When my husband and I get in an argument in front of our 3 year old son, my son will always take my side. He gets mad at daddy for being mean to mommy and tells daddy he needs to go to time out and tells him to be nice to mommy. He really gets mad at daddy and gives him mean looks. It is cute that he watches out for me. I know we shouldn't argue in front of our kids but sometimes it is just hard to hold it in. We normally do not stay mad for long and especially if our son is there and gets mad at daddy which makes us all laugh and make up. I am just curious do alll boys or kids take mommy's side?
My son usually takes my husband's side, as he is MUCH preferred to me :(
I have been insisting to my husband that the argument be put on hold until the kids go to sleep, because it is not fair to the kids to see us argue--especially if it gets heated. Last week he kept trying to bring it back up, but I would just take the kids and leave the room, and tell him we'd discuss it after bedtime.
... he is protecting you in his own little 3 year old way.
But a child should not have to take sides.
To a child, parents fighting, can be very frightening... and they will learn, the cycle of behavior and the habits of it. And then be like that too, or not.
But at least, the way you describe it, it seems you and Hubby have "silly' fights???? Since you seem to laugh and make up, quickly????
Still, explain to a child... about behavior. So that your son does not learn, inadvertently, that parents fighting... is a "silly" thing. But about, caring and problem solving and communication, etc.
believe its natural for a child to side with mom. My son never sided with dad. Even as a infant. The minute he would hear my voice raise, he would cry. Or call me "mommy, mommy, mommy". I settle down, he would settle down.
Now he tells his dad to be nice to mommy.
We are their protectors. Till this day, my son doesn't trust his father. Sadly my son is only 3. He feels protected with mommy. Children just have that bond. Maybe because we carry them for 9mon of their lives before they come into the real world? So we are all they know as far as protection, love and devotion.
Once they get older....that becomes a different story :(
Do your best to stop arguing in front of him! It is scary for a kid, and unhealthy either side they take...
This is not good for your son. What about your arguments is causing him to think he has to take sides. Is Daddy mean to Mommy? Are the arguments angry with finger pointing, shoving, loud voices? If so, work really hard at taming them down.
Arguments are inevitable and they can be helpful for a child if they are managed in a calm manner. Have disagreements with a resolution and without obvious anger.
When you're angry, call for a time out and make an appointment for when to discuss it. This will not only help your son feel loving towards both parents while feeling more secure but will also help the two of you more likely to reach an agreement after your anger has receded.
When you stop the argument by laughing at your son, you are telling him that he's responsible for your being able to stop your argument. You are putting him in a place of responsibility for your happiness.
You are describing an unhealthy environment for your son. He's learning to get angry at Daddy because Daddy is angry at Mommy. It's not fair to him at all. And it's teaching him that the way to resolve disagreements is to argue and then laugh without having resolved the issue that started it all.
And perhaps most important of all, this scares him. He's not able to feel as secure as you'd like for him to be.
It's possible your son takes your side because you're with him much more so he feels more possessive and therefore more defensive about you. This is assuming that you're with him more...If that's not the case, it won't necessarily apply!
I'd ask why your're arguing in front of him in the first place. If it's just "Honey, why are you driving this route? It's shorter to take A street!" and then some back and forth over that kind of thing, that happens to everyone all the time, and that's not even arguing -- though a small child would think it was.
However, if you really are arguing about anything more than that, and it goes on longer than a sentence or two, or voices get edgy and really raised: Maybe rethink how you and your husband communicate and whether you need to take special care not to get into certain topics in front of your son so things won't turn into arguments.
My daughter is 10 and still gets upset if we even get into the "honey, that's the wrong way" disputes in the car.
Yeah, it is hard to hold it in for sure. But my hubby and I now do not fight in front of our kids bc it is easy for them to take sides and can make them a little scared about if things are ok. I mean, we may have a minute of frustration, we are human, but if it is something in need of a 'discussion', one or both will say 'hey, let's do this later' and give a knowing look at the children. The crazy thing is this has caused our fighting to tone down so much! Once we have cool off and think time we actually talk about things. So doing what is best for our kids, no matter how mad we feel, has made our relationship better. So I say talk to your man and see if you guys can make a standing agreement to talk things out away from the kids, it's works wonders for everyone!
Yes, my son takes my side, but we also use this as an opportunity to show him how to resolve conflict. In fact, we have gotten into a fake fight to help him learn these lessons just before school started, something that might happen in the classroom (we fought over crayons) and our son actually resolved the issue by showing us how to take turns with the blue crayon. So, if you must fight show him how to resolve it not that it is funny to gang up on daddy.
At that age, I think most kids take their mother's side. At least with mine they have. I have 3 girls and 1 boy, and there does seem to be a bit more of a connection between my son and I in that he is very protective of me. He has a special relationship with his dad too...just like my girls have with me as well. My oldest (now 8) used to be that way too, but as she's gotten older, she's definitely a daddy's girl and will feel protective of him...and me too. She pretty much just doesn't like any type of disagreement between us because it's upsetting to her. We try REALLY hard to keep it private.
All my kids take my side. We don't argue in front of my kids but we have before and it's upsetting to them.
Is it possible your son weighs the circumstances of the argument and sides with the person who is right? :] It is true, it's not good for your child to see the two most important people in his world at odds. Good for you two to keep the fights short. In my home, my son has occasionally witnessed the adults "fight"; he doesn't take sides, but he does become antsy and visibly upset. It's a reminder to us to immediately stop.
my girl takes my side always.
Boys are generally "mommy's little boys" and seem to be innately more attached to mom. I know you're not asking for advice but I've read that it's good for kids to watch parents have disagreements as long as they also watch them come to an agreement or make-up/forgive each other. It teaches them all the healthy steps to arguing.
Mommy and Daddy should not be arguing in front of their son.
My sons rarely took my side! :P But I still love them anyway . . . :)
