3 Year Old Won't Poop! at All

Start giving her some Miralax and back off for a month with the potty training. This what worked for us. Good luck!

Gawd... it makes my blood boil when people say it's a control thing. It's a pain and discomfort thing. Classic negative conditioning... switching to pooping sitting up HURTS most people, The pain creates fear. The fear response actually brings on a stronger elimination response, which brings on more fear. And then nine out of ten parents get angry for their child being afraid of pain because someone told them it was a control thing. Oy! (The best way EVER to manipulate an American Parent, btw, is to say anything their child is doing is a "control" thing. It's like our brains turn off. We don't question it. It's bizarre, but a psychological/sociological thing that doesn't need to be explored more right now. So anyhow, then you've got guilt/shame/fear of mummy & daddy being mad/disappointed/etc... all from a NATURAL and UNDERSTANDABLE fear of pain.

Guaranteed: When she pooped in her diaper did she squat? Either 2 feet on the floor squat, or hands and knees (possibly with rocking)? Squatting is the natural position... it aligns the colon & rectum for easy passage, there is less likelihood of anal tearing, and is a whole HECK of a lot easier muscularly speaking. The best parallell possible is to try to poop in the shower standing up straight. The difference in angles is the same difference between squatting and sitting.

<grinning> You don't actually have to do it (we have enough to clean up as mum's anyway)... but TRY, just for a few seconds. Even as an adult with full conscious control over our parasymatheic nerves that get used in this process... if you actually try, even for a moment you'll notice a few things:

- The muscles that want to flex AREN'T the ones you usually flex (they aren't strong, like the ones you usually use... why it feels strange)

- You'll unconsciously start to bend over (as if to sit), and have to force yourself to stand up straight.

- You won't actually do it, because you'll be afraid to (the whole mess/ embarrassment/ conditioned response to only eliminate in the potty thing... for some people that conditioning is so strong they can't even pee/poop in the woods, and most adults can't even break toilet training enough to wet their pants if they're sitting on the toilett... kids are more flexable though, they have the same conditioning not to pee/poop outside of their diapers... but they've only been trained not to for 2-4 years, not 20-30+, and we ask them to do weird stuff all the time. They're used to our crazy demands.)

- If you actually bit the bullet and DID do it (unless you are remarkably & unusually well fiber-ized ;) you'd receive multiple tiny tears in your rectum, that would really really sting, from the fact that your sphincter would open differently at this new angle, and your bowl movement forcing it's way through less toughened skin. The effect is much more pronounced with kids. The entire first year of the lives they usually have bms the consistency of pudding... it's not until they start eating solids (or formula) that their rectums start to toughen up.

Wow Perhaps a little graphic, but again... we're moms (or primary caregiver dads). We're tough. We can be thrown up on in the middle of dinner, clean it up (maybe even change a shirt) and continue eating.

Anyhow, all of the above (before the "I'm raising children, very little grosses me out anymore" comment) is exactly what toddlers are going through. Pain, fear, confusion, embarrassment, all added into the rather large fact that they don't have 100% control over their voluntary reflexes yet... and that it hurts double, when they make mummy sad.

Whee. Poor kids.

Tips & tricks (ahhhhh...knew we'd get to the useful part eventually)

- Put a little vaseline on her rectum (helps it hurt less, and protects the skin from abrasion... just like lube during sex, natural or otherwise... and use vaseline... it works better than KY for this purpose.

- Allow her to "stand" (squat) on the potty in the beginning. Or at least put her feet up on the rim so her knees are by her chin, which is still way closer (she'll eventually start sitting, but it's a good in between thing).

- Hydration hydration hydration (avoid fibrous things right now... if she's refusing to go out of fear, it'll just send the poop that much faster to get compacted. Feel free to do lots and lots and lots of fiber after she's gotten "regular" for a week.). The longer poop sits in the large intestine... the more water gets drawn out of it, and the harder it gets. The more hydrated she is though, the less the body will pull water out of it = softer poops.

- Praise and understanding. This hurts more than a shot. So if you'd be praising how brave she was for a shot, do the same here.

- Patience. The autonomic nervous system controls both "fight or flight" & "rest and digest". We have SOME conscious control over our autonomic nervous system, but not much. (<grinning> the whole "auto" part). Toddlers have less. Their entire system has to rewire in order for any of us to have any conscious control over elimination. It takes time and is very frustrating. (As any adult who has become incontinent). Anyhow, what you WANT is for the parasympathetic system to be "on" when she goes potty. That's "rest and digest". If she gets afraid, though, the sympathetic system turns on. If it turns on high enough ANY of us will wet ourselves, and REALLY high and we'll poo ourselves as well. Same is true for the wee ones. She needs to be calm OR in a wild panic attack in order to be able to eliminate. No inbetween ground for poo, although a little fear makes peeing easier. So unless you want to have to deal with the screaming tantrums of wild unbridled terror in order to complete potty training (my aunt's, my SIL's and many many other mum's i know method, who yell at their children while they're on the potty)... patience and calm on your part will get her to be calm enough -eventually- for her body to eliminate. (Also why so many potty training toddlers poop in their sleep... it's the first time their adrenalin has gone down enough that day to allow them to do so).

- Big hugs to YOURSELF. Anyone potty training deserves one. :)

Best of wishes for a calm easy transition

I was posting here on this problem exactly a year ago. Ours started during potty training as well. My daughter was 2 yrs 10 months. We ended up starting with adult doses of miralax. You have to think of it as a large sugar molecule that draws fluid in to the colon. How can "sugar" hurt. We put ours in apple sauce which seems counter-intuitive but we were able to get it in to her. And she would never reliably finish a glass of water or juice. We also have made dietary changes (I was told fiber doesn't make such a difference in children's bowel habits- don't know if that is true.)
Anyway, don't be afraid of the miralax. I know it feels like you are medicating her. But if you can get her in to healthy bowel habits then the end results are desirable. My daughter was very afraid for a long time. She was potty trained at 2 yr 10 mo but continued to use a pull-up to poop for another 6 months. We are just now weaning her off of the miralax a full year after we started this odyssey and keeping our fingers crossed.
I was very frightened as well because I have 2 friends whose daughters still are not fully bowel continent at 5 yrs old. This is because their colons got so stretched out and full. It has been a real struggle for those two families and I could feel us heading down that pathway.
There is one encoparesis clinic in the Seattle area- I believe it is in Edmonds. My humble but experienced advice would be to try the miralax and to not make a big deal out of the pooping at all. Don't make a deal out of the accidents or eating habits or whether she went or not. Just make sure she doesn't get stopped up and injure her colon. Good luck. I think/hope we are a success story. It's a long journey. And remember that you are her very best Mom.

I had this problem with my daughter. It was when I stepped back and didn't make a deal of it the problem subsided.

Miralax is your friend! My daughter didn't poop for 12 days - and it was the most painful experience for both her and myself - since she kept it up her colon grew and grew so the volume of her poop is huge. We will keep her on it at least 9 months if not 18 months per her doctor's suggestion so her colon will shrink - and hopefully she won't be afraid of it.

We also went to an accupressurist to "balance" her body - granted it sounds a little weird but it worked. So she's been going well for quite a few months.

This too shall pass.

My daughter has had problems with constipation, withholding poop and pain when pooping. We give her prune juice every morning and night, have increased her dietary fiber (cut out most white grains and use whole grains only), decreased dairy, feed her peaches and apples, etc...

We read a book on the potty--actually toy catalogs that stay in the bathroom and are only for pooping.

She's still a bit scared of the process even though her poop is soft now. So each time she poops, I make a big deal about how easy it was and how it didn't hurt at all. That's really seemed to help. The next time she has to go, I remind her about how it just comes right out and doesn't hurt anymore.

She was in the bathroom when I was going the other day and said, "When you're done, I'll say 'Good job, Mommy, that was so easy!'" :)

Hi A.-

I have worked with potty trainers for many years, first as a Nanny and now with parents as a parent coach. It sounds like your daughter is scared of pooping, (which I'm sure you're aware of). It may have hurt, felt bad or may have been messy in the past.

I would sit with her during a quite time of day and talk to her about pooping. You may start with something like, "sometimes pooping can hurt, be scary, feel bad...." You could also talk about what you feel when you poop, and how your tummy feels better. I would also talk about how your body needs to get rid of the poop to work it's best.

Often when parents start a dialog, children open up about what concerned them. Sometimes you just need to ease her mind about this new step in her life.

While pooping in the potty is natural to us, it's brand new to her, so she may feel unsure what/how to do it.

Good luck!

R. Magby

our daughters are "twins" :) (mine was born jan. 2 and is turning 3 also). she just started pooping on the potty w/in the last week. she wouldn't go anywhere except in a diaper and has been pee trained for almost a year. we tried everything also. we have no idea what finally worked. my hubby asked for her to give him a christmas gift of going poop on the potty.. not sure if that's what worked, but for the last week and a half or so, she's been going on the potty. i've heard suggestions of a "magic wand" to help (have them hold it), reading books while she sits there, rewards etc. we've tried it all. i think it's just when they are ready, they are ready. hang in there!

Your doctor gave you a clue about what to do. It's a control thing. So back off on "making" her poop. Give her the stool softener and fiber rich foods. Be sure that she's getting enough fluids. Then follow Rebecca's adv

ice. Once she realizes that it doesn't hurt any more and that it's not going to be so important to you that she do it when you want her to do it she'll feel more like she's in control and go back to normal movements.

Focus on her comfort. Let go of getting her trained. Training works best when the child feels that they have control. Perhaps she is using her body, the only thing that she can control, to tell you that she needs more control in other areas of her life. Does she have choices about clothes and food?

Sounds like you've been potty training for 5 months or so. I suggest that she wasn't physically ready to be trained when you started. Potty training doesn't take that long. Or perhaps you've been very focused and she's feeling a strong need to be in control. Remember that this is the age during which the child is learning that they are a separate being from their parents and they are testing their environment while they learn what they can do on their own. Potty training can sometimes become the "battle ground" for control. If the child and parent are unable to successfully negotiate the sharing of control, the child can continue to have control issues as they get older. Other things become a part of the battle.

If you think that this is possible I recommend backing off completely from potty "training." I'd tell her that you know she's able to know when to use the potty and ask her if she needs to have her diapers or pull-ups back. Then I'd not mention going to the potty at all. Let her bring it up. If you can be casual you could say something like, I'm going to use the potty now. Do you want to come with me." What is important is making the atmosphere very relaxed and showing her that using the potty is "no big deal."

She will be trained when both her body and her emotions are ready. My granddaughter wasn't completely potty trained until she was nearly 3. A friend didn't even try to potty train her daughter until she was 3 and she learned in 1 week. She was very casual about it.

my friend has twins and was having a pooping in the pants only problem. Once she changed their diets, they finally started using the toilet. I know she started giving them some raisins each day. They still have some issues but is way better!