Hey mama's ~
Boys ----- oh boy!
So he's 4.5 - he HAS ears, born with them and everything! They just don't work!
I have a lovely tree that I have transplanted, wait, wait, let me start that again....I USED to have lovely tree. He has broken the branches, snapped them right off. Sadly, the tree was doing so well. I think the tree will survive IF he doesn't do any more damage.
As this is an area that he can access without me - and indeed I am encouraging him to be outside to play - I'm not monitoring him. Hmmmmm.
I haven't even addressed it yet, he probably did this sometime this morning and I just found it! what would you do?
Thanks, L
Well, I took him out to the tree (sound like the beginning of a bad, "daddy to me to the woodshed" story).
While we were walking I told him, "OK, we need to talk about something you did." This is our standard MO that he knows we are going to be learning a lesson and I need his full attention or he will be sitting on the bed for awhile. I asked him what happened here. Of course his face already belies the fact he knows it was wrong. He explains that the tree didn't belong over here and he didn't want it here. OK now I am in his head. So, I asked him some reflective questions. We talked about toys vs house items (a common theme) and which are for him. That this is an important tree for me and that I want it to grow big and strong, like him. And from now on will he help me take care of the tree so we can watch it grow and we can smell the beautiful flowers when they bloom. I reminded him that this new tree carries the same consequences as all the other house things (this is time on the bed and the potential to lose the use of favorite items). I work hard to be a good mom, but I tell you...he is a very strong willed little guy and I often find myself shaking my head or boiling over. He's cute though, lucky for him.... lol! :) Thanks for your quick replies and ideas I used as many as I could that applied to our situation! thanks again
On one hand he is outside being a child (boys aren't the only ones who destroy landscaping - girls are destructive too). On the other hand he is destroying property.
I'd address it. I wouldn't yell at him, but I'd let him know what is acceptable and what isn't.
I taught my son to respect living things - animals and plants (ok, not so much snakes and insects but if they are outside the house you can leave them alone and not pester them).
He helps me grow things and was always very gentle with animals from a young age. (He's 12 now and waters several trees he's planted around the yard - he fills up milk jugs with water and walks them way out back.)
If I ever caught him damaging something I'd worked h*** o* - I would have spanked him.
Being 4 1/2 should not be an excuse to break, dig up, throw, damage, etc anything.
Would he like it if you broke up a lego creation he worked on to build?
I would not demonstrate, but he can learn to respect his surroundings and not damage things.
Maybe you and he can plant something together and he can help you care for it.
Yeah you have to watch them, they really don't remember from time to time. My daughter at 8 got a hold of the pruning sheers and whacked the heck out of my Magnolia. Poor tree still doesn't look the same. :(
It lived by the way. :-/
I am not sure that he's old enough to be playing outside in the yard without being watched. I don't let my 4.5 yr old out of the house without me, even if he just wants to play in the back yard. We have a 8' privacy fence around our yard, but even with that I don't trust his 4 yr old impulses to be out by himself.
Yes, encourage him to play outside, but at his age I really think that you should be out there with him.
Young. Male. The Fewer words the better. "Son. Do not hurt this tree. Do not touch this tree."
Enforce accordingly. Firmly.
My son also loves to play outside, so, if it were us, I'd bring my son to the tree, tell him the tree needs to grow big and strong like him, and if he pulls the brances off it won't grow. Then I'd tell him if he pulled the branches off again, he'd have to come inside for a whole half hour, without TV or playing. Harder for you, yes, but at 4.5 I think he'd get it. You just have to stick to your consequence, because he will test you. You probably will need to watch him constantly so you know for sure if he's listening though.
I liked the suggestion of taking him to the tree and explaining that it needs to grow, etc. A fence around the tree might be something to consider also, at least until it is stable enough to withstand some drama! You may even consider having him help you plant something else around it, like flowers or hastas or whatever might work. If he helps you plant something and you talk about caring for it, watering it, etc. he will probably be less inclined to destroy the area.
I'm sure he was just "being a boy" and didn't probably realize he was damaging the tree or upsetting you, so yes discipline is in order, but so is some education. As far as discipline goes I might have him help you collect the branches, bag them up, etc. Or you can tell him that next time he asks to go outside he won't be able to b/c he did something he wasn't supposed to do. I would make it logical and not too harsh.
Other than that, I personally think it's just fine that you let him out in the yard on his own. I let my daughter play in the back by herself and I check on her frequently, but sometimes I have stuff to do and she wants to swing!
Hello, If it happens again, I would try the "this is a living thing". When you cut it, it bleeds (sap). My kids were told that early and didn't "hurt" our plants.
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.
I have given up on our yard. My kids flood it. seriously. We have grass that has been worn out. But, the kids are having fun. Destroying a tree I wouldn't tolerate, just because it is destructive. BUT! he may have been trying to be Tarzan, and that I would be okay with.
It is your house, every home has different rules.
This may e late L., but in my day of parenting in the 80's we raised and taught our children from very early on if it's not yours don't touch it, with this method we were able to go into stores or other peoples homes and never had to worry about our children touching or destroying anythng that wasn't theirs. We were at a pot luck one day and the owmner had a beautiful garden well some of the kids (not just boys) played in the garden trampled and pulled up everything in it, I'm proud to say it wasn't our children, the owner was horrified that the parents did not monitor their children. Can children can learn touch and explore without it being other peoples things. J.
Together read the book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. It's about how taking care of nature so it can help take care of us is important in life.
Good luck. This too shall pass.
He's only 4 and if he hasnt been taught about trees and flowers it wouldnt be right to punish him. I'd definitely give him a lesson on nature and if it were to happen again he should be punished.
I evicted people from my apartment complex that had a 5 and 7 year old that destroyed our landscaping on more than once occasion.
Put a fence around the tree?
Have you disciplined him?
I have a yard and garden and 2 kids ages 4 and 8.
They don't wreck the garden or the things growing in the yard.
They know, it is 'OUR' yard and garden.
They like to even take care of it.
You need to teach your son. And since he cannot be out there unattended/unsupervised, you need to be out there with him.
