Hi, Let me start by saying thank you in advance for your suggestions. I have been agonizing over this. My son Trey just turned 4 in November. He has been in pre-school for a year. 3 different ones because of moving.He has been in his current preschool for 8 months. He usually loves school but lately he just doesn't want to go. His eyes fill up with tears, he says he wants to stay with me. It seems like he is lacking confidence. Usually when I pick him up he is playing outside and having a good time. When I ask him how his day was he says he doesn't like it. It is a more academic preschool, he has always done well in structured environments even when he was a baby.He does well academically knows his abc's, sounds can write his name. Has even begun sounding words out. I am wondering if changing him to a co op more play based preschool may be of benefit to his confidence and socially? He usually plays by himself or with one or two other children. Has anyone attended both types of pre-schools? Which did they find more beneficial for social development? We are not putting him in Kindergarten until he is almost 6, if that makes a difference.
He did have an incident with a boy picking on him, I emailed the teacher, but did not get a response. I then talked to her the next school day and she said, boys are boys. They don't mean to push it just happens when they play. He is a bit small for his age. If he is just going through a phase and wants me more should I be more available for him at a co op because I can?
I agree with Tracy. Maybe it would be helpful to observe him without him knowing it to see whats going on. Or ask the teacher to keep an extra eye on him for a week to see if she notices anything.
I dont think changing his school again will help. Just give him extra loves in the morning.
Good luck
Ask him why he does not want to go any more.
My daughter also 4 and in preschool went through a phase like this.
If he says he does not want to go ask why. Let him know he can tell you anything.
My daughter had a few reasons:
-- There was a boy being mean to her... in this case we talked about how to handle it, guess what they are friends now and he is no longer mean to her.
-- She is bored at preschool. Everything that they are going through she already knows, serisouly she is doing math problems and is reading at a 2nd grade level already. So we talked about listening to the teacher and that going to school is good even if you know what is being taught that day already. She is an only child so she also knows that this is a time for her to be with kids her age, but she has to only play when the teacher says it is ok. My daughter is going into kindergarten next year, she turns 5 in Aug.
-- She misses me. I ask will she miss her friends if she stayed at home with me all the time, the answer is yes. So I reminder her that I am thinking of her every minute she is in preschool, give her a big hug and kiss and tell her what time I will be there to pick her up, usually around 11:30am. This lets her know that even though I am going I will be back... this is an age where kids start to worry about death, being left alone and so on so you may need to just give reminders that you will be back and when.
I think partly he is use to things always changing since he has been to 3 different ones in a year. So this is new to him and might be getting bored with it. I would stick it out till the end of the school year and see how he feels about it then.
If he can not come up with answer to why he does not want to go then maybe ask the teacher or the helper how he is in preschool. They might have some insight for you.
Hi there! I just had this same issue with my 3 (almost 4) year old. First of all, is it a good school? I don't like the "boys will be boys" answer that the teacher gave you. You are paying her to teach your son and keep him safe. That was not a very sympathetic answer and I would go to the Director. Just approach her as any mother would-concerned and with respect, she should investigate the matter. If it's separation anxiety, it will pass. If it's bullying or he's being picked on, the teacher needs to put some space between them and keep a close eye while using appropriate discipline. This may sound crazy but invite the boy and his parents over for a play date. It did wonders for my son and he is now tear free at school. It's just like having someone at work disregard you, gossip about you, or make you look incompetent. Three schools in one year is quite a bit of change for a 4 year old, follow your instincts. My first impression is the teacher is not very assertive. Kids just accidentally push when they play? not an appropriate answer from an educator. Good luck and I hope everything works out.
From the developmental standpoint of a child this age, a less academic preschool would probably be a better choice. I'm also uncomfortable with the way it sounds like the teacher answered you regarding the boy picking on him. There doesn't seem to be much of an attitude of caring about the children's welfare in that answer.
Your son sounds ahead of the game in academic development, and as long as you continue encouraging him at home, he should do just fine in a more play oriented preschool or daycare.
My guess is the structure of the preschool isn't the problem. Maybe it's a social issue, or maybe he's feeling very attached to you at the moment. Maybe someone is teasing him. I don't think switching schools would help, Ask the teacher if she has any insight into why your son would be suddenly acting this way. Does he play with the other kids? Was there an incident that caused this change in behavior?
This really is fairly typical. Both of my kids went through that phase and often kids will love kindergarten and decide they don't want to go anymore.
It's all fun at first but then it sinks in that it's someplace they have to go every single day and I think sometimes they'd just really rather get to stay home. Who wouldn't?
Some kids do really well with a more academic based preschool. It depends on the program and the individual child. Some kids might feel pressure or just not ready for such things yet. I did daycare in my home and things weren't really structured, but we did "learning time" and projects. It was at my house so pretty low key, but the kids really liked it.
Since your son has had to change preschools, I would try to find out if you can keep him where he is to avoid changing again. On the other hand, if he's truly not happy changing again might not be so bad since he's been there and done that. However, like I said, a child saying they don't want to go to preschool isn't really indicative of a necessary reason to take them out.
I really wish the teacher hadn't said boys will be boys. Even though that's true to an extent, I have a son and they definitely can play rougher, it doesn't give you much confidence that they do what they can to discourage it. I think there's a difference between playing too rough and actually picking on someone. There should never be an excuse for that, especially with kids at this age. They hopefully can learn early that is simply not okay.
I would talk to the teacher and administrator about your concerns and tell them how you felt about the "boys will be boys" thing.
I'm really hoping that you can work something out to keep him in the same place at least through the end of the year.
I hope you get some great responses.
It could be anything... maybe the make-up of the kids, the personalities, the Teacher, how they discipline, what they expect, the routines etc.
You said fro 8 months he's been there, but only 'lately' he does not want to go..... so, as a matter of deduction, talk to the Teacher first.
Then try talking with your son, let him say whatever is on his mind...
there has to be a reason. Personally, I don't think it is a "confidence" problem at all, nor socially. At this age, they often don't play with EVERY kid. Normal.
My daughter was like that, and on the shy side, but she was a VERY confident kid.... and SHE 'chose' who to play with or by herself too. She was fine in Preschool and enjoyed it.
Maybe something is going on at school.... or is he being picked on or anything??? How does the Teacher treat him???
Or maybe, he just needs you. My son, at certain age junctures, got more clingy with me... .and needed me more, in different ways....
all the best,
Susan
my 3.5 year old daughter also tells me she doesn't want to go to school often, but for no reason i can tell. i think she thinks she'd rather be with me, or that she thinks she's missing out on something else when she's at school, but when she's at school and when she gets picked up she's had a wonderful time.
THAT BEING SAID...it is very disconcerting that the teacher has not called back, and that she dismissed your concerns with "boys will be boys." this is one of my least favorite phrases, not to mention it's a copout, it reinforces gender stereotypes, excuses aggressive and/or inappropriate behavior, and completely disregards the parents' concerns, all with four ridiculous words that really have no meaning at all. be careful of this lady - and follow your instincts. however, if after moving him he continues to complain about school, he might just have to suck it up. but complaints aside, sounds like this place he's at right now may not be a positive and nurturing environment, and the teacher sounds extremely unprofessional. good luck with your decision!
