My 5 year old son is in the same preschool he has been in since he was 2. He went two days a week when he was 2 and 3, and then he went three days a week when he was 4. Now that he's five, b/c he's an early 5 with a Sept birthday, I decided to put him in the 5 day program to get him ready for kinder. This is not a kinder class, it's still got a lot of play but it has a lot more academics in it than the other ones did. His first two issues that we conquered were he started having potty accidents, but we've gotten that under control. And at first, he was sitting down when he got to school to do his writing of letters. He is actually coming home with his letter papers now and is doing what I consider a big improvement in that area. However I just had a parent teacher conference and they're pointing out all these other things like he can't keep his hands to himself, they said he scratched someone yesterday- it was on his shirt not the skin, he's screaming in class when he doesn't want to share the toys. He poured glue out on the table(fabric glue) when the teacher had told him only she could use it, but she had turned her back. He's not sitting still in circle time. And they say he wants to play all the time. He also gets overly excited when playing games and then doesn't want to stop. Anyway, they want me to come up with a consequence for them to use b/c sending him to the office isn't affecting him. I still am just baffled at where this is coming from. He never had a problem like this in any of his other classes or at least they never told me. He's an only child which is why I have him in preschool to have that interaction with other kids and to learn how to act around them, but he has never been like this ever. He goes to other kids' houses, friends of mine, he goes to Sunday school and church, no one has ever told me of behavior like this. I know he's not perfect and yes he does some of things things occasionally just like any normal 5 year old, but this and the teacher being fed up with it, is totally new and I don't know where it came from. They think that there should be a one warning system and if it doesn't correct the action after the one warning system, then he loses lunch bunch that day or the next depending on whether it's a lunch bunch day (mwf) Lunch bunch is an extended 2 hour time on MWF, and they get a lot of fun play time during it, so it's a favorite of my son's. Which I think could be a good consequence, but I also can't shake this feeling of where did this behavior come from? Will that consequence help or is there something beneath all this that we need to correct?
If you can, go sit in at the preschool class one day. Everything will be a little different since you'll be there but you can kinda get a clue to how the teacher is with the students and maybe there's a stimilus in class that is hyping him up a little. Maybe it's another little boy that is being a bad influence on him. I would just talk to his school about auditing his class one day and see if you can see the problem that way.
Hi,
Maybe he is bored. He may not be getting challenged enough. My son is 4 and I am getting reports of him acting out at school now as well. I get good reports on all of his school work, but after lunch when most of the lesson is over with for the day he does not listen to the teacher. Hope this helps.
It sounds like you just have a rowdy little 5 year old lol! Not to make light of the situation, but he sounds perfectly normal to me. I think the solution here is simple. I always go back to what my mother did: Suprise visits to school. You have no idea how much this works! Imagine him cutting up at school while you're standing at the door and then you come up right behind him and give him "the business" (wether it be a talking to or a spanking)
Even better: When his father starts working the new schedule where he has extra time off, let him come up there instead. How much weight does "wait until your father gets home." have in your house? Are you guys consistent with your punishment? Do you follow through every time or do you slack off because he's so cute? (SMILE)
I don't think there is an underlying problem here..he is just a child that needs to be reminded of what's appropriate and what's not.
Now, if you feel in your gut he has a deepper problem, by all means, explore that. But, from the information you offered, he sounds just fine to me. AlL children test their limits and it's up to us as parents to set boundaries. I hope this helps!
I too have a very active 5-year old boy, who last year in Pre-K had an extremely hard time 'falling in line'. This year, in Kinder we experienced the same problems, but only for a week or two. I believe the teacher and her expectations and skills has almost everything to do with my situation. Additionally the child's respect for the teacher may be lacking? We had a wonderful, but NEW teacher last year, who didn't know how to multitask so many children at one time, resulting in her frustration and excess discipline, which created tension! This year, the teacher understands all children are differnt and some need redirection and/or different attention. Is there additional pre-k classes at the school you are at, where maybe you can switch teachers?
However, in my experience, we did discipline after school as I needed my son to understand his need to respect his teacher and follow the rules. So depending on the action he may loose TV time that day and/or his snack right before bed. It seemed to work. On those especially difficult days, I'd pick him up before recess as that was his favorite time of the day and explain to him he lost that privledge because of XYZ.
Sorry for the rabmling ... just been there, too! You may also want to check his diet? We have taken out almost all sugar (especially during the school day .. do you know Capri Sun has 26grams of sugar ... if they drink that for lunch & then expect the kids to sleep, that's hard!) And we've increased protein, very important for breakfast and added an Omega 3/DHA vitamin called Omegalicious which helps with concentration and brain growth.
Don't be too h*** o* yourself and/or your son. This is probably a phase - enjoy your time with him - it goes too fast!
Feel free to email me off the blog if you want to brainstorm. Good Luck?!
I have a little boy that will turn five on the 15th of Nov. He also has had the wiggles at school. With that one I would let them deal with it. He is a boy and he does not like to sit still. He is FIVE!! They wiggle the teachers should be use to it but it bothers them.
My biggest concern with mine has been ADHD. I know it is over diagnosed more now than ever. However, I want to be educated on it so when my boys start school just because they ahve the wiggles they are not typed as behavior issues. So I have been watching for certain things and doing certain things. One is sweets and sugars that they eat. I am pretty big on healthy diet (not over the top) but just very aware of how much sugar they intake during the day. This way they don't have huge spikes and low slumps during the day. Also, I watch for impulse control problems. Do they have the ability not to run into the streets when they have been told no forever or other such things that indanger them?
I am not sure this will help or not but I know with boys school is very hard for them upfront so I want to be armed and educated when they start that they are fine and not have problems or if they do have problems I can help them.
I am not saying this is what is happening with your child I just know they boys are stereotyped very easily with this.
Maybe it's the teacher that is causing the problem? It sounds like they are really strict at your preschool, which is great, but how do they currently handle mis-behavior? Does she yell at him? Talk down to him in any way? Maybe he is acting out because he does not know how to deal with the change in class and/or the new teacher's methodology?
Have you spoken to your son to ask him if there's anything bothering him? I'm also wondering if 5 days a week is just too much for him or if this is just not the right place for him. I think I would make a surprise visit a few days at random and just observe through the window. It could be partly your son just being 5 and it could be the teacher being a bit burnt out with her job and doesn't have much patience. Personally, I'd let the Director decide the appropriate consequence, and let those issues stay at the daycare. Another words, don't punish him again when he's home. Let the daycare handle daycare problems and you handle problems at home. If he's getting double consequence, he will eventually start acting out at home and it will cause bigger issues as he gets older.
Sorry, no real advice just thinking out loud.
Hi C.- I agree with Ashley, it sounds as if he is not being challenged enough. I also think that it sounds like he is not getting enough supervision, or individual attention. Even though there are structured rules in the classroom, if the teachers are spread too thin to constantly reinforce the rules through teaching, not just using the rules to discipline, this translates to freedom for the kids. Kids really thrive in a structured environment with boundaries, and freedom from those boundaries is something a 5 year old can rarely handle. Your kid needs to realize that you are aware of what goes on in his class on a daily basis, so he should be expected to obey his teacher as he would his parents, and that breaking the rules is just as serious at school as it is at home. You make your household rules for a reason, to teach him how to behave in society, and to keep him safe. Those are good things. Although it is not fun to have such structure, it's good to translate that structure to him as a plan for his benefit, not for punishment.
When my daughter was that age, she was in a full time pre-k. She started to get into trouble for my attention. I couldn't believe that my sweet little girl was being so willful, that she would take negative attention if it meant that that was the only attention she would get. i made an effort to give her a huge dose of 1 on 1 at the start of each day, and discuss the plans for her day as if we were doing it together. "we" are going to listen to the teacher BECAUSE, and "we" will not hurt another child BECAUSE , and so on. I would call or email the teacher, and I also talked to her teacher every day upon picking her up from school. Seeing and hearing me have a relationship with her teachers made it very apparent that nothing was going to slip between the cracks. Don't wait for something bad to happen for a correspondence between you and the teacher, stay in touch, very good touch. Teachers also tend to treat the child of an involved parent with more consideration, as many times teachers feel that parents drop off the kids with the mentality of "your turn." I have always been very protective, and being as involved as possible has been to my daughters advantage, i believe. I would also talk to the principal or the director of the facility and address any concerns, as well as to other parents. You might be surprised to learn that it's not just your child with those issues, and perhaps the teacher is more the problem. all in all, it is a big change for a little boy, and I am sure that he will be just fine. These qualities that may make him seem to be a challenge are the same qualities that will make him endearing to others as he grows. - L
Keep talking to him even when your disciplining him. It may take him awhile before he voices what's going on. But, keep giving him the opportunity. Definitely discipline him with something he loves to let him know how important this is, no matter what the cause. But, keep talking to him to find out if there is another cause then just rebelling. No matter what's going on, he needs to learn that it is not an excuse to misbehave. Also, consider taking time off to spend the day observing him at school. You will see what they are talking about and can talk to him about it right then and there.
My advice is...talk to your son. He has all the answers. BUT do it in a manner that he does not know what you are doing. Just out of the blue ask him what does he think of school and going everyday, or does he like his teacher, or is everyone at school nice? Don't call attention to what you are doing by telling him let's talk, just make it fit into whatever you are doing and you are likely to get a more truthful answer when he does not have to think about it when being more direct. Make sense? Then after you have your answers, depending on what they are, go to the preschool director and talk to them. If it is something about your son and the teacher not meshing, see if there is another class he can go into. If not, then it might be time to sit down with the teacher, director, and parents to see what can be done. If the teacher is annoyed by this, and that is the hint I am getting, she may letting that show to him which would in turn cause him to act out in ways that he might normally not act. Before talking to your son, you could also make a surprise visit to the preschool without him or the teacher knowing, that way you can see first hand what is going on and possibly even come up with some better questions to ask him and/or those that work with your son. Just my thoughts...Good luck!
Hi C.,
If you've been satisfied with the staff these many years, then trust their input. The main point is to develop a plan that teacher, staff, you and Dad agree with and follow it consistantly.
If going to the office is not working, then the staff is wise to suggest you help come up with other consequences. I'll bet they have other ideas to try, too. The lunch bunch idea sounds like a possibility if he really loves it.
After coming up with a consequence and plan, you and your husband can sit your son down, explain what you hear is happening at school, see what he has to say about it, and tell him of the plan. You might consider asking the teacher to send home a daily behavior report / note. If he has a good day, perhaps he can get a sticker for a behavior chart.
After 15 or 20 stickers (representing that many days of better behavior), consider an appropriate celebration or reward. It should be something he can look forward to doing or receiving, but nothing really extravagant.
By the way, if the first consequence does not seem to be working after several days, be ready to try another one. Remember that you are your son's advocate. Try to be fair with everyone but speak up on his behalf if it is justified.
It is wise to let your son know you love him unconditionally and expect that he can do better at school. Kids often go through rough spots and need TLC and loving guidance to help them through them.
Let me know how it turns out!
Parent Coach J. B
Look for information on Positive Behavioral Support, and read up on why kids act up. Sounds as though this fall 5 days is more stressful than 3 or 4 days for him, and that he is a bit immature for his age. His language skills might also be a bit off, so he gets physical or screams instead of asking for what he wants or or saying what is upsetting him. Kids often want to escape something or get something when they're acting out. Creating a team between you, the director, and teacher would have both home and school environments using positive behavioral support methods, which are very effective in helping young people develop new replacement behaviors and strengthen their verbal and listening skills.
My five year old son had the same issues. It was a big adjustment for my kid from half day preschool to all day school with no naps. I think it is unrealistic to expect little boys to sit still from 7:55 a.m. to 3:20 p.m. And he has homework too! Homework at kindergarten?!!! My son had no behavior issues at preschool either and much the same ones as your son when in kindergarten. Anyway, I expect he'll get used to it. Mine did. I do know that little boys learn differently than little girls and that not all kids learn the same way either. Little girls have more fine motor skills and little boys would rather run, jump and play more. That explains why my son doesn't like to sit still and write his letters. Either way, he's getting used to the program. Good luck to you too!
the only thing I can think might work is a time-out, will the teachers do that for him at school? if he gets out of hand or won't listen, he could just sit in a chair for 5 minutes watching everyone else playing. since it seems playing is all he wants to do, it seems like a fitting consequence. I think he's too young to understand that he doesn't get extra play time after lunch for something he might have done first thing in the morning. missing out on 2 hours of fun is too big of a consequence for a 5 yr old unless the situation is more than just one or 2 instances of not listening.
the thing I think might be causing his behavior all of a sudden is either something in the classroom that has changed or maybe isn't quite as one-on-one as his other classes might have been...he might just need more direct supervision. OR it could be because you mentioned your hubby is working more...maybe your son feels like he's not getting enough attention from dad? maybe your hubby could take him somewhere special once a week, just the 2 of them...to the park, to McDonalds, etc.
sorry I can't help more!
Afternoon C.;
There can be lots of reason for your son's behavior! The first
thing to consider is not him seeing his father more, it is a child's dislike for this teacher!!
Kids have a super intelligence about people, a lot better than us old adults. They know when a person likes what they are doing and when they don't. They also know when a person likes them and when a person doesn't! To like and not like
a person or child is a normal thing!
Today they are too quick to say the child has ADD or ADT or
some other made up disorder!
If the child is 5 then you as his mother should be able to have a discussion with him. Ask him what the problem is, and
you will probably get an answer like>>>I don't know! But if
you will take the time to really be serious with him, he will
tell you!
The first thing I would do as a parent, take him out of that
school for a while, a couple of weeks!! Watch him at home!
Good Luck,
B. C
Sometimes the school and the child are just not a good fit. We have 2 very active little boys. One preschool in particular only wanted "perfect, quiet" children. I know this sounds awful, but it is what it is. After too many times of thinking something was wrong with MY childred, we found another church-based program and they both blossomed. We even ended up attending the church they switched to and it has been a blessing. Sometimes, maybe God is pointing you in another direction. Good luck!
He sounds like a very normal 5 year old boy. My son was exactly like this, but in time out grew it. Now at age 8 he is perfectly behaved, but at 5--just like your son.
I am wondering if his teacher has raised any boys of her own. They are very different from girls. And not to insult anyone, but sometimes parents of only girls are very horrified by typical boy behaviors, even the fathers.
He certainly needs to learn to behave at school, but it seems like the school cannot handle it well themselves. I would go for a conference with the director and the teacher to find out their expectations. If he is suppossed to sit still for the majority of the day, well most 5 year old boys need more time to move around. Know that this will pass though. Good luck!
I'm not sure how to advise you...I wish I had more information because the possibilities are virtually endless.
I would definitely suggest that your son's behavior is a bid for attention and caution you against letting it turn in to a cycle that teaches him that it is a lot easier to get attention for negative rather than positive behavior...I'm dealing with this mistake in a seven year old now and it is not fun!
I'm also concerned that your son's teacher(s) is unable to redirect his attention and seems to be focused on coming up with increasingly obvious forms of negative reinforcement...if this is happening in pre-school, I imagine it would be deeply ingrained by first grade...thankfully, my son's pre-k and kinder teachers saw his behavior as a bid for attention and gave him more positive attention when he began acting out...I can't imagine how badly he would be behaving now (second grade) if I (and his teachers) had allowed the negative reinforcement cycle to escalate the way we did this year before we recognized what was happening!
...one thing you may want to consider stems from what you said about circle time and the way he plays...my son was EXACTLY the same way at that age...and even now he has a hard time containing his excitement or sitting still...and while any number of people have tried to suggest ADHD as his problem, I (and fortunately every teacher he has ever had) know that he is really just an unusually gifted child in ways that make it difficult for him to follow rules or engage in activities that he deems "pointless". His second grade teacher recently described him as "seven going on thirty".
I'd urge you to consider the possibility that your son is similarly gifted and that he may have just figured out that behaving badly is an effective way to get the attention he wants!...and if this is the case, the best solution is NOT to give it to him by providing a list of rules he can break to ensure you and his teacher will focus your entire attention on him! Instead, find ways to offer him positive reinforcement and make the negative reinforcement truly negative by denying him the attention he seeks.
For example, my son bit another child in pre-k...and instead of getting in his face and lecturing him about his behavior or sending him to the office, the teacher made him sit in a chair beside her while she lavished all her attention on the child he bit! Using similar methods for other incidents, my son quickly learned that hurting another child doesn't get him any attention...it focuses all the attention on the other child and that behavior stopped completely.
I'm not suggesting you do away with rules and negative consequences...just make sure that your son is getting a LOT more positive reinforcement than nagative...at school and at home. It is far too easy for us all to ignore all the wonderful things our kids do and focus too much of our attention on their mistakes...and doing so teaches them that bad behavior is the best way to get the attention they crave! Ask yourself this...since solving the letters problem, how much praise have you and his teacher given him for writing his letters?...how much affirmation, praise, and other positive attention does he get when he does follow the rules, when he does sit still in circle, when he does stop playing when he's told to do so? I think it is far to easy for us to come to expect certain behaviors from our children and we stop rewarding them for those behaviors...instead, we notice the exceptions to our expectations and all too often end up teaching our children that negative attention is better than no attention at all!
Please know I'm not criticizing your parenting in ANY way...I think this is something we all do. It dawned on me (and his teacher) this week that my son hasn't received a lot of positive attention for the past few weeks...that we both have been so focused on making him follow the rules that the bulk of the attention he gets has been negative (e.g., loss of privileges, lectures) and his behavior has continued to get worse. During our teacher conference yesterday, we (the teacher and I) resolved to concentrate on giving him a lot more positive attention for all the things he does right while at least temporarily ignoring some of his negative bids for attention.
