4 Year Old Lacks Self Confidence in Sports

Remember that he is still young. The local YMCA or community education have sports program for 4/5 year olds that stress fun. He will also see that everyone is not perfect all the time. The coaches usually know how to make the game fun with special drills. Keep in mind that sports may not be of interest to him. There are other things to explore. Give him time.

dear M.,

this sort of behavior points to one of many in a cluster of elements common to gifted children. i know that those words carry quite the stigma and can be very loaded. however, if you can move past the common reactions and look deeper, you might find that your DS fits into this population on certain if not all axes. the inherent and intense desire for perfection and justice are core elements. he is slightly on the young side for testing and even if you decide to have him tested, the results are just one element within several to consider. my response in the past has been to provide consistent and empathetic support while not letting my DS quit. He needs to learn how to work through adversity, as we all do, and these are chances for him to develop management skills over his emotions as well as coping skills in solving problems. don't give any consideration to other persons possible response or reaction. this isn't about them it is about your little one moving through a difficult and challenging phase.

i hope this helps and that you enjoy both your little ones. :-)

S.

Don't worry too much; he's only four years old! I would think he's too young for any organized sports anyway. But it reminds my of my youngest son who wouldn't do anything unless he excelled at it. At about the age of four or five, he was being taught to play chess and when he saw he was losing, he wiped the board clean of all the pieces! He was simply cautious, wanting to make sure he could do something well before doing it.

Maybe take some pressure off him. Don't overdo the praise if he does well and don't draw attention to his mistakes. Also, I would get his eyes checked. That also was an issue with the same son when it came time to play organized baseball.

Maybe your son in a budding perfectionist who will do very well in life!

Good luck!

Hi M.,
My 5 almost 6 year old does Taekwondo and I always tell him to do his best. He just had a belt test on Wednesday and while I was getting his sparring equipment on him (halfway therough the test)he was telling me he wasn't going to get his yellow belt. I asked him if he was doing his best and he said no which he thought was why he wasn't going to get his belt. I told him to do his best and if he doesn't get it after doing his best then we'll just try again in a few weeks. I've always told him to try his hardest at whatever he was doing and it obviously stuck because he knew he was trying his hardest and knew he wouldn't get his belt because of it. He has done other sports as well and I tell him what his "job" on the team is. Another mom as well said that as well. Good luck.
Chris

M.,

It sounds like you and your husband may need to build games for him to play to develop his skills and help him overcome some of his perfectionism. When my son was four I had to insist he keep playing a game for at least 5 minutes (now 10) before quitting. A timer is a great way to keep track.

A game with the soccer ball to him him learn control would be to have him and an adult stand just a foot away from each other and tap the ball back and forth. The goal here is to learn how to tap the ball gently and towards the other person. When he has mastered that distance you both then move back six inches and try again.

Again, with his basketball hoop and basket, ask him to toss the ball at the hoop while standing a small distance from the stand. A chalk line on the concrete, pavement, or deck is a great visual cue. Have your son keep trying for five minutes. After he has mastered the distance and feels confident, then up the challenge slightly and ask him to stand a bit farther away.

In the beginning you will need to lead him in outdoor games before he becomes confident enough with his skills and how his body moves. Eventually his physical and brain development will catch up and he will begin challenging himself and develop his own motivation for success.

Just remember, he is only four. You have a lot of time to find a sport he really loves.

-C..

Maybe these sports just aren't his forte. Try something else. I have 3 boys. Softball wasn't the elder twos' strong point, or soccer. What they did keep on with was taekwondo. Not only did they enjoy it, competing, and andvancing, they also became valued assistant instructors. My youngest as well, although he never did any other sport.

Maybe it isn't sports at all. Arts, music, whatever. But I will say that my kids' instructor has classes in several places, has been teaching for well over 20 years, makes it fun, shows patience with the younger ones. But he rarely starts anyone under 6, just because of the distraction factor. Other clubs will.

Pouting, as irritating as it is, possibly shows that he is a perfectionist. Which in turn would show that when he finds his niche, he'll be focused.

I was just at a basketball tournament with 11 year old boys in teaars. There are important lessons to be learned in sports and one is that you give it your best and accept the results of that game. Then go fix it, get better and try again. If you gave your best and the other team is better, that's life. I don't think it has anything to do with his confidence. He is probably a perfectionist and doesn't know what to do when things don't go his way. Teach him coping skills and that pouting in any sport or event is not appropriate. Don't "baby" him. He needs to know that in a soccer game (or any other game) there are people depending on him to "do his job". Someday when he is managing a company and things don't go his way, is he going to pout??

M.: i think you nailed the answer when you said my four year old , he is four years old most of those sports are not meant for a four year olds, i would buy him a sand box and let him play the way a four year old does, its hard to get those coordinations down, its good like you do to give him a variety of things to do, and he could also have the personality of a perfectionist, and dont like to fail, or likes to do it perfectly, which is not uncommon, keep the things around, but he might also enjoy fun in another way too, driving cars, or climbing, or just digging a hole, and playing in sand, kids love to explore, and do things their little bodys let them do, just have fun , dont fret when he dont want to be outside, i had to make my kids go outside and play all they wanted to do was play video games, when you got other fun going on, on the inside, why be outside, and they want to play with someone , not someone help him do it, most kids have a short attention span any way , dont fret over it, just allow him other options, have a great day and enjoy your little one soon he will not be so little, and he wll one day make your heart proud, D. s

First of all, it sounds like something may have happened during his time playing soccer last fall that lowered his confidence. I think at his age, he should not be committed to any structured sport. He should be exposed to the different sports, but just not in a particular sport class. Perhaps you can put him in a tumbling group or some sort of exploratory movement class that simply introduces children to different movements while helping them to strengthen and develop gross motor skills like running, kicking, throwing a ball. Something that just focuses on having fun performing different movements.

Another idea is instead of playing a game like soccer or basketball where you have to kick or throw the ball in or at a particular target, play something like kickball or catch with a light-weight ball like a beach ball.

Get creative to help build his confidence. Try buying 2 or 3 hula hoops and a few bean bags (you can make the bean bags using some of your child's old socks and some beans, rice, or old fashioned unpopped) to create a game. Take the hula hoops put them in front of your son (put them somewhat close to him to start. Have him try to toss the bean bags into the hula hoops. After he has thrown all of the bean bags, move the hula hoops a little further away. Keep moving the hula hoops further and further away each time. This game may help boost his confidence. It may also spark him to challenge himself to see how far he can move the hula hoops, thus making him less afraid to try.

Also, Make sure you and your family set a good example. Is there someone in the home that gives up when things don't go their way? If there is, address what you observe and stress the importance in setting a good example when it comes to this issue as well as the importance of not giving up.

Sorry I wrote so much. There's more that I wanted to say, but I hope this info will be a help to you.

P.S. If you want other creative play ideas, please feel free to send me a message.

My son now 9 has NEVER enjoyed sports. He's very uncoordinated and that has become quite apparent to him as he gets older. He's no dummy so he just avoids sports as self preservation. On the other hand, he is extremely intelligent so we have channeled his time into other activities that are non sports related. You may even want to try activities that aren't team oriented. My son did karate for a couple of years, we did archery, golf...Activities where he doesn't have to compete. I have just told him that God gives us all different talents and if you ask me, intelligence will get him further in life than athletics. Don't pressure him, find something he likes to do..Hope that helps.
L.

I'd pull him out and try again later.. try something that he can have fun with at that age!