5 Year Old Lying - Lafayette,IN

I wonder if this is a phase. My 5 year old has been lying lately, too. Not really bad lies, but subtle lies. But the hitting thing can get ugly. He could tell the wrong person and that could be bad. I wish I could be more help :(

I completely think it's an attention thing due to the new baby. He's 5? That means he's had you to himself for more then 4.5 years. He didn't have to share you with ANYONE.... because lets face it... everyone else came second to him! :-) So ... sure, you're doing all you can to continue to give him individual attention...but he's jealous. We're dealing with some attitude issues in our house. I have a 3.5 DD and 7 month old twins. She not only had to share us with one baby...but TWO!

Now... DO NOT fall into the guilty pool and start spoiling him etc... Discipline his bad choices. Choices have consequences. Follow through. Kids need boundaries. But at the same time, you can look for ways that he can help with the babies... involve him. Let him know these are things big boys get to do that babies CAN'T do. Talk with your SO and work out a schedule where you can spend one on one time with your son and then he can spend one on one time with your son. My recommendation, which is what we do, is take your son out of the house without the baby. Then there is no chance that you will be distracted by the baby.

Another thing we do is, our babies go to bed before our singleton. So... after babies are in bed, we have focused play time with our daughter. Sometimes, depending on the night it's only 30 minutes. But... it's 30 minutes of playing whatever SHE wants to play... and either my husband, or I, or both of us will be playing with her. It's really been working well. The attitude issues are diminishing... still there... you can tell she is fighting for attention ... but she seems to be getting more comfortable with our new family.

In my opinion it's fine that he goes to Grandma and Grandpa's house for the weekend. It does give him some one on one time without the new baby AND gives you a break. But as mentioned before... be consequent with discipline. You have to let him know, absolutely, what is acceptable and what is not... and then follow through. The first few months after our twins were born, my daughter had A LOT of time outs and other punishments (taking fav things away, taking away outings, etc...) Now...the babies are almost 7 months and she rarely has any punishment. She's adjusted. She knows what we expect and for the most part acts accordingly.

It will take time. It's a big adjustment for him. Be diligent. Be CONSISTENT and above all, continually let him you L. him no matter what. Tell him... every day... many times a day.

Good luck!

I am sorry you are going through this. First of all, I think you need to address his concerns each time he tells you someone hit him. If he said someone did at school - follow up - call the teacher or write a letter and show him that you are putting it into his backpack. If he says Grandpa/Ma hit hit, call them and talk to them (or have them come over) and talk in front of him. If they deny it, ask him why he said it. Maybe he was hit at school and the teachers did not see it or he's being bullied and by saying everyone is hitting him, he can try to get more attention about it.

I also think it could be acting out since there is a new baby around. I would praise him when he is not lying. If he says / does something, tell him how proud you are of him being such a big boy. Each day make an effort to tell or show him how much you L. him and are proud of him. Everyone is fawning over the new baby and he is not getting any attention.

As far as him going to the grandparents every weekend - does he go alone? Maybe instead he should go with you or your husband so you could share the attention.

Again, I would contact a Developmental Pediatricain, you have many red flags and you need a theraputic professional to help you with all the issues together so that you know what the big picture is. You will not be sorry that you did. It may take many months to get in to see a Developmental Pediatricain, so you might want to contact a play therapist in the mean time, as well as a speech therapist for evaluation so that you can get started on the issues that you see.

M.

I woud L. to hear from other moms if this is a phase. My DD (4) claimed a teacher spanked her last year; she also claimed I "hurt her foot" (she stumped her toe -- I was two feet away!! She says she didn't do something or the dog did it. I keep telling her she must tell the truth, as it seems to me that she is only now becoming aware of what is truth and fabrication. I would be concerned if this continued.

My answer is: YES, it's because of the new baby.
My daughter was 4 when we had her sister and she started peeing her pants all the time, even after she JUST went potty. She started throwing tantrums and just generally acting out. My husband and I were exasperated. I was throwing tantrums inside my head and it was so stressful. I have read posts where people are like, "what do I do, I don't even like my kid anymore and that scares me." That was me. I was so annoyed with her behavior, I didn't even want to be in the same room with her, and I L. her to pieces!!! It's totally scary.
My advice is to remain calm. He wants the attention. The negative attention. Only give him positive attention. (He might be old enough to understand the difference if you explain it to him. But, you have to decide that.) Try reading a book to him for special one-on-one time after the baby has gone to sleep cuz the big brother gets to stay up later! And, do errands with him, like Dad or Mom alone with him to the grocery store, movie store, ice cream, post office, whatever. Make sure to tell him that he gets to go but the baby has to stay home cuz only big boys get to go out, or you WANT just him to go with you cuz you miss him. It really is the little things that matter. A little more snuggling time. A little more face time.
Don't reward his good behavior with things. Or he will start to only behave for things. That is spoiling.
By the way, when he goes to the grandparents house, he is not getting spoiled with attention. No matter how much he loves his grandparents or his parents or his sibling, he is not home with you and the baby is.
Good luck. It's just a phase! And, as soon as this one passes, there will be a new more ridiculous phase to go through. Yay for parenthood! ;)

From your two posts, it sounds like your child is having a hard time adjusting to your new baby. You said he was fine before but now this is new behavior. He needs help with the changes. YOu said he had speech delay and I am not sure from your posts if he has other developmental delays. Usually kids like this have a hard time with changes around them. My son had a speech delay and is now identified on the autism spectrum. Actual diagnosis is PDD-NOS. My son was the youngest so I never had to deal with a new person in the house. It took longer to potty train him and I spent a lot of time with him when he was younger directing him to different play activities. Since he was the youngest he got more of attention than my other 3 kids. I would discuss this behavior with your child's doctor. Your son may need help in processing these new changes in his life. You definitely want to avoid any physical behavior toward his new sibling. I know it is hard to with a new baby to give the other kids a lot of attention. He needs to be drawn in as your "helper" so he sees the baby in a positive light and that they have a good bond. Children at this age have a hard time communicating their needs or fears so it can come out in different behaviors. Maybe dad can make some "special time" with him too.

I think its the age and the baby. My 5 year old is exactly the same. I remind him that I don't appeciate lying. If he has a silly story he wants to tell me I will listen. He doesn't need to make a lie. I then, immediatley, try to engage him in some kind of imaginary play and try to show him the difference between fun-playing and hurtful lying. So far it has worked. I've noticed he just wants my attention so he told the lie to shock me into giving him attention. And I also think he is just trying to explore his mind. Find out way he would think up such a thing in the first place. What would it do...and so on.