3 Month Old Won't Let Dad Put Her to Bed.

Updated on December 05, 2008
C.E. asks from Minneapolis, MN
12 answers

Our 3 month old daughter won't let her Dad put her to bed. She screams and screams and screams.

Since I am exclusively breastfeeding, I have been putting her to bed most of the time because it was convenient and my husband needed the sleep to go back to work. He did put her to bed a few times a few weeks ago, but now she won't have any of it.

We would like to start sleep training her, and it seems like the sleep training will be futile if our daughter can't be soothed at night by her Dad. She is OK with Dad during the day.

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J.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

If you want to start sleep training then I would get the book
Good Night Sleep Tight by Kim West. It is great. It will help you with a guideline and ways to start sleep training. We used it with both my kids and it is amazing how well it works. And the best is you don't have to let them cry it out. The book is quick to read because it is sectioned off by age and goes all the way up to age 5. It also has sections for routine busters like holidays, illness, travel, etc. I hope this helps.

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N.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

I'm not sure what you mean by 'sleep training', but that doesn't sound right to me. A 3 month old baby sleeps when she needs to...not when you train her to.
Dad should never give up trying to parent, but what he has to do to get the baby to sleep is to feed her, like you do. Does he have a bottle of breastmilk to feed the baby?

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J.B.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

Sounds like you have a mom's girl for right now. My daughter was that way also. But give it time and she will come around. Try to have dad hold her for awhile so she can get used to him five minutes a night then increase a little every night. Soon she will come around. She knows you inside and out. She doesn't reconize his smell, his heart beat, ect. He just needs some bonding time. Try pumping and let him feed her before lying her down. This may take up to two weeks for her to start to relax. I know your both are tired but it will come in time. Good luck!!

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B.I.

answers from Des Moines on

maybe do it together for a while. having dad do parts of your routine. she may just grow out of it.
good luck with sleep training. it took us a while. baby steps :).

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E.M.

answers from Des Moines on

I agree to start including dad in the night time routine. At about 3 months we started my sons routine. His daddy would carry him up to his room and while i nursed him his father would read to him. then we would lay him down and say good night. Some nights if he just wanted time with me he wouldnt nurse with my husband in the room. but if he is always there then your daughter will accept it as the norm. but listen to her requests if she doesnt want him there at all he should leave but keep trying everynight. just bring it on gradually.

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K.G.

answers from Omaha on

this is probably a combination of bonding and stranger issues.

although dad is not really a stranger you definitly have the stronger bond having been there more hours of her day. at 3 months 6 9 and 12 children go through a clinging stage. the earlier two being the one parent they are most bonded to then the others being the one they have learned to miss. especially at 12 months.

as they grow they will continue to go through these phases. back and forth between the two.

i've never heard of sleep training so not sure what it consist of. but hope the info i had helps.

:)

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J.A.

answers from Omaha on

Congratulations on your new arrival! Enjoy this time and let Dad have other times to share and nurture this baby. There are dozens of things every day he can do, sing, rock, play, bathe, diaper etc that will involve him.

Right now the few things he isn't able to do is nurse and bed time. This will pass. Let him have all the other times she will do things with him.

Kudos to you for nursing! Keep it up, it has lifelong benefits for the both of you. Check out the site lightlink.com/hilinda/Diane/breastorbottle.html for some amazing benefits to nursing.

Also, when in doubt, go to Ask Dr Sears Web site. It has never failed me.

The days are long but the years are short, enjoy this time with your daughter.

J.

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C.S.

answers from Omaha on

It will take time, maybe start by having dad help you put her to bed, and then each night have him do more and more of it until he is doing it on his own. example have him but on the PJs and do the diaper change but you lay her down or rock her while you are sitting beside him.
Babies like what is familar and routine so you just have to switch the routine. Or if she really resist and won't settle down for him maybe wait and have him try again in a few weeks.

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C.D.

answers from La Crosse on

At that age, if she is telling you she wants you....that means she needs you. For an infant, needs and wants are the exact same things. I think it is best to make sure you schedule time for her every night so she can have you rather than her father, because she apparently needs you more right now. I don't think that it is healthy or safe to make your baby "scream and scream and scream"--I just don't see how that can help anybody. Indulge her now, because if you do, you'll have to give less of yourself later. How nice that your baby is so attached to you--IANAD but I know it is perfectly appropriate and healthy for a baby to prefer mother over father at this age.

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T.M.

answers from Madison on

My son is 2 1/2 and he still will not go to bed for his dad. If his dad even comes into the bedroom at bedtime my son takes him by the hand and leads him out. I too exclusively breastfed, so I think that contributed to it. Next time around I will pump some and let my husband feed our child every other time to avoid this bedtime mess. He has had to put him to bed a few times but it has always taken him a good hour to get him calmed down enough to sleep. I just look at it as my special bonding time with my son, sometimes it drives me crazy, but I just have to keep reminding myself that he is only young once, and the day will come when he only wants his dad.

As for the sleep training, I am not familiar with that either so can’t be of much help.

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L.T.

answers from Sioux Falls on

Kelly gave some good advice. You may also try putting her to bed together for a while. That way, so won't be scared of this bigger than mom person.

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T.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

C. -

My thought on this is that it is a phase. Our son did the same thing with wanting me and then once he was around a year old or so then he didn't want mommy at all for bedtime, it was daddy's thing. He goes back and forth and from what I can tell it is completely a phase thing. Our daughter is doing the same thing currently.

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