4 Year Old Not Listening Well

I almost asked a question about this today! My almost 4 year old son is really having a hard time listening as well! I am looking forward to reading the responses you get!!

"Look at my eyes, and listen with your ears."

Say her name and then say "Listen to my words."

After you have spoken to her ask "Please tell me what I just said."
or "What did I just ask you?"

You will have to repeat these commands over and over and one day, she will automatically do these for you without you asking.

Also we have a rule in our home, "No yelling from room to room." You need to come to the room to ask or to speak. That way we are sure you heard us. Same with adults..

Make sure you have her attention and make eye contact. Then ask her to repeat back what you've asked of her and make sure she understands.

My husband will holler to our 4.5 and 3 year olds to clean up from the top of the stairs while they're playing, then gets upset because they're not listening! haha

I could have written the same post and almost did yesterday. We have found that the calm voice, eye contact and repeating what we said has the most impact, but does not work 100% of the time. I try to remind myself it is a phase so I just need to work through and keep my patience in check. This too shall pass..." I am interested to hear what other suggestions people post.
Despite the not listening 4 is a fun age.

Maybe getting rewards for doing what she is told isn't working. Try taking stuff away when she doesn't listen. That way she understands that to listen is normal and good behavior and not listening is when you get in trouble.

What Lesley said. Four year olds are busy, busy, busy. Get down on her level, touch her shoulder if you need to, make eye contact. Then talk.

I have two books to recommend -- both available on amazon.com and probaby in your local library --

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk [Paperback]
Adele Faber

and

Raising Your Spirited Child Rev Ed: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic [Paperback]
Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

You haven't said anything that really "says" auditory processing difficulties, but cut and pasted from National Institue of Health's National Institue on Deafness and other Communications Distorders:

What are the symptoms of possible auditory processing difficulty?
Children with auditory processing difficulty typically have normal hearing and intelligence. However, they have also been observed to

Have trouble paying attention to and remembering information presented orally
Have problems carrying out multistep directions
Have poor listening skills
Need more time to process information
Have low academic performance
Have behavior problems
Have language difficulty (e.g., they confuse syllable sequences and have problems developing vocabulary and understanding language)
Have difficulty with reading, comprehension, spelling, and vocabulary

If the problems persist, you could ask your daughters teachers/doctor if auditory processing difficulty is worth looking into. But remember, most 4 year olds don't listen as well as adults want them to!

Good luck and enjoy!

This, as most issues with our children, just requires time and discipline. I'm not talking about the kind of discipline you mete out to her, but the kind that you apply to yourself in dealing with the problem. Too often we adults are busy and tend to 'bark' out orders to our children expecting immediate compliance. What we need to do instead is to take some time to get down on the child's eye level and speak clearly to them about what we expect, and what the consequences will be if they don't comply ... and then of course carry out those consequences promptly. I know this, but have to admit that I still have problems remembering to do it myself.
Reward charts are usually not effective on a long term basis. Yes, there are games you can play that might help reinforce good listening, but I think they have to go hand in hand with good communication and follow-up practices on the part of adults.
Some games I would suggest is "Mother May I?" where you give the child a simple instruction such as 'take three steps forward' and before taking those steps the child is to ask "mother, may I take three steps forward?" If they forget to ask they must go back to the point where they started. "Simon Says" is another simlar game. These are, of course, best played in a group, but you can adapt them so that you can use them one on one with your daughter. Another thing we've done with children is when we go on a walk around the neighborhood we give them opportunities to run ahead for a short distance, giving them a specific place that they are to stop and wait for us to catch up. If they go on past that stop they have to come all the way back to us and walk with us for a space before being given the next chance. During the time we are walking with them, we reinforce that when they are given a goal line on which to stop, they must stop there or they will not be allowed to run freely again. This not only teaches listening skills, but helps with things such as color, number and so forth. You might see a row of four trees ahead and point them out and count them with the child, then say "go to the second tree and stop". Or you may see a red car parked along the street among other cars of different colors. Say "go to the red car and stop beside it". Our kids learned the color 'yellow' quickly from having to stop when they got to the yellow bumps that are near many street corners. Mailboxes, light poles, gutter drains (for our boys who love to look down those drains) ... almost any reasonably fixed object will work out well for this game. You are also teaching safety rules as you do this kind of a game with your child.

Ditto to Lesley S's response, that is EXACTLY what to do!

This is the avenue that I just don't think positive reinforcement works. My son is just short of 4, and when we've tried to "keep it all positive" he gets worse and worse. The world has negative consequences, and your household should too when behavior is simply unacceptable.
We have started time outs and taking away privileges, toys, etc. when he doesn't listen. We do still reward him when he does & it is an item on his chart, but there has to be negative consequence on the other side too.