I feel like I was in your shoes just yesterday!! My daughter is 6 but we were where you are last year this time. I remember a couple of truly horrible days where she would wake me up by screaming at me and biting me, etc and the whole day would be spent trying to get her to tell me what was wrong, keeping her "grounded" in her room, etc. WHEW!
This year, she is well-behaved for the most part, doesn't lash out with words, fists, teeth, or feet... and we can't believe she is the same child!
What we did: We were consistent. Even when it was stressful on us to be, we still were. She knew wrong from right (and we reminded her so she would not forget!!) and she knew what the consequences were. If we threatened something, then we had to follow through (no threats to throw away every single toy, etc that you can't follow through!) We made a simple paper stoplight too- warnings got yellow lights, punishment got red lights- she got a "treat" if she was on green light all day (like me reading an extra story, etc) and then another, more special treat for being "green" all week (a book from bookstore, etc.)
Also, something that took a few months, but was WELL worth it was setting an absolute bedtime for her. It was 8pm, no exceptions! That means you have to be home in time to get started putting her to bed, so that can be a pain too, but once it's routine, it is SOOOOO worth it!
You have the benefit of better behavior because of the schedule, PLUS some alone time after she is asleep.
Another thing I realized is that we did not have a schedule for our day, and I loathe schedules, so that was hard for me, but I realized she would wake up not knowing how the day would go and be in a frenzy then act out... so I would try to plan one simple craft, include her in cooking/baking I was going to do, etc. and it would not only keep her from being bored, but if she had that to look forward to the next day, she would act better!
You could take her out too- getting out of the house seems to lift everyone's spirits in the winter. How about going to the Gail Borden Public Library? (It's in Elgin) They have a play space that both of your children would enjoy. They also have various storytimes, or maybe she could play a game on their computers for awhile, check out a new video or new toy. My daughter LOVED books on tape too- that would keep her settled for a half hour or so!
Try some physical things with her to get the energy out- maybe go swimming at The Centre (again, in Elgin) or sign her up for a toddler dance class? Even putting on some peppy music and bouncing around the living room might get her in better spirits.
I do know that it frustrated me that the more time I spent with my daughter, the worse she seemed to cling and behave... we also implemented "30 minutes of playtime in your room" and made sure that she knew it was not punishment, but that we needed alone time. This was pretty horrible at first, but once she got used to it, she really did self-entertain better!
Also, you can try eliminating things from her diet and see if it helps- my daughter gets VERY aggressive if she has any Red #40- it's in everything!!- or Juicy Juice for some reason.
Various other ideas I used to keep her entertained at 4/5 yrs old:
Fill a shallow rubbermaid container 1/2 way with uncooked rice. Let her play in it like a sandbox with scoops, measures, etc. You can add beans too- or let her decorate a lump of playdough by sticking in pasta, beans, rice, etc. Make a "snowman" like this!
Use regular kitchen tongs to pick things up and transfer from container to container- like clothespins or cubes of ice, blocks, etc. It will take her concentration!
Send her on a treasure hunt (find two things smaller than your toe and report back to me!) It is even more fun if you pretend she is a spy and use a silly voice.
Print worksheets or coloring sheets from computer and play "school" with her. Maybe give her a chalk board or dry erase board (a dry erase marker and aluminum baking pan works just as well) to practice writing?
Hope this helps,
Best of wishes!!
A. R (feel free to email me if you want also:
____@____.com I have lots of great websites I can send you with things to make and do!)