3 Year Old Just Doesn't Seem to Get Some Things...

Ive noticed that boys are like that with speaking. I only know 1 boy that was speaking as well as the little girls i know. I think you are ok.

And i read that Albert Einstein did not talk until he was 5.

I've learned, that to keep my sanity, I have to employ a healthy amount of 'active ignoring' at times with kids this age.

The "Banana" situation you described is your child's way of engaging you, often by being persistent when they don't get their way. It's NOT that he doesn't understand.I agree with other posters about helping our children understand what we mean by showing our child 'we don't have..." and putting it on a list. But if they still pester after that? Awful sometimes, huh? After I've given the answer twice, I'm pretty much done and move onto something else. Sometimes, when it's nagging, a few pat answers will help me, and I'm going to link you to something I wrote about it, if you are interested. It works for me, and it's worked for others:

http://skyteahouse.blogspot.com/2010/09/what-to-do-with-w...

In regard to questions, sometimes kids have a harder time dissecting the question and answering it. Especially if they feel on the spot, like in the Time Out situation. In "A Good Enough Parent", author Bruno Bettelheim suggests not asking "why" questions about a child's motives or behaviors, even through teen years, because behavior isn't always on a concious level or understandable to the child who got into trouble. You might try rephrasing: "What happened so that you needed to take aTime Out?" and if he doesn't answer in a bit (or is looking away-- some kids don't really want to 'review' with us), then I might just say "I asked you to take Time Out because you were being unsafe" etc. Keep giving him the information; even if he can't/chooses not to repeat it back, you want to stay in that moment, and not get focused on a power struggle of making him repeat it. He already heard, he already knows. (and power struggles around this are another way of getting negative attention from mom).

Rephrasing too: "Tell me your name" is easier than "What's your name?" One is a direction, the other is a question. Our son is almost four and only gets his "full name" less than half the time. Questions, and the intense scrutiny that often comes with them, can shut kids down too. They feel pressure just as much as we might in with our boss, if they asked us something we weren't entirely certain about. They just seem a little dazed, like a deer in headlights. Sometimes, too, they need an example. "My name is Sally Jane Redding, now you tell me your name" is more inviting than questions often are.

Please do be patient. If you feel an eval is necessary, talk to your pediatrician. However,from what I've seen both as a mom and in my preschool group, kids at your son's age aren't typically readily answering all questions, esp. the ones I put to them in Morning Gathering. I sometimes even have the older kids model this for the youngers in my group, because the peer example helps, and I want to include all the children, so giving them a second chance to understand what it is I'm asking, and to think of their answer, is important encouragement. But it does sound like your son is pretty typical! I hope this gives you some reassurance.:)

H.

Part of being 3 is he's putting the language and conversation together. To me it's practically amazing that any of us actually learn to talk, it's so interesting how it all works isn't it. Play his game for now, keep using proper terms, keep explaining, keep helping him learn how to answer and ask by you doing it yourself? Talk to him more, ask him questions, tell him your name, help him write the alphabet. He has lots of information in his brain swarming around but hasnt figured out how to connect some of the dots yet.... it will happen, but dont let him see you get frustrated. He's only been on the planet for 3 years and needs LOTS of training to make things work correctly. Get on the floor with him, and be a child with him, he will mimic you and is ALWAYS paying attention to what you are saying and what you are doing. These things can take some time.

I agree with posters who say the banana thing sounds within a normal range - I work with 2-3 year olds right now, and it is a common thing for them to ask for something, and repeat their request, even after they are told there are no more oranges/crackers/etc. Some of the kids even ask to see the empty containers!

I would say just to listen to your pediatrician for now, and don't rush your child, or feel too impatient with him. Everyone develops at an individual rate, and right now your son sounds within a normal range. "Why are you getting a time out" is a tough one for 3s to understand... at this point, you give him the words yourself: "You are 3 years old - getting to be such a big boy!" And if you do time out (which we don't do in our school) something like, "You are not playing with the truck right now, because you were throwing it across the room." Don't worry - just relax and help him along. He is still little, and they grow up so fast!! :)

THe banana thing is kind of typical for his age!! They will ask and ask no matter what you say.Also, many many kids feel pressured and unsure when asked questions by other people. It's not uncommon for toddlers to spout out nonsense when they are nervous. I think you wait until your next check-up. If your Dr. seems to think he's behind, then you move forward with the right kind of therapist.

I'm just going to be honest...you don't sound patient with him, at all. Kid do NOT learn well when we pressure them, or we make it obvious that they should know something. When they know you are frustrated, they shut down. When they know you are loosing patience with their ability, they shut down. Even if you try to hide your frustrations, they are very smart and will notice it. You sound almost fed-up and your child will learn nothing, with that kind of attitude. If your pediatrician doesn't think he is too behind, you might ask for a referral anyway. The specialist can teach you, how to teach your son. They can teach you how to handle the frustration, since toddlers by nature are just frustrating. They can also teach you how to get him to open back up when he shuts down. A specialist will help you BOTH learn.

I would get your son assessed now. I have a son who is 8-1/2 who had similar behavior at that age. Our pediatrician told us to "wait and see" and I SO regret it (just so you know where I'm coming from). It costs you nothing to have him assessed by the school district, but if they find something he might need help with, you will have a 6 month start on providing help. All research shows early intervention is key.

As for the answering the questions, that could be several different things. Our son turned out to have auditory processing disorder, but that cannot be assessed until the child is at least 6. The tests are too complex for a younger child to take. It is possible your son has some sort of hearing issue. Our son at 6-1/2 was found to have a mild hearing loss, probably due from a lot of ear infections as a toddler. Thankfully it was correctable.

Read The Mislabeled Child. It's an excellent book that covers many possibilities. As a mom whose been down this road, I advise you to not wait and see. Be proactive. In my experience, mother's intuition knows best. If you sense something is off, then look into it. I wish I had been more proactive with my son. There were listening and movement therapies I could have been doing when he was a toddler. Instead we started at 6-1/2. We lost many years when the brain would have been more pliable.

HTH,
B.

He may be a more visual person. The banana? Show him all of the fruit you DO have. Tell him, "if you find a banana, you may have it, but I do not see one anywhere."

"Remind me at the grocery store to buy bananas."

Or get a piece of paper and tell him.. "I am making a grocery list, I am writing down bananas. "

Some young children need to see it to believe it or understand it.

The not answering questions, may be the way it is asked.. Try, what do your parents call you? I am glad the Pedi is going to do another check up.. Just keep working with him and see if you can find a way that HE understands instead of our traditional way.

We used to play out different situations and manners.
Maybe you can also do this with your son, so he will know what his part of a conversation is supposed to be. Our daughter has always been pretty shy. She kind of freezes in some situations when asked questions, and she really does not know the person.

It sounds like he is not processing what he hears. Are you getting down to his level and making eye contact when you speak to him? It could just be that his mind is elsewhere when strangers talk to him, or you are trying to explain things to him. If there isn't eye contact (even sometimes when there is), he could be thinking about his favorite book, or looking at the trees out the window, or obsessing about wanting a banana... haha As far as the banana/toy wanting, it sounds like this is pretty normal behavior. He sees you as the person who can do ANYTHING, and even though you don't have a banana in the house, he knows that you are the one to go to for a banana. For a three year old, it just doesn't make sense that you can't make one appear RIGHT NOW, you could two days ago, why not now? As he gets more and more frustrated, his thinking gets more and more illogical until he is at the point of just wanting you to FIX IT instead of keep talking to him. This is a tough stage to get through! I would show him the empty fruit bowl FIRST while saying kindly, "We have NO MORE bananas, all gone! Looks like we need to make a trip to the store where they keep the bananas. Can you help me plan a trip to the store?" Then get him busy making a "grocery list" or looking at a calendar for when your next trip may be. Once he is distracted, you can offer him another snack/toy (whatever he was orignially wanting), so that he doesn't get any hungrier/bored - and more frustrated! Make your explanation complete and short, then move on to something else. I totally understand your frustration, three year olds seem to bring out the worst in us :) Sometimes the only thing you can do is walk away, as they are just not logical and it leads to a battle of words. Good luck!

My almost 6 year old does this still. He will ask for something we don't have and there is no explaining to him that we don't have it. So I tell him he can have it if he gets it himself. He has MERLD. Mixed expressive receptive language disorder.

I noticed that he had trouble comprehending by 2. He just didn't understand the way typical kids did. And with us, he hasn't just "caught on". I have to deliberately teach him. I would get an evaluation through your local regional center and then take it to the local preschool if you're inclined to do the school route. I also recommend the book Communicating Partners by James MacDonald. It has a lot of helpful tips for parents to implement on their own.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with your son, but why not start doing things that would help him even if his development is just typical?
Good luck to you.

Wow, kids can be interesting, yes? Of course this could just be typical behavior, but really, no one knows from a website question. I'd suggest you contact your local school system and schedule a preschool evaluation now ( free in all states). The school will check his development in fine and gross motor skills, communication (speech and language), personal and social skills, and self-help skills, as well as his cognitive skills. This is done in a play-like environment with trained staff who work with young children all the time. There is no need to wait six months or to get your pediatrician to arrange it. The best part of participating in a screening is that the staff can put things in perspective (what is age-appropriate, what he does very well, perhaps something that could benefit from services, or even, everything is on target). Whatever the screening shows, you will have information for him at this age. Even if no services are recommended at this time, it is very reassuring, and , when six months have passed, you will have data to compare his growth to.

I can totally relate to you in regards to the first part - my DD is 3.5 and does this too. She wants blueberries, but we are all out - she still asks for them. She wants to go to the water park but it's winter and the water park is closed - she still wants to go. No matter how much I try to sympathize, tell her I understand, offer alternatives, she'll just keep saying that she wants XYZ. I'm hoping it's just how their little brains work at this age and their abilities to comprehend are limited - as if we can just magically grant their every wish. It does seem that lately DD is getting better as she gets closer to 4 so I can only hope it is starting to sink in. I do know that she is extremely strong-willed and I think she still thinks that if she wants something badly enough, and keeps asking, it will happen no matter what.

As for the other things, I'm not sure...maybe he knows, but feels like he is being made to "perform" and just doesn't want to. You can follow your pediatrician's advice and wait it out another 6 months, or decide to have him evaluated. I'm not sure what your options are as far as Early Intervention services now that he is 3 (they are free for kids under 3) but you can still make some phone calls and see what you can find. Good luck to you!

ok yours sounds like mine in alot of ways but more advanced in alot of ways. here is my experience you have to decide if it applies to yours totally partly or not at all. I am not saying this is the answer just something to consider. mine is 2 1/2 and hard of hearing. yours answers more than mine and speaks better than mine so hard of hearing is probably out but that doesnt mean ear infections or fluid isnt out. where he is asking for a banana or cereal instead of saying we dont have any simplify your answers for now till you find out what is going on. instead of saying i dont have any to give you give a simple answer I am out. i am saying this incase there is something going on with his ears your not aware of. if there is they cant grasp long sentences like you and me.

he obviously knows his name. but asking him to tell you his name unprompted may be a challenge for him. mine wont ask for ex a banana when he wants one he brings it to me. now if i say do you want a banana he still wont respond. if i just say banana he will mock it even though he doesnt do it right. now mine cant even say his name this is why i say yours is ahead of mine. mine aslo wont tell you his age. when it comes to counting you say one he says two but he will not say one. the only numbers he can say is two and six. he cant say the others.

so you may ask him how old he is and he doesnt answer cause he cant say 3. literally he cant hear it right and if he isnt sure he can pronounce it right he will avoid it. i have noticed this in my son. he is also guessing at what your asking is my thought. my son does this where you ask him his name he says he is a boy. he is answering what he is guessing you are asking. even though it is not right in his mind it is. i bet if you ask him what is your name and say the name first he will mock you. mine is doing alot of mocking right now. he will not start the conversation but will mimic what you say. in mines case he doesnt say the words right either. but that is another story.

another thing my son does is if you tell him to bring you a car on the floor he will pick up anything and everything trying to comply and he keeps going till he gets it right. he is in the vacinity but not what it should be. like he doesnt understand but by me pointing he knows what i want is in the area but not sure what i want. if i tell him bring me a diaper i get a stupid look like huh?
now if i tell him lets put your shirt on he lays down and puts his feet in the air cause i guess he cant tell the words shirt and pants apart again he is guessing. mine does alot of guessing on what i want. if i tell him bring me the blue car he cant do it again he guesses till he gets it right. I dont discipline him for this. its not his fault. now having him explain why he got a time out he may not be able to. i dont make mine explain why he got a time out. but with all the ear problems and speech problems he does know right from wrong. if big bubba does what he gets time out for he puts big bubba in the corner. so he does understand why he is getting the time out. like he spills a drink in his mind this is wrong and he will put himself in time out. he has no concept of this is an accident and isnt wrong per se. he knows mama has to clean it up and puts himself in the corner i go get him and bring him out of the corner cause it wasnt intentional. just cause your son cant tell you why he is in time out doesnt mean he doesnt understand. and you wanting him to tell you is fustrating for both of you cause he cant is my guess. so he has alot of my sons traits but yet he is more advanced than my son. I would say dont elimnate fluid on the ear cause he seems to not be able to understand you. he hears you but doesnt understand you if that makes any sense. alot of what my son is doing is by memory. like i say get down he knows if he doesnt get down i will get up and make him get down off what he isnt supposed to be on. so he has matched what i am saying which he isnt necessarily hearing right to the action. I say come here the same thing he has matched what he is hearing which may not be right to the action. so alot of what you think he understands may just be memorization. like my son and i am not saying this is right when i say get down he may be hearing it own(down minus the d) so this means get down. something along that line so it gives you something to consider. and kinda watch him to see if i am right. give simple commands bring me the blue car or bring me the car and see if he can do it. or does he bring you what he thinks you want like he is guessing. or go sit in that chair. if you get a confused look what i am saying may be very right. bring me your shirt does he actually do it or does he guess and his guess may be wrong. or does he give you a real confused look. you are going to have to kinda test him to see if he can hear you accurately if he can something else is going on if you find he cant or seems to be guessing have his ears checked by an ent not the pediatrician. not all pediatricians can catch fluid.

Does your school district offer any early childhood or pre-k? In Illinois, they do Pre-K screenings beginning at age 3. They evaluate your child in various areas: gross motar skills, fine motar skills, communication, problem solving. If your son in lagging behind in any of the areas, he might qualify for one of their programs. Give them a call and see what they recommend you do.

Has he had his hearing checked?

He's only 3..my son didn't start to talk til he was 2.5...and sometimes he didn't answer..you have to understand that their brains work slower than ours..and boys are later bloomers with speech..my son was up and running by 10 months..but wasn't a talker..now he's 5..and he's super smart but he will sometimes speak slowly to practice pronouncing words correctly..my son will sometimes ask for some food we don't have..and i tell him we're out ...he'll ask again..so i explain to him..that we go to the store and we buy food..when we eat it ...its gone and we have to buy more...
you probably need to explain better..sounds like you're just expecting him to grasp the idea that you're out of bananas by simply saying ..we're out of bananas..but they don't really get how we get food etc...they just assume its there..
3 is really young to wonder why he's not grasping the idea..i think your son is fine..i think you need to work on learning how to communicate in a way he can understand better..
i always explain every thing..i rarely time out...but if i did i definitely would explain to my son why he is being timed out and really make sure he understands what is going on...
you are his world..his whole world..so take it easy on him..he is trying i'm sure..
and hey ..i would love it if my son would ask for a banana! jeez! he never asks for a banana..i have to trick him into eating some of a banana..
so he gets points right there..
Do you read to him? I bought workbooks for my son..and i can see him improving from them..he likes the kind with the washable ink..
maybe do some workbook sheets with him..so he can practice using his brain more..is he in preschool? that's also very helpful

D.

Aw, Mama... my daughter will be three next month. She's extremely bright and JUST like your son. Annoying sometimes, lol, but it sounds like he's doing fine. One thing I do with Mad when she's repeating a request that cannot be fulfilled is to say, "Mama cannot get that for you because..." and then let her fill in the blank. If she won't do it on her own, I get down to her level, make eye contact and have her repeat me. This isn't done in a brusque way at all. I want to keep her feeling like she can ask me anything... I just want her to get the answers, too, lol.

Hugs,

S. :+)