My daughter turned 3 in February and for the most part is a sweet and loving child. BUT, for the last 2-3 weeks has been having major meltdowns in the morning. Both of my kids (son is 17 months) go to a Montessori preschool, my husband and I work full time and getting her up and dressed in the morning has been a nightmare. She does not want to get out of bed (I can empathize with that) and when we finally do get her up, she refuses to dress. It's to the point I have to dress her flailing, screaming body and put her in the car in the morning. There have been several mornings she has screamed all the way to and into the school. This morning it took me 30 minutes to get her out of the car and the teachers had to pry her off of me. I had to leave her screaming and crying at school and I bawled all the way to work. I feel like a horrible mother and I feel like my child is miserable. She won't tell us why she doesn't want to go to school and is usually happy when we pick her up. Can anyone give me some tips/advice on how to make the mornings better? Is this just "normal" 3 year old behavior?? We do have a routine in the morning, but she has not been waking up like usual, we have had to wake her up.
Possible Contributing Factors:
I don't think she likes her new teacher, but she is changing classrooms this week
We have been potty training for months and recently went to panties which she is resistant to
The meltdowns are not JUST happening in the morning, they are just more severe then
She does seem more tired than usual and we have tried earlier bedtimes, but she still doesn't fall asleep until close to 9
My daughters are awful in the morning if they don't get their sleep. So my guess is she needs more sleep at night. I'm guessing she is still taking naps too, maybe you need to have her naps shortened or even eliminated so that you can give her an earlier bed time.
She might be tired. Lots of kids need a relaxing routine in the morning. She also might want more control of her morning routine. Have you spoken to her teachers and asked if they see anything? If she is resisting panties, then why is she in them? I think you may want to try giving her more control of her life and see if that helps. The tantrums sound like that is her way of exerting herself. No, tantrums like that, and that often are not really "normal" at this age.
I've been there! Having a routine is helpful. My son wakes up, has milk and watches a short cartoon. Right after that he sits down to breakfast and then uses the potty and gets dressed. He's pretty good about putting on what I give him but if he has trouble, he gets two choices. I'll say something like, "you can wear the shirt with cars or the shirt with stripes." Giving him choices helps and makes him feel like he's in charge...just keep it to two. If he can't choose then I choose for him. If he can't get dressed, then I dress him kicking and flailing - when this happens it is because he is overtired, hungry or anxious about something.
I also talk him through the routines a lot, first thing in the morning when he wakes up I'll say "First we are going to have milk and watch one cartoon. Then, we eat breakfast and get dressed! Then, we go to preschool!" I have found sticker charts to be a helpful motivation in the past - ex. she gets to put a sticker on her chart if she gets dressed. After so many, she gets a treat. I have used these when I've had trouble with my child following a routine, you can find free charts online.
It may also very well be that she's a bit anxious about the new teacher at school. That could be the reason for the tantrums and is very normal. You say she is fine when you pick her up, so it's probably okay. I would ask the teachers for suggestions on how to deal with it, they've seen it all and are very good at offering advice most of the time.
When my five-year-old is tired, I can't require much of anything from her, she gets very emotional. I've learned that she needs a lot of time to get out of bed and wake up before we can put demands on her. This means she needs to go to bed early, get plenty of sleep, and wake up with enough time to accomplish these things. If that doesn't happen, she's a mess.
I imagine your daughter is overwhelmed by the busy household first thing in the morning. She's young and is tired in the morning, groggy, and she's having a lot of demands placed on her. Get dressed. Eat breakfast. Put your shoes on. That kind of thing. How about a mandatory five minutes of cuddle time when she wakes up? That might help ease her into her day.
I haven't read all your responses so if I repeat sorry! Sleep is a key first step, is getting the sleep she needs, for 3 she probably should go to sleep around 8 (not being judgmental, all kids are different, mine always did better with a 8 o'clock bed time) if she is not going to sleep when you put her to bed there may be a factor that is keeping her awake, caffeine sugar anxiety (anything really, try to find out why she isn't falling asleep. then determine if she is staying asleep all night or if she is waking up during the night, to cold to hot or what ever. My Dr recently told me that if my son was remembering a lot of his dreams that it mean that he was waking up in the night and not getting deep sleep (I thought that was an interesting thought)
after the sleep pattern is okay, then I'd consider that she is just being a typical 3 year old that wants to have some more Mommy/Daddy/family time. I work with 3yo's at church to teach choir one night a week, and sometimes they just go through this, sometimes it is a reflection of "change" that is going on inn their life.
I have heard of parents that will take the kid to school in their PJ's if they don't get dress in time, but I've never tried it and our school would send him home to get his uniform on... so that wont work for me.
good luck
Oh gosh, you aren't a horrible mother and you know it! Just because your daughter is having a hard time dealing with something doesn't mean you are a bad mother.
Remember, no matter how great a routine is, a growing body can throw even the best of them off by simple things she can't identify herself such as growing pains, hunger pains, or just seeing the world differently than when she was 2 or even 2 1/2.
Have a conference with the teacher (old and new) and see if they can offer insight as well as do something to help her while at school.
I want to say this has nothing to do with potty training - I know lots of kids and none of them react that severely to potty training even with the possibility of accidents. However, now that I think about it, how are you with spilled milk? Do you freak out about it? Because if so, she may suffer from a "spilled milk syndrome" where kids don't like making any kind of messes about their person because they've seen their parents freak out or display some form of stress to a certain degree about the messes they make, thus her getting upset about going to school because she might have an accident.
Do you have a morning routine? My kids like to come down to a class of OJ or milk and a good cartoon to watch. Also, maybe put a clock radio in her room, set on classical music, and have it go off an hour before you have to leave. Then she can wake up slowly on her own?
I started putting my son to bed 30 minutes earlier at night, and it has made a huge difference in his morning attitude. Not sure if that is a viable option for you or not, but if it is, I would recommend giving it a try. My family thinks it's crazy that my 5 year old goes to bed at 7:30 every night (especially with it being lighter later) but since I have to wake him up at 5:30 every morning, it works for us. He seems to need 10 hours of sleep, so I do my best to make sure that's how long he gets. In order to figure out how much sleep he needed, I noted what time he went to bed on the weekends, and allowed him to wake himself up on Saturday and Sunday. Both days ended up with 10 hours of sleep, so voila!
Maybe try for an earlier bedtime? She could be going through a growth spurt and it's making for a restless night sleep.
I always sent my son to his room when he would have melt downs until he calmed himself. Once he was done he usually came out of his room searching for a hug and we had a talk about his behavior and why it won't work to his benefit to act out that way. After that all was well. If she is anything like my son, trying to talk to her or get her to reason while she is in the middle of a tantrum only makes it worse.
What ever you do just be consistent with it. It does seem pretty normal, they try to test the waters through out life and we need to set the boundaries.
Take care.
Do you have a regular routine? at 3 this is pretty much what our routine was (I have had 4 children and lots of daycare children)
6-7 am get up and dressed. me first then the kids
715ish breakfast
8 to about 930 or 10 is playtime both structured and unstructured
10 snack (this is snack not meal so something small like fruit / crackers
1015- about 1130 more playtime (usually art stuff / music time etc)
1130 lunch
12 - 2 naptime (everyone gets a rest time regardless of age)
2 - 4 playtime till parents started arriving (small snack in there also)
5 supper
6 baths, story time and bed at about 7:30
my boys used to lay in their rooms and talk and whisper for about a half hour before they fell asleep. but would then sleep consistently thru the night till about 630 or 7 the next morning. something you could do that might help her day is give her a bath the night before and put on her shirt she will be wearing to school the next morning. she can sleep in it and then wear it to school. as long as she is getting bathed and changed each day doesn't really matter at that age if she sleeps in it. might make the morning go smoother. Can she wear dresses to school? one less thing to fight about. another thing is let her help you on sunday to lay out her clothing for 5 days. socks, shoes, underwear, pants and shirts. doesn't matter what day she wears which outfit as long as you have 5 layed out. It sounds to me like she is tired.
the only advice I have is for her to sleep in her school clothes. it just saves a step.
Since this is a recent change, you may want to take her to the dr to be sure nothing is out of whack for her. My dr says that ear infections, strep and comds can cause behavioral changes in kids. A co-workers daughter needed her tonsils out...no one knew, and she basically was having sleep apnea where she was never fully rested. So, don't overlook the potential for a physical cause.
Also, it may be worth a school confference and occasionally dropping by to observe what is going on.
