4 Year Old Boy with Obsessive Behavior

if this were my little boy i would not ban his favorite characters and cartoons. that just seems unnecessarily punitive. but i would put the same boundaries around them that i would any other activity. no long explanations.
if this is the ONE area that he's obsessive about, and other than that enjoys oceans and soccer and so forth, then he just needs to be firmly and gently shut down when he starts yammering.
if he's this obsessive about lots of things, get an evaluation.
khairete
S.

Your son needs to be evaluated for ASD / OCD related conditions. It is common for kids to get focused on a particular topic of interest but what you describe goes above and beyond, in addition to the way he reacts to interruption of recitation and his other personality quirks.

If something of that nature comes to light you will have to learn how to parent differently and appropriately, including being supportive of his interests no matter how tired you get about it. If you have actual anxiety over it, you will need to deal with that separately and internally, by changing yourself rather than trying to exert pressure on him to change.

I have a little guy who can fully immerse himself in stories and fantasy plans... and who can talk your ear off.

You can give good boundaries without trying to control him. You can tell him that "the kitchen is going to be a quiet zone for the next five minutes. I'm going to set a timer, if you need to talk, go talk to your toys" and then be silent. If he starts talking, just take him by the hand and walk him to his room. You can even whisper "talk to you later, it's mommy's quiet time" and walk away.

Here's something funny-- we've gone through several of these phases of interest. When he was three-- four, it was big machines and welding and pumps/fountains. He could tell you all about them. Four and five -- dinosaurs. Knew name after name of the dinos? Guess how many he's remembered now that he's nearly 8? I just capitalized on these moments, brought in lots of books and experiences and tried to engage on his level. Now it's creepy stuff and pretend superheroes he's made up, and he has elaborate stories. I encourage him to draw these ideas, to build them with Legos (the ultimate obsession, Legos!), to write them down.

All kids will have their own proclivities. Many grow out of their sensitivities. Two years ago, hair washing was a battle, as were baths/showers. Now it's no problem and he loves a nice hot shower. We've taught him that total strangers are out and about to do their own thing and we don't just tell them whatever is in our heads. "You can say hello (because he's a friendly kid) and then let them walk on. If they stop to talk to you, fine. Otherwise, they are here to do XYZ just like everyone else." We just continue to teach him those life skills of what's publicly appropriate, but at four, he wasn't really 'there' yet.

You will have to give him guidance. L.. It is exhausting. Contact a family counselor if everyone in your family is feeling it as deeply as you describe, because there may be another dynamic going on which you aren't aware of, I don't know. But it is okay to take the little chatterbox to his room when you are trying to make dinner and can't think for all the noise. He has to be taught how to be considerate of others. If you think there is something else at play, then please, talk to your pediatrician and ask about a referral to whatever specialist they feel is necessary. I think we'd all be remiss to suggest that there's anything 'wrong' with your son from the information you gave.... he could be just really immature and active. But I would start with making some structure and boundaries. You might even use a timer at the dinner table so that he can talk for five minutes about his stories/desires and then it is time for him to listen, to learn, and to be guided. "Oh, remember Billy, we are talking about the ball game Daddy went to last night. You may ask him a question about the game or talk about that-- that's our conversation right now." Make it simple and bring it down to his level-- it sounds like he's the only little one in the family right now. Be sure you aren't making him the star of the show, too, by constantly addressing him. You can also decide as a group that if he keeps going back to his conversation during other topics that you all just ignore him and if he protest, a quick "oh, we're talking about Sally's music class now" and move on.

ETA: if you are still stuck like this after creating structure and giving guidance, yes, there may be something which is organic to him and not parenting-related. My guy has some profound attention issues and we have had to figure out how to parent *him* as opposed to a neuro-typical child. It's a balance, but we didn't automatically come to the conclusion that it was him-- we did a lot of things to provide structure before finally deciding that we needed someone specializing in attention issues. In a lot of ways I am glad I waited until he was old enough for this to be a certain conclusion than a suspicion. I'm not sure things would have been any different for us had he been diagnosed at 5 instead of nearly 8 and that he has more awareness of his own self. Sorry this was so long...

Is there a Center for Autism and Related Diseases (CARD) near you? Your son doesn't have to have autism to be seen there. If he has any 'red flags', they will see him and they will have specialist who will be able to help you.

What he is doing is called "perseverate" which means stay hyper focused and get "stuck" on one thing. I don't know exactly what causes it, but I have really only seen it in my lifeskills and resource classes for the kids who are Intellectially Disabled or have other medical issues. If I were you, I would speak to your pediatrician soon. He or she will refer you to the right place to be evaluated. My son is Autistic and being diagnosed took us almost a year, because the first appointment took 6 months because they are that full. My son still sees her, and every appointment is 6 months out, isn't that crazy?

Do you have anyone working with him? He needs an OT assessment - I am just positive from things you have said that he has sensory integration disorder. It involves his picky eating and not being able to sit still, and not being able to tolerate loud noises. He needs to get help with this now - don't wait. The older he gets, the longer it takes to help him. An OT who specializes in SI (sensory integration) is best.

You obviously understand the obsessiveness from a very personal perspective. Did you ever work with a doctor as a child to navigate this? My guess is that you didn't. If you had, you would know how important it is to get help. Instead of continuing to try to handle this on your own, get help. You need a doctor who is experienced with working with children with this problem.

If you don't, your son will not be able to manage school. It is incredibly important that you get intervention now. Don't delay anymore.

Gosh there are so many other interests a boy can get involved with.
With our son it was fire trucks, dinosaurs and sharks.
At 4 he could tell a pumper truck from a ladder truck and would tell anyone who'd listen all about what the out-riggers were for.
We went to observe fireman practice burns (a house gets donated, they burn it and put out the fire several times before it burns to the ground) from a safe distance with binoculars.
He was great at pronouncing all the dinosaur names (it must have stuck with him because he's doing great with Latin in high school right now), and he loved great white sharks and tiger sharks, and loved hearing about megalodon fossils.
Basically you find a broad range of things to engage his enthusiasm for learning and then you bend over backwards (books, movies, visits to zoos, fire houses, aquariums, etc) to give him opportunities to learn more about it.
People love hearing kids tell them about the things they learned at the zoo, planetarium, etc.

He doesn't sound more obsessed with stuff much more than the average 4 year old. Mine would be dragged out of Walmart because I got tired of waiting for them to turn all the veggie cans facing the same way or the hot dogs laying the same way or a ton of other things like that.

They do typically grow out of that stage by 5 or 6.

I do, however, think that you might benefit from having him evaluated to see if he's on some spectrum.

Call a local children's hospital and ask for the department that does evaluations and diagnosis on young children. If they are still lost ask to speak to someone in their child development area. There are lots of phrases that can trigger their recognition so they'll figure out what you mean.

Using words like Sensory issues, Autism, Developmental Disabilities, and other phrases will help you find the right department. Once you get in to get an evaluation they will be able to determine if this is normal 3-4-5 year old stuff or if it's more.

if this is a real concern.. see a mental health professional... if it has been a week or 2.. wait see if it will stop on its own... if it has been months.. then go for help now..

but really is he home all day?? no school to distract him.. no other activities.. get him busy so he doesn't have time for ths.

Updated

if this is a real concern.. see a mental health professional... if it has been a week or 2.. wait see if it will stop on its own... if it has been months.. then go for help now..

but really is he home all day?? no school to distract him.. no other activities.. get him busy so he doesn't have time for ths.

You need to have him evaluated, because based on what you wrote, it doesn't sound quite right. No one can tell from a two paragraph post, and he M. be developmentally totally fine, but banning the cartoons and forcing other activities won't fix it if he does have OCD or ASD.

The other traits you mentioned don't sound worrisome, but talking non stop from morning until night about one subject is a little concerning. The only way to find an answer is to make an appointment with his pediatrician.

Talk to your pediatrician. You can have him evaluated by the school district as well. It does sound like his behavior is a bit over the top, and if it's concerning you, better safe than sorry. Either way, you'll find out if it's a phase, or if he has a condition that needs supports and you'll feel some relief.

If you feel this is truly obsessive, then it might be time to talk to his pediatrician for a guideline on when it's a kid thing and when it's time to be worried about OCD or something else. He may, for example, have Asperger's on some level or a sensory processing disorder (loud noises, food preferences).