3.5 Year Old OCD

Ally G. is right. With OCD, all those things on the list must happen or it's like the world is coming to an end. A child will get extremely anxious if the "right" things aren't done to the point of being inconsolable.

ETA: The 8th point is an interesting one. Having to do things a certain amt. of times is a hallmark for OCD.

I don't know, I think it's normal at that age. At least in my experience of now having a 3 and 4.5 year old. Both can be so particular about the way certain things are done. When I drop my son off at preschool, god forbid I sign him in before he hangs up his coat. He has the order of how he wants things done all worked out in his head, and if it doesn't go that way he gets upset. He always has to jump out of our van, when getting out. If he doesn't jump, he has to redo it. Our 4.5 year old is no where near as particular today as he was in the past years, so all I can say is I think it gets better in time. He attends preschool and I've never been told anything but positive things about him, no OCD concerns!

No behavior is normal if you take something away from that list and she can't function.

AT this age, they get like this.
They like routine, they begin to or are already grouping things or categorizing things or purposes etc. It is, developmental based.

This is a phase.
Not permanent.
BOTH my kids (I have a boy and girl), from 2-3 years old, were like this as well as many kids, this age.

Teach her coping-skills, the words to tell you things/frustrations etc. AND how to communicate. Teach her that there are MANY ways to do things etc. So that, in time and as she gets older, she will accrue skills and aptitude, for it.
It comes, in stages. Not all at once, now.
At this age, their emotions are not even fully developed yet, nor their communication skills to say the exact feelings or meanings of what is in their head etc. They are learning.

But going back, at this age... they do things like this.
Developmental based.
It is a phase.
In a sense, they are putting themselves in a "routine" and learning about themselves and comforting themselves and providing a sense of "security" for themselves, and about their world. Which is, good. And learning self-reliance. It is not only a control, issue. It is emotional development and cognitive development of abstract concepts/purposes, timing, etc.

And keep in mind, that kids this age do not have inherent "coping-skills" either. They are rudimentary. Both cognitively and emotionally.
In a fun way, don't "battle" about it... just chat with her about it. I'd do that with my kids when they were that age and doing that.
And it was interesting... what THEY said about it and why. And as a Mom, you learn... about your child that way.
Their little minds... forming. And developing.
It is not a battle.
These things have importance to the child, for whatever reason.
But again, it is developmental based.... especially at this age. It is a process and phase, they go through.

she is wanting to set up a bedtiem routine.I have our routine,thye have things they like so I let it be.I don't think it's extreme but if your becoming concerned don't let her have her ice water cup take it away from her that you made a routine for her now becoming dependent on having it.Blankents yes they have to be a certain way for comfort and warmth,socks so she doesn't like havig cold feet I can't get to sleep with cold feet,as for the Good Luck begin to decrease it over time and see how she copes with it being said eventually to once,thats cute she is singing to the birdies on the wall,saying goodnite is comforting I have my saying for bedtime I tell mine

OC (obsessive-compulsive) behaviors are are normal part of humanity. We call it a Disorder when it interferes with the normal functioning of human life.

My younger daughter had "OCD" and what I learned is that, like any psychiatric (non-medical) label, many different things can underlie the cause. Some can even be medical, such as, in the case of OCD, immune-related problems affecting the nervous system (look up PANDAS and Lyme). Other things can be a normal reaction (albeit maladaptive coping mechanism) to very abnormal circumstances, such as other severe (possibly psychiatric) symptoms, which can, in turn, be caused by yet other medical, sleep-related, dietary, etc. issues.

Your little girl is learning to cope with separation, learning to cope with having to be a "big girl" and sleep on her own and comfort herself. She wants a sense of control over what little she can control. It relieves some of the stress from all the other fears and stress of what she cannot control. You are asking a very valid question about at what point does it go over the edge into what would be termed a "disorder". The way the psychiatrist pointed it out to us (by then, our daughter was older than yours), was her reaction when something could NOT be done. Oh - and it was more than just a sleep routine.

As long as it is just a sleep routine, I would not yet worry. BUT, I also want to repeat... even if it goes into the realm of a "disorder" - that does not mean it is not something very medical underneath driving it. That is the way it was for my daughter who got labeled with a multitude of psychiatric disorders ... and who has NO psychiatric problems today... "It's Not Mental"!

I don't know. My son is the same way. He'll be three in April. He has to shut the door himself. He has to have his cup of water and he sets it on his book. I have to blow him a kiss. He gets upset if his routines are changed during the day. I'll be interested to hear the responses because I was wondering the same thing about my son. Maybe it's a phase for kids that age.

Sounds like she may have strep throat and its been going I diagnosed so long it's turn into PANDAS. I would have a throat swab even if she has no signs or symptoms. Be prepared my son had this and it took the third throat swab to come back positive.

completely and absolutely normal and done by the MAJORITY of kids that age. Parents may not even realize they are doing such a list of things each night, but it is easy to get it like that. I had babysat for decades before I had my daughter and I have seen many many many such lists of how to tuck the kids into bed. Since I knew this I made our bedtime ritual and simple as possible and whenever she (or later her sister) tried to add things to it I made it clear that no, we were nto doing this. I caved with my younger one and she is 10 and STILL will ask for us to count down from 10 (how I weaned her from nursing to sleep, at 15 months!) if she is sick or has had a nightmare.

The key to having this just be how bedtime is instead of a constantly added list of demands is to put your foot down and say no, that is NOT going to happen. You can gradually wean out various aspects of it. Tackle only one at a time, make it a "rule" that all kids no longer do X once they turn 4, after their 3rd Easter, on the 4th Sunday of April....

My suggestion is that you request the school district do some testing. Specifically, to see if she is anywhere on the Autism Spectrum (the number/type of bedtime rituals may (or may not) indicate this as a possibility. At any rate, if I were you, I would want to know what (if anything) I am dealing with here.

I am ok with her having routine. She is very smart like my oldest. With that intense intelligence comes a knowledge that bad things do happen. They need a routine to make themselves secure. Kind of like, I like money in the bank to protect against bad times. At least that's the way I think of it.

The issue I have is that in her routine she expects you to do things. Little by little, one by one, I would have to decline. She needs to take more responsibility for her own comfort level.

First thing to go would be the ice in the night. She is smart. Let her fill up a glass with ice in the morning and watch it turn to water over the day. Tell her it's a good thing. In parts of the world they get lots of water by ice and snow melting because that's how God provides for those people. He keeps their children healthy by ice melting. Her ice water will be good when it melts. It will still quench her thirst. We will not be filling it up with ice in the middle of the night. I don't know your level of faith but it does simplify things.

That's a lot of thinking, explaining, and practicing. Some will sink in. These kids are not the hyper, ADHD type but are just as exhausting in their own way. Your H needs to be doing this ritual too so he understands.

You always have to be patient and smart yourself. Always, always one step ahead. You have to limit media because they absorb too much. Books seem to be good because the info is not so overwhelming. I had a friend who had an early reader but Box Car children books scared him! It was too much, too soon!
Keep it simple, stupid! Sorry, but it worked for Clinton!

If you are still concerned, make a doctors appt.