5 Year Old Suddenly Very Difficult

Hi Galway Girl,

My son did this too. He goes through 'seasons' (we're in one right now, The Season of Little Resilience and Much Negativity... I am mourning the loss of the previous Season of Sunny Disposition and Enthusiasm.)

Besides sticking with our usual boundaries/rules, here are some things which helps me a lot when my son flips that internal switch:

Being consistent.
Being empathetic; this often involves stating the obvious ("I know, you really wanted to have ice cream today and it's not a treat day and that's a bummer for you.")
Giving a firm NO when necessary and, whenever possible, a "YES and WHEN" ("Yes, you may have some ice cream tomorrow. That's your treat day!")
Giving lots of positive attention during times of 'neutral' behavior; that is, when he's busy doing something he enjoys for his own pleasure, that's when I rub his shoulder or back, tousle his hair, give him a kiss on the head or a wink or smile across the room. This non-verbal contact is very validating and has a profound effect during times when we see negative attention-getting behaviors such as you describe.

I also often Google "child development 5 years" ; a website for caregivers called All The Daze is great for this and has suggested activities:
http://www.allthedaze.com/sdevelopment.html

Some whining warrants "please go take a break in your room until you can come back with your regular voice" , so once the problem has been identified, he's received empathy, offered some options or comfort, if the carrying on continues, then he's welcome to take his bad mood to his room.

Lying: I focus a lot on how HAPPY I am when he tells me the truth. When he seems a bit cagey when I ask "so what's going on here?" and then tells me the truth, I tell him HOW GLAD I am to know what happened and then we focus on fixing it. There is a moderate loss of privileges for lies. Here's an article which really helped:
http://nymag.com/news/features/43893/

Know, too, that maybe her emotions are feeling huge for your daughter and that when she's in her room for a long time, she's taking a break. I've seen kids do this in my experience as a nanny; one in particular would keep coming out so stinkin' mad that her mom would have to carry her back in. So your daughter is doing some self-regulating by staying alone.
If this continues on for months, do talk to someone, but otherwise, my guess is that it IS a season, and just as that little girl I cared for grew out of it, yours will also.

Good luck.

Oh, and I should add, I wouldn't mention Kindergarten or big transitions until you are close to them. Talk of KG can add a lot of anxiety for kiddos-- I've seen this many times as a nanny and preschool teacher. Try to keep her in the present as much as possible, otherwise it's a big unknown and added stress.

My first thought was bored too. My 5 year old loves school, her friends, her independence etc. I am sure you have a reason to keep her home but maybe it's time for some activities.

Growing pains.

No kid, is a grown up kid, while they are still a kid.
Each age juncture, can be hard for them.
They are the child. Not a grown up.
Making up their mind... is even hard for them.
So you can't even expect them to fully do that yet.
They do not have, deductive and inductive reasoning... fully developed nor at an adults, capacity.

Teach her, how to express herself to you. Even if she is feeling icky.
And that, you are there for her.

I would enroll her in Preschool.
MORE often. Half days. Part time.

Probably normal. Growth spurt or working out some new found independence. Try a good one on one time with her to keep communications open in case there is something else bothering her. Could be a friend with a bad attitude she is copying.

Keep up the boundaries. Every child has a bit different temperament.

Maybe she is bored. She is home with you except for four hours. Is she in any activities like a gym class or dance class? How about this summer, is she home with you or have you signed her up for a camp of so e sort.

get the book 1,2,3 magic. and follow it. sounds like your already on that track but it works really well if you do it.

Maybe there are other things that have changed slightly that you haven't noticed, but they are triggering some emotional responses in your daughter. You have 2 older kids... are they getting ramped up about the end of the school year? Getting antsy? Getting lots of "end of the year" activities lined up or invitations, or talking about parties at school?
All of those sorts of things can have an effect on your daughter, and she won't even know that is the root of it.

I would try a little more empathy, and add a bit more "notice" when there is about to be a change (transition time). When you need her to move on from one activity to another, give her a bit more warning and help her transition. Don't just expect her to go with it that second. (Not saying you are doing that... but you didn't really give any specific situations, just her reaction without the stimuli being expounded upon).

And try to celebrate something with/for HER, if that is what is going on with the rest of the family. If she just feels dragged along to "their" stuff... or FOR their stuff, she will be resentful and grumpy.

1-2-3 Magic IS an excellent resource, though, if you decide that it isn't just a bump in the road due to end of the school year chaos.

You may need to do some digging to find out what is behind this. There may be something that happened that caused the child's emotions to be in turmoil and for the child to feel things are out of control. I have a grandson who is this way and a granddaughter. I know some of the reasons that are behind it but nonetheless they need to learn correct behavior. One of the things I do with both of them is first of all state their actions are inappropriate and they need to use their words. I will rub their back before anything else is said and talk soothingly to them and tell them it is okay and repeat to them "it's okay" calm down and use your words. As I remain calm and talk soothing to them they calm down. It takes some time but is very effective. At the times they don't calm down I tell them they cannot have whatever they want till they calm down and use words and leave them to think about this. If they are yelling at me I tell them I will not talk to them if they yell at me. I also say I don't yell at you and it is not right for you to yell at me. Just some thoughts on it.