I hope i'm not misplacing your question with my own situation.
My 7 yo is a neuro typical child, but she is introverted and doesn't not like to cuddle unless i'ts on her terms, she prefers to attack and jump to hug than to walk over and put her arms around me. she pulls back if i try to hug her when she's in the middle of something -so i have to be very "aware" of her before i hug.
I worked in a preschool so i am very nurturing, and when she was little always talked to her about her emotions, if her brother took her cookie i would model for her " oh james took your cookie, i bet that made you mad, when you get mad you want to yell, but you can also breath and ask for a new cookie, I woudl give you one if you ask, then you can be happy and James can be happy. blah blah blah not the best example but you get the idea.
There have been about 5 times today alone that she has made a comment, that i think was just her being curious and asking a question, Why are YOU taking out the bread ??(from the freezer-we keep a loaf of italian in there for spaghetti dinners)
But instead it came out sounding very Accusatory like i was breaking a law by taking THE BREAD out of the freezer.
I worry alot because speaking that way at school or out in public could get her lil butt kicked if she used the wrong tone with the wrong person. I'm kind of joking but it will really interfere with her social interactions, if she can't figure it out.
But on the other hand, her teachers or coaches etc have never said anything, lol i'm not sure she says much around them anyway.
To get back to your question-- I don't know how to reach my DD either. I try playing board games with her when she is board but she will say no and wait until i get involved in a phone call or typing a message like this and then will be waving the game in my face. sooo annoying.
so my sympathy. i'm just hoping my DD connects more with her aunt and grandma than she does with me.
something the teacher in me knows but has trouble with because she doesn't like listening to mommy, is role playing with dolls or puppets. She might not say to you that she feel sad that big sis is at camp this week, but maybe her doll could tell you she feels lonely.
in this example my son has been away this week and instead of dd saying she is sad or moping around like someone else might expect a kid to do. She has been very easily frustrated, like the dog stepped on her foot and it was the end of the world and not just something she would shrug at like normally. but i think because she has been sad and lonely and missing brother it "came out" duringthe incident with the dog.
I checked back with your answers and haven't heard much that would help me either I might askthis again i a few days and see if wording it differently would help. I think a lot of introvs are jumping on you like you want to change her, my take was you wanted to reach her.