3 Year Old Daughter and Arguments

Hello,

When you were describing you daughter in the beginning, it sounded just like my daughter- no joking. I have always described her in that way. My daughter, now 11, use to test me in that way, and sometimes still does. She will go back and forth with me about a subject. I never understood that. She is also a very smart individual. She has always made straight A's or A/B in school ever since she was 2 (She started pre-school at that age). I guess I know now that she was just thinking independently and trying to assert herself to let me know that she is an independent thinker. I pegged her for the independent person she is since at birth. She never wanted me to hold her too close to me when we were laying down in the hospital bed. I knew then that she was an independent little thing. She proved my theory right. She has been that way all her 11 years. As a Mom who has been through it and is still going through it, all I have to say is that it will continue. So the best thing is to let her know that sometimes you know better than her because you have been there done that. so sometimes you have a better idea of what you are talking about than she does. That always seems to work for me. That statement let's her backdown a little because at her age, she realizes that I am right. A few things have happened in the past to prove to her that sometimes, I do know better than her and if she will only take my advice, she will be alright. Afterall I am only looking out for her best interest. She gets that now.

OMG, did I type this...? ;> J., my daughter is 3 and is EXACTLY the same way! Very bright and strong-willed (where she got that I will never know, ha ha). She will even ask me what something is, and when I give her an answer she responds, "Uh-uh, it's ___." I'm thinking, 'So why did you ask me, then?' Lol. I think they are at that stage where they are really figuring out how language and relationships work together. And when they are ultra-bright, we really do tend to think that they are more advanced for their age in all areas, when emotionally and socially they ARE still babies.

But I know how you feel; you can interact with her on so many levels that when she starts arguing it is like, "Heyyyyyy....!" I try to respond playfully so that she gets the point but I'm not being 'mean'. I have had luck with "I've already answered you", and she pretty much knows the subject is over when I say, "Just say Yes-Ma'am." Because I really think that so much is still a game with them (conversely, a 13yo is truly arguing on purpose!), so you have to try and respond in a friendlier way to stay on their level but let them know that arguing with mama/adults is not tolerated.

Just be patient and keep working at it. We will get through it! :)

J., I had one like yours, but shes nearly 20 now. When it first starts its kind of amusing at first because at 3 they have a mind of their own. So many why's..why this why that? What I found with my daughter was that if she started to argue with me when I told her to do something I would just state, because Im the mom and I said so, then I would ignore her argument, just continue what I was doing, it took a little time but eventually she just stopped arguing with me when she realized I wouldn't argue back. As far as the little things like the sky is blue, my daughter had and still has a very vivid imagination, was I would play along. I say the sky is blue, she argues..no its purple then just smile and say really? you have a purple sky wow I wish my sky was purple. Things like that, instead of arguing try playing along. I hope this helps. Good luck!

I'm sure this is very frustrating and while my daughter is only 9 months- I've been though this with my neice. I think that like many things in life- if you can't change the situation you can change the way you think about it a little. Your daughter is going through a period of asserting her independence- she will be doing this for years to come - just not always in this same way- it will get better as she learns that she doesn't have to prove herself ALL the time. So in the mean time- be thankful that you have such a smart little girl- it means you are doing a good job. Challenge her- rather than arguing with her on everything- challenge her on some things so she knows you are recogning her independence and intelligence. Ask her some questions and be just as persistant (pushy) as she is- a taste of her own medicine may also make her think a little. We did this with my neice- she would get frustrated with us but I think it helped.

Good luck.

I like Kara's response, its dead on. Its constant adjustment when your kids reach a new stage. She is becoming more independent.

If she is a really smart girl, encourage her to begin reading. Some children have great sucess reading at a very young age especially if they are bright. Tell her that all her questions can be answered in the great books of the world and tell her that its time to learn how to read! Now would be a great time to tell her where to find answers to questions!

Also, Mom and Dad don't always have to know the answers. I found that sometimes when my kids ask questions repetitively saying "I don't know, what do you think?" is the magical solution to getting them to answer their own questions and to also learn to do research on their own. It also shows them that I value their opinions and thoughts. If they REALLY want to know the answer we hop on the computer and look it up!

Good luck!

From what I understand that is pretty typical behavior for a 3 year old. They are asserting their independance and want to make sure that you know they are thinking for themselves. While it is a normal stage that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Trying giving her simple choices, such as "Do you want to wear the red dress or the blue dress?" or "For breakfast do you want eggs or a waffle?" That might give her a little bit of control over her world and cut down on the arguments, but you still have a result you can live with.

My oldest turned 3 in Dec. I heard "Why" for the first time the other day and since then everything I say to her is followed by a "Why" It is driving me nuts. I have just put my foot down and said ok, this is how it is, and the dreaded cause I said so statement. Sometimes it works and other times it envokes a major tantrum. But right now I am just at my wits end and find it is easier to pick my battles.

My 5 year old has been the same way since about 3--she still struggles with me some (normal i guess). but lately it's gotten better just by having her repeat what I told her to do to me, then telling her we are done, go do whatever...if she doesn't, she goes to time out, if she does, then we can discuss why mommy got to give her instructions even though she didn't want to follow them then if she still insists on talking about it--but first she must do what she's asked.

I also will use the..."do you want to go do whatever, or lose your blank priviledge?" approach.

M.

Boy do I know where your coming from! Mine is about to turn nine, but I can remember so well the feeling you have right now. The best advice I can give you is to NOT argue with her. Tell her that is that, nothing else to say. Don't give in to her ploy to get you 'wrapped up' in deciding 'who' is right. Tell her yes ma'am is the only response you will accept. If she still tries to argue, and she will, put her in time out. By doing this you are teaching her to respect you. Its hard, because its so easy to argue with them :) But you have to stand your ground and accept nothing less. It will take some time, but she will come around. It's a blessing to have such a smart daughter, but its a challenge as well :)

I agree with everything I have read! Way to go Mom's! I too use a combo - because I said so/would you like pancakes or waffles approach. Please do not explain explain explain. My bestfriend has 2 girls (tween and teen) and it gets out of hand so fast with the explaining. My god-daughters are incredibly smart and quick on their feet and so is my bestfriend-not a pretty war. God Bless!