S.,
There are a lot of sleep training methods out there, and they all work for some children. You have to figure out what you are willing to do, and you really need to be aware of when a method is not working for your child. I have talked to parents that let their babies “cry it out” for WEEKS, assuming that it would eventually work. It didn’t, and everyone was miserable. You need to know where you are on the spectrum, and you need to be willing to respond to your child.
It does sound like your daughter needs to learn some new sleep associations. If she is in the habit of being swaddled or nursing to sleep, it will take some time to break that association. I would recommend weaning her off the swaddle. Try keeping her feet unwrapped, then her arms, then don't swaddle at all. If she is nursing to sleep, I would put some other activity in between nursing and bed. When my girls were about 6-8 months old, we started reading a book after they nursed, then they would rock, then go to bed. I tried to put them in bed sleepy, but not asleep. It also helped if Daddy did the reading or rocking (when he was home - my hubby also works long hours.)
The book that worked for my girls, and meshed with my parenting philosophy was Elizabeth Pantley's "The No Cry Sleep Solution." The beginning of the book is a total gem. She explains the science of sleep, and offers a chart which shows the average range of hours that babies should be sleeping based on their age. Now, every child is different, but this chart gave me a good basis to check in on how much my kids were sleeping. Once you have a realistic expectation of what sleep could look like with a 5 month old, you can figure out what you are able and willing to do. I think waking 2-3 times a night at this age is normal and acceptable. This is especially true if your baby is petite, or if you spend a lot of time running after your toddler during the day and your baby doesn’t get as many chances to nurse during the day. She may well be making those calories up at night. Here are some things to keep in mind:
1. When people say a baby should sleep through the night at 12 weeks, you have to understand the medical definition of sleeping through the night: 1 5-hour stretch throughout the night. That is it. Not the whole night through. I would put my kids to bed around 7pm, and unfortunately by the time I got to bed at 11pm, they were ready to wake up an hour later. If you can, try to go to sleep earlier so you can get some more rest. The housework will still be there in the morning, trust me! For a while, I went to bed at 8pm so I could get a solid few hours of sleep in. As they started sleeping more, I was able to have more normal adult sleep.
2. Babies will wake up through the night, and THIS IS NORMAL, especially for breastfed babies. Breastmilk is digested more quickly and more fully than formula, so breastfed babies get hungry more often. My breastfed girls started sleeping through the night occasionally around 8-9 months. By 10 months they were sleeping through the night as often as not. By a year, they both slept completely through the night most of the time.
5. Solid foods WILL NOT MAKE YOUR BABY SLEEP LONGER. Go check out the American Academy of Pediatrics website. They absolutely do not recommend any solid foods for babies under 6 months, and they recommend that breastfeeding continue until at least 1 year of age. This is an unfortunate myth that just won't die. Starting solids has been linked to increased allergies, asthma and eczema.
4. A bedtime routine is essential. If you are running late, shorten steps in the routine, but don't skip stuff. Children thrive on routine. I feel your pain with trying to stick to a routine with a toddler around. It will probably get easier as the weather gets colder. Again, remember that this stage will pass, and by a year old, you baby should be much more flexible and taking fewer naps during the day.
6. "Sleep breeds sleep." When people are overtired, our brains release chemicals that then make it harder for us to fall asleep. So many parents think that they will keep their baby up late or skip a nap to get them to sleep better in the night, but it actually backfires. Once baby is on a good sleep schedule and getting plenty of rest, they tend to sleep better and longer. Also, a few minutes of sleep in the car can totally sabotage a nap or bedtime. Be cautious about planning your outings, or park somewhere you can let baby sleep for a longer period of time.
7. Sleep when you can. I know the exhaustion with a baby and toddler - I've been there too. For a while I wound up totally babyproofing our bedroom. When the toddler got up, I brought her in and let her play while the baby was nursing. While they were doing that, I was dozing. It wasn't as good as sound sleep, but it was better than nothing.
8. Do what you can to get the sleep you need. If you need to have your baby in the same room, or in your bed, don't worry about "sleep habits." Do what gets the most people the most sleep. Do what you need to to get through this hard time. When you are well rested, you are more able to tackle a sleep training plan. You also might find that your kids just grow out of those habits and drop them when they are ready. Our girls were in our bed, then moved into a cosleepe in our room, then moved into a crib in their own room. We all got better sleep, and despite the hype, they moved out just fine when they were ready.
I would really recommend you read "The No Cry Sleep Solution." You can get it on amazon.com, or you may be able to check it out of the library. It was a lifesaver for us, and it really helped us understand the mechanics of sleep. Yes, children need to learn to soothe themselves back to sleep, but it can be done without leaving them to cry inconsolably.
Best of luck,
S.