3 Year Old-being Quiet and Calm Expectations

Seeing that you have one that is calm and I suppose you parent the same way....YES, all kids are different. I have 4 and there is very little that is similar about them, even though I feel I have parented them the same way. That being said, I thought after 3 boys I would have that girl that would sit still and be so calm, all you described here. Well, that so didn't happen. I have a fiesty and active little girl that could never sit still and cried all the time :). You are doing just fine, the fact that you are even questioning something needs to change shows how great of a mother you are.

Keep in mind for most 3 year old's 3 minutes is the length of their attention span. That is the "normal", of course each child is different.

So you need to be prepared to work with what you have. 3 minutes means you carry a book, , some little trucks, a snack, some colors and paper, some finger puppets. Then as needed you can switch these items periodically.

You also keep them engaged at the store. "John, point to where the apples are." " Good job!" "William you hold this bag so we can put apples in them. I will be buying 6. Both of you help me count."

You tell them the expected behaviors when you arrive at your designation.

If it is Church, you sit in the back or the end of an aisle so you can get up and take a break outside OR you take them to the child care section of the church and let them play while you enjoy church.

Children have a lot of energy, so before you leave for a long car trip, you let them run and play outside. I used to play red light green light. Simon says. Or I would ask our daughter. Show me how fast you can run today. Show dad how high you can jump! I planned for this time before we left the house if possible.

Every 2 or 3 hours make a stop and everyone stretch their legs. Again a good run, a good stretch can be very helpful if there is time.

As they get older their attention span will grow. But in the meantime, as parents we try to plan for this and know that if a child is all riled up, having a very bad no good day, we are going to have to deal with them because they are still learning to deal with all of this energy and all of these very strong feelings and needs. They are human, we teach them how to be a part of the human race.

Personality. Our kiddo was pretty good, overall, at that age, and we also had to be pretty proactive when we decided to go out for a meal or event. Outdoor concerts where we would take turns walking him around behind where people were seated (teaching him that we can get up and move, but you respect others there) or taking him out for a walk while waiting for food to come at a restaurant. ("We never run in here, the servers are working and they don't expect running kids. We stay in our seat inside.") etc. We tried to help him understand expectations and impart *why* and also anticipated his needs. We couldn't change his personality, but we could work with it to ensure everyone's needs were met.

Sometimes, too, discipline was needed, and that's also very natural at all ages. "You may sit on your bottom or you will have time out in the car." That's when reinforcing expectations can be a pain in the butt, however, they have to learn how to be in the world. Rather put in the time when he's young than just expect him to magically be respectful at an older age. :)

Well I think I could argue either side of the coin depending on the kid, the parent, and the situation. That being said, my son was totally the kid that had a really (really) hard time sitting still and quiet in church, and of course I chalk that one up to personality! ;-)

3 1/2 is hard. They have a lot of independence, they don't have a quiet voice, and they have a short attention span. I think it will work itself out, especially now that you see a difference in your 6 y/o. Until then I would still continue to present consistent expectations paired with swift consequences and discipline (not punishment, there is a distinct difference). Without the latter, then you probably won't see change in behavior, even after your child ages!

Hang in there, it's hard. My son just turned 5 and although he's so much better in a lot of ways, he still presents challenges in this department at times.

My older son has always been calm and quiet, but my younger son not as much. With my younger son I continued to bring him places, but I was always prepared to take him out for a walk or to leave early if I had to. I found that he lasted a little longer each time and by the time he was four he could sit quietly through a whole church service.

Personality, without a doubt. My 5 year old struggles at church (1 hour), but what's the alternative since my husband and I both want to go?

It's just 1 hour a week, so we bring coloring books and just keep working with him. Many people at our church are so supportive. Some tell us that their kids were like this and that it gets better as they get older. Others compliment him and say he's doing so much better.

Our oldest is proof to us that it does get better.

Personality.

And three is such a loud age too!

I have a vast family of fundamentalist Christian "spare the rod" homeschoolers with large families whose toddlers sit still and quietly in church SEVERAL TIMES PER WEEK for long services (like 3 hours long at times). In a family of 7 kids (or more), there may be strong willed ones, easy ones, ones with learning disorders, boys, girls, etc, but THEY ALL DO IT. Why? Discipline. They are literally "trained" as per To Train Up A Child by Michael Pearl to sit still and quietly at tables, in carts, at church, whenever. It is the same parenting style used in Amish and Mennonite communities (and probably the Duggars) and that is why ALL of those young children are quiet and still in public. We live in central PA among lots of Amish and Mennonites and their kids are ALWAYS GOOD, standing quietly in line at Wal Mart while everyone else's kids are going nuts. I have never seen one misbehave.

Is it a matter of "proper" parenting? Not to those who do not believe in forcing kids to do this. Because that's what it takes. Force and discipline unless the child is born with a still and quiet personality (RARE!!). To many parents, "proper" parenting is letting kids follow their natural impulses and leaving them home if they "can't" be still and quiet in certain situations. Many people feel disciplinarian parenting is wrong and psychologically damaging to kids. I don't. I was raised that way. We HAD TO sit still and quietly in church, in grocery carts, at libraries, in waiting rooms, wherever or we were disciplined. We could run wild everywhere else and had a lot of freedom as well.

So. By today's standards of parenting in the USA since the 80s, most people think certain kids CAN'T behave in public. What that means is, it's extremely difficult to make them and takes a level of discipline many modern parents think is wrong to enforce. I did take my kids into those situations and I did enforce until they got used to it. Most of my friends very much disapproved that I would haul a defiant tantruming child to a restroom for a swat after a warning, but who cares. I'm a single mom of three with no family near and no nanny budget and they came on EVERY ERRAND with me. So I COULDN'T be guided by their impulses and plus I believe it's valuable for kids to gain early impulse control. Because of it we could go to concerts, plays, and events and lots of things people said their kids "couldn't possibly" do. It has served my kids well, they are all awesome little students and participants in anything we do at 8, 6 and 5.

I've got one easy daughter, one spirited boy, and one extremely difficult youngest daughter. I'm not as strict as my extended family, and my kids are not as well behaved because of it, but I did use discipline in toddler years-much more so with the two more difficult kids. And I looked like one of those lucky people with easy kids I'm sure to people who saw us out and about most of the time (we had our bad days though of course). But I wasn't. I was consistent at home and out with consequences for ignoring warnings to behave in certain places and times, restaurants, etc.

Is that proper parenting? Not to some. People find their own beliefs and comfort levels and that is what's right for them.

I had two like yours. Oldest could go just about anywhere without many concerns even at a very young age. Youngest had to hit about 5-6 before we could expect him to sit quietly through most of church, etc. They are 20 and 17 now and both behave very well! :P

I really think some of it is just personality. And some kids do have developmental issues which delay that ability to sit still and be quiet. Most do get there eventually though.

We tried to have reasonable expectations for our younger son and not put him in situations where he would easily get in trouble. But I would keep pressing forward as he develops and see if you can stretch out that span a little longer each year. Chances are it will happen! And you may find that this little one has a very keen intellect and needs a great deal of mental stimulation (or physical if he turns out to be athletic).

JMO.

Some kids just have to grow into being patient enough to sit calmly and quietly.
There's nothing you can do to make them grow into it any faster.
If you've tried and you know you're kid can't handle it - no amount of practice (going out repeatedly and having him lose it) is going to get him there any faster.
Just wait it out.

Start training him at home. Have him sit in a quiet place with you there for a few minutes each day. Work it up to 20 minutes or so over the next year or so. A lot of parents work on that time frame because they want their kiddos to be able to sit in church while sacrament is being passed. Then they can be noisier and stuff but the parents can go out into the foyer or something else. They just want to sit in the chapel for sacrament.

My daughter could sit quietly at 1.. my son still struggles with sitting stilland quiet at 7.

Many boys (and some girls) are very energetic and loud... this is their personality.. you cannot change someones basic personality.

you can train them slowly overtime.. when we started gong to church when my son was 4 .. he was horrible awful.. terrible..many sundays he ended up outside the worship service getting a lecture from me.. but overtime and practice he has gotten better..

There are families that train their kids to sit quietly from infancy.. and it will work... perhaps they are harsh and really have some mean consequences for loud behavior when the kid is supposed to be quiet..

It's personality. You just keep trying your best to teach your child the best way to behave. I have one (my first) who could not do these things easily. He also could not share. He had a hard time being able to think of other's feelings. He had a hard time with so many things. He'd tantrum. He'd get angry. And my second one...it all came easily to her. It's not that she's perfect, but sitting still and being quiet was easy for her, sharing was easy, being empathetic came naturally, wanting to please came naturally etc. My hard one is 10 now. I'm happy those days are over. But he was extra hard at 4, 5, 6, 7, etc. He's still a challenging kid in many ways, but 10 year olds are so much more mature than 3 year olds! Just keep on encouraging and trying your best with your little hard one!

They're just different. My oldest is calm and very mature and my youngest has always been wild and crazy. Raised exactly the same and turned out so different. They are, basically, as God created them to be. All we get to do is tweak them. From my experience, it always seems like the younger one seems to be the "wild one".