3Rd Grade Bullying

Well. These arent her friends... Teach her to move on from the group and either make new friends at school, or somewhere else like girl scouts, dance class... This is very, very common and she can remove herself from the situation... let her know she has that power.

I'm sorry you and your daughter are hurting. It would be so hard to walk your child through that. =(

I am a teacher and as much as we do promote respect for each other, there will always be drama between kids as they attempt to seek out a social "pecking order" - not unlike those forged by adults. It's human nature and because kids are immature and ego-centric, it can translate into bullying.

I don't know ANYONE who hasn't experienced this to some degree. Please do not switch schools over this - there will always be someone that your daughter will need to learn to get along with. Try to focus her - empower her! - on the things about this situation that she can change. We can never control how others will treat us, but we can control our responses to them. We can also control where we focus our energy. Try to encourage your daughter to expand her circle of friends to include those who are kind and considerate. If she shows indifference to this group of mean girls, it will take the wind out of their sails - their actions aren't eliciting the desired response (no fun!) so they will either change their tune or simply move on.

I am a middle school teacher. There are SO many kiddos coming up who have no idea how to interact w/others, communicate, and solve their own problems bc they have either been allowed to run from them or because mommy and daddy have always gone to bat for them. These are necessary life skills. While the parents' intentions are good, they have robbed their kids of the opportunity to develop skills in social situations. They have not empowered them to be socially self-sufficient or handle rejection. As a result, the kids meltdown or shutdown - emotionally stunted.

You have a golden opportunity to teach here, but it is not easy. Growth never is! This will require courage of both you and your daughter but it's well worth it. It's so wonderful to see an adolescent evaluate these situations later and decide - with confidence and clarity - that those people are not worth their time and emotional energy. They are healthier, happier kids.

Good luck, mama - eyes on the prize!

She needs to stop trying to gain their approval with bracelets and learn to stand up for herself, walk away, and try to make some new friends. I'm sure it's not like these girls are the only kids in the school for her to be friends with.

You can switch schools, but most likely she will find another similar bunch of girls that will act the same way and she won't know how to deal with it except for what she is doing right now.

She needs to learn that true friends don't leave you out and treat you like dirt and make others feel bad.

I hate bullying and I think schools need to do more to address and everyone needs to be aware, and you should probably talk to the teacher again as well as the principal. However, I do think there is a point where kids need to learn to not be victims, to not continually put themselves in unhealthy situations like this and to be willing to stop trying so hard to be a part of such a group. There are adults that still don't know how to stay away from toxic people and situations. She will have to deal with people like this all her life and she needs to know it's okay to not be a part of it, before others keep taking advantage of her and she keeps thinking it's okay. She's being used and ultimately she needs to decide to make it stop.

Enrolling her in a karate class or other martial arts class might help with her self-confidence and self-esteem issues. Or find something else, like a church youth group or Girl Scouts where she can meet other girls and make some better friends.

Is this group the entire class or just a small number of people?

If it is not the entire class, have her ignore that group and only play or interact with others in the room..

Maybe you can make an effort to invite some new friends over to play at your home or meet at a playground on the weekends,

The next time you speak with the teacher, request that the Principal also be there. The 3 of you discuss what is going on and how can you help your daughter. Find out what has changed.

Your daughter needs to learn to not be the victim.. If these people do not want to include her, she needs to find new friends. It is their loss not hers.. I know this is very hard for both of you, but she needs to know she can have friends. It is just not with this group of kids.

Children switch friends over and over through their school years. This is normal. She just needs to know it is almost the end of the school year and there are going to be lots of new friends in her future,

What else can she be involved in.. Are there some lessons, some activities outside of school she can participate in?

Let me just say I don't in ANY way condone bullying. That said, it doesn't sound to me like bullying. Kids don't have to be friends with everyone. If they are continually excluding your daughter then she needs to find friends who value all the wonderful things she has to offer with her friendship.

Take this chance to help your daughter learn how to choose friends wisely. She shouldn't keep trying with a group of kids who so obviously don't value/want her friendship.

This has been going on since humans started living in groups! Yes, the school can do some things to stop bullying by exclusion but the only thing you can do is help your daughter not be a victim. She needs new friends, and she needs to learn how to handle these girls.

These girls could be excluding your daughter for many reasons. They could be seeing her as a "weak" person they can pick on, they may have different interests, they may have clashing personalities. It may be no one's "fault." Your daughter needs to seek out people who love her for who she is, just as she is.

I agree that you should enroll her in some outside activities so she can meet other kids, maybe with similar interests.

Also, it wouldn't hurt to talk to the teacher and come up with some solutions. When I was in 7th grade I was shy and at a new school where I didn't know anyone and I was miserable. My mom had a parent-teacher conference and the teachers felt bad. I was taking Drama at the time and my mom mentioned that I liked singing and dancing. The school had already had tryouts for the school musical but the drama teacher let me audition late. I was awarded a small role and I made friends that lasted me through high school and beyond. In class, the teacher was always putting me in groups with kids she thought I would get along with.

I didn't know this until years later. I needed help making new friends! So perhaps your teacher can make a new seating chart or make some groups of kids for projects and the teacher can help your daughter make some new friends.

As a homeschool mom, I'm always helping my daughter navigate social situations when we get together with our homeschool group. I can't imagine how hard it must be when kids are left to their own devices with only one teacher to help! But teachers can make a big difference in your daughter's life. So go to her!

Good luck!

My dd has had the same problem with a group of girls in her class. I really don't think teachers know what to do...much of this is very under the radar and it's hard to confront kids on some of this stuff.

Don't worry, some of these bullies will eventually turn on each other...that's what happened in our case. Two of the mean girls who initiated a lot of the bad behavior got in a big fight...(i.e. divide and conquer). There also was a third girl that was more of a follower in the mean group. My dd got her on her side and that helped too.

While this was happening, I told my dd to make friends with another girl who she's known for a number of years but she was more of a loner. This girls was very happy to have someone initiate play time with her (one of the bullies then told my dd that she shouldn't play with her because she's "uncool", but my dd did anyway.)

Right now, things are as good as they can be. I keep telling my dd that school will be out in less than 2 months and our school is big enough that we'll have different kids next year in her class. I plan to tell the powers that be that I don't want the two big bullies in her class next year.

I also tell my DD that in my experience...the mean girls have a hard time in life...I know this to be true because I still live where I grew up and the mean girls really do grow up with BAD karma.....

I'm sorry that your daughter has to go through this. Truth is, kids will be kids. Some kids are cruel. One of my older kids went through this for a while. I told her, so what if they dont want to be your friend. Go and make new friends and just forget about them. Obviously they are not your real friends anyway. And eventually she took my advice. There wasnt anything that the teacher could do. Because the kids werent being verbally or physically abusive toward her. They were just treating her mean, like an outsider and didnt want to be her friend. This will pass. Just keep encouraging your daughter to make new friends.

I second SH's suggestion of turning towards books. There are many good books out there on the topic of bullying.

Simon's Hook by Karen Gedig Burnett is a good one that kids like.

If you don't feel the issue is under control after the teacher's intervention, go to the principal. I applaud the teacher's efforts but it might be time to step up the level of intervention to combat the problem. Schools will have things in place to try next. Don't drop it.

Also, big kudos to Amyj for giving the perspective of stunned social/emotional learning. That is exactly what it is. These are important skills that need to be taught just like math, science and reading.

I am so sorry that you have to work through this with your daughter. Sometimes, as a parent, it is hard to put situations into perspective. I agree with another mom that this is not bullying. It does not sound like your daughter feels threatened or that they are saying intimidating things. I also agree that you should not change schools, but use this as a teachable moment. Like I said, the situation is hurtful so put it into another context. In 10 years, your daughter inevitably will develop a crush on a boy that does not reciprocate or does and then changes his mind. You will be devistated for her, but you can also see that this is a part of life. You will teach her how to be strong, confident, and move on. Sometimes, the lessons just have to come at an earlier age. This teachable moment could become a great bond between you and your child - not because you protected her, but because you helped her grow in dealing with people. I don't condone the behavior of the other girls, but you can't control other people only yourself. I wish you and your little girl lots of happiness moving forward.