4 3/4 Yo Won't Wipe Her Bottom

I had the same problem with my son and I bought him disposable wipes and that did the trick. I showed him how to use it and for whatever reason that worked for him.

I was just watching Super Nanny last night and she said 3-4. I don't have any personal experience. I just had that in my mind since I just heard it and I thought I would pass is on.
Good luck :)

4 is about the age for a child to wipe themselves. Although, I still wipe their behind. My two daughters will wipe their front by themselves. But they call me to do the back. And I don't mind that for sanitary reasons. My oldest didn't like wiping for a while because then she had to wash her hands. She's over it now. Good Luck! Remind her that you use the bathroom and don't need help!

Didn't you always dream that someday your life would come to this? My very stubborn daughter is 6 and in kindergarten now. She didn't start regularly wiping her bottom until last summer right before school started. We told her she needed to practice because someday she might have to go at school and the teachers don't wipe kindergarten butts. Her plan, as she said, was to "Well, I just never am going to poo at school!" I told her that we were doing a Poo Drill. I also told her, as seriously as I could, that if she didn't wipe her own butt for the drill, she could wipe mine instead. She quickly agreed that she'd probably rather start wiping her own butt. So we had to practice in case the unthinkable ever happened, which of course was the dreaded School Poop. It sounds funny, but we just took turns. I told her it was for practice, so I'd get this one and she'd get the next. We put a post-it note on the bathroom door and would mark an X under our own name for who wiped last. Then she had to wipe 2 times for every time I wiped. After awhile (maybe 2 weeks tops), she just stopped keeping track of whose turn it was and wiped herself all the time without complaining. If she asked out of the blue, my husband and I would joke with her and later holler out the bathroom door, "Hey, ___! Come wipe me!!" We have the general rule, though, that if you use more than 2 wads and still think you've got a problem, just ask for help rather than trying to flush half a roll of toilet paper down. But that's no longer an issue...because now that she's an expert wiper, she never remembers to flush. You win some, you lose some. Good luck.

DO NOT continue to wipe your daughter! If you let her rule on this, you are going to have even bigger problems in the teenage years. You are her assistant along life's road, not her slave. Children all over the country are wiping themselves at age 3 & 4. They ALL have made messes in the beginning, but with a little practice it will get better. Here's a suggestion to make it not so messy, and to not clog the toilet. Use some dry toilet paper first, then follow up with ONE wet flushable children's wipe. It washes up anything that was left behind after the toilet paper. Also, I let my daughter decorate the wipe container with stickers to make it "her own". That got her motivated to use them. Good Luck!

Have you tried to get her the wet wipes. I think some kids just don't like to wipe because the toilet paper is messy and hurts a bit. Try the wipes, but don't wipe her bottom. Go in give her the tissue and guide her through the process....but don't give in. I had to make my daughter do her own bottom. I told her that I would finish her up to make sure there was none left but she had to do it. She's been wiping herself for about two years now and she just turned five.

She has to know that you are the parent and what you say goes. If you have to stand there and watch her, guide her through it kindly, and then just finish her up for a few times then so be it. But do not allow her to continue to manipulate you. When she starts school most teachers will refuse to wipe a child....they just don't get paid enough for that. I worked with little people for awhile when I was in college and that was not in my job description. I love my own children and will wipe them, but I don't do it too much for other children...especially those that should be doing it on their own.

Good luck with the battle. All the mother's on this forum know about those and we sympathize.

My daughter just turned 3 in January and she wipes her butt by herself EVERY time she goes. She started Preschool in January and pooped the first day and the teacher had to do it for her b/c she wouldn't leave the toilet w/out it being wiped. (Luckily the teacher was a friend of mine!!!) But it is not allowed in preschool. I told my daughter that if she did not start wiping her own butt the correct way until ALL the poop was gone (or it would RUIN her FAVORITE underware)that she was not allowed to go to school anymore. After 1 wk - she was ready to go and hasn't gone back!

Have you tried giving her flushable wipes to use instead of toilet paper? My daughter (now 6) was afraid that she wouldn't be able to get herself clean (and frankly I was too!) if she wiped herself. We now use the wipes and haven't had any issues ... she's been an independent potty user since she was about 4 1/2. Of course, there are sill some times when she asks for help if it's particularly messy. The flushable wipes are expensive though, and in a pinch, we've used regular baby wipes and just thrown them in a plastic bag.

I'm surprised by the 5 year old! What does her teacher have to say about that? I can't emagine her even being allowed in school. Maybe talking to the child, in a soft voice, that she must do this. EVERYBODY has to do this. Let her know she won't be allowed in school with her playmates until she takes care of this herself. Of course give her high praise and a little treat that you would only give her at that time.

The Nanny addressed this issue in her program last night. Hope you saw it, but simply put she said a 3yr. old is capable of wiping their bottom and that when they call you in you just tell them that they are going to learn to do it themselves and then go through a little lesson of handing them a moist wipe and explaining the process.

My daughter, who is 19 and I were laughing about it last night,because she remembers somewhere around 4 yrs. asking me to do it and one day I just said, "No, you are old enough to do it yourself." She said she did know, but didnt want to, so take heart, someday soon you can laugh about this too.

Good luck! Make the experience fun by saying how a big girl does it.

J.:

The norm age for a toddler wiping his/her own bottom solely depends on her and you. You are not alone. I wiped my daughter's behind just up until last year and she will be six tomorrow. She used to do the exact same thing, just sit and wait on me. I finally got tough on her, but still will go behind her because trust me, stains are no joke to scrub out. LOL.

The first step is to just show her, and then let her do it. As she gains more confidence in herself, she will become less dependent on you, and pretty soon, she will be telling you "I can do it Mommy", trust me. Try it and see, and make sure you have lots of patience. It does take time.

J. you must stop wipe her bottom immediately if not sooner, She has to learn the responsibility of doing it herself. soon she'll be school age and the teacher will not do it for her. Maybe you should explain it to her and tell her that other children her age wipe themselves and are getting ready for school. And remeber not to follow the same pattern with the younger child. No it won't be done as well as if you do it but practice makes perfect. Two year olds can wipe themselves so you've got to learn when to let go. The longer you do it the more dependent you make them.

My daughter is 7 and she still asks me to come in and wipe her bottom....but she knows that she has to try 1st. THen I will come in and make sure she is clean.

The only problem I have had is....she has clogged the toilet a few times so watch out for that. She does have wipes, but she has to learn how to use both cause sometimes she is gonna be some place and there will be no wipes.

Good Luck to you.

My son is 4.5 and we are in a similar situation. He will do it himself from time to time (very poorly I may add, he walks around itching his butt all day and by the end of the day when we get in the tub, by the look of his underware I can see why...LOL). But eventually he will figure it out, hey if I dont want my butt to itch , then I better wipe better. Sometimes, he wants me to do it, usually when it is a looser stool.
What if you just dont give in? Does she go to school? Tell her the teachers at school are not going to do it for her so she better learn for herself. How about offering her some kind of a small reward for when she does it herself?

After you know she has 'gone', put your coat on and tell her to hurry up an wipe so she can go too, that you're going for ice cream (or what ever floats her boat). When she asks you to wipe, tell her no, do it your self, wash your hands, get your coat and I'll meet you in the car. Make it her job. Head out the door and be sure to close it firmly so that she can hear it. She'll be on your heals in no time at all. You'll have to dash back to lock.

they had this on the nanny last night, do you watch that show? got to abc.com and just let ehr stay there even if it is till she falls asleep there. Explain to ehr how to do it and then let her do it. If she doenst learn to do thing with out you they have confidence problems later in life you shoudl watch the show it is perfect for you.
good luck
J.

I just saw this on Supernanny last night! She said it is reasonable to expect that a child will wipe herself between 3 and 4 years old. She had the mom go in the bathroom and explain to her 5 year old how to wipe, front to back of course. She had toilet paper and also flushable wipes, which are easier to use (and more familiar like baby wipes) for little kids. She just showed her and then set the expectation that she do it herself. It worked and the little girl was really proud of herself. I say just tell her what to do and then wait until she does it. Good luck!

Hi J.,
My gosh there have been some harsh comments. You're child is not going to be spoiled & manipulative just because you wiped her butt when she was 5. Both of my kids wipe pee, but I wipe the poo. They can do it & have done it, but they do a bad job & end up getting a rash, sore butt & dirty smelly underpants. It's not worth it. Don't stress out so much about it. In the big scheme of things, it's not a big deal. She will do it when she feels confident about it. Be encouraging, but don't pressure her.

My 4+ year old tried the same thing. I just reminded her that she is able to do this at school - as are her friends - so she needs to learn too. Then I bargained that I would 'inspect' when she was finished wiping herself and praised her for doing a good job. I think she was just anxious about not doing a good enough job. Don't know if this helps...

And, against the advise of using the wet wipes, I would avoid it unless you are going to dispose of them in the garbage or diaper pail. Those wipes, even the ones intended for this purpose, are horrible on your plumbing.

I only have a stepson and he was already wiping by the time I came into his life, but I can remember that I also had to have my parents wipe my butt. I would yell at the top of my lungs "WIPE MY BOTTOM!" One day (I'm not sure how old I was), my dad and I took a day trip to Dahlonega, GA and we ate at a restaurant. I went to the restroom and pooped. After I was done, I yelled for him to wipe my bottom. One problem: I was in the ladies room. Eventually, a waitress came in to wipe my butt (I realy hope that he tipped her well). I was so embarrassed that I started doing it myself after that.

I am a mother of four children 6 1/2, 3 1/2 and twin 2 yrs olds, all potty trained, only 1 wiping solo. And I have to tell you, it is in your best interest to continue to wipe her butt. Or at least help her when she poops. My recommendation is to get her involved in learning to wipe if she pees. It's going to be a little time consuming, but work on showing her how much toilet paper to use. Work on showing her how to fold it. Give her a treat for everytime she does it. (I don't like giving my kids a ton of candy and sweets, so I find the occassional hershey kiss for a job well done is great. It's bite size and not a lot of mess and I keep them in a special candy dish.) And then when she poops, it's up to you to do that wiping. Truth of the matter is, she isn't going to do a great job wiping and likely will end up itchy and burning and inflamed back there. Or worse yet, with a bladder/kidney infection. And you don't want that. I say, suck it up. Wipe her butt. And be thankful that the end is near. By the time she is six she'll be doing it all by herself. Don't worry there is a light at the end of your tunnel, you've come this far, you can do it!

Hi J.,
We are going through the same thing with my 4 3/4 yr old boy. After much advise from friends, we let him sit it out until he tried to do it on his own. At first we showed him how, then we made him sit there until he "tried", but with the reassurance that once he did try... Mom or Dad would do a double check to make sure it was all good (i.e. the toliet paper comes out clean). We did explain to him though, that if he is at preschool or his friend's house that he would need to finish wiping by himself and do the best he could at that time, although times like those may not result in perfect wiping. Good luck!

I really wanted to read the responses. I have a 7 year old that has no interest in this either. He would rather just shower than bother wiping. Hope you and I get some ideas

My daughter is the same age and won't wipe herself either. About a year ago we taught her how and there were some "smearing" issues which completely grossed her out. Hence, she's been able to tell me she doesn't want to wipe herself for that reason. I just don't worry about it, I figure she won't go to high school with this problem so it will work itself out. Good luck.
N

If it makes you feel any better... my 4/12 and 6 year old can wipe their own bottom however, still call for my husband and I to help. I figure they will eventually not want us to! :) Hang in there!

Don't sweat it. Just do it until your child doesn't want you to do it anymore. It's a pain, but that's the way it is. My son, at 5, still needs me to wipe after #2. It's not my favorite job, but he'll get over it. You can give your child a hang-up by being so negative about it. Remember- it's not forever.

Funny you should mention this - I was just watching Supernanny tonight when this came up - the woman's five year old wouldn't wipe herself. I missed part of the coaching, but I saw where the mom and daughter were in the bathroom and the mom was talking her daughter through it while supernanny listened and encouraged outside the bathroom door. You can probably watch this at www.abc.com - they have many of their shows available for viewing - but you have to wait until the next day before they're posted.
L.

My son just went through the same thing at age 4 1/2. He'd cry "MOM!MOM!" until I'd come to wipe his bottom. My husband stepped in and encouraged him to wipe his own bottom and told him that if he learned that skill he would treat him to Chuck E. Cheese. Wiping your bottom is a skill that your child needs to learn. Take the time to teach her and then reward her for her perseverance in trying. She will definetly make mistakes, but that's ok. Hope this helps.

I would say no later than 3 1/2 years old. Both of my older children, now 13 and 7 were taught to start wiping themselves during potty training. My aunt helped wipe her sons later than this and it became a real problem as kindergarten approached. I would suggest encouraging them with some sort of positive reinforcement as soon as possible.

My daughter was similar. What we did was to tell her she had to wipe one time, then we would finish up. We gradually increased it to 2, then 3. By then, she usually was finished, so we pointed that out, and she eventually didn't ask anymore. The other thing is that she was in pre-K, and while the preschool daycare teachers would help, the pre-K and K teachers absolutely will not. Her pre-K teacher told her that she would talk her through it, but that was it. This also worked well.

My daughters responded well to using flushable wipes (for "solid" waste), since they were both quite sensitive to getting clean.

My sons both went thru this at that age(now ages 7 and 8) and I just did the wiping even though it was sort of a pain. I just figured at least I knew it was getting done and done well as opposed to them just skipping it - (eww). if they were willing to sit and wait for me to come and do it then fine. But after a year or so they stopped asking and now they handle it just fine.