what he's doing.
I would let it go for a while. IF you force the issue there will be bigger problems. I think peer pressure works for most kids is he in preschool? around kids his age? Dont make it a "look what they can do that you cant" Just make sure he knows they are using the bathroom and not wearing diapers. Mr Rogers has a great book about potty training. and heres a link
http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/parenting_tips/potty_train...
My son (age 2.9) was not interested. He is in daycare. A few weeks ago, we transition him from the toddler room to preschool. He was completely potty trained in 2 weeks. I suggest enrolling him in preschool both for the education, socialization and the potty training help.
Tough spot...he wants to have some say in this I would guess. He may truly not be ready, but if you feel like he has the control I would take a break for a bit. I would announce that we are not trying potty trining until he is ready, almost forbid it...that works wonders with mine. Tell him that underwear is only for big kids, and they get a present when they do well for x number of days, but again remind him that he is still little (or your baby, oooh do they hate that!) tell him that it is up to him to decide when he wants to try, and maybe show him a calendar of the upcoming month to see if he wants to pick a day in the future (but only if he initiates the interest). I would pretend that you could care less (he is enjoying the power struggle, and clearly he is winning if he can sit in a pile without complaints. The next motivator is suggesting that the next child might start soon...competition can be a wonderful thing sometimes. Hope some helpful hints come your way, good luck.
Like Sheri, I am in the same situation as you - my daughter is 3.5. What's infuriating is that she pees in the potty at school (they put her on, but also she tells them when she has to go) but refuses at home and she has never done #2 in the potty - though at school they tell me she tries - which is so annoying since she won't even try for me. She's bright, very verbal, so i know she understands; that's even more annoying. I am keeping my fingers crossed for the "lightbulb" method as described below - not gonna fight with her about it and hopefully one day she'll decide for herself that she's ready and then she'll tell me. Hopefully before she's five : )
The best thing that worked for me was letting my 2 1/2 y/o daughter spend time with other children slightly older who used the potty. She saw them doing it , asked questions and wanted to copy with no pressure from me. My second child was trained by 2 1/4 because she saw her sister using the toilet and wanted to be like her, I just waited for her signals and it was way easier than I expected. I did also buy a few books with potty stories and get a potty she could decorate herself and one that played a tune when she did something in it which she was always very pleased about!
what about trying to start peeing standing up. my daughters problem was that she never wanted to stop playing - so sitting down was like a time out... where as a boy - he has the option to stand - so it's like peeing on the go.... get him to pee standing up and use hand sanitizer..... and he's in and out like a flash.
we did use M&M for my daughter - did it for like 6 mos. everytime she peed she got 3 M&M's b/c she was 3. did you stop the M&M's b/c you thought he was trained. you need to do it longer to reinforce it. you'll need to find something else that will motivate him.
our newest thing is poker chips. HOme depot has empty metal piant buckets. we got a whole bunch of stickers to decorate. each time they do something good - eat their dinner, pick up their toys, go to bed with out cvoming out... they get a poker chip. once they get a certain amount of chips they get a toy. we pick the toy out ahead of time and assign a value to it - 10 chips, 20 - depending on how big the toy is.
start off small - stock up at the $1 store or the $1 bins at target or michaels and make a prize bucket. every time he goes, he gets a poker chip. when he gets 3 poker chips he gets to pick out a prize from the prize bucket. i'd do this for a month. then i'd increase it to 5, 8, 10. work up to if he makes it through the day with out an accident he gets a prize.
also cold turkey is the way to go (except at night). stock up on the cotton training pants. they are thicker in the crotch and absorb alot instead of splashing down on the floor. you could even use the character underwear as a prize.... you make it 3 times with out an accident you can get the buzz lightyear undies... you have an accident we're back to the cotton training pants until you go 3 times again.
my daughter was doing great, adn i'd do a pull up when we went out... then she started regressing. i had to do cold turkey. i had a bin in the back of my SUV, with a portable potty, TP, wipes, clorox wipes, plastic grocery bags for wet stuff, change of clothes, hand sanitizer. if we were out for more than an hour... i'd open up the back and have her sit on the potty and try. this one is great: http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId... - it catches everything in a zip lock bag so you can just throw it away if you are not in a place where you can "dump" it.
keep him in underwear right up til bed time. try to go potty one more time, then pull up and right to bed. and when you get up in the AM first thing to do is pee. then when he goes an entire week dry all night. you can talk about underwear at night.
Our stubborn little man said "when I'm 4". We said "ok!" and the day he turned 4, on went the underwear. He urinated in the underwear for 2 days before he got the hang of it, and then did fine for a month! We had a regression in the bm's while away on vacation and had to do bribery (a little dessert if he made them in the toilet that day) and have had no more problems. If yours won't pick an age (try for 3 and a half!), you may want to try cloth diapers - they are WAY less comfortable when wet or soiled, and he can help you clean them for re-use.
Best wishes!
-L.
THANK YOU for posting this question L.!!! I am in the same EXACT postion. So I obviously don't have any advice but had to say you are not alone. My son does the same things and we have tried the same tactics(he poops or pees in underwear and doesn't mind hanging out in that mess). I have read books to him while he's sitting on the potty which is never easy with my one year old running in and out of the bathroom, then he will get up and less than a minute later will pee on the floor of his room on in his underwear (if I don't have a diaper on him by then). My son is in two playgroups with boys that are the same age (a couple are a little younger) and they ALL are potty trained. I am so frustrated and stressed about it (adding to the stress is the preschools we are looking at absoultly do not alow non-potty trained children to start). I hope things start going better for you (and me) soon!
Sounds like you've tried everything except letting him decide when he'll go for it. Children MUST act independently or they are not trained. The parents are trained, perhaps, to do all the deciding, urging, comforting, rewarding, cleaning up, etc., but that's a long, long emotional distance from the child having that developmental milestone under his belt.
Quite a few young families I've known have been astounded to discover that when they finally gave up and left it up to a resistant child, the child decided to be trained. Maybe three months later, maybe a week. But when the child was certain that his parents were leaving it up to him, he had nothing to fight, and got it sorted out that he'd rather not deal with diapers any more. Here's one mamapedia link where several mothers tell variations on this story: http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/6651391040949452801#re...
If I were in your position, I'd cheerfully put my child back in diapers with the message that I love him and am happy with all the ways he's growing up, and that he can do this wonderful thing when he's ready. And let go.
wait till summer and he figures out the diapers get hot he'll do it. that was the theory used when my oldest was growing up 19 yrs ago kids tend to potty train more in the summer for that reason and that reasoning worked with my oldest.
Try Dr. Phil's method.
