3 Yr Old Afraid of Her Bedroom, Her Bed, Bedtime, Shadows, Monsters, Etc. !

Kids with good imaginations are fun! I only lucked into the right combination to keep my kids out of my room so I can't really tell you what I did right. I know when I was a kid the only reason I didn't go to my parents room is they were totally unsupportive. When I cried I was being bullied mom said it was my fault, that kinda stuff. So I wouldn't suggest scaring the child into leaving you alone, ya know, I will ground you if...

The problem is with a good imagination you really see the monsters when you wake up so nothing around you is going to help. I outgrew it by the time I was ten.

Perhaps a clicker she can keep by her bed. Something that won't wake everyone up but gives her the ability to "scare" them away.

Sorry, I feel useless here.

Wow – must be an epidemic of monsters. I just had this discussion with my daughter this morning (also 3). Apparently her friends at school are afraid of monsters. I explained to her that there are no such things as monsters – just people who act like monsters or people who make things into monsters e.g. dinosaurs. She loves dinosaurs so I explained to her that some people think dinosaurs are monsters and are afraid of them. We also discussed other things other people think are monsters - cookie monster, tickle monster, blanket monster, alligators, etc.

I then mentioned that if monsters were real perhaps the one in the room is there to protect her since she obviously hasn’t been hurt/eaten by one while she’s sleeping. Maybe it’s a monster protector watching out for bad monsters - that is if she really thought monsters were real. Seemed to work so far…

Do you or hubby lay with her before she falls asleep? If not try that. Tell her that she has to sleep in her own bed but you/Daddy will lay with her for a few minutes.

I'd keep reiterating that monsters are not real and even if they were, they are not allowed in your house at night because they have to go home to their mommies/daddies so they can go to sleep (may sound contradictory but this covers all the aspects of the fear - if she truly believes they are real, then telling her they are not real will not help. By telling her 'even if they were real' then that validates the thoughts that they are real but then it's funny for her to think about a monster having to go home and go to his/her bed). You could even elaborate on how the monsters is scared of 'girls' like her. Try to make the fearful situation into a funny one.

Do you leave the door to her bedroom open at night? Try that as well as the spray.

If all else fails, let her fall asleep in your bed but move her later. Not the best solution but if it's cutting into your sleep, then something has to be done. You could also tell her she can come into your room in the middle of the night if she is scared but has to sleep on the floor (put blankets/pillows down for her).

I would offer her some Rescue Remedy (Bach flower essence) tincture before sleep. If you live near a Co-op or Whole Foods, you can find this gentle, vibrational (energy healing) medicine easily. Even better, which I have used with my 4 year old with 100% success might be a pure flower essence of Clover, which is a sleep aid. A few drops of either on her tongue before bed will help. Note that these are tinctures (NOT oil).

Lavender oil rubbed on her temples and wrists before bed will also soothe-- a great produce is Badger Balm, which makes a version with lavender for sweet dreams!

I've heard the spray thing works. We had this issue with my 2 1/2 year old and still do at times. I had to really listen to what she was describing and evaluate her room. The shadow from her chandelier was the spider. I moved her night light by her window and use her sheer curtain to diffuse the light. I also opened her room door. I was trying to keep her room quiet by closing the door but turns out she's terrified. I also let her pick out s stuffed to to sleep with that she would be comfortable with. Keep an eye on what she's watching on tv too. You'd be surprised what sparks up fear in them. Also could you make a pallet next to your bed for her? Or put her mattress on the floor next to you? That way she's close but not too close? Hope this helps.

Either get her some monster spray (squirt bottle w/ drop of food coloring), OR tell her that you don't allow monsters in the house. (I wouldn't go to monster-spray AFTER telling her about your no-monsters-inside rule, b/c it will appear that you were lying and/or monsters don't abide by your house rules).

I know this might sound counterproductive but we sat in watched Pixar's Monsters, Inc with our son. It's a really funny movie and explains where the monsters come from, but more importantly that they stop coming once a child is not afraid any longer. A very sweet story about 1 monster & a little girl. Then we started placing hershey kisses outside his closet door letting him know the monsters were very proud of him for staying in his own bed. This went on for less than a bag hershey kisses and then it was over. He's 3 too. Far from any other reasonable approach we tried to take prior, but if it worked.... it worked!

"monster spray" worked good for us with one child. The other was more complicated. We left a light on to eliminate the shadows for awhile, then I stayed in the room reading while he fell asleep. You have to reduce the anxiety. Now most nights he goes to sleep fine, other nights I have to read in his room while he falls asleep. Sometimes they get so overwhelmed it's like a fear of the fear so they're all worked into a frenzy just thinking about it. Whatever it takes, just reduce the anxiety. It'll get better....

So common, and the fear can be quite real. Don't use language telling her there's nothing to be afraid of, because she simply can't believe that.

Rather, empower her. Let her know that lots of little kids get afraid for awhile, until they realize they're okay and nothing every hurts them. Empathize with how hard it is to feel scared. Get her a couple of nightlights if that helps (these can create more scary shadows) and leave a light on in the hallway, with the door open a bit. Give her a flashlight to use when a shadow starts to scare her (emphasize that she should turn it off so the batteries last a long time).

And lying with her until she falls asleep is a nice technique for many children, and can offer some sweet bonding time. If she's still in a crib, lay on a blanket on the floor.

Some kids do well with "Monster spray," a bottle of water with a few drops of lemon, vanilla, or lavender for scent. And re-defining "monsters" as suggested by minimes&mommy is a nice idea, too.

our daughter (3.5) "hates her room"; she doesn't say she's scared but she would rather not sleep in there then get presents - crazy right? she'll say she wants something and we'll say ok it's yours if you sleep in your own room and she'll say never mind, I don't want that. So, we have her on her own mattress on the floor next to our bed. She used to wake up in the middle of the night and get into bed with us, but now she knows that if she wakes in the night, we're right there on the bed next to her and she has to go back to sleep on her mattress. She can't get into bed with us until the sun comes up. this doesn't get her our of your room, but it does get her out of your bed...good luck!