4 Month Old Won't Go to Sleep

I used to have to lied down next to my son until he fell asleep as we faced each other. Maybe seeing me calmed him down? After gazing at him for a moment, I would show him how I closed my eyes (yeah, I needed the sleep too so it was easy). This was before he could roll off the bed and I boxed him in with barriers around us, maybe it would still work with the bassinet up to the edge of the bed so she could see you.

After he got older, we established a set bedtime routine that he looked forward to. A warm bath (with lavender scent) and then we'd cuddle in the rocking chair with books and singing. Now when he protests going to bed (he's almost 2), I say -- do you want to pick out the book, and he forgets about bed and crawls right up the stairs to go in his room.

Never too early to start making the bedtime routine something fun to look forward too!

Good luck - hope this helped!

Blessings,
N.
www.MyLifeCompass.com/NicoleSteiman

I found that the sleeping routine was directly connected to the eating routine. You don't say what your eating routine is, but at this point she should be eating about every 3-3.5 hours, with short play/tummy times then a nap inbetween each feeding. Over-tired babies will fight sleep. Sounds weird, but it is so true and toddlers are worse, so getting a handle on this now will be a great help for you later.

A possible routine could be:

7am (adjust to whatever her normal wake up is)
10-10:30am
1-1:30pm
4-4:30pm
7-7:30pm
10-10:30pm
She may still need a late night top-up to make it through til morning. Just wake her gently at about midnight and give her a quick tummy warmer in the dark and put her right back down. Both of my girls slept about 7/8 hours at night at 4 months. Even my older one that spent her first 3 months screaming her head off at all hours with colic! Once it had run it's course she settled right into a happy routine. I think we kept the midnight quicky until almost 6 months. Since they were eating solids by then they were eating about every 4 hours during the day and able to make it through 10+ hours at night.

It will take her awhile to adjust, but really if you stick it out for a week you will be amazed! After each feeding, we would play a little while (10 mins or so) then cuddle up to get drowsy. I never rocked my kids all the way to sleep (as a matter of fact my younger daughter would never fall asleep while being held!), just until they were very sleepy. I would put them in their cribs sleepy, but awake then just quietly walk out. Sometimes they would fuss a bit about it, but would always settle. If they cried more than 10 mins, I would walk in quietly saying nothing, but shhhh and give them a little tummy rub then walk out again. Those are the hardest/longest 10 mins of your life, but just keep consistent. Once she is down for a nap, she's down. Don't pick her up again until it is just about time for another feeding, just keep going in to reassure her that you are there and she is fine, but it is sleeping time now. I know it's a killer to have to go in every 10 mins for a couple of hours straight, especially when they are crying, but she really needs the sleep and it gets way better within a day or two. This won't be the last time you will have to listen to her complain about something you are making her do for her own good. :o)
If she's awake feed her at about the 3 hour mark (from start of last feeding), if she's asleep wake her after about 3.5-ish hours (4 max). If she's going to sleep a long stretch let it be at night. :o) Try not to let her fall asleep while nursing. If she dozes, stop nursing and wake her up. Take off her socks, unwrap her, kiss her face, change her diaper, whatever it takes. She'll never get completely full if she dozes off, and a full tummy makes for a better nap.

Just stay consistent and do the same thing every day. It should be less than a week before she is happily snoozing!

I would also suggest moving her out to another room to sleep if you have one.

Enjoy your continuing parenting adventure!

Ah, welcome to my world.

You have a high needs baby. My first one was like that. We struggled for about 8 weeks til I decided I needed sleep rather than "fight" with the swaddler and the co sleeper.

I threw my son in bed with me, where he remained for a long time. guess what? He slept.

Co-sleeping may not be for you. Lots of families do it whether they admit it or not. It's not a bad habit, it's a choice and it may allow you to get some sleep. She probably wants to be near mom and will sleep if allowed.

If you co-sleep, make sure she is free from blankets or pillows and on a firm mattress and enjoy the rest.

No sense in "arguing" with a 4 month old. You won't win either way, either she gives us because she realizes that you won't provide her security and can't be trusted to meet her needs or she will continue to fight sleep and everyone is miserable.

I don't think there is a "bedtime" for a 4 month old either.....do what is best for your family.

Good luck.

By the way, my older son slept through the night for the first time at 24 months, but my second son slept through the night at 6 weeks consistently. Different kiddos, different needs, same parenting.

There is light at the end of the tunnel!

I relate completely! I have two little ones and they couldn't be more different when it comes to sleep. My first baby slept 6-6 from 8 weeks on. She needed to put herself to sleep and was never a cuddler. For her a routine of nursing, bath, book bed worked like a charm. My son is now 6 months and he has no schedule at all. He cat naps, won't nap in his crib and for months was fighting sleep at night. What ended up working for us (I was going crazy trying to get him on a schedule) was to supplement with a bottle at night. Seems He was extra hungry...more than I could produce. Also I started going with his flow. The harder I worked to put him to bed on our schedule, the more tired a frustrated we all were. I do notice though, for both my babies 6 pm is a magic number.once they pass that point, they get overtired and a second wind. I now put him n bed the minute he gets sleepy. For me the ergo baby carrier worked great too. He would fall asleep on me and I'd pit him straight to bed. Good luck! Hope you get some sleep!

Have you tried giving her a bath before bed ? It worked for me . There is something about warm water that relaxes the child. It sounds like she is afraid to go to sleep in case she might miss something. If she is sleeping through the night, you might want to get her into larger crib out of your room and start a bedtime ritual: bath, rocking chair, reading,etc. to get her to calm down. She might have to much stimulus once daddy comes home,too. So you both need to look at your family time and bring in quieter more soothing activities. Good luck. Oh, if 11 is when she wants to go to sleep, start bath at 9.

Don't worry about putting her to bed too late. Everyone has a rhythm, so that is hers right now. She will change drastically between now and when she goes to school (at which point the bedtime will want to be around 7-8pm) but really, she will give up her naps between now and then and become more active during the day, etc. She's fine. Just work with her own timing until she really needs to be some place at a certain hour in the morning.

HI N.,

Oh, i feel your pain. My son was had a terrible time falling asleep and staying asleep at that age. It was awful! What worked for us was to help him learn how to fall asleep on his own. We got a glow-worm toy (about $10 at Target). It has a button on the tummy that plays a song and lights up the toy's face. My kid would stare at the face as long as it was lit up. So we'd push the button over and over till he fell asleep (took 45-60 minutes each time for the first week or two), and gradually started leaving longer times in between songs.

Eventually, he learned to drift off to sleep on his own, with just a couple of button-pushes to relax him, and then, one day, a miracle happened! I put a sleepy baby in the crib at nap time, because I had to run to the bathroom. By the time I was done, there hadn't been any fussing, and lo and behold, my baby was sleeping. What a wonderful feeling! :-)

We also got an aquarium toy that hangs on the crib with lights and moving fish that really helped. The glow-worm turned the corner for us, though.

You might check out the "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. It has great information on sleep needs a various ages, and possible schedules. The cry it out method wasn't for us (as you can tell), but I thought that all the sleep info was really helpful. From your post, I would guess that your baby might not be getting enough sleep, and that in itself can make it difficult to fall asleep.

Best of luck to you!
C.

My first question would be, "have she been checked for reflux"? This is not always with vomiting. It can be silent and causing pain. It is not harmful to treat and then find out she didn't need it but better to try and find the answer.
Also I would only put the baby to bed in the same place that she will sleep at night so she is familiar with where she is. Raise the head end of the bed to aid in the reduction on reflux also.
Normally children (babies) with reflux will sleep in the carseat, on you, any place that is elevated as this prevents the acid coking back up. Also the late night fit is when the acid has built up over the day yu often get a strong outburst before total exhaustion kicks in.
I am a mother of 4 boys, 3 of who have had or still have reflux.
My 18 mth old has only just finished treatment. If untreated it can go on to cause runny nose, ear and tonsil problems.
Good luck and hope you get some answers soon.

My son is 8 months now and bedtime routines were something that I started immediatly. I haven't had too many problems. He's had nights when he's been more difficult than others but overall he's a great sleeper now. He goes to bed at 10om (my bedtime too) and sleeps til 8am, takes 3 naps a day now (gets about 14hrs of sleep total). At four months he was getting up 2 times a night (2am and 6am) waking up at 10am and taking about four 45min-1hr naps a day. Around 5 months is when I let him cry it out and he started sleeping through the night after just one night of letting him cry it out.

The routine is more important that what time she goes to bed. If she's ready to go to bed for the night at 11 don't fight with her, just make that her bed time and slowly move it up to a time that works better for you. So after establishing a consistent routine for at least a month move up her time by 5 min every other day. For example on Monday she goes to bed at 10:55pm, Wednesday she goes to bed at 10:50 and so on.

Also I agree with Jen S, does she have a consistent feed/wake/sleep schedule. A good routine that makes sure she's not getting over tired (and producing the stress hormone cortisol that prevents sleeping) is to feed her after she wakes up have a play time then nap time. Check out the book Babywise it helped me establish a great routine early on and I love that now all I have to do is say "it's nap time" (or bed time) kiss on the forehead, lay him in the crib, and walk out of the room. He's sleeping within minutes. I also make sure I don't put him down sleeping. He's close but not all the way so he had to learn how to get himself to sleep.

Lastly get her out of your room. You'll both sleep better with a little bit of space. I used the bassinet in our room for the first 3 weeks and my son would sleep no more than 45 min at a time, when I moved him into his room he slept 2hrs the first night by 5weeks was sleeping 3hrs at a time and around 5months sleeping through the night.

Hope this helps!! Good Luck!!

She's old enough to do sleep training. You can find out about several methods here: http://www.babycenter.com/0_baby-sleep-training-the-basic.... The site has video clips of parents doing a couple of the methods. The common theme for me is that you should do your research, choose one and stick with it.

We did the Sears method because it matched our parenting style best. Our original plan was to do it once she turned four months old. Honestly, I chickened out the first time, but we did it the following weekend (in case we had a hard time... didn't want Daddy to have problems at work). Everything we'd read and heard said that we should expect it to take three days to a week. It took one night. She even slept 45 minutes for her first nap the next day and an hour for the second one (instead of the 5-10 minutes she'd sleep if I *dared* put her down).

Teaching our daughter to fall asleep... and get back to sleep... on her own was the best gift we've given her (and ourselves). She's two now and an excellent sleeper. This morning I heard her over the monitor and went to check on her. She actually sent me out because she wasn't ready to get up. Weird, but completely wonderful!

On the other hand, I did not do any sleep training with my son. He has never been a good sleeper. Since he's a lot older, it was a clear lesson to me.

I wish you the best.

well it sounds like she doesn't want to be away from u..its not that they don't want to go to sleep a lot of the times they don't know how..she's too young to CIO..at that age i used to nurse my son to sleep on a firm pillow carry him to the crib and then carefully try to place him in w/out waking him. I also used to put him in the car seat and literally go on the highway and drive from my house to pasadena and back..then i would carry his car seat into his room..then wait a bit then i would again carefully remove him and put him in the crib..sometimes he'd wake and i'd have to do the whole thing over again.
It was SO hard and i'm a single mom..i was always coming up with tricks..i used to lay down at nap time with him til he went to sleep then i would leave a pj top of mine on the bed next to him and a blonde wig! i was trying to trick him and have him think i was still there in case he woke up..
he's now 4..i wish they had had the cribs that sway back and forth back then..those rule..
Babies are little primal beings...they have no idea they're supposed to sleep..we have to teach them..they have a survival instinct ..and so that is why they sleep so lightly and wake so easily.. whomever thought up "sleeps just like a baby" obviously didn't have one.
it gets easier..just be clever..think up ways to sooth baby...maybe just let your baby fall asleep on your lap then after awhile carry her into the crib and be very very careful when u guys ease her in ...so u don't wake her up.
i did CIO at 9 months...and wished i had started at 6 months..its hard to do but it pays off for everyone in the end..my son is a phenomenal sleeper now..he goes to bed around 10:30 which is late but he sleeps in til 9:30/10am..he sometimes catches a nap only in the car...but as an infant i was really on it with naps etc..and he is a happy little guy..do u have Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child? great book ..good luck xo

D.