4 Months and Can't Quiet down for a Nap

Updated on November 03, 2010
L.T. asks from Somerville, NJ
7 answers

My son will be 4 months old this week, and can't fall asleep on his own. I know that's not unheard of at this age and it doesn't bother me. What does bother me is that there are only two ways he will fall alseep. One is to give him a boob, which is NOT a habit I want to get into, and also is not very practical when we're out and about. The other is to swaddle him tightly with his arms down, put him in a cradle hold, and walk him up and down the hallway for 10-20 minutes. There are two problems with this approach. The first is that I can't take him anywhere, because for at least 5 of those 20 minutes he's usually crying and fighting sleep, and if we're not at home, he gets distracted and it's even longer. The second is that he's simply getting too big and heavy for me to do it anymore; at the five minute mark my back is already aching.

He's the same way at bedtime but usually goes to sleep more quickly and peacefully then, so really the main problem is naptime. I've tried turning out the lights, singing, rocking, reading to him, etc. but he just can't calm down. CIO is not an option for us, so I've tried the approach where you put him down almost asleep - then he just wakes up to fully awake and cries, and you have to start over (which my back just will not take). He just lies in the crib and looks around at whatever he can see - the light fixture (even turned off), the inside of the crib, anything. Eventually he gets bored or overtired and just cries. We also tried not swaddling his arms down, so he can suck on his fingers, but his arms just end up flailing too much and cancel any good the self-soothing does. He refuses to take a pacifier and I don't want to give him a cuddly toy that could be a suffocation hazard. He usually won't even fall asleep in the car.

For those who say he's overtired - I've gotten really good at assessing when he's getting drowsy. It doesn't matter if you try to get him to sleep when he's wide awake, 2 hours overdue for a nap, or anywhere in between. He just likes being awake and doesn't want to calm down.

I love that he is so alert and excited about the world, but my back and arms are giving out and pretty soon I'll be reduced to sitting in a chair with him screaming for 30 minutes at every naptime. Any suggestions on how to calm him down?

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

Check out videos about The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp, whose techniques can enhance sleep: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk5MUOMecHI&NR=1 (This one links to other helpful vids, too.)

Also, your son hasn't had any of those conversations about feeding schedules, bad habits, and what's okay and what's not for soothing babies. Right now, he only has needs. Babies don't develop "habits" until much later. At four months, he's expressing his needs to you in the only way he has.

He quite naturally has an urge to connect with you and soothe himself through nursing. No, it's not convenient now, but it probably will be in the future. Babies who are given lots of this secure comforting during their earliest months tend to be more independent and calm children. Babies who never get enough tend to remain clingy and needy for a much longer time.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.E.

answers from Buffalo on

Have you tried different style paciers to find one he will take? I used to take a blanket and keep it on my sholder for a while and when it came to nape time I would lay it on the bed like a draw sheet (tuck it in) and plce baby on it, it is warm still, smells like you and he has something to suck on(pacifier) which is what he wants.

Try that, good luck.

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J.V.

answers from San Diego on

My son is 14 months and still wont fall asleep on his own. I have tried everything. He does now however understand that he has to take a nap, even if he may not want to. The things that have helped the most are being consistent about every day putting him down for a naps at the same time every day. Also a bedtime routine. It is not uncommon for you to be nursing him to sleep, I did that as well until he was one year. I have tried CIO many times and for me it has failed to work, however I will say for my next child, I will start the sleep training earlier, like right where you are right now. I waited until he was 6 months and it did help and worked briefly, once he got older, he would just stand in his crib and cry for hours! I have heard the Lull-A-Baby sleep book is a great one, especially for your child's age right now. I read Dr. Weissbluth, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and while a lot of it is helpful, it does not work for all children, such as my son. Good luck!

A.F.

answers from Stationed Overseas on

I had the same problem as you but I broke that habit sometimes they have to cry a little to know you won't run to them every time they cry. and to those of you know read my comment and think that is mean it isn't. I asked my doctor myself because is was my first baby.
Anyway since I couldn't breast feed he drinks out of a bottle. At four months old I would prop it up and walk out of the room. I had his baby monitor on, and he would eat, then i would go back in give him his binky and walk out. He would whine a little but eventually fell asleep playing. Swaddles didn't work for him after two months old because he would wiggle out of them.

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K.H.

answers from Atlanta on

mine was the same and i know how you feel the boob was all he wanted. The problem is that is seems to get worst before it gets better. With me i had to deal with a lot of sreaming till he got used to it. Nothing really worked for me but a blanket and then it would take him a while to tucker him self out.

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J.L.

answers from Albany on

If you don't mind the carrying him for him to fall asleep you could swaddle him and put him in a baby carrier. You can get the cradle hold with a wrap plus keep baby swaddled plus it will help your back. The baby k'tan is the simplest to ft on and off with a sleeping baby I find.
Also we did a modified coo by going in every couple minutes and rocking my son til he was calm and every visit lengthening that time. We started by leaving for just 3 minutes. It worked amazinly with not to much crying.

Good luck.
Jenn

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