4 Wheeler for 9 Year Old

I would not do it for safety reasons. In the last month 2 kids that age died with in a 10 mile radius of each other while riding those. Both had helmets on and were in what should have been ''safe'' circumstances.

I have an old high school acquaintance whose teenage son was very recently killed on one of these things. Her posts on Facebook are heartbreaking. Don't do it.

Interesting how much you tolerate. I also believe in saving a marriage if possible but you go way beyond.

I would use the $3000 for a divorce lawyer and move on.

I'm not exactly certain what you mean by 4 wheeler, but I think you mean one of those ATV, off-road vehicle things.

I'm originally from Massachusetts, and if that's where you actually reside, well, then the law may be in your favor. Mass. laws are some of the strictest laws in the nation regarding 4 wheelers and kids.

https://www.offroad-ed.com/massachusetts/handbook/epub/OP...

Basically the law states that no child under 10 may operate an off-road, ATV, 4 wheeler thing under any circumstances. Between 10 and 14 they may ride only in supervised kids' competitions and then only if they're registered, trained and only in the event.

At 14, with the proper training and under specific circumstances, they may ride.

So, if your husband purchases a 4 wheeler for a 9 year old, he is breaking the law. So there's that. You might consider calling your local police department and hypothetically inquiring what the law actually is, and what would happen if an adult purchased an off-road vehicle for a 9 year old. What would your responsibilities be? Would you have to report the adult? What would happen to the adult if the 9 year old got in an accident or dented the neighbor's trash can or got into a more serious situation?

"I really don't want it but I know he is going to (spend it) anyway."

That staetement is key here. Your husband is not a husband at all - he's another child in your family, and a willful, impulsive one. You're asking for input about one expense but the much larger issue is that you have nearly split more than once over his spending, and his spending is actually the even bigger problem of his immaturity. You cannot love him into being mature. You cannot hope him into being reasonable. You have to protect yourself and your kids and your money from him.

Please listen to the posts below. Get money into your own name alone. Open that account today. Then get counseling -- immediately. If you think you can't afford it, check with your city or county mental health department or a women's center (look them up for your area) and ask about low-cost or sliding-scale counseling that is urgently needed to save your marriage.

You will never be able to send your kids to college, much less pay for their activities as they get older. You will not save a penny for when you are older, retired, or sick or disabled. You should not have to be the lone adult in a marriage but that's what you are. For your kids' sake you may need to shake him up by saying that if there is not a budget and he does not stick to it, the next money you spend will be on an attorney to handle your legal separation. Love is not enough, to be blunt. A marriage has to have respect for each other and for the family's resources too.

If he won't go to counseling with you, go on your own to figure out why you stay with him and how to break the pattern of sticking with him when he repeats his actions over and over.

There are more than enough unavoidable ways for kids to be killed or maimed. Passing on ATVs.

ETA: Just read Elena B.'s brilliant answer. I live in MA too but have no experience with these vehicles or the laws relating to them. I took a quick look at the MA government site, and found this: http://www.mass.gov/eea/agencies/dcr/massparks/recreation...

Original response: I took a quick look at your previous questions, and I see that you were near divorce 3 years ago and again 18 months ago after a move. You said he was acting like he was single, he had taken out a loan for a 4 wheeler and then a Skidoo. Huge amounts of money going for his toys, and it was so upsetting for you. Now he wants to take another $3000 for a dangerous vehicle for a child?

I think you need to immediately move the money to an account with ONLY your name on it, and in a different bank. Get a post office box for $15 or so, where the statements will be sent, so he doesn't know about it. Protect the money first.

You could buy the lawnmower, but $3000 sounds like a ton of money for that! You could hire a lawn service for years for the same money, or buy a much smaller mower or a used one.

Then see a counselor to find out why you are still helpless financially with this man, and to develop a plan to change what you do or to get out. Your child's physical safety is now at risk, and your financial future (and your child's) is also in grave danger.

You might also see a family lawyer to find out how to protect your assets from this man who has some sort of hold over you.

I second (third, and fourth) the safety issue - we recently had a family friend's child die in a 4-wheeler accident. Tragic circumstances where the mom (who is the friend) said husband couldn't buy their child a 4 wheeler, he did buy one, and then while she was at work, let the child (also 9) ride with no supervision. The 9 yr old overturned it in a creek on the property and laid there for awhile before finally drowning. Dad thought 9 yr old was just having an extra good time so didn't think to go check. Their property is acres and acres so this wasn't like our kids who rode their baby 4 wheelers around the house on an acre lot. Kids ride these things every day and DON'T get hurt, but if you have a ton of acreage and the riding will be largely unsupervised, that could really spell trouble for your daughter. At a minimum, get and use walkie talkies to stay in contact with your child while she is riding.

Aside from the safety issue (which would exist even if you weren't with your husband), is the issue that you have brought up several times in the past regarding your husband's spending habits. If you stay KNOWING this is how things go, then you really can't complain when things go exactly how you know they are going to go. The definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." If nothing changes, nothing is going to change. Other posters suggest hiding money, opening separate accounts and mailbox, etc. Really? That is the kind of marriage you want to have - one based on lies? At least your husband is honest about who he is . . .If you don't want to live like this, then you have to leave. If you are not happy with the way things are, then you need to leave. If you have to live a lie in order to stay married to this man, then you need to leave. I am not suggesting that this is something you SHOULD leave your husband over - only you can decide if you love him enough to be ok with his spending on his toys. If so, then by all means stay (and be happy about it). If not, then move on.

Good luck.

I would say heck no to a 4 wheeler for a kid that age. In the last 5 years there have been at least 3 kids that age killed in 4 wheeler accidents in our community and near by communities. I know the details of one of those tragedies. The boy was doing nothing wrong. But the machine was too heavy for him to steer it out of some loose dirt. The machine slid and pinned him against a tree. The friend with him was unable to tip the machine to free him and ran for help. By the time they got back it was too late. Don't do it.

My cousin almost died in an ATV accident. Very, very serious and he was hospitalized for a long time. He was extremely lucky to survive. ATV accident is what paralyzed Olympic swimmer Amy Van Dyken. There is no way I'd ride one as an adult, let alone let one of my kids on one.

There have been 2 children in our town die in 4 wheeler accidents. I would not have one. At that age it is not safe. These were not kids rough horsing and messing around these kids had helmets on and in one case the father was also on. He just let Isabella have a turn steering. It's just not safe the devastation in the families is awful. Say no.

Well ... I agree. I think you need to get a third party involved somehow if you've considered splitting over this.

It's a bigger issue to me - he's ignoring your opinion, which is disrespectful. Sorry - you know all this, which is why I guess you've thought of leaving.

Counselor is the only thing I can think of. If he's not listening to you .. what else can you do? I wouldn't be able to handle that if it were me. When I've not been ok with my husband's decision, such as smoking, I had to sit him down and tell him just how stressed it was making me. I said is it worth it to you to have me this stressed and us to be spending this much money on something for you. I was willing to be accommodating - so long as he had a plan. But to me - it wasn't the smoking. It was that we're a family. You can't just go do stuff without considering how it impacts every body else.

If you need a third party to mediate so you don't get upset and feel like a nag but just want to be heard - there are counselor's for this. I think where it's repeating itself, it would be the best idea.

My husband wants a kayak - so it's part of Father's Day and it's not going to be the one he wants (deluxe) it will be either second hand or a much more reasonable one. He's ok with that - in fact he will be delighted. Your husband's tastes sound too steep for your family. Again, a counselor (even a financial planner) could really help you out.

Good luck :)

Google, "a gallery of kids who've died on atvs" and show it to your husband. This is just a few. This isn't about money but the safety of a child who isn't old enough to handle such a machine. JMO. Good luck.

I would be making this about safety. I know a 9 year old boy who had an accident on one and now has a scar from under one jaw, across his face, and into his scalp on the opposite side. His forehead, eye, nose, mouth and chin are all out of alignment with his face now. The very long recovery with surgeries and pain was terrible for him.

I suggest both of you talk with a financial planner.

I would ask both of you to list your goals in regards to money. Each make a separate list. Then spend time discussing both lists to come up with a family plan for spending money.

I urge you to look up "non-violent communication" on the Internet. There are ways to talk that helps others be less defensive. Often, we have disagreement's because of the way we word our comments.

Try using I statements inoted of your followed by criticism. That is just one way to improve communucation. Ex: I'm angry because I feel that you are not considering ???? Other more important expenses. I'd like to discuss ????our future. How can we have money for college and our retirement?

A counselor or family negotiator can help both of you to really listen without getting angry. Another mom suggested he wants the at so he can bond with your/his daughter. Ask him why he wants an atv. Ask him why he considers it's safe. Listen before responding to his answers. Then focus on his answer and give your thoughts just about that answer. " I'm worried because kids have died while riding an atv. Let's consider how we can make driving it safer."

If your main concern is money, use I statements. "I'm worried that we won't have enough money for our future."
Changing ways to talk is very difficult; especially when one has a heavy load of anger built up. A counselor can help you get past the anger.

I can only speak for myself. Every year there are news stories of kids killed in ATV accidents. They are dangerous, not toys. I would not have one. I know everyone who wants their kid to have one can/will argue that it's user error and only as dangerous as the person driving it, blah blah blah... less dangerous than a pool in the yard (which we have)... but the person you are talking about driving it is 9 years old. NO judgment there. None. And it gets worse as they become teens. Really... teens driving cars is a scary thing (I know, I have one, about to be two drivers).

No. I wouldn't. No. Go get the lawnmower and teach him to mow the grass. Yes, it's dangerous, too, but maybe if he shows mastery and maturity with that .... But it also has a max speed that is MUCH lower. :)

I can't believe no one has addressed the safety issue. Cannot begin to tell you how many 4 wheeler accidents involving children our fire dept and ambulance corp go out on. I would put my foot down for safety reasons.

No way would I ever get something like that.
I've known people who did and either the vehicle got crashed and/or the child got injured.
I'd rather have that sort of money spent on horse riding lessons.
There's some danger in that too but I don't think it's as bad as a motor vehicle in the hands of a child.

My Moms cousin was in his mid 20's at the time when he was jumping his 3 wheeler ATV.
It flipped and landed handle bars down right on top of him.
Broke his ribs, lacerated his liver, punctured his lungs - he lived but he was MONTHS in the hospital and he'll have issues for the rest of his life.
The only positive thing that came away from it was he eventually married the nurse who was taking care of him.

Have the police talk to your husband before he blows his cash on it.

"Massachusetts has nation's toughest ATV law"

http://www.startribune.com/massachusetts-has-nation-s-tou...

There are commercial every year on TV that state that children have to be at least 16 to ride these things after they have had a course on how to operate it. I know, I know that is what is recommended.

A child that is 9 is not capable of thinking of danger and getting out of its way on one of these things. It's like pouring gasoline on a burning building and nothing good comes from it.

As for the other issue, you are the only one who can put an end to all the extravagant spending going on in your home. You will get to a point and know when it is time to move on.

Happy Mother's Day.

the other S.

Just my two cents: when I was 19 I had an accident on a 4 wheeler which has resulted in recurring migraines. (I found this out about 2 weeks into boot camp, when I started having them; the ophthalmologist said the fall from the 4 wheeler when I hit a bump caused the injury, which was pretty traumatic and painful at the time.) I'm 45 and STILL have recurrent migraines. So, something to consider...

as for the money issues.... I think talking to a disinterested third party (counselor) would likely help you both. You sounds angry when you say "I have nothing because I buy what I need" even though you admit you don't want one. Sure, I agree, *I* would consider it a waste of money, but is your husband looking at this as a way to have some time bonding with your daughter, something they can do together which they both like? And if you need the lawnmower (It sounds like you must have land, if you need a 3K lawnmower?), can you talk to him about the consequence of not getting that? There is a lot of emotion in your post and you mention almost splitting up -- I really think finding a counselor who can help both of you in finding a responsible happy medium/prioritizing money matters would be a big help. Better than than holding that anger in your heart toward him.

Tell your family you want to have a family conference.

Tell them this is how it is. This is how much money we have coming in. This is how much money we have going out each month. This is MY household money in this section and YOU can't have it. It is mine to do things for the household such as saving for a lawnmower, new washer/dryer, fridge, etc...not for anything else I "might" ask you if there is anything FOR THE HOUSEHOLD that needs to be purchased but TOYS will never be purchased with my household money.

This money over here is my play money. It is mine to blow on anything I want and not meant for anything I need.

Here is your money for that same purpose honey, and sweetie girl. You are able to save your blow money, spend it on anything you want, or save it to buy yourself something bigger. Not my business.

I will no longer be in agreement for any purchases that come out of MY money. If you want something bigger that you don't have your own money saved up for then you can have a family meeting about it and we can decide what needs to be done but overall, save your money for your toys out of your own allowance/spending money.

Nope, Veto this decision, it is a safety issue. My cousin got in a 4 wheeler accident in his teens that almost took his whole leg. Stand your ground on this one.

As far as the spending issue, it might be worth talking to a financial advisor or counselor. There's no reason both of you shouldn't have an equal say. That's a lot of money for him to be selfish with. Good luck.

no way. my cousin nearly broke his neck on a 4 wheeler. there is not way i would let my child be on one without and adult that understands how to drive it safely. so no i would never let dh purchase one for my kid

You can make it on your own and actually save money and plan and have a secure future and send your kid to college with all the money he spends on toys.

Put the money in an account in your own name. If he can't get to it then he can't spend it.
I honestly can't imagine being married to a man so immature and irresponsible. To spend $3,000 on a toy for a child, and a dangerous one at that? Unless you're very wealthy, then spend away, but it doesn't sound like you are.
You may want to hold onto that money, in case you decide to leave him. Forget the lawnmower :-(
ETA: I wasn't suggesting that you hide the money, just that you make it inaccessible to him, since he can't be trusted to make grown up decisions.

You need to take charge of the money. Pull it out of the account so he can't spend it. Do it on a regular basis.

He's going to spend you two into the poor house and your retirement will be living off of social security and food stamps if you don't put your foot down. I think I'd rather divorce than live with this the rest of my life if I were in your shoes.

Go buy the lawn mower first? I'm really not sure what else you can do, if this is an on going issue.