3 Year Old

I've heard really good things about this book:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380799006/sr=8-1/qid=11...

Siblings without Rivalry by Faber, Mazlish. I haven't read it yet. I have a 3 year old and one on the way, so it is on my wish list. Good luck!

With my four year old and his little sis, I have noticed that he teases her a lot more when he is bored. If I get him coloring, shaping play dough, looking through books, etc. this makes a huge difference in his behavior. It is like he wants to play with her, but she is just not on his level yet. This frustrates him at the same time it occupies him. Good luck with your little ones.
A

Hi there, I have an almost four year-old and 1 year-old. He is pretty good but when there has been some flair ups I tell him to deal with it. I just say, "You hurt your sister, you fix it". Meaning help her up, give her a hug, give her her toy back and say you are SORRY. I don't think it should be my job to referee. They have to learn to work it out. This may seem harsh but at the same time he has to deal with his actions right away. If he really crossed the line, I send him to time out. He can't come out until we have discussed what he did and he apologizes for his behavior.
Good luck!
M.

Dear B.,

I feel your pain. Unfortunately, I have been told that it is completely natural. It is a competition thing for your affection. My 3 year old gets time outs frequently for being mean to his brother. I really liked the book 123 Magic for discipline. It is a quick read and probably available at the library. HTH.

L.

One thing I did was made my older child my "big helper." He helped me choose things for his younger brother: what to eat, what outfit to wear, what toy he would like to play with. Empower your older child to do things the younger one cannot--especially since that younger one probably takes up more of your time!

The other thing I have to work really hard on is being consistent with discipline when things don't go as you expect. Good luck B.!!

This is tough because siblings can really be your best friend and worst enemy at the same time -- it maybe tha tyour older son has expereinced teasing -- I would check out a few lirary books (age appropriate ) on teasing and on bieng polite etc... and just read then then when you do see him doing something nice or naughty make a point to use your words to point it out -- ex: Wow I like how you helped your brother put away his toys - that is teaching him to clean up (older siblings love to be teh teacher!) and if it is a negative act - note it quick and brief -- that is not nice when you hit your brother please dont do it -- but dont make a huge deal --it is the attention he wants -- also when you have him apoligze (since he is so little you will have to say it with and for him til he catches on) have him or you with him say I am sorry because I ..... rather than just a repeated empty I'm sorry -- and dont let him be outspoken with adults etc .. I used to do it with my now 12 year old I thought she was just strong willed and it would serve her well later on --well it might but in teh mean time it is embarassing and rude (not so cute when they get bigger) but I made it okay at 2, 3, and 4 and well I am paying or it now pulling my own hair out but there is hope -she is begingin to understand and trying to watch her mouth --so if you start now it should be fine for you and your boys --also remember --siblings agrue -it is okay as long as it isnt hurting them hysically ( seriously) it is a way of preparing them for conficts out side of thier protective family a way to handle stress and to solve problems --as they get older you can let them solve thier issues -- trust me telling them to solve it takes alot of stress off of you !

I have found that establishing acceptable boundaries is critical with kids this age (my dd is almost 3). If he does an unacceptable behavior, redirect him to a behavior that is acceptable.

For example, if he hits his brother, you take him away and say "we don't hit our brother, but you can hit a ball".

Redirection and showing them what they CAN do versus constantly telling them what they can't do, seems to work very well for us.

B.,
Have you ever watched that show "Supernanny"? I use Nanny Jo's method of discipline (the naughty spot) and it has worked wonders for my 3-year-old son in all areas, not just when he's mean to his baby sister. A lot of times, I just have to tell him he's going to the naughty spot and he will almost always apologize to his sister and knock off the bad behavior.
Good luck!
K.

My pediatrician suggested a book called "Siblings Without Rivalry" I don't know the author though. Do you have a support system? MOPS is great mops.org.

This is just the peking order and it happens to all siblings. The more the older one picks on the younger one it seams that the younger one tends to love or want to be like the older one even more. You will notice this as your children get older. I'm not to sure you can do any thing about it thats not going to exaust you but once you find what works it will work every time. So try something for a while and don't give up, these things take time. Your child might lay a guilt trip on you and even make you feel bad. My three year old says "your not my friend mommy" when he dosn't like what I had decide on, and I would respont to that with "I don't need to be your friend I am your mother." Your children will alway love you. You are their mother. Remeber to enjoy, praise, and reward them when they are good and let them know when they disapoint you when they have made a wrong choice. This usaly has a big inpacked on my children but doesn't alway solve the problem it tends to lessen it though.

The best thing my husband and I did when we had our 3rd child was to take Common Sense Parenting Classes thru Boys & Girls Town. We have taken the knowlege we got from the class and have continued it as our children have aged. I would suggest the course for any parent having any behavior problems with their children. By far the best $90 we ever spent!! They teach techniques to overcome ANY behavior problem. Hope this helps.
E. :)