My daughter is 3 and loves to sleep in just her underwear. If she puts on pajamas then she will strip before she goes to bed. In the summer it wasn't such a big deal but now that we are into the winter months she comes in and crawls into bed with us because she is cold. I bought her a bed heater that goes under her sheets and she has covers that she refuses to wear.
I told here one day that I was going to throw her clothes away when she pulled everything out of her drawers and threw them on the floor. Last night she tried to get out of wearing pajamas by throwing all her clothing and all 4 of her pajamas on the floor. The reasoning being that if I threw everything away (including the pajamas) that she wouldn't have to wear them. Then I told her that if she didn't put on pajamas that I would paddle her bum...she opted for the paddle.
I know she gets the stubborn stuff from her father and I and I shouldn't be surprised that it is surfacing this early in her life but I would like sleep and I worry that she is getting cold.
I have tried letting her pick out her own pajamas, cutting the feet off the footed ones and making her wear them backward, treat systems for wearing pajamas, and I have contemplated taking away all of her clothes except her pajamas and making her wear them to school...haven't resorted to being that nuts yet.
Thank you all for your input. I decided that I would let go of needing control of this one. I did threaten and I did follow through. I took away clothes and I even paddled her bum but in the end I decided that it wasn't worth it. She now sleeps naked but has been told that if she wakes up in the middle of the night that she just has to put on her covers and stay in her room. She is now doing chores and "earning" back the clothing she threw on the floor to get out of pajamas.
Hi A.,
I have a 4 year old boy who is the same way. I let him go to bed without pj's and when he tried to come to my bed I told him he had to go to his bed and if he was cold he could put on pjs. I helped him put pj's on and he went back to sleep. He now goes to bed without bottoms but wears a warm fleece shirt for his arms. Good luck.
Chris
I’m a Love and Logic mom and Facilitator, so to keep this simple w/o giving you a 6 week training course (lol) I'd like to suggest that you give her options you would be ecstatic about either way, use enforceable statements, don’t threaten with something you'll never do, it teaches her that she is really in control and that your word is not of gold.
So find a couple of options you could live with either way and let her choose.
Does this work over night, well any child worth keeping will pull fits and fight against you. This is your opportunity to teach her that your word IS gold. Use statements when she argues like "I know” over and over again, or even throw in there “I know, its hard" but say it over and over in a very sweet, calm, low tone voice. Eventually she will get the message that you are not up to argue, that her arguing is getting her nowhere.
Don’t argue, just show empathy to her frustration, anger and sadness and follow through with a natural consequence that you can live with.
Remember that Anger and frustration feed misbehavior. it also ruins the child’s self concept, it can lead her to believe that “the most powerful people in the world cant even handle me, I must be really bad”
Show her that she is so easy to handle, it will benefit you when she is a teen because she will have learned at a very young age "my mom can handle the worst of me with out even breaking a sweat, so what makes me think I can get away with this now"
Its important to find what your morals are, do you really want to send her to school in her pajamas? If so, GREAT, Do it. The sooner, the better, don’t give her 3 strikes and she’s out, cops don’t do that when you’re speeding, she needs to learn about authority figures now. But if you would really never dream of sending her in her PJ’s unless you were clinically diagnosed as crazy, I’d suggest not sending the message that your daughter is so bad and so hard that she has the power to drive you to that state of mind.
I'd love to give more, but you can check out the web site loveandlogic.com for more tips and tricks on how to handle situations, there are tons of options.
There are a lot of tools to help parents, kids can drive us crazy, but only because we haven’t learned what to do. So we just do what ever. What ever is not safe for our kids.
Remember this, you can not tell a child what to do. You can only tell her what you will and will not do.
Now while there young, they may believe that you can tell them what to do. And it may appear that we actually can tell them what to do because when we do, they do it. But the truth is, there will come a day where she will start to think “my mom says I have to clean my room, but I really don’t have to, look, I can make my arms and legs do nothing (giggle) and watch how crazy she gets because she cant control me” well there right, you cant control them, only you, so learn what you can and cant – will or will not do. Its amazing what relationships come out of a love and logic home.
Stay away from anger, threats and warnings, and don’t ever tell a child what they should have learned, when they suffer a consequence, let them figure it out. They need to learn to think for them selves, and to tell them says “you’re not smart enough to figure it out, so I’ll have to tell you”. Believe me, at age 3, she is definitely smart enough. At age one, a child is smarter than the family poodle.
Whoops, this was longer than I thought it would be. But check out the web site if you want, and also listen to the “funny parenting stories” http://www.loveandlogic.com/audioclips.html , it really gives some fun insight on what love and logic is about.
GL
My daughter is a nudist too. I let her, but with your daughter, don't let her get in your bed. Tell her that if she wants to sleep in no PJ's it's fine, but if she gets cold she needs to deal with it, she is not allowed in your bed. If she tries to get in bed with you, take her back, make her choose to get into her bed without PJ's or get her PJ's on and get into bed. But she must be in her bed. She will either get used to sleeping in her bed naked or wearing her PJ's. Just make sure you are consistent in making her go back to her own bed. It'll be a pain at first, but soon she will get it.
What about letting her sleep in her clothes? I mean, is it specifically about not wanting to wear her pajamas, or is it refusing to wear anything at all to bed?
I think the first step is to not allow her in your bed when she comes in. Try taking her back to her room, give her the option of putting her pj's back on or getting under the covers. I would be consistent and make those her only options. It will likely take some time and several trips back to her room, but allowing her into your bed is, in my opinion, giving her a "treat" for not doing what she should. You might try an electric blanket instead of the heater under the sheet. Maybe that is something she could pick out herself like you tried with the pj's. I'm thinking that if she kicks off the covers and ends up on top of them, then's she's not getting the warmth from the heater since it's now under a pile of blankets. With the electric blanket, even it she lays on top of it, she'll get the warmth...
What about trying a "camp out" with her? Pitch a tent with some blankets in the living room or where ever, and camp out with her ONLY if she wears her pj's. Make it special. Watch a movie, make popcorn, etc. If she takes them off, it's back to her bed. I would do this on a couple different occaisions, then if she likes it, it becomes a "reward" when she sleeps in her own bed and wears pj's. (I know you said you tried the rewards, but I think this is one that kind of gives her what she's looking for, which is sleeping with you...) The only downfall is you might commit yourself to a night on the floor every couple weeks, LOL...
Anyhow, good luck to you and let us know if you find something that works.
I wouldn't suggest the heater with a little one. Especially one who throws her clothes on the floor, it could start a fire.
Putting her back in her own bed sounds like a reasonable way of dealing with her getting in your bed, the bad part is that you have to get up to do it.
Good luck
Let her sleep in her underwear, but put her pajamas out for her, either on her bed or on a chair or dresser so she can find them. Then when she comes to sleep with you and says she's cold, walk her back to her own room and offer to help her put her jammies on so she'll be warm. Don't let her manipulate you. She can sleep naked and freeze -- it's her choice -- when she's cold enough she'll put her pajamas on. Just don't let her crawl into your bed to be warm. Tell her it's her choice to be cold and if she wants to be warm, she'll dress warmly.
My daughter is a spirited 3-year-old too. Ever since she has been able to dress and undress herself, she has always taken everything off but the diaper/pull-up when she's ready for bed. Once in a while she will say she's cold and put a shirt or a pair of sweats on (never both at the same time - have decided PJ's would be a waste of money for her!). I make sure she has blankets available and cover her up after she's asleep if she kicks the covers off. At 3, she seems old enough to know when she is cold. I just ask her every night if she wants something on so she won't be cold, just as a reminder that it is an option. Some things are just not worth the battle...
Try putting a little space heater in her room at night so you know she isn't getting cold, I have a friend who's son is the same way, and just will not wear pj's so instead of fighting a battle that really wasn't a big deal she put the heater in his room and he quit coming in as often, some of it is probaly just her wanting to come in your room at night but I would just walk her back to bed if it is a big deal to you, for some parents it's not, It sounds like you may have a future nudist on your hands:). Good luck I really don't have much more advice then that.
I am adding to my response, because someone suggested a fire, most porta heaters have a shut off value that turns the heater off once tipped, plus you don't put it on the floor where the child can get it, you put it up high like on top of a dresser or shelf in thier room, I have one in my kids room because thier room is just never warm and it gets cold out here and I have never had a problem not even when they were babies, I just taught them NO very early on. I figured that was self explanatory, sorry.
My sister went through the same thing...some of it may just be her trying to assert herself...with my sister it didn't last terribly long in the grand scheme.
If you don't want her coming to your room, I'd be sure to take her back immediately and be consistent. You could also try putting a gate in front of her door. Remember, you emphasizing that she must sleep in her room. if she's cold then going to your room is not an option. she has clothes, covers, heating pad...so really there's nothing really that allowing her to stay cold except for her. She is making the conscience decision to get up and got to your room, now she needs to change that to one of her options and removing access to you is probably the first step. Remember she is 3 and she'll try to push the boundaries. stay strong
It sounds like you have two different problems. One, your daughter likes to sleep without pajamas. Two, she comes into bed with you and makes it hard for you to sleep.
Which problem is more important to you to deal with? Getting her to remain in her own bed, regardless of whether or not it is because she is cold, is different from getting her to wear pajamas.
Also, it sounds like you are making threats and she knows you will not follow through with them. That tactic won't work for long; I've tried it and it failed me then.
Positive encouragement is best. Tell her she may choose not to wear pajamas, but she is not allowed to sleep in your bed. As long as you know the house is warm and she has blankets available, it is okay not to give in to her demands. She gets to make choices; that is the privilege of growing up and being three. But she only gets one; that is the privilege of being the mom.
