5 Yr Old Girl Won't Eat

Don't fix so many refined carbs--only whole grains, some kind of protein and lots of vegetables and fruits to choose from(let her help pick out which vegeys and fruits) and give her a small plate of food with a little of each food. Only water to drink. If she wants more of any of the foods give it to her and if she doesn't eat don't make a big deal about it simply remind her in a neutral voice that there will be no other food for the evening. The go back to eating and conversation--try to include her in talking at dinner( feed the babies ahead of time so you can have relaxed family with her and husband. Kids will eat when they are hungry if you don't allow them to fill up on junk or juices!If she senses that you are getting upset that will only fuel the fire!

I have very little patience for picky eaters. So, you make take this harshly, but she'll eat when she's hungry. You shouldn't have to plan five hundred meals just to make everyone happy. Make what you waht to make and put it in front of her. If she doesn't like it, you will learn that. If she's just being stubborn though, you will learn that too. Tell her this is what she gets, and if she doesn't eat it, she gets nothing else. She will eventually break and eat better, unless she keeps getting away with it. Be strong! This is just another gateway into seeing how far she can push you, and how much she can get away with.

N.,
Just let her be. She is not in any danger. She will be in more danger of anorexia, as you know, if everything becomes about food and power. Try feeding her love. In other words, whenever you feel yourself going down that road of getting into a food struggle, give her a hug, a snuggle, some words of what you love about her. Food is often connected to feelings.
This culture is way too much about food. I struggle with the same thing with my 10-yr-old little girl and feel like sometimes she is replaying all my food issues. But for my daughter, it is not knowing her limits, having an internal check point, stopping before she is stuffed, and always choosing carbs (pasta, sweets, breads, etc.). So I try to de-escalate feelings around food (I still observe this playing out in my family of origin) AND it is hard to escape from how we were raised and our habits. Remind yourself that you don't want to do it how you and your mom did it. No need to be dramatic (about feeding tubes) or to think that your daughter is going die over this. It is pretty rare that people die here of starvation or malnutrition (tho anorexia is more of a threat).
Commit to letting the struggle go. It might take 4-6 weeks, keep giving her several options on her plate, ones she likes and ones she doesn't like with no attachment to what she chooses, and maybe one day, she'll pick up the carrot stick or the yogurt or the broccoli. I read in a book that biologically (back to the hunter/gatherer days) it takes like 15 introductions of the same food for a kid to try it (from Feeding Your Child for Lifelong Health). And remember: she has the possibility of completely surprising you!
Good luck,
C. J.

If there's no medical reason, you may want to read "My Child Won't Eat!" by by Carlos Gonzalez It may be meant mainly for slightly younger cildren, but may help. Or at least reassure you! A review follows:
"Parents everywhere worry when their baby or toddler doesn’t seem to eat as much as they think he should! Carlos Gonzalez, a pediatrician and father, sets those fears to rest as he explores the reasons why a child refuses food, the pitfalls of growth charts, and the ways that growth and activity affect a child’s caloric needs. He discusses how eating problems start and how they can be avoided. My Child Won’t Eat! includes mothers’ stories of the anguish and torment they have gone through in trying to get their children to eat! Dr. Gonzalez reassures parents that children know how much they need to eat and explains why a parents’ only involvement should be providing healthful food choices. Forcing a child to eat more than what he needs can only lead to tears, tantrums, and eventually, obesity."

I totally agree with the other Moms who fear the control/anorexia issue more then the worrying if she eats "the right stuff". I would definitely not turn it into a big deal and she will find her own way. Maybe she will always have some food issues or maybe she will grow out of it, but you don't want it to escalate. My sister got all her attention from my mom this way. It was all about what she would and wouldn't eat and worrying about her etc. Don't let her see you worrying about her and her eating and limit your (and others-grandma) comments about it. I also agree that clearly your spening time with her is paying off. Children need your attention and will find ways to get it-good or bad. Sounds like things are on the right track.(ps if you still have food issues I would work to get them resolved-kids really pick up on our subconscious stuff-that's partly how these things get passed down through families-and good luck!)

I have no idea if this would work but what about having mommy and big girl lunches, where she gets "special" lunch with mommy. you could talk about the menu and plan it abit and then you two have it. I agree that pressure is probably not a great idea.

It sounds like you know what's wrong. Since you think it's a lack of momy time... which is probably right... why don't you let her help you with dinner? Maybe if she feels as if she has a say in what's for dinner (as in "what do you think, corn or peas?" "what should we cook tonight, honey? Spaghetti?") she'll want to eat. Or just make dinner a kind of date time for her. She might just really not be into eating, though. I've got one who eats everything and on who hardly eats at all.

I have a 3 yr old like your 5 yr old. I too bought the Deceptively Delicious book....I buy baby food to hide in our food. I do not have the time right now to puree food...so cheat and buy baby food. Good luck, I know the stress of it

My daughter is also five and the only child we have. She resists alot as well. Along with the potty, this is one aspect a child has control over. Obviously, you know the negative result of forcing the issue. I realize your situation is different but I have found to just put healthy meals in front of her and usually she will eat it even when she'll say she doesn't want to. Whatever the amount is she eats is the same size snack she gets before bed, ie., ice cream, popsicle, cookie, whatever. I have also found to make her simple meals. If I make meat loaf, her portion I make plain, no spices, just egg, ketsup/barbecue sauce and breadcrumbs. She loves pasta but not spagetti sauce so I give her the sauce on the side and if she wants to dip her bread she can. Also, when she says she is hungry before dinner I will make a plate of cucumber, petite tomatoes, and carrots. Typically, it will be gone even though she has said she didn't want it. Best of luck to you!

I have a now six year old who is also a finicky eater. It's so funny because what you describe her favorite foods (all carbs I noticed) are exactly what my daughter eats as well. I personally don't think you should make food an issue because I believe you really can't control them on this. Keep putting good healthy food choices in front of her and she will be all right. Another suggestion for her protein needs: offer proteins she might eat like scrambled eggs, bacon, carnation instant breakfast, pediasure, yogurt . . . you get my drift. Hope it helps! And good luck with the babies!

I have an 8 year old with Autism, he wont eat half the time. His pediatritian told me to fix him a plate at dinner time, if he ate it fine and if he didnt that was fine too. She told me to make sure he was drinking plenty so he did not get dehydrated. The first day or two I didnt think he was going to eat enough to keep him alive but the DR assured me he would be fine as long as he was drinking. After a few days he started picking at his plate and finally started eating alittle here and there. He is still picky but he does eat at least some of the stuff on his palte every meal. The DR said when he gets hungry enough he will eat. You have to stick with it and not let then know they are winning. I had a hard time with thinking I was starving my child but it is starting to work. Hang in there if she is hungry enough and she has no other choice she will eat what you put in front of her. If you need to have a special food that she just loves and tell her 'if you eat 4 bites you can have some of this' that might be enough to get her thinking she will get a special treat if she eats. It might work, it did for my son. I hope it all works out for you!! God Bless!

Dear N.,
Here is how it works.....you fix a meal, you put some of each food on her plate, you sit down to eat for a period of time, then you clean up from the meal.
NO whining, NO begging, NO focusing on her not eating.
Just be matter-of-fact about it.
Your home is NOT a restaurant, and you are not a short order cook.
Do NOT make a big deal out of it.
ONLY healthy snacks like fruit once in the afternoon.
NO junk food.
It is unfortunate that today the "thin" message is so prevalent in our media and society, because girls as young as this are already concerned.
Be careful what you say about food in general or about dieting or your figure etc.
Because you have had so many struggles it is important to take the emphasis off of food and eating.
Serve what is nutritious and yummy too.
I used to put applesauce and wheat germ in the pancakes.
You have the right idea.
If the plate of food is colorful, then it is usually on the healthy side.
If every food on the plate is white, well, you can figure that out.
I hope things get better.

I have been through this with my 5 year old daughter not too long ago. She started to refuse to eat dinner adn other meals. I finally told her she must try all the food at dinner in order to get anything else to eat, it took some hungry nights, but we finally broke through and she would try everything, over time she gave up and started eating dinner. Also, I used to have special dinners with her, we would plan her favorite dinner for her and I would have a picnic, things like that to make it fun, or she could watch spongebob while we ate if she ate breakfast. We did do the whole go hungry thing and it was TOUGH!!! but it worked and now she is not picky at all and eats everything again adn is will to try everything. Make is special, make it her and you time and she might come around, it is for attention, my 5 year old competes with her little sister for attention and giving her a few extra minutes of positive attnetion worked, for a while I would give her negative attention and even though I was yelling at her, she still had my attnetion and so I had to stop the negative attention adn only give her postive attention so she learned that she would not get it from me with negative behavior.
Hope this hellped
M.

My son was and is the exact same way hor-rible eater!! I send him to school with a sandwich (turky nothing on the break or jelly only) snack chips and desert and I get almost the whole thing back.. I'm lucky the child eats anything but nuggets, plain noodles or a donut occasionally, its just recently at six he has added mac n cheese every 3 months to his diet... My dr told me that as long as he takes his vitamins and drinks water I shouldn't force him but help me I worry a bit.. My brother was the same way he was a toothpick and horrible eater until he was a grown up.. now he eats everything .. so i'm hoping my son will be the same.. Keep up the hope

I recommend not pushing and just feeding her what she will eat. She's obviously stressed and you threatening will only increase it and probably her resolve, if there's not an underlying physical issue.

What triggered in you when you were a kid? You know first hand how the pressure can turn out.

Can you find help with the babies so you can focus on just some fun time with the two of you?

It sounds like your gut knows what to do, you just need to trust it.

A.

I had this problem with my son at a younger age from about 3 until he was about 6. VERY PICKY eater all he wanted was mac & cheese & hotdogs and occasionally pancakes. (He's still a picky eater and he's 30! I do not envy his new wife!! At least he eats more things now, but not by much!) I asked the doctor about this and he told me it was just a phase alot of kids go through as long as he was growing taking his vitamins and was otherwise healthy do not push and don't worry he would eat when he decided he was hungry and wanted a change. He did, I also found out he ate a variety of others things when he was at the babysitters & my grandmother's when he was home. Like roast beef, green beans, tacos things he turned nose up at at home.

My daughter was picky also. She was always below the charts in weight. Our doctor told us just to make sure when she did eat it was healthy foods.I never cooked anything special for her. She needed to eat what we were eatting. We also told her she needed to take one bite of everything on her plate. She's now 18 years old and is vegan. She's still picky but eats more and healthier than any one else in the house.

Well, I don't know if you've tried this, but my suggestion would be to let her help pick out food at the store and make dinner with you. My 2 1/2 yr old pulls the chair up and loves to "help" me mix things, pour things and such. At 5, I think she would appreciate this experience even more AND it would give the added bonus of spending time with Mom. Something that you mentioned she may be looking for.

Also, I just bought Deceptively Delicious (Jessica Seinfeld) and have read it. I can't WAIT to start trying some of the recipes!

Finally, what about PediaSure or Carnation Instant Breakfasts (mixed in milk). The solution is temporary, but you can at least know she's getting some of the nutrition she needs.

Just some ideas.

-- T.

You are right about a lot of things! Your five year old has had to adjust to everything happening around her and it seems that she has done without your close attentions for some time. In a sense, she is withdrawing from a world in which she feels unimportant. Children do not 'plan' their behaviors and actions...they are responding to how they feel and how they perceive their world.
Have you tried making time just for her each day by having someone else take over the total care of the twins? This may require some real effort on your part...like involving a relative or friend or close neighbor. It's o.k. to ask for help! Even an hour once or twice a day. Bed time is such a special time for a child...parents too often want to skip this time to be with a child. Save some energy for this time of the day, just for your five year old! The less attention drawn to food, the less conversation trying to urge her to eat, the better it will be. Meal time should be a pleasant time spent with family talking about interesting things unrelated to the meal. Children learn to try a new food as it is presented in a pleasing and attractive way to them and they see that you like it. It may take many times of being a part of the meal before a child tries a taste. A five year old could enjoy making something with you in the kitchen. You don't have to spend long hours on projects together. Children's attention spans are not long.... It is more of an attitude: "I love you, you are so important to me, you can do so many things that the babies cannot do, you are a very good helper, you are the Big Sister! I like how you are growing! I like to be with you!...I love you!"

Try doing a fun presentation of healthy food. Like...fresh fruit and veggies cut in strips and served in a cupcake tin. I used to cut apples in thin slices to look like french fries for my kids. Then maybe put a colorful yogurt in one of the spaces, and use it like dip.

I would take her on a date, just you and her and let her pick what to do and where to eat. Maybe the extra one on one attention will help her realize that Mommy is still there for just her. Good Luck.

Maybe you could try getting one of those kids' cookbooks. Let her pick a recipe, help get the ingredients at the store, and help cook? She might be willing to help then. My DD is almost 4 and does sometimes refuse to eat and I am also at a loss. If I try to make her eat it, she just doesn't eat. If I make her something else then she is always eating the same thing and always getting her way. It's a tough one...

BTW, they would actually stick a tube in your stomach and feed you liquid through it, so your childhood fantasies were right. IV Fluid is just water and electrolytes.

I didn't quite understand what it is that she is eating now. Giving up pizza and corn isn't really that horrible. Of course, she does need to eat something other than pure junk food. We don't keep a lot of that in our house anyway. I don't even buy soda pop.

In my opinion, we sometimes put too much stress on kids eating habits. You sound like you understand this from your own childhood. Kids will usually eat when they are hungry. If you can get vegetables and protein in there, then that's always a plus. But, honestly, I didn't worry too much about what they ate. I usually would try to fix at least one thing I knew they liked. But, I didn't create a whole meal around them either. Since you have two new little ones, I would suggest just letting her eat what she wants. Maybe after feeding the others you could have a snack with her for a couple of minutes so she feels like Mom's not forgotten her.

Hope this helps.

N.,
I'm a grandma of 5+ and mother of three. We had trouble with our middle son when my daughter was born. He was 6yrs at the time and the "baby>" Although I know it is hard, try to include your daughter in shopping for food and preparing meals. If she has been in preschool and/or kindergarten, they have talked about healthy foods and choices. Have her cut food items out of the paper that she would like to buy. This will help her feel important and include her in food choices. If she choses them and helps make them chances are she will eat them. It will give you some time with her and that should make both of you feel better. Goof luck! A.

You can try making meal time her and you time. Let her help you make dinner. She could add the pasta to a pot of water, or let her put her own toppings on pizza. Do you think you can plan out an hour or two of just time with you and her? Maybe during the twin's naps or around bed time you read her a story and help her pick out her clothes for the next day maybe even let her pick out what you'll wear the next day.

You can also try getting her to help you with the babies, like fetching the diapers or a blanket. Simple things it might help her feel like she has control over more then just what she eats.

Good luck.

N.,
I remember when I had my second child and the older one, a girl, was 5 at the time. We went through something similar , but started including her in helping with the newborn brother. You sound like you could use an extra hand and once she feels like she's a real help, that appetite should return. If it doesn't, look for underlying reasons such as someone insulting her or even abusing her in some way without you being aware of it. Try the big sister, little mommy first and allow her foods that you may think aren't healthy. They won't hurt her as much as not eating.