3 -Year-old Won't Potty-train

My son was 3 1/2 when I finally did the right thing for training. It was a method that I found on the internet called "The 3 day potty training technique" by Lara Jensen (I think that's how you spell it) It was a PDF file that I bought for about $23 which I justified that it was less than a box of diapers. I was amazed at how it worked for my son. He was trained in one day with a few accidents after. She's the mother of like 5 kids and has trained numerous others and I'll be darned if it didn't work after all the other things I had tried. It might be worth a shot for you. I was desperate also. I felt like my son was the oldest child who wasn't PT. Good luck.

Stop pushing it. My son was 4, almost 4.5, by the time he was finally potty trained.

We started at 2, like his preschool insisted on even though my gut said he wasn't ready yet. Got him almost trained at 3ish and his best friend, my dad, "left" to go driving trucks professionally again. We waited a bit, started all over again, had him almost trained at 3.5, and his little sister was born. Started all over AGAIN, and finally at 4-4.5 he finally got it all figured out.

If he's delayed at all, it will take him longer to potty train. HE has to be ready before you will be successful. If HE'S not ready, it will just turn into a massive power struggle and you WILL get so frustrated you want to pull your hair out.

He's a late bloomer.
As is common with many kids especially boys.
My son at 3 years old, only started to try it.
No biggie.
And we never forced it nor used punishment or reward type things.
My son would even exclaim "Its MY body!" don't force him.

Anyway, not all kids are 100% potty able at that age.
My son went to a preschool at 4 years old. A school he, loved. And it just so happened, that the Preschool he went to, had a very nurturing approach and was NOT phased at all that my son needed help in the bathroom etc. even if he was 4 and not PERFECT about it, yet.
They helped/taught/assisted, any kid no matter what age, with bathroom duty.
And by Kindergarten, even if he was a later bloomer, he was fully fine by then.

ETA: it'll be GREAT for him to be with other kids that are training at the same time. Don't expect them to do what you're doing, but he'll observe and learn!

He doesn't sound ready.
They train when they are.
Google potty training readiness for signs that will alert you when he IS ready.
Til then? You're frustrating yourself--and him.

I went through this with my son. I honestly don't think you can "train" kids. Really. Some of them are ready at 3, some aren't. It's very helpful to look at all that he CAN do, and not fix all your hopes and dreams on one milestone. Kids walk at different ages, talk at different ages, develop gross and fine motor skills in a different order from other kids. But the potty readiness ties us up in knots because it's just so visible - we're still buying diapers when our friends are not, the other kids are focused on "big boy underwear", and we set up this battle of wills between parent and child. And, as you say, there's the preschool thing.

So let me ask you - what terrible awful harm will come to him, long term, if he doesn't start preschool in September? Honestly, there's nothing you can do! Let it go (no pun intended). Do other things. Go to the children's museum, the zoo, the nature area, the library story hour. Join or start a play group through friends or the Newcomers Club (especially if you relocate).

You are cleaning up messy underwear. He knows what you want and expect, but he cannot do it. He's not there developmentally. Put him back in diapers, put away the underwear, and just stop talking about it. Let him know that you'll be ready when he is, but that it's not his time. You can put him on the potty and "get lucky" sometimes, but that doesn't mean his body and brain connected enough for him to know how to do this, how to anticipate.

My son was 4 before he was reliably dry during the day, and he took an extremely long time at night. But he was so awesome at other things, I really missed many of them because all I could see was the potty thing. It was a huge battle of wills, but when I realized it wasn't his WILL but his BODY that wasn't working on my schedule. When I focused on his schedule and noticed what a terrific builder he was and what a great athlete he was, it was better for both of us. So my little wet-bottomed boy DID learn to use the potty in his own time, and his Lego building skills led him to be a civil engineer, and his athleticism led him to be a track star. He took an extra year of preschool, started kindergarten at 6 instead of 5, and we never looked back. And guess what? He wasn't the only one! There were 8 boys on our street, only 2 of them were eligible to start kindergarten that year, and so all 8 started the next year, together.

You can't control his development. This is nothing he can learn, like his name and address. He has to grow into it. All you can control is your own panic. It will be better for both of you if you can do it.

Good luck!

My youngest grandson is 3.5 and I don't think he'll ever sit on the potty and go. He starts shaking and screaming and absolutely will hold it forever. So we stopped trying for a while.

I suggest you stop. Put him in pull ups for a while and save yourself all that work. Your furniture and floors don't need pee and pooh smell on them. That's just way too much work.

Oh my gosh, you have to just take a deep breathe and relax. MANY children are not potty trained by 3, or 3.5 - and boys can go much later. You have perhaps been pushing too hard - if you're constantly cleaning up after him, he's simply not ready!

And if you need support, let me know. My daughter will be 4 in a few weeks and although she's trained for pee, she won't be trained for bm's until she's perhaps 4.5 or 5 due to some medical issues and a healing process.

Both of my kiddos are very bright, but even the first one who has NO health problems at all didn't fully train until she was almost four. Then, there's a little girl at church who was fully trained at 14 month and I seriously would crack up seeing her toddle off to the potty. Even now she's just about to turn two, and I babysit for her occasionally - and she uses the potty by herself, doesn't even wear a pullup. I tell her mom she must be Superwoman, and then head off to the store to buy some more size 6 diapers, lol.

Every child is different.

(Oh, and please ignore at least one post below about some kids, you just have to force them. That isn't true, and there's no evidence to back that up. Many people who say they potty trained their children very early actually DO take them to the bathroom every 20 minutes on schedule and sure, the kid is eventually going to piss in the pot. That's not training - training is a much better process in the long run. Children have better things to do when they are young that to be molded into some adult's idea of when potty training SHOULD happen. It should happen WHEN THE CHILD IS READY and there is SO much more evidence that this is the healthy way to do it.)

actually training with his peers will be better than one on one. IF the teachers are taking the kids to the potty regularly. A good teacher wont be nagging and begging, it will just be time for kids to use the potty and all kids will go in to the bathroom. I would check to be sure you found a program where the teachers will be helping you train.
Also try not to be too panicky, he may sense this is a REALLY BIG DEAL and that's too much pressure. Take a deep breath, mama, and make things calm and matter of fact. Stressing him will really work against you.
If he has some small delays in other areas, then think of him as a two yr old who is just the right age for potty training, not an older child who is late. Are you rewarding him for sitting on the potty?

Sorry, he is not ready to train. Stop pulling your hair out and let things be. Put him back in the pullups, pampers or whatever. When he decides he has had enough of the mushy stuff he will train.

My son decided at 9 months. He just could not stand the feel of the poop in his pants. It took us another 3 years to have him not pee in the pants. The last time was when I was in hospital with baby sister.

You have to look at things like this through the eyes of the child and not the parent. Don't let it become a battle of wits where you will lose. Remember he can/will control when he does go potty not you. Example: you put him on potty and he doesn't do anything after 10 minutes. You take him off potty and he pees or poops 5 minutes after. You have a boy and they work and think differently than girls. He won't go to kindergarten in a diaper.

I know you would like to be done with the smell and mess but it will happen on its own. Welcome to the world of parenthood.

the other S.

a lot of kids are fully potty-trained younger than this, but he's really not that unusual. a lot of 'em just do it later. his little system isn't tuned into what your daycare cost projections are, and while i totally understand your dilemma, you know in your heart that your child is more important. take the pressure of BOTH of you. stopping for a few weeks and then you pushing him again is counter-productive. take a deep breath. it WILL happen.
even if you bribe, beg and scream as suggested below, which i think is really REALLY not helpful.
fall is a LONG way away in the development arc of a little 3 year old. please just enjoy the spring with your little fellow, and let him enjoy it too without being chased around to sit on the potty.
khairete
S.

I'm sorry, J.. I can tell how stressed you are about this. The thing is, you need to consider your child's stress. Pottying and eating are the ONLY things that a child can control in their little lives. When you are trying to control them and push and push it, this is what can happen - they potty in their pants instead.

This is something that your child has to want to do.

You mentioned him not actually qualifying for services, yet he needs help with expressive communication/social skills. You CAN get help with that - just not free. If you don't have a speech therapist, you should get one. Most of the time health insurance will cover a portion of it. Having a professional help your child communicate better can help with the child's stress level, and that might also help him stop trying to control his toileting.

I really do think that you have to step back and stop trying so hard to make him toilet. I assume you've talked to your ped about it, and not just in a 5 minute phone call. Go in and talk about the language issue and the possibility of the stress of not communicating well being a part of the this potty struggle.

Good luck.

If they're not ready, them you are just frustrating yourself. Put him back in diapers and try again in a few months. Someone gave me this advice and it took a lot of pressure off. (Actually a lot of people told me that, but I just kept hoping it really didn't apply to my situation). My son trained in one day when he was 3 1/2 and it was so easy. He was ready at that point. The method that worked for him was walking around completely ' nekid. Good luck.

To be honest, America is one of the few countries where your situation would be seen as "normal". And as much as others may claim "he'll get there when he's ready" they don't know your child like you do. And no one can assure you that he really will catch on. I knew someone who had a son that just absolutely refused to potty train. I don't believe he even "got there" until he was about seven. With some children you really do have to force the issue. If you had a child that wasn't walking by eighteen months you would be concerned, right? I'd say take a trip to the Dr just to be sure things are fine. And start making it part of everyday life. Tell him pull ups and diapers are for babies and he's a big boy now. And perhaps have a man take over the peeing sessions if at all possible. Tell him about the preschool so he has a timeline and something to motivate him.

I cloth diapered both my girls. And they both decided on their own to stop wearing diapers at 18 months. My oldest was potty trained at 2 1/2. We're doing the younger one now.

Stop giving him the option to wear diapers or pull ups. He'll figure it out.

Good luck.
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Just some background info on this topic.

http://www.babble.com/toddler/potty-training-readiness-to...

http://faircompanies.com/blogs/view/whocides-when-to-pott...

http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/potty-training-around-...

Please try not to panic. The older they get, the sooner they are to training. It doesn't have to take months. My oldest trained in about 4 days, at 3 years and 1 month old. It took my younger one a few weeks (in heavy cloth trainers with waterproof outer layer) to stop peeing and pooping in them throughout the day, while I took him to the toilet about every hour and a half. It was a month or two more before he would tell me he had to go, but he was ready for preschool that September at 3 years, 3 months, only one accident.

Don't only take him to the toilet sometimes. No pullups or disposable diapers. Don't ask him if he needs or wants to go. Just take him every hour or so.

Good luck, I hope it happens for him soon.

He's not there yet, developmentally.
He'll get there. Just not not/yet.
Hang in there.
Boys develop a little slower than girls.
Give it a break & try again in 6 months.
Then do a 3-day thing where you stay home, going no where for those 3 days. You take him to the potty every half hour & get him to try & pee. You can go every 45 mins. At the end of each day you throw a little party for your child celebrating that he's peeing in the toilet like a big boy. You get him a tiny celebration gift at the end of each day. You go to the store to pick out big-boy underwear. The whole thing is to stay home so you have access to the potty & ease of changing him when he has accidents.
Don't get mad when he has an accident. Just quietly change him.
At the end of the 3rd day celebrate w/a mini party at home w/cupcakes,
balloons, streamers, tiny gift.
Boys tend to take a little longer.
Hang in there & be patient. It's on their timetable.

I went through the same thing with one of my sons. He was 3 and was not doing well at training. I tried putting him on the potty every hour, hoping to "catch" him before he went in his big boy pants. I sat with im while he sat on the potty. I tried bribing him. I pleaded, I begged, I screamed at him. I did everything I could think of. Finally I put him on the potty and told him to sit there till he either went or got married. After a half hour of listening to him cry and complain he finally went pee. You would have thought it was the most exciting thing to ever happen to him. Maybe it was! He was so surprised and happy. He laughed, sang and cheered himself. After that he was trained!

The point is, HE was finally ready to be potty trained. Keep trying, but in the end you will have to wait till he is truly ready.

We panicked. Our boy was an October baby. He wasn't trained at 3, so we delayed pre-school till January. He knew how, but hadn't taken ownership of things. With a hope and a prayer, we backed off and he stepped up. He hasn't soiled himself at school at all.

Good luck. Hugs and patience.
F. B.