5 Yr Old Emotional Issues

Has he always been like this? My 5 year old is extremely emotional and cries at everything. I was hoping it was the age?? She thrives at school as well. I don't have any answers, just that you're not alone.

It sounds to me that even though he gets along at daycare ok, he is resenting the time he is there. I've seen it in my daycare lots. First of all, it's very normal for kids to be worse for parents than others. It happens all the time. So a little acting out is normal. Also, you get him at the end of what feels like a long day. He's just tired much of the time.

IF you believe he is still more cranky and more belligerent than he should be from being tired and normal parent/child testing of the limits, then I think you should take turns spending quality alone time with him at least 1 night per week and a whole day on the weekend. He needs to feel like he is a priority. It is a sad but true fact that little ones CAN NOT understand the reason parents work. They don't know about bills and making money yet.

Once you establish a routine of taking turns spending alone time with him, then tie this privilege into his behavior. At first do it no matter what. Then start to explain to him that you will not take him out and spend special time with him if he misbehaves too often. But by all means, please remember he's just a little boy. He can't be perfect.

Suzi

My daughter is 5, and I've noticed the same things with her sometimes (crying at the drop of a hat and very grumpy/temper tantrums). I've noticed that she mainly does this on weekends when she doesn't have a period of "down time" in the middle of the day (quiet play or book time) or when she hasn't had an afternoon snack-- both of which she has at school. So you might think about incorporating these things on the weekends. When we have problems in the evening, it's often due to hunger/low blood sugar so you might try giving him a little something to eat before dinner (I give my daughter some kind of vegetable or fruit before dinner-- that way it's sort of a preview of her dinner, rather than something that will "ruin" it). Hang in there!

If your son can follow instructions and have good behavior for the day with other people, you have to know that something is not going right at home. This doesn't mean that you are doing someting wrong willingling. Things could be going on that you are unaware of.

These are just things I have encountered from myself and others. This is 33 yrs. worth of experience. Please don't become offended.

He is the oldest and I'm wondering if you have a habit of having him give into the younger kids when he may have had it first, just because they are younger. I have found that if you don't know who had the toy first or who started hitting first it is better to take the toy from everyone or time out for everyone. Being fair and equal is so important and they can pick up on it really fast. They have a tendency to act out when they feel that he is the one who gets into trouble.

What I experienced was when my oldest son went to school for the 2nd half of kindergarten he came home and he was rude to his little brother and even pushed him. He had never done this before. So I sat down with him and asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. I told him that his little brother loved him and he had never treated his little brother bad before. He told me that the little boys at school hated their sibblings and he should too. I thought good grief. So I asked him if his little brother came home and treated him the exact same way as he was treating his little brother how would he feel. He thought for a moment and said, it would hurt my feelings and make me cry. I asked him if he loved his little brother and he said, oh yeah. I then asked him how he should treat his little brother and he said, "Like I always have" then he said, "Mom those boys at school are mean" I explained to him that he didn't have to lecture them he needs to let things go that he knows is wrong and just don't act that way.

Another thing a lot of parents don't realize sometimes that they are not being consistenm be it being tired, or busy. When we teach our children,to get it 100% right, we would have to be perfect and we know we are not that. But if you could just check yourself and make sure you discipline each time and not skip a time. Kids will take the chance on getting by with it even if they know 3 out of 5 times they will get into trouble, it's worth getting by with it 2 times. Strange but that is the way it is.

Professionals tell us that if we count to warn the child of discipline, if we go past one on the scale to 3 it is not working. So many parents count to 3 over and over. The child who waits to 3 is being defiant and it is not working.

If we yell at our kids we have already lost the battle. If a child doesn't respond to you it does no good to yell from another room. Take the time to go to that child and instruct him. The yelling they learn to tune out, or that it is just a threat nothing is really going to happen.

Parents teach, in every aspect, emotions are God given, it is the parents that teach the child how to use emotions. When we tell a child not to do something, if we can just take the time to explain to the child why something should or should not be done they feel more comfortable with what you want them to do. Parenting takes time and most parents don't want or don't have the time to take the extra step. In the long run things will be so much more peaceful and when discipline is needed it is for something that they clearly know that they should not have done.

Our youngest son has ADHD and we learned so many things from raising him. We made plenty of mistakes, but with each mistake we learned a valuable lesson. The #1 was this, when you tell a child to take their feet off the table, they will then they turn and put their feet on the sofa. If we tell them to take their feet off the table and put them on the floor where they belong. They are more likely not to put their feet on anything else. Make sure you explaine clearly what you want the kids to do.

Parenting is not for cowards for sure. And knowledge is the greatest tool you have. Dr. James Dobson was one of my favorite. There are a lot of strange ideas out there in teaching our kids. Be careful what you choose, the wrong thing can make your life miserable.

Have Fun with your kids and enjoy them each day. There will come a time when your home is so quiet and lonely. It is the most wonderful complement when your kids are grown and they thank you for the way you raised them. And you see them using some of the same teaching methods on their children. You know you did something right.

Thank you so much for your posting. I have been going thru similar experiences with my stepson who will be 6 in May. I have read all of the responses because I am not yet sure what to do myself. I believe that child therapy will be helpful and I often consider that my stepson may have a mood disorder, he most definitely displays ODD (obstinant defiant disorder). However, because he is not my child, my hands are tied. I have suggested this to his mom and dad, they agree there are obvious problems with him but so far they havent taken him anywhere. He gets TONS of attention and one-on-one time, he is the only child at his mothers and is the only grandchild on both sides of the family. Everyone dotes on him. I have three other children at my house and I thought it was the fact that he was not the center of attention and that he was jealous of his younger brother (the extended family do not acknowledge my son as part of the family, like my stepson who is their only prized grandchild.) His dad and I have given him TONS of one-on-one attention and he still acts out, and it turns out that his mother, aunt and others have the same problems with him. Like you said, the behavior is like the flick of a switch - appearing to be out of nowhere. Unfortunately, for me it is not my place to take my stepson to therapy but I do believe that it would be helpful. Just know that you are not alone and thanks again for posting. I look forward to reading anyother suggestions you may recieve!

With empathy,
M.

Its the age i swear. I think they go through that every six monthes where they are moody. I have a six year old that does the same thing. He does care what you think and he knows it bothers you. He is pushing your buttons. when he behaves and is acting himself praise him tell him how proud you are of the way he is acting. When he switches to mr hyde tell him you are not going to listen to him be nasty and grumpy that is not the way to act and send him to his room to be by himself until he is ready to behave correctly. as long as he knows you and your hubby are in control and consistant you will get through it. this is my third of four children and two are grown so its not my first rodeo. I do understand and im going gray just going through it myself so hang in there.

Just today, my husband and I thought discipline what was needed in a situation in our home with our son. Before we did anything, we prayed. We are both filled with the HOLY SPIRIT and are sensitive to the WORD of God that rings true in our hearts when we are walking in the Spirit. We changed gears with the child. We sat him at the dining room table and began conversation with him. We gave him hugs. We talked about his day. We helped him with his homework. Then we addressed what we perceived as him lying. Come to find out, he had not lied. We just misunderstood. We had him pray and he then went happily on his way. There is peace in the house. I encourage you to start with prayers, communication, positive interaction, the discussion about the issues. End with more prayer. May God bless your home with peace that surpasses all understanding.

Dear Cheri:

Please run, do not walk, to the nearest counseling center. I worked with children of all ages and their families for many, many years as a psychotherapist which does not make me an expert, however, does help me recognize when serious problems are on the way for a family. First of all, it sounds as though he is getting a LOT of attention with his behavior from mom and dad. As the oldest, he has to prove he still has a place in the family. Negative attention is better than what he perceives as no attention. His behavior also suggests that he is depressed--he is too young to understand how come he continues to do things that result in negative consequences. These suggestions are just barely touching the tip of the iceberg! Check to see if any agencies in your area have parent education classes--I don't know about you, but I sure didn't get an instruction book when any of my four were born.

Katy

I'm with Suzi. It seems like your some might just need some one-on-one time. My 4 year old has been acting out and I bet he could use some one-on-one time, too.
L.

Hi Cheri,

My little one was kind of like that specially if I compare her with my first angel (I know I shouldn't compare....)
My advice is to hug him and kiss him as much as you can when he is not being bad, when you pick him up at school, let him know that you love him and miss him a lot and you love him the way he is.
My daughter hated kisses and if I asked her for a kiss, she would say no or "just one!" Now she is getting used to them and giving lots of them and smiling about it, she was jealous of my oldest daughter since she is so good and never got disciplined. My girls love each other, but there has been always the issue that my 8 years old now was always good (too good!) and my 3 years old was always doing something wrong and crying and screaming and all that. Now they are more alike, even though it took me a long time to put her in the right track.
Now she knows that she doesn't have to be mean at her sister or us to know that we love her, I think that it is a way of testing how much we can stand as how much we love her or if we could love her more than her sister or as much.
Now she knows....
Best of luck! It takes time! Kiss him a lot even if he says he doesn't like it:)
Mariana Abadie
www.MyKidsFirst.com

I agree with Suzi L about spending one on one time with you son. Also, learn some easy one liners to use consistently when appropriate. My daughter started with "I hate you"s right after she started kindergarten (she was tired). It crushed me at first. Then I started replying calmly and with feeling, "That's to bad because I still love you and always will." I then drop it and go on with what ever I was doing. Another great line when they want to argue is "I love you to much to argue." Then drop it and DO NOT ARGUE WITH THEM. They just don't know what to do with that. I believe it is a stage they go through. Your son probably does not take naps anymore. Make sure he is getting enough sleep at night. When children are tired they will act up. Since you get him at the end of the day you will be the one who gets the brunt of it.

hI FROM D.. I CAN EMPATHIZE WITH YOU. MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE AN 8 YEAR OLD WITH SIMILAR RESPONSES, BUT FOR DIFFERENT REASONS. WE FIND THAT A UNITED FRONT, CONSISTENCY, AND LOTS OF HUGS HAVE HELPED. YOU ALSO NEED TO LET THE LITTLE THINS PASS AND CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES. THE KIDS KNOW WHAT PUSHES YOUR BUTTONS AND WHAT DOESN'T. OUR DAUGHTER IS ALSO A MASTER MANIPULATORM ESPECIALLY WITH DAD. DAD IS NOW SEEING THE LIGHT. IT MAY BE A MYSTERY FOREVER AS TO WHY HE IS BHAVING THIS WAY. IF THE SUGGESTIONS DON'T HELP YOU MIGHT CINSIDER GETTING HIM PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. FOR SOME REASON HE MAY BE VERY ANGRY AT HIS PARENTS AND THIS IS HIS ONLY WAY OF LETTING YOU KNOW. HOPE THIS HELPS AND GOD BLESS

Hello! I also have a son, he is now 9, but I had the same problem when he was younger. He also went to a day care and they all said that he was the greatest little boy to have in class but when we were home and on the weekends he was a little devil to say the least. I started takeing a closer look at what seemed to upset him and why he would act out and I found that he didn't have to vocabulary to tell me how he was feeling so that we could talk about it. We are a military family and he was upset that we would have to move and he was unable to see friends and family. He is able to express his feelings better now. He still has some breakdowns when he is punished but he is not punished that often. I hope that this helps.

I have the same issues with my 5 year old son. He has been attending behavioral therapy for a few weeks. He goes to the Children's Place. They also have group meetings for parents.

The Childrens Place
2 East 59th Street
Kansas City, MO 64113
###-###-#### phone
###-###-#### fax
____@____.com

Sounds to me like he is wanting attention. Since he is the oldest of 3 he probably doesnt feel like he is getting enough mommy and daddy time. You might try to set aside time where one parent is doing something special with him, like reading a book or playing a game, and the other parent is watching the other kids. If you can get a babysitter for your other kids you might take him to the park or to a movie or the zoo. He needs to know he is special and you have time for him.

I was also having some problems with my just turned 6 son until he went to the principals office at school. We decided then and there that we needed to change our parenting technique and that we were not going to yell or get angry with him all the time anymore. we just started being patient with him and very loving and spending time doing family activities that he likes and after a couple of days he is a new kid! He was picking up on our frustration and anger with him not behaving and was displaying that frustration and anger instead of changing his bad behavior. as soon as we changed our behavior with him he changed right away. Good luck with your situation and hang in there!