4 Year Old Son Acts up When I Try to Have a 1 on 1 Conversation

Your son is old enough to remember his actions for a day or longer. So the best thing to do is make a time and schedule to take him to various places he likes when it is just you and him. It could be to a park or fountain or swimming pool, micky d's to play in the tunnels etc. When you are going to be around other people, you need to give him plenty of warning. Tell him that you and he are going to be going to one of these outings and exactly when. But then also tell him that if he doesn't allow you to have a conversation without him acting up, interupting, and generally being naughty, then you will not go to this place. You HAVE to be ready to follow through for this to work. This may take a few times to make it work. If you really want to make it work, you need to set up a scenario where you will be with an adult the day of or the day before EVERY outing. If he doesn't get his outings for a month, so be it. This works for me and my daycare children. I believe it's very rude when children behave this way. It's also very rude when parents allow them to get away with it. The person on the other end of the phone or that conversation in person is probably rather tired of being interupted.

I agree with Suzi,
If I took my kids someplace where acting up was NOT an option, I simply talked to them about it ahead of time. I just went down my list, "There will be no fidgeting, no fussing, no interrupting, no goofing off, no asking to go to the bathroom 20 times, there will be no putting sugar in your water at the table, there will be no putting your hands in the water at the table, there will be no crying, no shrieking, no poking each other......or.......you can kiss Chuck E. Cheese good-bye. Is there anything I'm forgetting?"
Invariably my son would say, "No saying bad words, Mommy!"
I would say "Thank you....yes...let's all try to refrain for saying bad words."
We kind of made a game of it, but they got the point. They knew I meant business.
I raised my kids myself and it's tough, but there isn't any reason you can't get your son to behave in public. Be very clear about your expectations up front and if he misbehaves, like Suzi said, he doesn't get to do what he wanted to do. You simply cannot give in.
If one of my kids yelled or kicked to get my attention, they'd be taken outside and they'd have my attention all right, and not in the way they'd hoped for. Not in a way they'd want it again.
It doesn't matter if you're talking to a waitress, the mailman, a parking lot attendant, that kind of acting up is just not acceptible.
Just get firm with him.
There's no time like the present.

Best wishes.

I also am a single mother to a four year old. It seems like he only interrupts or "acts out" when I am talking to a male (just as in your situation). His dad is hardly in his life, sees him a couple of times a month if that.

Honestly, I think it is more or less jealousy and being protective of mom. He is an only child as well and he sees me as his "territory" and doesn't feel comfortable if I give my attention to another person, especially a man.

It just something we talk about and work through. It's not that he is being bad, just trying to get my attention in ways he normally wouldn't.

Make sure you talk CONTINUOUSLY about appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Tell him what the alternatives are...."tapping you and saying, "Excuse me..", etc. Just make sure you acknowledge him when he does. If you are in the middle of something, ask him to count to 10, or whatever and then you'll deal with it. If you're around a clock, ask him to give you 5 minutes or whatever....until the big hand is on the 4, or whatever, and then you'll give him your full attention. He needs to learn discipline and patience!

Remind him that adults need to talk and take care of things, too. Just make SURE you're not gossiping about an ex or something. Otherwise, he'll think the negative words and gossip is more important than he is. If you have to and can, explain to him what you are doing....trying to make arrangements for him to go to ....." , etc.

Many times, if kids understand WHY parents/adults are doing something they will accept it much more easily.

Make sure there are CONSEQUENCES for bad behavior, not just a verbal repremand....losing toys, TV, movies, etc. There are TOOOOO many people out there that were never taught that there ARE consequences to bad behavior and bad choices.

I have an only child (a son, 7) and I still run into this! It's like he wants our undivided attention and he even interrupts my husband and I. We just remind him to "say excuse me" and "wait til we are finished" talking. He's getting it.