Wow, this sounds pretty much like my Son.
1.) Have you had your child evaluated by a Devlopmental Pediatrician? If you haven't, I highly recommend you do this, if you can afford it and your insurance covers for it. We've used the Child Study Center for two children and they've been great. They have Developmental Pediatricians there that evaluate your child by you filling out questionairres, you talking to the Dr., the Dr. giving your child a physical exam and if needed, further testing-any delays,etc... They have special training more than your regular Pediatrician.
2.) Our child is Developmentally Delayed with fine motor delays, visual motor delays and Sensory Integrations or Sensory Processing Disorder. He's getting Occupational Therapy, Play Therapy and we see the Play Therapist for any suggestions on discipline and to explain what we are doing at home and how we can better deal with him and our frustration of dealing with him. You never know there may be something else going on that you aren't seeing, that he just can't explain to you. Our son doesn't like to be touched on his head or his back, stomach area. He's very sensitive to sound and covers his ears if things are too loud. Now, I've learned it runs in my Husband's side of the family. We are doing things at home to help him with the Sensory Issues and in Occupational Therapy. Be observant and write down anything unusual or if you notice certain things he doesn't like,etc...
3.) The Parenting Center offers a class in Parenting the Strong Willed Child. I just took it a few weeks ago and they recommend a book and you gets lots of handouts and watch a video and there is time for classroom discussion as well. It is $20, but it is well worth it.
4.) Have your day structured as much as possible, have a chart of what your child's day is like.
5.) Offer choices, so your child feels like he has some control over things. Offer choices on food, clothing, movies or TV programs to watch, books to read, toys to play in the bathtub,etc... Love and Logic parenting training uses this method. Check out www.loveand logic.com They have various books, DVD's, tapes dealing with preschoolers and toddlers.
6.) I've been hurt many times by my child and I have issues with my right arm/hand and I'm weak in my right arm. Use your legs in restraining him, when you are sitting down with him. Tell him Stop and don't argue with him. The less words you say the better..
Try Love and Logic, it works sometimes with our child, however not always.
7.) ECI offers free evaluations of your child until the child turns 3. I would check into ECI first and see if they can come out and do an evaluation to see if there is any thing else going on that you aren't seeing. There might be a few weeks of waiting till they come out. ECI stands for Early Childhood interventio and it is in the phone book.
8.) It got so bad with our child, we decided to put him on medicine. He is on Intuiv and he takes it in the morning 1mg. It does make him sleepy in the afternoon, so he takes a nap and it helps with aggression. He's only been aggressive with me once since we started last week on the medicine. This is huge improvement, since he was aggressive with me at least 5-6 times a week. It isn't a stimulant, it is a blood pressure medicine and they have to monitor his blood pressure for a few weeks. You might want to keep this as a last resort type deal. That's what we did and I hated to do medicine with him, got to the point where it kept getting worse and worse. Our child is now diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. We use Dr. Hitzfelder with the Child Study Center and she is the one who gave us information about the medicine. She's great.
It is a long wait to get in to the Child Study Center in Fort Worth off Lancaster Rd. We had to wait 6 months to get in. However, it is well worth the wait! You may want to fill out the application and get on the waiting list and do other things that other Mother's have suggested in the meantime. If he gets better, great than you don't need to see the Dr. and you can cancel the appointment or being on the waiting list.
You might want to check out books at the library or bookstore on Strong Willed Children or parenting stong willed kids, something along that line. The book they recommended at the Parenting Center is The Difficult Child.
Good Luck, it is very frustrating and very difficult being a parent of stubburn and strong willed child. Even just our voice (female voice) isn't a deep voice. Men seem to sound much authortative and mean business just by the sound of their voice. I know this is the case with our dog!