3 Year Old Girl, Zero Interest in Potty Training

Hi S.,

Not interested is simply that, NOT interested.
My son was completely disinterested when he turned three (which was in April). I introduced some potty opportunities and could see he could have cared less. Even with my other preschoolers all in Big Kid Underwear.

I waited until he was about a month or so out from starting his new preschool-- he was about 3 yr 4 mo at that point, and then told him "So, the teachers say that it's time for you to be out of paper diapers; you can wear cloth diapers or underwear. We're going to start using the potty."

No more paper diapers during the day (except on outings, right at the start-- many kids have a fear of public restrooms-- they are loud, the seats are higher, etc.). NO Pull-ups (which confuse kids-- they are like magical diapers, NOT underwear.)

We did underwear all the time during the waking hours. Every 45 min to an hour: "It's time to go potty." (don't ask, "do you need to?"-- they will nearly always say 'no'-- tell them "Time to use the potty" like it is a fact of life.)

S., waiting was the best thing I could have done. Within a week, accidents were very rare. Your daughter has a LONG time to gain those physiological cues which tell her to go; a long time to learn to master dealing with clothing. (Make sure she is in simple things which pull up and down easily-- no snaps or fasteners, elastic waist is best). My strongest suggestion would be wait until summer if she doesn't show interest, then let her go bare-bottom for a few days if need be. She'll learn what having an accident feels like.

The ultimate 'reward' for using the potty is staying dry, but it's only great if you can actually *feel* wet, so do use just training pants when you decide to start. If you are hitting July and there's still no success, talk to your pediatrician. My son is a late bloomer in some ways, and what's helped us the most is for me to not frustrate his development by expecting more than he can do...which was why I waited.

Just FYI-- there are some preschool programs who are happy to help kids with this process, so it might be worth looking around. I always told my preschool families who were enrolling that I felt it was my job to support kids where they were at when they started preschool, and that kids who were still working on using the toilet would be welcome. Often, when kids see other kids using the potty as 'the norm' outside their own home, this changes their level of interest.

Has she seen any of her friends use the potty? My daughter inspired two of her close friends to potty train so they too could wear "big girl undies." FInd someone to model it for her and see if that doesn't inspire her.

What Hazel said. Kindercare in my area helped with potty training. My son saw others doing it, wearing big kid pants. The teacher was patient and coached me as well as him. The potties were just the right size, and it took about a month.

I also had/have three girls who were all very late to potty training. It isn't that uncommon, so don't let ANYONE tell you that she should have been trained at 18 months or whenever. My oldest was 3 1/2 and one day she just decided she was ready for panties (she knew what to do she just didn't want to). My second decided she was ready for panties the week of her 3rd birthday. We are now working on our third girl--she will turn three next month and again, she just isn't interested. I remind her occaisionally that she can't go to preschool until she can wear panties and she knows what to do she just doesn't want to. Whoever said training girls was easier did not meet my girls! :-) Just keep talking about it. Ask her if she wants to go potty when you go potty and go together. Let her pick out panties to wear when she is ready. But don't ever force her. One morning she just might surprise you. (And try not to stress out--I know, easier said than done and I am starting to get a little anxious myself with number three. I just breathe deep and change the diaper yet again.)

It's only February.
I'd completely back off for a few months then follow her lead.

Trust me, because she's waited so long, there will be almost no "training" involved. One day, she will simply tell you she's done with diapers, and that will be that (except for maybe at night for awhile longer.) My first child did that, and I'm glad I let her wait until she was ready, because it really was a cinch. No pressure, no accidents.

My second child is almost three, and similarly shows almost no interest. She will occasionally sit on the potty after she's just gone in her diaper...but that's all. Again, I'm not pushing it.

Also...it's a really long time until fall. I imagine this will be months behind you at that point and that she will be fully trained. Just back off and wait for her to decide! :)