4 Mo Old Needs to Be Held 24/7 - Absecon,NJ

I would definately not put him down and let me cry and get over it. My son is now a year old and doesnt want me to hold him anymore! because he wants to get down and walk! It goes by fast so enjoy him wanting you to hold him because it doesnt last long! My son was the same way, he wanted me to carry him around all day and I got nothing done but it was all worth looking back not because he wants to walk now! Enjoy!

Hi J.,
As someone else said, your son is NOT spoiled! My daughter was the same way as your son. I invested in a Playtex Hip Hammock which allowed me to carry my daughter but have my hands free. Definitely try to give your son some tummy time. My daughter hated it at first because her nose was to the floor. I ended up picking her up after only a minute when we first started. Stay on the floor with him, he'll be more content knowing your there. Don't forget that at his age he still hasn't figured out that you're still there when he can't see you; he's afraid you may not come back. As your son gets stronger he'll want to be on the floor. My daughter is on the verge of crawling and she's on the floor more than she is in my arms. Hold your baby while you still can! There's nothing abnormal about the way your son needs you!! Best wishes! J.

Oh my, you sound like me! First of all, I loved holding my baby, so I didn't have much of a problem with it....until I heard my friends saying that they could put theirs down when they slept. So I kept trying to put my baby down, and he would ALWAYS wake up crying, then neither of us got a break. I gave up after 1 day! Another friend told me that soon, there would come a time when he didn't want to be held so much and sure enough, it came! At around 5-6 months, he wanted more freedom and did not want to be held while sleeping and wanted to explore on the floor! They will do it when they are ready. They are NOT spoiled, they actually become more independent because they are sure that you will be there for them! My son is the happiest, most independent baby, and I (or my husband) held him 24 hours a day for a LONG time! A couple of suggestions to make your life easier 1)get down on the ground with him. Put him on his tummy and lie on your tummy face to face with a toy in between. Get him used to his tummy so that he will crawl at a young age (it helps so much with independence) 2) go to kangarookorner.com and get a sling or ergo baby carrier, or my favorite at that age, the moby wrap. They are close to you at all times, and you have both hands free and can do things for yourself! Oh and you can breastfeed in them. But please, don't listen to those who say you are spoiling them. There is no such thing as spoiling with too much LOVE, material goods, you can spoil with those, not LOVE! Good luck, and rest-assured, it ends!

It'll be ok!! I definitely agree with the mom's that suggested various carriers that allow you some more mobility and him the closeness he needs. I've heard really good things about the moby wraps and the ergo carriers, and how they are nice to your back.

He is not spoiled. You holding him is providing him with what he needs. Sometimes people, and even doctors can give very very bad advice. Take it all with a grain of salt, do your homework, listen to your gut instinct and figure out what works best for you and your family. A carrier would make your life a *lot* easier, in general, and know that he will eventually grow out of it- you are not likely to have a 14 year old that hangs on to you every second of the day, :), even as a two or or probably even as a 1 year old. As he develops, he will want more independence, and you will have more space, I SWEAR!! :) Hang in there- he is probably also missing you since you are gone for 11 hour stretches at work- he doesn't realize you are coming back until you are there again- so he is just trying to make sure he has every second of mommy time that he can! (I don't know if you do, or if your situation would work for that, but I would consider co-sleeping- it should help keep up your breastmilk supply, and give him some of the closeness he needs that fits your schedule- plus, you don't actually have to get up to assist him duringthe night) They have some neat products for co-sleeping if you are nervous, that goes in the bed, or a co-sleeper crib- although he may be a little old for that now- and close to the point where he is too big for it.

Babies need to be held. Moms need to hold babies. We also need our hands and our sanity. I invested in a Kelty Kangaroo carrier for when my kids reached 2mos, its a front carrier that the baby can face towards mom (great for sleeping) or frontwards. i used it instead of a car seat, to carry baby everywhere; anytime i left the house. i used it until the kids were 9-12 months and it has even been loaned to a few friends and still is in great shape, oh, it also has great back support. i also think babies need play time on the ground, my kids fought it at first but we started lying on the ground together and looking at the cats or books.

J., I don't mean to sound rude, but how happy is he if he HAS to be held all the time? I know you love your baby, but doesn't that drive you a little nuts? It is okay to put him down and let him cry sometimes. What you do is put him down, like in his swing or somewhere where he can see you and sit next to him. Talk to him and let him see that you are still there. If he gets really worked up, pick him up, reassure him and try again later. Do this several times a day. When you leave the room, talk to him so he can hear your voice even though he can't see you. Also, try putting him on the floor, on a blanket or play mat and lay next to him. I know it's hard to listen to your little baby cry, but he has to learn how to entertain himself. You won't always be able to hold him all the time. You have taught him that you will hold him all the time, now you have to teach him that he can be put down sometimes. Praise him when he doesn't cry once you put him down, even if he doesn't cry initially, but starts to cry after a few minutes. Trust me. I have done this with my new childcare babies and also with my own. It works and you both will be happier! Good luck. My baby will be four months tomorrow and he entertains himself very well. I can take a shower and he will play nicely in his playpen. Also, he sits in the highchair or swing and watches his surroundings very nicely. It's great. And, of course, he still gets lots of cuddle time!

I am also a 1st time mom of an 8 month old. He used to cry when I wasn't holding him. I was told by his doctors to comfort him. I was also told that babies that young can not be spoiled by constant affection. Sometimes though when you have dinner to make or things to clean you will have to let him cry. Eventually he will learn that mommy still cares she just has other things to do. Just rember that mommies have responsibility other than holding babie that will benifit him & he will appreciate you for this when he is older.

First off, it is impossible to spoil a four-month-old baby.

Second, every baby, like every child, is different. Some babies behave just like they came out of a textbook, other babies are harder to soothe and to settle. It isn't anything you're doing or not doing.

Third, there may be reasons your baby needs to be held like that. Both of mine did, and they turned into extremely active toddlers and very bright children. Both of them are Gifted. They're alert, adventurous, high-energy, sensitive children. As exhausting as it is, take it as a positive sign that your child cries for you and is connected to you like that. Some of these children are very reactive. It also could be reflux. When you hold a baby, you hold the baby's head higher than his stomach -- a naturally more soothing position for a reflux sufferer. Also, is your home on the chilly side? Could the baby want to be held because your home is chilly and you are a nice warm mommy? If it's reflux, he'll respond well if you talk to the pediatrician about what you do about that. Also, is this a new thing -- needing to be held all the time -- or is it just since you returned to work? Is it only you who will do, or will Daddy be able to soothe baby as well?

While you sort this all out, and in the event you are just blessed with a spirited child, I highly recommend the Baby Bjorn. It's kind of like a kangaroo pouch. I used mine until my youngest was a toddler! You have your hands free and can basically do everything but bend over (bending at the waist isn't good for your back anyway, though! LOL.) while holding baby.

Good luck. they're only babies once!!

Mommy to a 5-year-old and an 8-year-old.

hi J.,
it's nothing wrong with your baby. your baby is just spoiled. next time he crys don't pick him up. he not going to bleed.

R.

It really all depends on how YOU feel. My daughter was the same way. I chose to hold her anyays. Maybe your son is like this because he is adjusting to you returning to work. For my daughter, it just seemed to be a phase. She needed held or bounced all of the time....then....one day.... it passed. She began noticing more of her surroundings and wanted to play. I do not regret for one minute holding her when I felt like it, despite what others said it would do. I've been told she'd be spoiled, clingy, etc etc. She isn't any of that. In fact, by me responding to her, she seems more independant and secure than other babies her age (she's 8 months). Since you work, hold him close when you are home, and let your baby bond with you. Occasionally, you will have to set him down and he will have to cry, but simply come back to him. Worry about letting him cry it out when he is older. Right now, his cries mean he has a need. But keep in mind when it gets frustrating that it does pass (it can be frustrating at times).

We are going thru the same thing with our 4 month-old. Turns out he has reflux and it is worse when he is laying flat or even in a sitting position. Our ped. just put him on Zantac 3x/day. Its only been 3 days so far but I have seen an improvement. I also prop him up as much as possible while nursing and his crib mattress is propped a little too. He actually took a 2 hour nap this morning, which hasn't happened since he was a newborn!
Hope that helps.

ahh, this sound very familiar! i am currently typing with 1 hand and holding my daughter (almost 6 months) on my lap. she is the same way. the best thing that has helped me is the baby bjorn, she loves being in it. the other thing i found is that she was bored and didn't have the skills to entertain herself she likes the excersaucer and is just learning to sit by herself, but she still likes to be able to see me. the highchair and bumbo seats have helped when i'm in the kitchen too. she started with reflux crying and colic when she was very tiny and i don't know if that's whst spoiled her??? If you find out anything helpful please let me know :-)

little ones just like to be close to your smell and warmth -
> especially on these cold days. i'm expecting my third and i'd say
> indulge - they grow up so fast and by the time they can start wiggling
> and moving around, they are ready to be set down and want to be on the
> go. front that point on, you'll be chasing him. it's so easy to get
> caught up in trying to get things done and not really enjoying these
> early moments just snuggling and cooing with your baby. don't pass it
> up - enjoy it. most other things can wait until he's ready to get down
> or is sleeping. that said, i do realize there is plenty that you
> really do have to do in a day (having more than 1 i know the others
> get picking about wanting attention and to be fed and such too!). in
> that case, i found the baby bjorn or a sling really helpful for
> keeping the little one close and happy while accomplishing at least
> the minimum to keep the house going smoothly. you can cook, clean
> (just try to avoid using too many chemicals), do laundry, etc while
> they are snuggled in close. but your hands are free. hope that helps

I just want to add my 2 cents, which is essentially what the others are saying: go ahead and hold him, but get a carrier. I and my husband loved the sling. My son is now 9, and is still very affectionate and happy to give kisses and big hugs and I strongly believe he is willing to continue with the affection now (when many of his peers have stopped that with their parents) because of all of the hands-on affection he received when he was small. BTW, his brother, 2 1/2 years younger did not demand the same level of attention, although by then I was very happy holding a baby... Dr. Sears has some great information, if you like to read, and I guess he has a web site now that has a lot of information. If you goodle "High Need Baby" or "Spirited Baby" you will most likely come away with more information than you can handle, but you WILL see that you are by no means alone. And they DO grow up!

H. - Mom to 9 y.o. and 6 y.o. boys.

Are you familiar with the concept of high-needs? Dr. Sears wrote a lot about it. Check out the Fussy Baby Book if you can, or there's some info on his website: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp

Like others have said, you can't spoil a baby with too much love. :) A good sling could be a godsend.

J.,
I am also i new mom to 5 month old Sophia. Our family lives out of town and every time we go visit of course she is held all the time because there are so many people who want to see her. But when we get back to Pittsburgh I can tell right away that she wants me to hold her all the time because she was all weekend! It drives me crazy, but you really have to break him of it, it;s not healthy. I usually make sure she isn't hungry or wet, and if I put her in the swing and walk away she will cry, but I just keep her in there and eventually she stops. I know it is hard, but trust me it;s better than having a spoiled baby.
Where do you live and work? I am going back to wor in March, and looking into daycares.

J.