5 Year Old Wants to Die

My daughter, who is almost 7, says that too...mostly when she's in trouble as well. I am only guessing it's a "defense mechanism"...a way to try and get pity, perhaps to get out of trouble.

You need to make him aware that it is his ACTION, not HIM, that got him in trouble. You also need to "catch him" being good...give him praise (maybe more than usual), perhaps small treats for things you catch him doing right, extra hugs and kisses.

Also, sit down with him and ask him if he really knows what being dead is, or wanting to die. Tell him that you would miss him terribly and all the other things that would happen were he not around.

Also, you need to wonder where this is coming from....he's getting something from school probably (this is around the time my daughter started that too - kindergarten).

My son who is now 10 1/2 went through that for two years and thinking that he's going to die but it's part of the phase. Isn't your child diagnosed as an ADHD? If so, that is part of the mild bipolar or part of the diagnoses. If not, then it is part of the phase. He got over it. When he first said "I don't wanna die!" It did scare me for a year then I started talking to the social worker at the school. The social worker says its pretty common for young kids when they watch tv and realized its part of reality and thinking of themselves that theyre going to die. I explained the reality to my son about life n death. We all die but we don't know when! He slowly overcame the phase. Thank god....So try talking to the social worker @ school or pediatrician to see what can be done. You also can talk with your son and explain things to him such as life n death.

Good Luck!

My daughter did the same thing and it was mostly when she got into trouble and felt really bad about "being bad." I would question what you do differently, if anything, when your son says this. Is the punishment lighter? Do you stop and give him sympathy? I think at first my reaction to my daughter saying that was of course alarm and it really stopped me in my tracks. I don't think she was doing it to control me but I do think it was because she felt so bad about her behavior and she didn't know how else to deal with her feelings. I would say, "I know you feel bad about what you did and I am mad at your behavior but I really love you and do not want you gone." I would concentrate on the behavior being bad but despite that, I loved her very much. I would explain that the punishment was for her behavior and not because she was a bad person.

I think they realize that after they say something like that, they'll get a reaction. Follow through with the punishment but be sure to sit down with him after to talk about it and tell him what he did was wrong and that is why he was being punished not because he is a bad person. But that saying the he wants to die is also not a good thing to say. Maybe you could help him with words on how to express how he feels.

I agree with Kelly's very good advice. I would also add that you can make an appointment with the school counselor for some more tips on how to deal with this behavioral issue.
Good Luck and let us know how it turns out.

Hi S.,

My son, now 14, went through the same thing when he was 5. I had to take him to a couple doctors before the diagnosis was made. (Now, I don't want to alarm you because your son probably has something else than mine.) We went to our pcp, a therapist, and psychiatrist before they determined what his problems were. What I am here to say is don't give up...make your self a notebook and start puting all the information and records (doctors, school and personal diary). Put a picture of your son on the front of the notebook and take your notebook with you to every doctor or school appointment. Too often the child is forgotten and becomes just a case or number. I take my son's book with me to every meeting/appointment pertaining to him and have had to pull out information/records, etc. that 'they' did not have in their file. Also, look in your baby book and transfer a copy of the information on age and development/stages into your son's book. A lot of disabilities start showing themselves according to milestones (teething, rolling over, standing, walking...etc).

Good luck S....I hope that it turns out to be phase, and one that he'll outgrow soon.

W. Q

Take him to a doctor now. He sounds as if he is clinically depressed. It might be hard to believe that a 5 year old could be clinically depressed but it wouldn't be the first time. I personally don't know of any good Pediatric psychologist, but it would probably be a good idea to get to the root of the problem now versus ten years from now when there is a real problem. Best of luck. Follow your maternal instincts, you will know what you need to do for your situation.

I put this up on another response... I am a little weird... I believe in psychic stuff. Maybe he's seeing stuff and that is what is making him say that.
That being said... I actually got severly depressed (almost suicidal) when I was 9 years old. I highly suggest taking hi to a therapist. I wish my mom had listened to me about my "wanting to die" instead of just spanking me.
Good luck

I hope this helps a little. When I was young I used to have anxiety attacks about dying and hurting myself and other things. Possibly he is feeling some anxiety or lack of control. At that time in my life my parents were having trouble and I believe starting to separate. Possibly there is something going on that is creating a fear or a need for escape. I think it could have something to do with boundaries. I found that out about myself later on.

I believe it was the most recent Parenting magazine that had an article on a more extreme case of this, but it may be helpful. I hope that he either grows out of it or you find a way to help him. Good Luck.
M.

If you are concerned about that(which I would be too) I would be calling his Ped. to make an appt. to talk to her about it.

Sounds like you need to teach him a new way to express his feelings. And it wouldn't hurt to take him to a child physcologist for an evaluation. But it so good that your on top of the situation. And church is good for talking with your pastor if you go, but sometimes with church, they make heaven sound so good that children want to go before there time, like heaven can be a place to go away from all the bad, Good luck....

Get him to a Doctor ASAP!!!! The poor little guy needs help. maybe he thinks Heaven will be a fun place. do you have a church back ground?????????? if so let him talk to them. If live in the area I have a great Children's pastor that I know would love to talk to him. he is great with kids. ###-###-####. He will not push any religon on you at all. but will be able to give you some insight. I will say a prayer for you all. please let me know how it goes.

My first thought is Who/what has died? You said you've talked about death... does he miss whoever is gone? (the pet or Grandma?) Maybe this is his way of trying to talk about whoever has died.

Good Luck.

S.:

When he states that he wants to die, does he also state "how" or any other specifics? Is there anything different going on in his life? Although it could be nothing, I would take him in to be evaluated. One of the kiddos who I work with is not much older than your son (7),and we (the family and I) had to hospitalize him. My intention is not to scare you, just to be aware...which it sound like you are.
A. L