3 Year Old WON'T Eat... - Centralia,WA

Okay next meal give him one bite of everything you are going to eat that night. Nothing more. Give him a few sips of milk in a cup..etc. Don't say anything about being allowed more. Just do it that way. Congratulate him if he cleans his plate. If not..he's only wasted a bite of each thing in the meal. If you have something like Pizza give him only a thin tiny slice. If he wants dessert..give him the same sized slice of cake as pizza. He won't like getting a quarter of a an oreo..but if he only eats one bite of green beans, then he can only have one bite of an oreo. That's the way the world works..go really specific on him and he will back off I think.

My kids went through this phase. They wouldn't eat anything round, or green and one of my kids would only eat PB&J for months. They eventually got over it. Try taking him to the grocery store with you and let him plan a couple meals each week. Then when you fix what you want him to have, remind him that everyone ate what he chose, so you would like him to eat what you chose

I posted almost this EXACT same thing a month ago for my 4 yo. Except we couldn't get him to eat anything all day it felt like. He is also average height and underweight. I was literally losing sleep, because we could tell he was losing weight. Dinner was becoming a battle ground. It was suggested to me by some smart mamas on this site to stop fighting. Which is what we have done. We offer the food (small portions, so he isn't overwhelmed) and he can chose to eat or not. We no longer talk about it. If he eats, we praise (but not too much). If he doesn't eat, we don't argue, bribe or convince, we just put his plate in the fridge. He has to sit with the family at dinner, but he doesn't have to eat. If he gets hungry later, we heat up his plate from before. And whether or not he eats a meal we offer his healthy morning and afternoon snack. Breakfasts and lunches improved almost immediately. Dinners took a few days. The first night we did this he asked for food around midnight...it was hard, but we made him wait until breakfast (our pantry is locked to keep the baby out). The next two nights he asked for his dinner right at his bedtime and we allowed him to stay up a little to eat - the first night he ate a little, the second night he cleaned his plate. The third night he asked for his dinner shortly after the family was finished; he asked for his plate back and then asked for seconds. And the next night he ate with us. And after that first week he has been back to normal. He still prefers smaller portions. And we have a rogue day here or there where he tells us he isn't hungry. But the improvement was immediate and the peace at the meal time is sooo much nicer than the battle ground we were turning it into. And he is still underweight, but he has actually gained some of the weight he lost during his hunger strike. GL! HTH!

I would just put the smallest amount on his plate and if he doesn't eat just don't make a big deal about it, but let him know he cannot have a snack later. Some children do not really like dinner foods. I know my kids were wonderful breakfast eaters because they loved breakfast foods. Depending on what I made for dinner seemed to determine how well they ate. If I served pasta everyday that would never be a problem. They did not love meat, potatoes, etc. So I always tried to have at least one thing I knew they would eat. Pasta with brocolli, pasta with garlic and oil, homemade mac and cheese, pasta with sauce, pasta with butter. Rather then make it a power struggle or make a million different dinners every night and that worked for us. I didn't even care if they just had bread and butter, a bowl of cereal, french toast sticks, as long as they sat at the table, ate and didn't go to bed hungry. I am not sure if that was the right thing to do but I wanted my kids to eat. My husband and I battled over this as well because he was raised to eat everything on his plate and didn't really ever have choices. One time he insisted my son eat his burger, as he was chewing he threw up all over the table. It was the last time he pushed him to eat something he just didn't like. LOL!! He is 25 now and still isn't a big burger eater, but he loooovves pasta, my daughter is going to be 21 and is also a very healthy and good eater. I think sometimes we have to pick our battles and I never wanted dinner time to become a power struggle. Also, one thing I would do is stop talking about it. I am sure by now he knows what you both expect from him and having this constant battle that he is obviously winning I think will only continue to make it worse. Just put a spoonful of food on his plate and try to limit the conversations about eating. He may just love the attention he is getting from not eating and the power struggle that is happening as a result of it.

I have a 7-year-old and a 3-year-old and my 7-year-old in particular eats like a bird and rarely eats more than a few bites at dinner. I think maybe some of the best advice I got (I absorbed somewhere before I even had kids) was that food is not worth fighting about. Similar to potty-training, with eating the individual has the final say on what goes in. You can't make a kid swalllow. You can make them sit at the table for hours, but you're engaging in a power struggle that you can't win. It's tearing you up and he's not happy either. He can't just eat then, even if he's hungry, because then YOU WIN. And he can't let you win because it's a power struggle.
I say you surrender. Have a talk with him. Tell him that you can trust him, now, to know when he's hungry. Set some boundaries. I would not let my kids eat in the middle of the night. He can eat at meal times and that's it. To avoid wasting food, just dish him up a small amount and when he's done, he's done. He shouldn't have any more food until the morning.
This won't make him eat dinner, but the sooner everyone can relax about it the sooner he can start to develop a better attitude about eating.
If he's eating breakfast and lunch, do not worry about his weight or height (that's quite possibly the right size for him--not everyone is above average;))
It might also be good for you to check out the Love and Logic site here http://www.loveandlogic.com/
Good luck!

You can lead a child to the table but you can't make them eat. Sounds like it has turned into a power struggle. First thing is to back off. Stop expecting him to eat much at dinner. Put small amounts on his plate, if he doesn't eat it then put it aside and let him have another try before he goes to bed. The "midnight" snack needs to not be allowed. Do some work to lock up any foods he might be going after during that time or set a door alarm so you wake up and put him back in his room.

My son does not really like many dinner foods (he hates foods mixed together, doesn't like tomato sauce, hates cooked veggies, hates meat, etc.) So dinner can be a challenge. I don't cook separately for him but I will save out the individual ingredients from whatever I am cooking and that is what he eats. So look at what is being served and how it differs from the other things he does eat during the day. Can you make dinner look more like that without much special effort on your part? Also let him pick what is for dinner one night a week and work to get his help fixing a part of it. Also I find that letting my DS eat part of his dinner early, especially the veggies, if he asks for a snack close to dinner, works well to lessen battles at the table.

My DS is very low on the height and weight charts but I don't worry about that. But if he was getting up in the middle of the night to eat then I would focus on how to change that behavior and help him make good choices during the dinner hour.

Also keep a food diary of what he eats during the day and when including all liquids and snacks. You might notice some patterns that help you understand his eating patterns better.

Hey,

I also have a 3 year old son and he has done the same thing that your son is doing. I had the same problems with him crying, the not eating. I found that if you find something that they like, such as applesauce, tell him that if he finishs his dinner that he can have his favorite dessert. That has worked with my son since he was about 2 years of age. Now that I do that he will eat anything that I give him to eat. You might go through more but in the long run it is worth it.

Hi J.,
Are his weight and height abnormal (as in, off the charts) or is he simply below the 50th percentile? 49 out of 100 kids should be below the 50th, it does not mean something is wrong with your child.
Is he not eating because he is not hungry or because he doesn't like what you are giving him? When my son was that age, he was not a big dinner eater. He "snacked" a lot during the afternoon - I don't mean chips and cookies, I mean fruits, raw veggies, string cheese, yogurt. I think he was simply hungry for dinner earlier than we were able to eat dinner. Why waste food? Don't give him a lot. He must be eating something, since you said that you tried to send him to bed without dinner he would wake up at night - so when you don't do this, what does he actually eat?
I found that with a picky kid, if that's the issue, what can help is to give up some control no matter how hard for you. Put out an assortment of foods at dinner - a main dish and then a lot of sides. Allow him to help himself to what he wants to eat. Do not suggest he try something, beg, wheedle or even comment on what's on his plate. You may find that if you allow him control, he'll eat more and better. When I did this, I might have out chicken drumsticks, cooked corn, raw carrots, tater tots, bread with butter, some cheese cubes and melon. At first, you may have a kid who eats only bread or only cheese for dinner, but I think this helps them to figure out how to balance their meal and try new things.

I care for young children and have over 30 years experience with children and their eating habits. All of the children in my care eat very very well and their are some tricks of the trade. First calm down. Your child will sense you are worried and will use this to manipulate you for junk food. Serve meals without drinks. I always serve drinks after the meal. Serve food that is eaten without alot of effort. For example tender meat chopped finely maybe mixed with rice or potatoes. Serve his food, show no reaction if he eats nothing. He should not have junk food during the night, put it out of reach. If you want him to eat you must with hold all junk food and in between meal drinks. Good Luck

There are three things you can not make a child do, eat, sleep, and poop or pee (sigh). If your child is active and happy, he is probably getting enough to eat.

You are in a power struggle over the dinner table and I found that any child can do any thing longer than any parent can stand it. The easiest way out of a power struggle is to stop fighting. I would stop fighting.

For dinner I would start with giving him an empty plate and give him only what he wants in small amounts. Say "Do you want ....?" That way there is no food wasted. Do not ever fix him something special because you are worried about him. Lock or hide away the food that he eats at night--no snacking. When the family is done put him down, even if he has eaten or not. Try not to get mad at him.

After a couple of days or even a week maybe he will understand that if he wants to eat late in the day, dinner is the time to eat.

It is so hard. My daughter is very similar in her eating patterns. I have come to realize that I can't make my kid sleep, eat or poop, they have to do those things on their own and they have the control.
I don't make different food for my daughter at dinner, unless we are completely eating something I know she won't eat. He probably is getting enough calories during the day and children tend to eat when hungry, and not when they aren't. Different from us adults who have fallen into the eating time pattern.
At dinner time, I dish up very small portions and tell her she must try everything, and can have more of what she likes. It seems to work ok for the most part. Sometimes she eats 3 bites and that is it. I try to always include one thing I know she will like. I also let her help with dinner prep and picking out foods. I use to get so frustrated but have decided, it is what it is for now.
You can try limiting his snacks before dinner time. My daughter will drink and drink water until she is full, so I have to watch that too.
Regarding the getting up at night to eat while you are sleeping, I would suggest you put locks on the pantry door or gate the hall so he can't do that. I would be afraid of my daughter doing this too and choking or something.
Good luck and try to not let it frustrate you and your husband...

It is a phase, and it can last for a long period of time. And your doctor is right, they won't starve themselves. When you say he's underweight and short, by who's standards? He may be a small statured person.

Wasting lots of food? Start with very small portions on his plate. No more than a teaspoon or tablespoon full of each item. A couple pieces of meat. Another thing is to have him help you prepare the meals. Take him grocery shopping and let him help you pick out the vegies and fruits. Take the cans or boxes off the shelves. When spring comes, let him plant the leaf lettuce seeds or get him a tomato plant to watch and care for. Bake bread or cookies. Let him crack them eggs and make meatloaf. He can crumble the crackers or help mix it up with his hands. It works.

He's exerting control over his body and his activities. If he's eating a good breakfast and lunch, a light dinner is perfectly acceptable and healthier. Take good care!!

This sounds like it might be turning into a power struggle and he may like to get a rise out of you.

What about erve him for lunch what he might have for a typical dinner? Or if he doesn't eat dinner O. night, he can have the leftovers for lunch (not in the Joan Crawford--eat it cold for breakfast the next day way!).

Also, re-think what YOU think of as "breakfast items." I have a friend whose son used to like to eat soup for breakfast. Really, when you think about it--there are lots worse things than that you could eat for breakfast (Pop Tarts, donuts, Count Chocula!)

So, go ahead and mix it up--and maybe you'll mix him up -- enough to start eating better! After all, they say breakfast SHOULD be the biggest meal of the day, then lunch then a light dinner......

It is tough when little ones won't eat, but remember, they won't starve themselves. Try not to punish him for not eating at dinner. Eating should be enjoyed and a happy time. Our job is to offer them the food and let them choose to eat it. I do know that it is hard. My daughter has autism and has a VERY limited diet. We have been to food therapists and all sorts of things. I didn't even know food therapists existed! Try eating dinner a little later or earlier. Does he snack much? You could try and ask him to help you pick out something to eat with dinner and have him help you prepare it. See if he will just take one bite of food and then praise him. Try to have one of his favorite things at dinner time and see if that might help! Good luck to you. It is tough. My daughter was always very thin too and still is! but she is happy and healthy.

Get the book "how to get your kid to eat... But not too much.". Saved my life. You won't need to read the whole thing, just the relevant chapters, and it will clear SO much up for you and you'll be amazed at the results of following it's advice. You can get it at the library. You'll be so glad you did.

My daughter is much the same way. One consideration is that she just doesn't seem to be hungry around dinner time, so i try a bit harder to make sure she has a balanced diet earlier in the day. There are, of course, other considerations.

Please consider reading Satter's 'How to get your kid to eat, but not too much'. The primary idea is 'you supply the food, your kid decides how much to eat'. I have been reading a lot about eating issues, and this idea (and Satter's book) seem to be sort of the best science has to offer us right now.

I'm starting to believe that my daughter just may never eat a good dinner regularly. It is frustrating, but, we focus on getting her to have good manners at the table, to spend healthy time with her family, and exposing her to a variety of foods. I've given up on getting dinner into her right now, but i do hope i'm setting the basis for a life long healthy relationship with food. Difficult, but, ultimately my biggest goal. Just a thought for you...

Your child may have sensory issues. Look into the book Just Take a Bite.

Well,I was going to say just let him skip dinner (as long as he sits at the table with everyone else). But then I read about him getting up at night...hmm...My daughter kind of went through a phase where she wouldnt eat, but we reminded her constantly that there is no more food until breakfast. She never got up to eat. I am not sure about that one.
I guess one thing you can look at is how much he is snacking. I know at first you might think to yourself that he doesnt snack that much, BUT really give it some thought. Write down when he eats and what for a day and you might see that its more than you think. There are many times that I give my kids something here and there and I dont even really think about it till they arent hungry at dinner. Given that he is also underheight for his age and that the doctor doesnt seem conserned (as long as you trust your doctor) I really wouldnt worry too much...other than if he is getting up in the middle of the night...try adjusting his snack/lunch schedule and see if it helps. Best of luck!
P.S. SB seemed to have the perfect strategy for you to try! Don't you love Mamapedia?!