3 Year Old's Behavior

This is VERY normal. Three was much worse than 2 for my kids. Give him the opportunity to make choices when you can, but you must enforce discipline when he refuses to obey. It's hard...but you will make it. My oldest is now 14...and I think we're going through it again...he wants to argue with everything I say....they just need to exert their independence at various stages.

Good luck!

Every day this is totall normal, we all go thru it and having SOLID consequences for actions are everything.

Independence and control is what he is after. Try giving him choices, but make sure either choice is something you want him to do. For example, ask him if he would rather brush his teeth or put on his clothes first. Give him as many choices as you can about the little things, but insist he listen and respect the important ones like following your rules and not doing dangerous things. When I want my 3 year old to do something like get dressed and he runs and says no, I just say something like,"When you are dressed we can go outside and play." I save this for the things that are the hardest to get him to cooperate with like dressing and diaper changes. I never give in. He must always cooperate or miss out on the fun activity. Sometimes you can use humor or songs to make things they hate more fun. I have a little song I sing to wake up my oldest every morning. Some mornings he just doesn't want to get up for school, but singing the song first thing helps. I have a chart for my oldest that has everything listed in order that he is to do in the morning before we leave for school. I have words and pictures to go with each item. I taped it to the back of his door. Maybe you could do something like that for your son(brush teeth, dress, eat breakfast,etc.) and when he completes it in the morning, he gets a sticker. After he gets a determined number of stickers, he gets a prize. That way you can get several of the things he doesn't want to do out of the way first thing. I used to not be all that creative, but after having 2 little boys, my creativity has greatly improved!!

Very normal! You could try, "It's time to brush teeth." Just say it very mater-of-fact, not giving him a choice or making a big deal about it. If he still doesn't do, say it a second time but stronger. If he still doesn't do it, start counting. Make sure he knows what happens if you get to 3. Then always follow through with what ever consequence you've warned him about. For us, it usually goes something like, "If you don't get your coat by the time I get to 3, you won't get dessert ... one ... two ... " We rarely get to 3.

When your current approach isn't getting results is the best possible time to try something else, because you'll be able to see quickly whether it works. Sounds like your little guy is doing what 3yo's typically do. And there are positive things you can do to address it.

ALL behavior, in adult or child, is a strategy to meet some need. If he's not listening or responding to your requirements, it's because at three he has a completely natural need for more control in his little world. This is not for the purpose of "testing limits" or "pushing boundaries" or "challenging your authority," as many moms believe, but a completely natural stage in his development, as he learns how things work, both physically and emotionally.

It's important to keep our adult expectations in line with what is realistic for a young child, or else everything will feel like a battle. Your son's growing need for autonomy and control is a good thing, if you have a master plan that takes those very real needs into account. ALL little kids need opportunities to make choices, to manipulate the world, to play, to relax, to internalize all they are learning.

Unfortunately, little kids have very little life experience, so they do what they know. That often looks like simple stubbornness and resistance to their parents, especially if the child is overextended, over-scheduled, overtired or hungry. If you'd like to apply some of the latest and best parenting research to see how effective it can be, there's a most wonderful little book I use with my grandson and other small people, called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. Another terrific resource for slightly younger kids is Dr. Harvey Karp's approach in The Happiest Toddler on the Block. (You can google his name or the book title to see several videos demonstrating one of his techniques.)

I hope you'll give it a try; it just may save your sanity. It teaches you surefire techniques for getting on your son's wavelength, thus drawing him onto yours. It shows brilliant ways to nurture his own problem-solving skills. This results in more cheerfully cooperative behavior, and less stressful days for both of you.

No advice... but I'm right there with you. 3 1/2 year old... welcome to the terrible threes!!

We're just trying to manage through it without losing it with her, and hoping its a phase.

yes it is normal for a three year old, Make sure you say everything in a firm no nonsense voice "not are we ready to leave the park? as a question but "in one more minute we will leave the park" (always give warnings that play time is ending) Timers work really well, for bath time, getting out of the bath, bed time, dinner time etc! it is the timer telling him playtime is over-not mommy!
Choices work really well, if you ask do you want to get changed in your room or in mommy's room? he may get so involved in making the decision he forgets to say "I dont want to get changed!" use the upstairs bathroom or the downstairs bathroom? some kids do well with the count down method others do better with lots of choices.

We are definitely in that phase! My son is 3 1/2. The two's have got NOTHING on the 3's! I thought the 2's were so much fun and kept waiting for the terrible 2's to show up, but they never really did. The 3's have been atrocious. I have no suggestions for you, just wanted to let you know that you weren't alone. I never thought a 3 foot tall human being would try and fight me for control over the house, but they do!

You don't mention what your discipline style is. This is totally normal behavior if it is allowed with no consequences. Talkign and yelling and getting frustrated are not consequences (sometimes moms feel like, "gosh he sees how frustrated I'm getting, why doesn't he care?").Same with usig ineffective discipline. If you deliver firm consequences as enforcement EVERY TIME you give him one calm warning to mind what you are saying and he decides not to (Smiling while doing the opposite of what you say is super defiant-dont' let that habit germinate any longer).
Yes, all 3 year olds go through it. Some until they're teenagers, some for just a few attempts. It totally depends on your disciipline style.

My almost 3 year old son has NEVER been allowed to ignore or disobey, and hasn't needed discipline at all in a very long time. He's super sweet and we always have fun together, but just recently he's started some new ways of waiting too long to respond, being defiant but acting "cute" about it. I warned him that from now on, he would be disciplined if decided not to respond, and that may suffice sine he knows it's true, but since it's been a while, he may need a little refreshing (sting on the butt for brevity and effectiveness so we can carry on without theatrics). No worries, that will work and he'll be back to choosing the happy way to be. Sometimes kids need tune ups.
Dont' let your son escalate these behaviors. firm up! Don't yell, don't get riled, don't give more than one warning. Actions louder than words. You want him to respond to your requests, not your anger.

No advice... just wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat with you! Dont feel bad... I think 3 is just a tough age. They're starting to realize they have an opinion and can do something about it.

My son turned three in July. I definantly go through some of the same things. I would tell him that if he does not do things then you will not take him out,no toys,no movies.If need be do time out. One minute for each year. His Dad, is going to have to back you up on that one. It is a normal thing when they are this age. They are testing your paitience. I call it the testy three's. He is testing you and seeing what his limits are. The other day when my son decided to run around in wawa, I told him when we got to the car I was going to keep his toy that he had for the rest of the day. He told me no, I want to be good. I told him he needed to apologize to me for being bad and then he would get his toy back. I tell him continuously so does his Dad that he is not the boss, that he needs to listen.

Three is a lot worse than 2!! We didn't think we'd ever get through it with my son. We gave him choices (to make him feel independent), used timers (to help with getting things done and transitions between play and cleaning, etc) and tried to get creative (to lessen the "tantrums"). For example, when it was time to clean up I would put on his favorite song and say, "Let's see if we can clean up before the song is over". Then I would help him go really fast (and even be a little silly) to get it done. You aren't a bad mom! Good luck...this too shall pass :)

Hi, Loribeth.

Maybe he doesn't learn by hearing. You are not a bad mother.
But what makes you think and feel like you are being a bad mother.
Just want to know.
D.