My daughter is almost five and lately she has been talking about her stomach is big and she wants a flat tummy and she needs to do exercises. I'm a little concerned- isn't she too young to worried about her weight and her size. She is in the 95th percentile for her height and the 96th percentile for her weight. Doctor says she's fine as far as weight because she's so tall. She has a bit of a tummy but she's four! She's going to be curvy- already she has a butt and some hips and the little tummy she has fits with her body shape (at least I think so). But she says she wants a flat tummy.
Should I be concerned? I don't remember being aware of my body that way when I was little. She is so gorgeous and I don't want her to have a skewed view of herself. When she talks about her size and her tummy I talk to her about her body and tell her how beautiful every part of her is and how God made her that way and so it's perfect. But I also have told her if she wants to do more activities (physical activities) we can do that. And sometimes I let her do the kid exercise things on our On Demand (ie Nina and Star's yoga or some kid- geared dancing thing). Am I doing the right things? Should I be concerned about how she feels about her body? Or is this normal?
*Edited to add*
We do talk to her about healthy living- eating right, getting exercise, getting enough sleep,etc. We talk about what foods are healthy and what foods aren't. What I'm concerned with is that she is expressing that she doesn't lke the way her body looks and I think one she's too young to be worried about how her body looks and two- she shoud love her body. I want her to have a good relationship with her body- no matter the size.
If she's not getting it from you, I'd try to find out where she's hearing it. Perhaps daycare, or friends with older sisters that talk about this stuff? That way you can deal with it based on the circumstances. Good luck!
A four year old wouldn't know or understand body image unless she has heard it. It is learned. Have you talked about your own body in front of her? My 5 year old daughter doesn't even know the meaning of fat or skinny. I don't use those words at all. I'd like for her to keep her innocence for a while and hopefully grow into a woman who loves her body.
If you are concerned about her percentile on the doctors graph, then make some slight changes and get her into a strengthening class. Gymnastics, tumbling. Something that focuses on the body, not a ball and such.
What do you let her watch on tv? What magazines do you have around the house? They get the message loud and clear from Hollywood as to what is the "ideal" body shape. It is a lie, but they still hear it. I would not expose her to any of those "exercise" shows on tv. I would not talk about my own body shape and any insecurities I have about my body. They imitate us in so many areas. Stop talking about these things with her, and just let her be a little girl. Do you tell her that she will have a curvy body? It's so hard when the messages are so loud outside of our homes (via media and others), that we have to be extra careful about what they hear inside.
My two boys think they are fat at 8 and 9, but they are skinny as rails! I think they hear my husband and I talk about losing weight. Maybe are you talking to yourself that you need to lose weight? Kids hear that too. I continue to tell them they are not fat. They are both active in sports like football, basketball and baseball. I would keep encouraging her to join activities she enjoys. Remember that when kids start to get a little chunky they are going to have a growth spurt too. My kids usually are slim pants, but when they get into a regular suddenly they grow quickly. I think you are doing fine and keep encouraging her that she's awesome and nothing is wrong with her tummy.
I would definitely emphasize that the exercise/activities are to make our bodies healthy and strong. I don't know anything about you, so I don't want to jump to conclusions but these kind of thoughts come from somewhere, kids don't think this way on their own. Make sure you are not saying things about yourself, kids can pick up on our negative views even when we think they don't hear us or understand what we are talking about. If you don't have a negative body image, look for influence from other people, other family, babysitter, and of course media. There is a source of her body image, you need to look very close to find it and address it ASAP. Of course continue to love her unconditionally, but remember actions speak louder than words. So make sure to model a healthy lifestyle and positive body image for her, that will have more impact than anything else.
It is never to early talk about healthy eating habits. Sorry I don't have tons of advise as I have two boys under 4 but I think the work out would be a fun thing to do with her. We always talk about excising with our oldest son, we also talk about healthy foods.
Not sure if this applies, but I've heard preschoolers and school age kids talk like this but it's just something to say with no meaning behind it. I've heard them talk about being on a diet, and then go ahead and eat everything in sight.
If your mama instincts say that she does mean it, you could say something like once you get X yrs old, you can start tummy crunches or once you get 18 you can have the doctor look at it. Sometimes when it is addressed like that, it is forgotten. I will tell my children that we will look for such and such a toy on the commercial next time we are at the store. They drop it and then forget it. *So* much easier than arguing about it.
You could hunt up when tummies naturally flatten, or what sports figures or other popular figures have her body shape. You could enthusiastically talk about curves and when you run across someone with them, casually comment how attractive they are.
I would only talk about it when she brings it up. Maybe just repeating her wishes will satisfy her and that's good for now. I wouldn't panic at this point (unless she's obsessed with it), just take it at face value and then let it go.
My daughter is also curvy and we've worked really hard not to call people fat or skinny - for pete's sake - WHO CARES! However, because of all the junk on TV, radio, magazines and coming from other people's mouths, my daughter has been told she is fat by some (pardon me here) ugly little string bean kids with stringy hair. :-) It just crushed her feelings, she would never point anything out about those unattractive children and hurt their feelings, so she really doesn't understand how or why they would her. I talked to her about it and said it was really sad that they used words that were hurtful and because it was not true. I told her that she was different than that child, but aren't we all different? I said making fun of someone because they are short or tall, big or little, blue eyed or brown eyed is just the silliest thing because God makes everyone different and makes them perfect. well, I know what's going thru her mind, "ok Mary Poppins, but, my feelings are still hurt". :-) So we've talked about it every time she brings it up and I am trying to do my best to remind her that she is perfect. She is very tall and her whole body is in porportion to her height. EVERYONE tells her she is beautiful - strangers tell her she is beautiful. She really is one of those people who just 'has it' and won't ever need make up or anyother fake stuff. But, a couple of (pardon me again) brats have made her worry about her body. It hurts her and it hurts us as parents to see all the self-esteem work down the tubes by some kids who haven't been taught how to behave.
So, anyway, I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I also hope that parents really think about what they say in front of their kids and how they describe people. And if they hear their children describe people in rude or crude ways, they stop and talk to them about it.
I am still working, when she brings it up, to remind her otherwise. We just spent the day yesterday with our friends and some friends of theirs we had never met before. Those two new folks told my daughter several times throughout the 8 hour day that she was just a beautiful girl, even when we told them goodbye and nice to meet you, they repeated it. So...you know I will bring them up if my daughter brings up anything wrong with her again!!
It is hard, it is sad that our society has gotten so far away from manners that you do constantly hear people described in rude/crude terms. I stop people around me when they do it - if someone starts to say "the fat lady" or "the skinny lady", I usually confirm who they are talking about by saying, "the lady with brown hair and a pink shirt" or somethin like that - hoping that I am making them think there was a better way to say that.
Keep up the good work with your daughter. I, too, think it's nuts how soon kids start hearing this!! I think with your work and mine, our daughters will grow up to love their bodies!!! :-) P.S. my daughter just turned 7
