4 Year Old Freaking Out at Bedtime...

Updated on May 06, 2012
A.G. asks from Orem, UT
5 answers

For the past...at least month, our four-year-old has started struggling to go to bed because he's scared and waking up terrified at night. I do remember our other children going through similar 'phases'...but he doesn't just come in our room calmly and say, "Mommy, I had a bad dream."...he wakes up screaming at the top of his lungs, 'Mommy there's monsters!' or 'Mommy there's pigs in my room!', pounds up the stairs, gasping for breadth! It takes forever to calm him back down! I really don't sleep well with him in bed with us (at 6+ months pregnant...I don't sleep well ANYWAY...but that makes it way worse)...and I don't want to start any habits that are going to be hard to break. That being said...I am sooo tired! Our bedroom is in a large finished attic...we do have a couch up there. Last night I tried to just get him to sleep there so I could get some sleep...but he still couldn't calm down enough to get to sleep. He is generally fairly calm and easy going...but terrified of the dark. Half the time, by the time I get him calmed down...I'm totally wired and spend the next hour trying to calm myself down! I don't really feel like there is anything terribly abnormal going on (hope not?)...I'm just running out of ways to handle it. I've felt horrible the past few days because it's been a lot worse at night and when I'm tired during the day...I just don't have the patience that I would like to :(. I've tried turning on the light and showing him there's nothing there...tried 'monster spray'...stuffed animals...comfort items of any sort...etc. He does better sharing a room with one of his older siblings (ages 6 and 8)...but they don't like sharing a room with him because he sings and babbles and tosses and turns - both as he's falling asleep and occasionally in the middle of the night. He does have a severe language delay and a significant cognitive delay...don't know if that makes a difference. Anyway...suggestions?

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So What Happened?

*nod*...I figured it was some new kind of cognitive development...I just don't remember it being quite so...dramatic :p. I really feel for the kid because I can tell he is seriously scared! I wouldn't put him in with his siblings if they didn't want him in there...I can totally see that backfiring on multiple levels :p. I think my plan for tonight will be to just see if I can calm him down enough to fall asleep on the couch in our room if he needs to. Right now the couch faces away from our bed...I may turn it around and see if being able to see me will suffice...then I'll check back on here in the morning and see if there are any other ideas :). Thanks!

**Update: Thank you so much again, for all the suggestions. We don't ever really watch scary movies...so I don't think that's too much of a problem...but I may try a nightlight! My older two would rather have it dark...so I've gotten out of the habit. Thanks :)

More Answers

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

At this age or even younger, developmentally, a child develops general "fears." And yes of night time and the dark.
It happens.
I even remember my childhood like that.
It is their cognition and imagination... that is changing. As well as their developmental impressions of the world.

If this helps, keep in mind that at this young age, a child does not know intrinsically, the differences between fiction and non-fiction.
They do get scared. Even if to us adults, it is nonsensical.

It is an age phase.
But even my 9 year old daughter, sometimes gets afraid of the dark and nightmares.
Normal.

If you try to convince him that he is wrong, it will not work.
They do really feel, that it is real and frightening.
Think back to your childhood as a young child. Things like that really do tweak a child's imagination.

For us, when our kids are sick or really frightened, we have a floor futon that they can sleep on in our room, on the floor. It is temporary. They know that. We know that. It works.

Or, you just sit in a chair with your son, until he falls asleep.

My 9 year old daughter, once had a bad dream. Then she didn't even want to sleep IN her bed because she said it made her have a nightmare. So she slept on the floor of her room. Fine. Then she got over it. Fine.

Since his siblings do not like sharing a room (with him) do not put him in there. It is not their responsibility.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.J.

answers from Billings on

What about a nightlight? My 4 yr has to have a nightlight, the door open, and a flashlight!! We also have a fan on for white noise I think it helps too. I wish you luck!

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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I am sorry he (& you) are going through this.

I agree w/S.H.'s post. I remember being 10 & definitely seeing a shadow
in my room window. Hated it after that.

I think there are several things you can try:
-staying in his room till he falls asleep can help
-what about sleeping in the couch in your room for awhile since you are on
-watching what you watch on tv (meaning when there is a scary movie
trailer advertised, you immed change the tv channel)
diff floors? That's probably a key piece.
-If he were to share a room w/siblings temporarily, could they wear ear
plugs to bed. Had a friend that had her kids do this (not enough rooms in
house)
-I know you need your sleep so if it helps to temporarily have him sleep in your room, then I'd try that. Esp if you have rooms on diff floors
-In the meantime when you're tired during the day, is there any way you can rest/sleep during the day?
-Each child visualizes differently & expresses differently. Hence he yells/screams in his sleep whereas your other children would come into your room quietly.
-I think it's a phase that will pass.
-Also, does he have a nightlight in his room?
Best of luck

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Also give him a flashlight, a white noise machine. As SH says this is normal and it will pass, till then empower him with giving him some control.

Have you done the "Monster Spray" or the "dream coins?" It really helped our daughter to Place the coins under her pillow.

I remember one time changing her sheets and finding tons of coins under her pillow. I asked her about it and she said "the dream was extra scary so she added the extra coins! "

Also my mom once told me, when you wake up from a bad dream, roll over to your other side and the dream will not come back. I still do this and it works.

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R.L.

answers from Denver on

Such is totaly naturally and shortly he will grow out of it. had a monster in the closet at that age and then crawled under my bed, and Yes I screamed and cried and my dad came running in. This is a natural occurance with expanding minds and imaginations, he'll get over it!

Yet a suggestion, reframe from schowing scary movies or movies that could induce an imaginary fear!

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