This sounds EXACTLY like my first baby! but it sounds like you are doing everything we did, already. I ended up haveing a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, and like you were saying, only do one side till empty. I actually was so bad, I had to so only one side for two feedings in a row, and not let her have the other side till the third feeding, it helped to actually decrease my supply and that helped her crying and gassiness tremendously. That is called "block feeding" - look it up on Kellymom.com Another thing that helped was to let her start nursing and then when I felt the "letdown tingle" to pull her off and let it spray into a towel/burpcloth, then re-latch the baby after the pressure had subsided. I would spray so hard it was like drowning/choking her, and she would gulp and gulp and end up gulping down more air than she should. We also ended up using a nipple sheild for a while which also slowed my flow some for her.
Which reflux med is she on? We started with Zantac, and that didn't work for us, we had the Dr. switch her to prevacid, and that worked SO much better and was easier to administer - cut the little tablet in half and take half and rub it inside her cheek till it dissolves...she wasn't able to spit it all out like he zantac.
As for eating for yourself, this may sounds stupid, but I kind of treated it as if I was still going to work - after the baby was down at night time, I would "pack a lunch" in a cooler for the next day - a sandwich, some yogurt, granola bars, fruits, nuts, water bottles....in the morning with her first feeding, I would grab my lunchbox, throw in some of those cooler thingies and set it next to my nursing chair. Each time I fed the baby I would have a little something, one piece of fruit and a glass of water, one granola bar and a glass of water. I always made sure to drink a glass of water as I nursed to replenish what she was getting.
Also, you might want to think about pumping your other side, and saving it to introduce a bottle, so that Daddy can do at least one feeding a day, to give you a little break, time to shower, read, pray, think or nap!!!! I know how tiring that can be, my girl was a 1 hour nurser ( took at least that long to feed) and then started again in an hour and 15 minutes! I felt like I was constantly nursing, and if not nursing, changing diapers and trying to get her to sleep!
Another thing, your girl is old enough to use a pacifier, that helped us ALOT, sometimes she just needed to suck , it provided her the comfort and self soothing she needed. Another thing that helped during the constant crying was the swing on HIGH, she had to be really flying to keep her calm! That is what I did when I needed a shower - put her swin in the bathroom, put a paci in her mouth and set the swing on high and some music on and showered while she swang....we were both in a better mood when that was done!
Good Luck! Keep working on it, you are doing great, some babies are just a little more challenging to figure out than others!
jessie