4 Year Old Experiencing Anxiety

My suggestion is to try and find out what kind of writing activities the teacher is having them engage in and then try to duplicate it at home. If he has issues with it there too, then you have your first real clue as to what is bothering him. You might try doing more "paper" activities with him at home, coloring, identifying things, just get him more used to doing that type of activity. Personally, I don't think it is as simple as him just having anxiety over the writing exercise, but it will take some detective work on your part to figure out what it is. (It could just be a "phase" too and disappear as mysteriously as it came!!)
Do they have assigned places to sit during these activities? Maybe someone who is sitting near him it pressuring him about his work or being subtly aggressive and hard to deal with. Ask the teacher to move his seat, see if sitting next to someone else will have a positive effect.
If there is a set schedule to the time that things are done in class, trying being there BEFORE he is told to go and sit down for his writing activities, sit with him and see if that helps at all or if you can see something that is upsetting to him in the situation.
Good luck and let us know what you find out.

M.,

I would look into his hand skills and fine motor skills. If it happens when he is supposed to write, and he really wants to do activities, he might be experencing anxiety related to some issue with his motor skills. If he is a perfectionist, it could be that he does not want to fail, or other more direct motor issues related to some hand skill or visual skill that is either not yet developed (and they are asking too much of the kids in the first place) or for some reason he needs more time, and maybe some asstance to catch on to what they are doing.

Writing is often the first outward sign that there is an issue, although this usually happens in kindergarten-first grade, so I would be more suspicious that he is being asked to do something that is out of his developmental range. Some kids are just more prone to having anxiety over performance issues, so it might not be bothering the other kids.

It is worth looking into, I would not expect a 4 year old to be able to explain that kind of anxiety. When we have sudden behaviors in a school enviornment (speaking as an advocate) I always turn to functional information first for clues...what happend just before the behavior? Look at the writing first.

M.

My son had a similar experience in preschool this year - went from totally fine to crying when I'd leave him, not wanting to go, etc.

Turned out (his teacher actually related this to me) that there were a couple kids in the classroom who were frequently physically aggressive, and although it wasn't always to my son, he was just anxious about it in general, afraid to engage in play fearing he might be targeted, not wanting to leave the teacher's side, etc. And he wasn't the only one.

My question to you is, how much do you trust that your son's teacher is being totally forthcoming with information? And is it possible that although your son may not be a target of another child's aggression, that a child being aggressive is just making him nervous and maybe the teacher hadn't mentioned it because it wasn't directed at your son? Kids at this age are so hard to read. My son couldn't communicate what he was upset about either. But it was definitely the aggression thing, because on the teacher's recommendation, we switched him to the morning class where the kids were milder behaviorally, and he is thriving, and hasn't had a single crying episode since we switched. And now, after the fact, he will tell me how so and so would hit other kids, etc.

Just a thought. Good luck in figuring it out. You really have to be quite the detective with 4 year olds...

Hi M.,

Some great feedback here. I would expect things to be better on Friday (and perhaps worse earlier in the week) as your little guy may be experiencing some separation angst. Going with that hunch, have there been any changes / stressors within the family of late? As little ones are not going to be able to articlute fears/feelings so well, but rather act them out, this may be what is happening. For many children, school ending means a wonderful summer of sleeping in, later bed-times and fun. Others though, miss that support and structure from the teacher and friends. These are just a few things I would wonder about. S. A. K., MFT

okay, the first clue is: he wants in another room where he's not expected to produce written content. He wants to play still.

Soooo, we are talking about a child who-at age 4-is smart enough to know the difference, to make a life choice, & can act upon his emotions to get your attention. As his mother, it's up to you to decide if this is truly an overwrought situation for him.....or is it time for him to buckle down & prep for KG?

Will he attend KG this upcoming school year or will it be the following? If he's not going this fall, then you may have the freedom to allow him to play. He may truly need this extra time....both of my sons began KG at age 6. This may also hold true for your son!

Conversely, it concerns me that you left work to address this situation....& due to his tears, you stayed longer. As a former daycare worker & now as an in-home provider, I have never/ever had to call a parent over something like this. What's up with those providers that they were not able to meet his emotional needs.....with ideally leaving the consult with you to the end of the day? I know as a parent you are probably okay with their actions, but as a provider....it seriously concerns me!

Now for my idea: when my son was 4, I knew he could write his name. I knew he could write many things. He simply refused to do so. One day, I gave him a BIG cardboard box & crayons/markers.....& I told him to write whatever he wanted inside that box. It worked! He loved it. & funny enough, he actually wrote his name...one letter on each sidewall! I KNEW he knew how to write his name...... Good Luck & I wish you Peace.