My 5 year old son is in kindergarten. He has recently starting peeing his pants (and lying about it). He sometimes pees at school and it doesn't seem to bother him. He has a friend that also soils his pants and the two of them seem to reassure each other that it's ok. My son didn't start this until his little sister started potty training. I don't know if the two are connected. I just want him to stop peeing his pants. I do a smell check and he gets an embarrassed look on his face. This doesn't seem to stop him from peeing though. He does it at home, school and at his friends home. I'm at my wits end with him. This has been going on for at least a month.
Well, it's not under control yet (it's only been a week). But we are making progress. Thank you for all of your ideas. I've decided (with my husband), to relax and talk positively to my son. When he comes home from school and tell him to please go change if he's wet. If he doesn't and I smell him, I tell him to go change and he does. He and I have agreed that when he gets 7 days straight dry (we agreed to put a circle on the calendar), that his Dad will take him to Game Works. He is very excited about this and is very proud to tell me he is dry each day.
No dry days yet. But, we will get there. My daughter is completely pee trained and there are no incentives for the potty. When she was training, we gave everyone a DumDum sucker. I've been trying to pay more special attention to my son (a little everyday). We'll get there. Thank you all. You've saved my sanity.
The two are probably related! I recomend not getting upset in front of him about it, because he is already embaressed. Also talk to him about it! Good Luck!
Boy does this sound familiar! I have a six year old boy who did the same.
My approach was to take away whatever he was involved with at the time that it happened. If he was riding his bike and I noticed he was wet, he immediately came inside to deal with it and was inside for the rest of the day. Or if he was playing with his trains, we put them away for the rest of the day. My hope was that this would teach him that it is better to stop playing for a minute to go then to have to stop for the rest of the day. I wasn't extreme about it, taking away everything...just the thing he was doing at the time he wet himself.
What's more, if I asked him why he didn't come in and go potty, he'd say, "I don't know" and cry. He truly seemed remorseful. It seems to me that many children go through this...they get involved in whatever they are doing and just forget...or ignore the urge to go.
It was tough for a couple of days, but with consistent discipline he suddenly just quit wetting his pants.
The other thing I still do with him is I tell him to go potty every now and then. I don't ask him if he needs to because he usually says, "no". So I've found if I just say, "go potty really quick". He goes and saves himself from accidents.
Hi H.,
I have twins 7 yr old boys. Two years ago when they went into Kindergarten, they were in the same class, one did fine adjusting and tending his own tasks and moving on. The other started to "pee" his pants again. He sometimes said something (we had to send extra clothes in his backpack everyday) and other times it was noticed by someone else. Sometimes no one would notice and he would come home smelling like he had "pee'd" himself but just let it dry. these incidents came with crying when brother would finish a task and move on. He would expect brother to help him or do it for him. Well, the teacher wanted him to learn to tend his own tasks, so he would cry then pee himself becuase he was so upset. He also would just get so into what he was doing, that he would just not pay attention to his body. I became very frustrated with it as you have. I honestly think that it is just a "phase." He eventually got over it and learned to adjust. Maybe your son too is just having trouble adjusting to his new surroundings, people and rutine. I chose not to make any deal about it with my son, and gave him no attention - positive or negative in any way. We got on with life and he grew out of it. Good luck with your son,
S.
The two are absolutely related. My best advice is to not get too upset about it in front of him. It's just giving him the attention he wants, even if it is negative attention. Make him clean up his own messes and put his clothes in the washing machine. Eventually he'll figure out that this isn't fun and he will stop. Just stay consistent with having him clean it up. Consistency is they key to getting this to work. It worked with my twins like a charm.
i have to say when i read this i laughed, my son did the EXACT same thing, and im sorry to say that he is 6 1/2 and still does it(though not as much any more), my only advice is to give the school nurse some extra clothes and alert her to the situation, same with his teacher, tell your son that when he has an accident to go to the nurse to change, when it happens at home or at a friends house dont make it a big deal just tell him to go change and put the dirty ones in a designated spot. Basically make it where its something he just goes and does on his own, same with his sheets, when my son has an accident he doesnt tell me, he just strips his bed and puts them in the laundry, i wash them and we remake his bed together. Side note: i took son to the drs to ask about it and i was told this is just something they go through, some boys have accidents till they are about 10-11. thats what i was told ... good luck hon!!
Check what you were rewarding your daughter with when you started her toilet training. Then try setting up a reward system with your son for keeping his pants dry. Chances are he saw the extra attention to your daughter during that time and started this behavior to try to get some himeself. Best of luck!
Hi H.,
It sounds like he is stressed out and wetting his pants is his way of dealing with the emotional feelings. I would suggest contacting his teacher and asking if you can send him in a pull-up and an extra set of pants and underwear to change into if he wets. The pull-up might give him the message that wetting his pants is not good.
My 7 yr old went through something similar. (Poop) The more angry I got and punished him, the worse he got. Once I settled down and told him it was okay everything got better. I also had him clean up his own underwear in the bathtub so that he could understand what mommy has to do when he has an accident. To this day, if he has an accident, usually from too much fruit or medicines, he takes care of it
Also, if you ask him to go into the restroom, give him a change of clothes and ask him to take care of himself, he may learn that it's not ok to wet himself. (I also have my kids put their soiled clothing in the bath so that they can be rinsed out and I don't step on the soiled clothing.)We did this with our 4 year old and it worked. He used to be so engrossed in video games that he would wait until the last minute to go, or he would just plain wet himself.
I feel that these things pass if you don't get upset and don't punish. Even though it bugs the dickens out of you, I suggest that you pretend that it doesn't bother you, ask him to take care of it.
My father-in-law suggests that you tell him that when he is wet he smells and people don't want to be around someone who smells like pee. Being genuine and sincere may help him too.
Good luck.
Some children do have problems with bladder habits. It is frustrating espescially after having taken all the time to help them to use the potty in the first place. I would probably check with a doctor just to make sure your not dealing with an infection or other medical condition, but from what you have stated, it sounds unlikely. Also I suggest looking at the website: pottymd.com. It has some good information on teaching good bladder habits to older children and also some good products to helpyou do just that. Good Luck. Try not to get too frustrated with your son, he might just be looking for some extra attention.
Just a thought but, how much attention do you give your daughter while potty training? Are rewards involved? Is there any kind of a balance for your son?
Good Luck!
L.
Hi there I had a simmilar problem my son at three years old was completley potty trained, but at four years old he started pooping his pants for no reason.
this was very agervating to me and lasted until he was eight I finally figured out that he was doing it for attention and neggative attention is still attention. I finally had to step away from the situation and anilize what was really the concern, I then decided to make him take ownership of his problem. If i smelled him I would say I think you need to go check yourself and then if he did poop he was responsible for cleaning out his under ware and cleaning himself up. I did not get emotional over it as i had before I gave him no attention for it and within a month he stopped pooping his pants. your son may feel like your daughter is getting more attention than what he is and may be acting out in order to get the attention he thinks he deserves. I don't know if this will help or not but its worth a shot. S.
Often the sudden start of something like this is due to stress. Find out if something is bothering him at school. Find out if someone is hurting him. Pay attention if he doesn't want to go somewhere, and find out why.
Once you have eliminated all those reasons, it is safe to assume he is doing it on purpose. It could be for attention, it could be to reassure his friend, or whatever. I'd put pull-ups on him for school and tell him that since he is wetting, he'll have to stay home from everything else until we can get it under control. No more play dates, no more (where ever he loves to go). You might even have Dad take the other kids out to Chuck e Cheese or somewhere fun to speed up his desire to get it under control. Tell him one week dry before he can resume normal activities. Don't present it as a punishment, but as natural consequences. You can't be peeing on the floor everywhere you go, and I can't carry around an extra pair of clothes for you, and there isn't a good way to clean you up while we are out. The pull-ups at school will keep him from wetting with his friend, because no one else will be able to see it... also, no attention for changing.
Just my suggestions... good luck
You should check with his pediatrician about the problem before he has too many psychological scars or you do from the issue.
It is my understanding that in little boys as they grow their urethra doesn't grow as fast and sometimes causes the accidents. Our son had encopresis which caused him to have bowel movement accidents and it was a terrible cause of embarassment for him as was the initial treatment (and his brothers made fun of him). He is over 18 now and in college and has recently asked about the treatment he received and is now grateful that we intervened and took him to the doctor.
Good luck and hang in there. It is wonderful to be able to be a stay at home mom but very stressful too.
Hello my friend sent me your story thought and I thought I would sare my story. My 5 year old son started to do the same thing this year at first I thought maybe becaause he was nervious starting kindegardan but at the same time he attended pre school for 2 years prior so that didnt really make any since. I talk to his teachers a few times finally by the 3rd time one of his teachers (whom is award winng book writer about childern) suggested that maybe he was trying to get attention. Why would he want negitave attention that blew my mind he gets a TON of attention I said but she suggested anyway that she would talk to him and told him that every 5 days that he was dry she would reward him with a hot wheel (which he loves) Sure enough it's been well over two months and not one accident at school home or anywhere else for that matter. I also have a 2 1/2 year old were trying to get started on the potty. I hope this helps and GOOD LUCK!! 33 year old stay at home mother of 2.
P.S. it's been about 3 weeks now without the reward and there hasen't been any accidents!
Dear H.,
I want you to be point blank and ask your sone if anyone has touched his privits. I have seen this happen before when child has been abused, but it also can be coralted to the sister being potty trained and he wants the attention. Please Please make sure you ask him about the first. Non of us want our child to be sexually abused, but sometimes this is a way for them to make sure they are safe no one will touch them if they have wet or dirty pants. Best of luck. I hope I didn't frighten you, but it needs to be asked.
