4 Year Old Jealous Daughter

Hello S.. With my 4 y/o I let her be involved with the pregnancy. She went to the Dr with me (primarily b/c of lack of babysitter, but it was so great) and the Dr would listen to the baby's heart beat out loud then he would put it on her heart (with her consent) and she could hear her heart beating. She went to the sonograms, helped with the shoping and got to choose things. She became the big sister before the baby was even born. I was worried about her b/c she had been the youngest child and only grand-daughter with my grandparents. I hope that helps with your current pregnancy.
My baby is now 7 months old and my 4 y/o does get upset when the baby takes something that is hers. I have been enforcing (since the end of my pregnancy) that she has to keep her toys in her room so the baby doesn't get them (I was worried about the small toys that the baby would choke on) and when she brings toys in the livingroom she knows the baby might get the toy and play with it. Also, she likes playing the baby's toys. I tell her that she will have to share her toys if she is going to play with the baby's toys.
IMO, your 4 y/o is feeling shafted with the new babies. She might not have enough alone time with mom and dad. I would try the time alone technique. And I greatly recomend involving her in the new baby's pregnancy. You could make that your alone time and grab a lunch at McDonalds with a play gym or something like that. And let her pick out some clothes or toys so she feels important in the baby's life from the beginning. Best of Luck!

S.,

One thing that I did with my son when my daughter was born was buy him something small and had my husband give it to him at home from his little sister as a "hello I am here and I love you and I'm glad you are my big brother present." He couldn't wait to meet her then and thank her for the present. Remember during this time the baby usually gets all the presents and all the attention it's just nice to shed a little bit of that attention back on the older siblings.

My sister-in-law made shirts with all of her kids that said, "I'm the BIG brother" and "I'm the BIG sister" before the delivery date so that they could wear them to the hospital when the new baby arrived (she has 4 kids). Getting the kids involved and giving them a sense of being the protector.

Finally after my daughter was born I instituted, MOMMY and REZ (that's my son) DAYS where I will just spend a whole afternoon with him and take him to the dollar theatre and go to lunch and just hang out at a playground together and my husband would hang out with our daughter.

My son told me once that he loves his sister, but he misses me so that's when I started the MOMMY and REZ DAYS.

I hope this helps. Enjoy and congrats on your new expectation in July.

-mel

My Sister has a 4 yr old and a 3 month old and she is having the same problem. her boy is acting up and doing things he doesn't normally do. My advice to her and to you is to give the older ones things they can do to see that they are not less important but a little more so maybe she sees she has to show her brother how to act and teach him things as a big sister.

Make a date with your child once a week, spend an hour or two doing something for just the two of you. No other siblings around. (Go to McDonalds, the movies, a walk in the park, etc.) Make sure she knows that this is her time, and that her brother gets his time. Then when the new baby comes, still put aside time for just her. Do crafts, whatever the two of you like. She maybe feeling as if the boy is getting all of your attention. After she has experienced this, if she is still this way with him, then explain to her that you are the mother of both of them and you love them both. If she still wants the one on one time with you, she needs to be nice to her brother(s). This might work.

Best wishes,

EdithM

Wow these ladies hit it right on the nose! Thats such perfect advice they both gave you! You HAVE to make sure that she gets alot of Mommy time too. I know that the littler ones need you alot more but kids dont see it that way. Especially when they are all this small!
I would have her help you with everything you can let her help with. Make her feel important and special. Keep telling her that SHES the BIG sister and the lil ones NEED her. Tell her that she cant be mean and hurtful because it hurts your feelings as well as the lil ones.

I agree that making lil play dates with her would be perfect.

and just a lil bit of advice here
IT NEVER ENDS!!! lol mine are 13 and 8 and its a constant thing between them too. Its a normal part of being a mommy. Heck im 31 (31 tomorrow) and my brother is 35 and we both have this issue sometimes! lol