3 Year Old Walking in on Mommy and Daddy

Updated on January 27, 2009
S.M. asks from Wahiawa, HI
5 answers

I'm in need of some advice on what to do about about my 3 almost 4 year old walking in on me and daddy while we are in the middle of our love making sessions. We wait till they are asleep at night but have several times now been caught in the middle. Sometimes not knowing how long he has been there watching. The door to our room is usually shut or closed, and he's so quite that we don't realize he's there until to late. We send him back to bed, and lots of times don't explain or give an excuse as to what is going on. I'm just worried that he is seeing this to early in his life. HELP,, Please no replies that put me or my husband down.

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J.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

We've been there too! And good for you two having fun with two little ones in the house.
It's best just to get a lock on the door and unlock it before you go to sleep. It is what we do. If you are worried about locking the door, put a bell on the knob or buy one of those sensor alarms for when a door opens (home depot).
There's only been one time we didn't have the door locked and we had an unexpected visitor right at the end of our moment and weren't sure how long he had been there or what was seen. We panicked and quickly sent our son (almost 7) out. Later, my husband asked him what he saw us doing and my son just said cuddling. We left it at that but looking back, wished we had briefly explained we were having sex and showing our love for each other. We've had the talk with our 9 year old daughter (more biological based than play by play details, of course). These days kids see so much on TV and from friends at school we figured it was best to start on the early side factually and truthfully while emphasizing our beliefs.
At your son's age it is harder to explain sex and how important and wonderful it is for mom and dads. If it happens again, when he is back in his room ask him if he has any questions about what you and daddy were doing. Just keep answers simple and basic such as "we were being close because we love each other so much." He may be worried that you are being hurt, reassure him that isn't so.
As he gets older, put a little more info out there if the subject comes up, identifying sex by a term you are comfortable with, the beliefs you hold about it, biological factors.
Hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I agree with Jennifer S. to a degree...there is no reason for you to not be able to enjoy your time together. Even though you have kids you are still a couple!

But, don't forget to talk to your son about what he saw. Ask him, like Jennifer said, and ask if he has any questions...don't hide it from him or make it something you show him embarassment over. This will most likely effect how he views the act later once he knows what it is that his parents were doing.

While, I never caught Mommy and Daddy under the sheets, they never really had 'the talk' with me or my sister. So, just keep an open dialogue when it's appropriate and don't forget to make sure you know what's going on in his little head right now.

Good Luck, and I agree...LOCK THE DOOR, until you are done!

D.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi S.:
You received an excellent response from Jennifer. I just wanted to add, that many of us parents, have been (caught in the act) at one time or another.I know my first reaction,was guilt. I was afraid,that I had somehow tramatized our toddler! I was fearful,that he would think we were fighting, or daddy was hurting mommy. I think my gut reaction was to tell him we were playing(wrestling The main thing was to ease his mind, and let him know that we weren't hurting each other,or angry. We decided it best to lock the door,while intimate,then unlock it right after,so he knew we were there for him. It should be reassuring to know, that he is so young, that he will have no memory of this. I think we parents,have to sort of giggle and make light of moments like this. It's A little reality check,A reminder,that our toddlers are growing, curious,and innocent little stinkers,that sometimes will catch us at the most un-opportune times. I wish you and your son the very best. J. M

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S.T.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi S.,

The same thing happended to my husband and I. When my son (who at the time was about 9 years old) walked in on us, I was completely horrified. I was embarrased and upset that my son had witnessed something so private. My husband calmly told my son to close the door and wait for us in the living room. My husband explained to my son that husbands and wives need "private time." We then made a rule for both of our kids letting them know that if our bedroom door is closed, they must knock before entering. My son was okay with this explanation and we even asked him if he had any questions. I'm glad he didn't. He has never walked in on us since. I'm sure your little guy has questions and I would advice that you answer as honestly as possible, according to what he can comprehend at his age. I think that these types of situations are sometimes inevitable but the best thing to do is be there for your child to explain. Good luck.

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B.S.

answers from Reno on

Get a lock, or a knob cover for the outside of the door to use when you are togehter!

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