5Yr Old's Behavior on Vacation

I don't agree with making everyone Leave but if the other parent is on board once a kid starts acting up that child leaves. But the other two can stay and have fun.

In public I give my kids the 'Evil Eye'...& that works like gang busters!

You need to be able to take control in public! Don't worry about what others are thinking. Most Moms that I know would be understanding that you are taking control and in all honesty you would get more judgement letting the kid(s) go crazy and throwing fits then if you we're to take control and handle the situation!

First, I think it's important to make expectations clear up front.
We don't "shop" while on vacation. I HATE gift/tourist stores, even at Disney, we just don't go in them, not until the very last day, at which point the kids are given a preset amount to buy a souvenier. We don't do any extras that cost money. So at the fair, for example, we don't play midway games, we just walk on by. The kids know this, they have always known this, and sure sometimes they have still asked to play but we just say no and keep on walking.
Same thing with treats, we tell them up front, we will get a treat (ice cream, slushie, whatever) after lunch, period.
I think that helps a lot, but of course if a begging fit starts (which can happen in even the most well behaved child) I would simply pull her to the side and let her know very firmly that her behavior is not acceptable. There have been a few times when either my husband or I has had to sit a ride out with a kid who was too cranky or tired to cooperate. Sometimes they just need a break and a time out to collect themselves and go on (sometimes adults do too!)

She is out of her normal environment and routines.
She does not transition to it well, like your other kids.
Not everyone knows by instinct, "how" to act on trips/vacations. Not even some adults! In Hawaii, MANY Tourists are here and out of towners. I can tell. Why? Because, they don't know how to act, on vacation in this place.
Its not only children that do this.
So, with that in mind, remember that she is only 6.
And really, imagine as a young child, being all strapped in in a car seat, going places she's never known before and getting all car sick... is VERY not fun. Very, not fun.

TALK TO HER, before a trip. And tell her what will happen etc. AND let her ask questions too. Show her, online or via pamphlets, where you all are going. Give her info., and have a chat about it. So that... once it does happen, she is already a bit aware of what is going on.
Some people, just do NOT like, being thrown into a situation, that they have no knowledge about, and it makes them, "fussy." Even adults.
So reflect on that. Then parlay this feeling, onto how you think it might feel for your 6 year old, who does not have, adult "logic" about things. Nor coping skills. Not even some adults have coping-skills for when they are "fussy" or irritable or uncomfortable with something.

And, since you KNOW how your 6 year old is... then work with her on it.
A kid, cannot fix themselves. They don't even have fully developed nor sophisticated inductive or deductive reasoning skills.
And tell her "No begging fits when we are out. You are 6. How can you ask for something in a more pleasant way?"
TEACH her HOW.... to ask for things in a more pleasant way.
Again, it is not instinct, in children.
It is taught. And you also teach them, how to manage.

You need to get a handle on this before the younger siblings pick it up.
Talk about expectations of behavior beforehand.
Cut back on unexpected gifts/treats.
With our son, around 4 yrs old he'd ask for something but I'd tell him it's months till his birthday/Christmas but I'll think about it.
I can't tell you how many times he'd change his mind about something before the holidays came around but he really learned to think hard about what he wanted rather than just spontaneously spout "give me, get me, buy me" on a whim.
Also, when he tried to start up asking for toys in the super market, I'd tell him "we're not here for toy shopping.".
When one treat is given and the ramping up on the begging begins, give a warning to her to give herself a chance to get herself under control.
If it continues, either you or Dad take her to time out (in the car, or hotel room, etc) till she calms down.
Ask her how many times she needs to hear 'No' before she believes it.
Set a limit ( "We have time for one ride on the merry-go-round then we have to go" ) and then stick with it.
My husbands method (and he only did this once) was if a treat (a small toy) was given unexpectedly and the begging ramped up - he'd say "Well, I guess you're not enjoying the <what ever it was he got> so I'll take it away and then you'll have nothing".
Our son learned to be grateful and really curb the greed in a hurry.

In my house... if you throw a tantrum, we leave. Even if it spoils everyone else's fun. My girls have learned really quick that tantrums never work - and have the opposite effect because we pack up, and head home. Your daughter has figured out that she can get away with bad behavior while on trips because you feel powerless to stop her. Think about what you'd do at home and then do exactly that.

At six she's old enough to understand consequences and planning... so tell her that you're not going to tolerate whining, begging, or whatever... and then follow through. You may miss out on a day at the amusement park (or whatever) but I bet you the next day she'll be her normal well behaved self.

One more thought... your daughter may crave routine. I have one that does. So when vacation rolls around, she can't cope well with everything because it seems unplanned. We do a lot of talking about what happens in the morning, then what's next, etc, etc, etc. That way she can think through the car ride, waiting in line, going on rides, stopping for lunch, and all those other "random" things about vacation. Making sure she knows at least an outline of our planned day has helped her make transitions between activities and behave better out in public.

Great advice so far! I agree with the need for routine. If you know your schedule, share it first thing in the morning so she knows what to expect for her day. Then you can review at lunch, etc. as the day goes on.

We would tell our kids before we left the room that 'today is not the day for shopping' or 'today we'll have ice cream' etc. so that they knew not to even ask.

We usually did souvenir shopping on the last day of vacation and the kids came to expect this. We also told them that we didn't want to drag around what they wanted, that it might get lost, etc. It usually worked!

Have a wonderful trip!

First, you might address the carsick problem with motion-sickness bands. These look sort of like sweat bands for the wrist, but with a little knob that will hit the pressure point on the wrist that helps carsickness. They really help, and there are no drugs required. If she FEELS better, she might ACT better.

Second, we do jumping jacks for misbehavior. We pull over (to a safe place, like the very back of a parking lot), and DD does jumping jacks. We started with five, until she got really good at them, moved up to ten, and we are now at 25. (As a bonus, she passed the jumping jacks part of her school fitness test with flying colors!) If she refuses to do them, we wait. She (and the adult with her, of course) can get back in the car when she's done. This is especially effective when it's raining. Come to think of it, we haven't had to do this since I made her do it after school, in the school parking lot, in front of her classmates, in the rain (she is seven).

We found that they work in other places, too. We only had to do them once in the middle of Target, for her to realize that it's better to behave in stores. I see no reason this couldn't work in vacation-type places like amusement parks or whatnot, or hotels, too, and it's a "punishment-and-done," leaving the rest of the day for fun. Another bonus is that kids don't really take well to the punishment being more than a few minutes after the transgression. There is too much of a disconnect. They need immediate cause-and-effect.

Good luck, and have a wonderful trip!

I agree that she probably thrives on routine. She probably has difficulty adapting to all the new experiences a vacation brings and the many transitions from one activity to the next. On top of making sure that she knows the schedule and plan for the day (and constantly keep reminding her), she may need some down time and relaxation built in to the middle of the day. If the whole day is go, go, go, she may become overstimulated or stressed more easily than most.

We either do time outs or leave. Of course we have a few warnings first. It depends on where you are at...
Amusement park: time out could be done sitting with a parent on a bench while the rest of family goes on a ride. Or we all could take a break at the picnic pavilion while kid has a time out. Nobody wants to cut an amusement park visit short, esp after paying so much $ for admission, but if we have already been there quite a while, it might be appropriate to leave a bit earlier than originally planned.
Same thing can be applied at the beach or any other outing. It sucks for the parent, but in the scheme of things it is just 5-10 min of sitting out of the activity next to the child. Most of the time it works. Car rides are harder but I have threatened to turn around and go home- as much as it sucks to cancel an outing, it would be 10 x worse to take misbehaving kid to the outing.

Not there yet personally, but my GF has a kid who doesn't beg. The way she handles it, and it must have taken some practice, is to say no, each and every time XX isn't asked for nicely. She also doesn't buy/ do things on the spot even if they are asked for nicely. Instead, she say's she'll consider the preference and keep it in mind. So if its ice cream, it would be no, or thanks for letting me know, I'll keep it in mind for when/ if I'm ready to get you a treat. Same would hold true for a cartoon, etc.

We've done time outs in public, including at a Verizon shop, at the supermarket, and on the pavement. Is it inconvenient to the others? yes. But only for a moment. With a little practice, your kid will realize that there can be consequences, anywhere, including out and about, and they might grow more cooperative.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

As for the car sickness...milk was my trigger as a kid, i figured it out when I was about 9, from then on, life was better. teach her how to relax in the car, maybe get her an ipod and breathing in a soothing way too.

As far as the treats...have you ever given in? when my kids ask, I ask them back, what makes you think I am going to change my mind from the last time you asked? I then tell them when they ask a question that I have already answered, I get grumpy and then we all pay the price :)

Give a clear consequence for an action and be ready to follow through. Think about what you are willing to do before you go so you can live with it and she will see that you mean business, it only takes once if it is really big!!!

My kids already know (and have for years) that we don't buy things on trips. For example, we don't walk into every store at Busch Gardens or Disney World and shop for an hour. So if we choose to let them buy something, it's a huge treat. So they don't spend all day begging. They may try us and ask, but the answer is 90% of the time no.

My kids LOVE the car, so I can't really give any advice there. But what I do is pack plenty of snacks and water, so there is no need to stop. They all bring their own bags of things to do. It can be electronic, coloring books and crayons, WWE toys, whatever...as long as if fits in their bags. I also print a list of states and we see how many license plates we find from different states - they all love that.

My kids know we don't play. If I threaten to take something away for bad behavior choices, it's going away if there is no change. Try to be firm and consistent all the time, and she may be more repsonsive to what you're trying.

Good luck. This can be a difficult age.

Vacations are hard. They are supposed to be fun, but can easily turn stressful when sleep schedules are ruined, eating habits may become different, etc. Since you know this behavior is generally just a vacation issue then I would pre-empt the strike. Before going on vacation, have a talk with her about how you expect her to act when you leave town, etc. Discuss possible scenarios with her and ask her what she should do, etc. I would start discussing it like a week or so prior to the trip.

Also, you could take her to the store or the library before trips and have her pick out a special movie or toy for the road. Target has great $1 section and they have good $5 movies. We usually hit the library and pick out a bunch that both kids want and cycle through new DVDs on the way. This way you're not out any money and they'll be bored of them by the end of the trip anyway.

I also agree that if you have two adults, you should discuss your action plan with your husband prior to departure also. Figure out a plan that if she misbehaves someone should take her aside, put her time out, have her sit in the car, whatever...then you can meet back up with the group. Most places, even if you've paid admission will let you re-enter with a stamp or something. After just a few times of missing out on the fun that the siblings are having, it will likely curb. Plus, the littler siblings are seeing that there are consequences to poor choices.

Finally, you might consider giving her like a set amount of money when you go places like anywhere from $5-20 depending upon the place and tell her that that is her money to spend on extras at the gift shop, to buy ice cream or whatever is her biggest issue. Of course, the 4 y/o isn't far behind in age, so you should probably be prepared to do the same for that child although their concept of money will be less concrete, but it's still good practice.

I think as parents we do have to have more patience and understanding on vacations b/c things are so much more exciting and schedules are generally trashed, but it can get overwhelming too. I think if you all just try and prepare more before you leave the house, it might help.

First - if she's getting slightly car sick see if you can find something to address that. I used to get car sick and my mom thought if I was distracted I would be better so she gave me books and colorying books. The worst possible thing for car sickness!

Is it possible that becuase she's the "big girl" that because you're expecting more or her and hold her to a level that she's just not mature enough to attain? Do the younger ones need more of your attention so she's doing whatever she can to get your attention - good or bad? Some kids just feel out of synce when they're out of their element. (Some adults too are simply home-bodies.)

Set expecations in advance. Give her some responsibilities and privileges to go along with them that are "just for a girl her age who is growing up" - like beng responsible for snacks, DVDs, making sure the little ones are strapped in when you get back in the car, etc.

Also - the things she's doing are pretty standard for the typical 6 yr old. It could be that she's "wonderful" at home becuase she knows what's expected of her. She knows to do her homework, she knows to put her toys away.

Before you get back in the minivan for a long ride talk to her and ask for her suggestions. Tell her that you want to help her have a good time on vacation and find a way that she can help out and contribute to the family's work on the trip and maybe earn some privilges. Tell her that you know that since she's 6 now and getting pretty grown up. Tell her waht you expect (the same treats for each kid, you want her to agree with you that when you say 5 rides that she'll agree & be pleasant, etc.) Tell her that you are confident that she can do this becuase she's more grown up than the little kids. Then let her earn the special treats or an extra ride. Ask if she'd like to "work" to get extras? Would she help the little ones get buckled in? Organize the DVD's, etc? Write down a few things she could do, a few things you need from her behavior-wise (agreement, pleasant attitude when things don't go her way, etc) and then be sure to encourage her and reinforce the good behavior. Positive reinforcement works so much better than punishing negative stuff!

Where is she sitting? Is she in the last row of the minivan and separated from the rest of you? Maybe switch her out for the baby seat if it's naptime for baby. Or put the 4 yr old back there with her.

Try to look at the family dynamics from her perspective and see why she is trying to get special stuff from mom & dad. Then, finally, realize that each kid gets a different personality. Some are more needy & whiny and some are peaceful & content. my older child is the whiny, needy one and always has been. She has always wanted more from me - and she still does at almost 17. <deep sigh> If your 6 yr old begins a tantrum halfway through a family event one of you parents needs to accompany her out to the car until she cools off. The departure from the rest of the family should not be dramatic or upsetting, jsut quietly, matter of factly leaving the place. Almost ignoring the situation but calmly leaving. (The least amount of attention possible you don't want to "reward" bad behavior with mom's attention). Yes it's distruptive and "not fair" to the rest of the family - but let's face it, kids are disruptive to our lives in general! <smile> After a few times of sitting in the car (or near it if it's too hot) in a boring parking lot she'll learn what works best. As I said just be sure to be "bland" during this time so she doesn't percieve it as a reward of getting mom or dad all to herself.

Good luck mama. This child rearing stuff is not easy is it?

I would take her aside. I would tell her "No more of this behavior. It ruins our trips." If there are two parents, then one should take the bullet for a while and sit with the problem child somewhere boring while the other parent takes the well-behaved children to the activity.

I would plan ahead for car sickness. Plan to go slow, take more stops, medicate and or get a sea band for her. I would also try to do things like travel when the kids sleep, so she has less awake time on the road.

Before the trip, tell her what you expect from her behavior and what the consequence will be if she acts up.

If she says, "Are we there yet?" ten times, say "No" the first time and ignore repeated inquiries. You can also head that one off by saying, "It will take 3 hours to get there. At about 1:30 we will stop for lunch. We will tell you when we are getting close."

I set the expectation that my DD will get treats at my discretion. She doesn't gt to beg or whine for them or the answer is always no. She appreciates it more when she doesn't expect it. If DD gets something and then acts up, the item goes into Time Out for that behavior.

Everley is right about tantrums etc.. We either wait for the kid to get it together. Or we leave. We NEVER give into any bad behaviors.

Also giving a heads up about how the day is going to work and expectations and consquences of behaviors are discussed before we walked out the door. It only took once for our daughter to learn, we really do leave and not get to come back, if bad behavior happens.

And we made sure our daughter understood, by having her repeat them to us.. Again, if she did not keep up with this bargin, she was out of luck..and we had her explain why we were not continuing, or we disscussed what she was going to do to be able to stay and continue.

so maybe she is old enough that you can give her the control, here is $10 that is all you get your choice if you want to spend it on icecream or a toy or whatever but $10 is all you get today so choose wisely.

I agree with a picture adgenda she could check off so she knows what the general plan is.

I saw a cute crafty thing on pinterest it was a car and you could move it along a string or map or something every hour, so the child could see if they were half way there or not. so maybe you could make something like that.

Watch her blood sugar, we are going to disney and i know my dd needs to eat every hour or she will be like that snickers commercial where the guy turns into roseanne barr or aretha franklin because he's hungery. I'm also planning potty stops too because even though she will never say she has to pee, she gets mean when she is holding it. and it isn't often an obvious pee pee dance but her tone of voice changes and she gets cranky.

I'll be honest, i love my daughter but she is a pain in the butt, and she wears on me like water dripping on a rock, there is no way i would stand for a full blown stomping your feet screaming gimmie fest, but the hinting and huffing and weedling doesn't seem like enough for a time out if you know what i mean until the point where i've stopped being able to handle it and I snap. and neither of us is doing the right thing.

one last thought, does she need an adult sitting in the back with her?

books on Cd's to distract her?

good luck

Make sure she is getting enough rest!! that can be very hard on a vacation but it can be the difference between an "absolutely wonderful kid" and the kid falling apart because everything is different. I agree completely with the poster that said tell her everything, prepare her for each day. She may have a personality that thrives on routine. Make her feel involved in the planning of the vacation.
I'm all about planning ahead to ward off behavior problems rather than punishing in the middle of a vacation.
Do you think she could handle a budget? Give her a dollar or two a day for extra treats, souveniers and talk to her about saving for something bigger or spending all at once... Make it a special, because she's older, thing that the other kids dont get to do. Give her a little purse or wallet. Take extra snacks (goldfish, graham crackers, pretzels, etc) so she can have them when she can't have a purchased treat. Always have little water bottles in case she's actually thirsty. I used to take glow sticks from the dollar store to the circus where they sold glowing toys for 25$ Make her a sticker chart to reward her when she is helpful with her siblings or extra cooperative. Hope things get better!

We tell our girls up front (whether it be at home, that morning at the hotel, and/or before we get out of the car) what we expect. We tell them "we will stay together as a family; if you ask for something and we say no, then that is the END of that discussion; when we have to wait, we will wait patiently and calmly. Our girls are 2, 5 and 6 and we've never had so big of an issue that we've had to leave.

Part of it, I think, is to adapt OUR expectation of our kid's behaviour. It's totally unrealistic to expect young kids to remain calm and orderly when they're in such stimulating and exciting places! Does that mean they get to run around like hooligans? Of course not. But *of course* they're going to ask to try everything, see everything and DO everything - they're kids and they're excited! And honestly, who *doesn't* get tired and bored during long car rides?

I don't have a tried and true approach to give you but I can tell you that once when my kids were 4, 5 and 10 they were acting awful. we had stopped at a pizza hut prior to heading to the beach. they wouldn't sit still , use inside voices and in general just behave. Not a norm for them as they know appropriate behavior in a restaurant. I gave them the 1,2 and on 3 called the waitress over, canceled our order which had not been started yet. paid for the pop which I did not bring out. marched them to the car and back to the hotel. they got to sit in the hotel and read a book or sleep. there choice but did not get fed lunch til about 3. by then they were hungry and behaved. only took once they are now in there 20's and daughter just turned 31 and the still remember it. I think if you or your husband tell her behave our your going to miss today and spend the day at the hotel she will straighten up. but you have to really mean it and follow through. and don't give in with little treats to keep her quiet and happy. that just feeds the bad behavior. Give her something for the car sickness before you leave the house.

Before you leave explain to her you are gonna give her three warning before you take something away. If she doesn't act like she does at home things are gonna be taken away and she will be punished when you get home. So first time she acts out in a normal voice say ( using just a name) Megan if you keep asking this is your first warning . The next time say Megan this is your second warning . On the third warning still calm say Megan this is your last warning and since you made it this far your tv time is being taken for one day. If she continues and you keep hitting the third than take something big like going to bed an hr early. Also let her know because she is acting out she needs to do the time when she gets home. Like if you at a family function or picnic you can put her on out time somewhere and watch her but if your like grocery sing than when you get home she goes in the corner. Also you can make her help more for her misbehavior too. Good luck.

I found when my kids were small to discuss the plans before leaving the house. My son was much more difficult then my daughter, she was very easy going. If we were going to a store and there was no extra money for him to get something small I would tell him in advance. I would simply say we are just going to the store for (whatever) and mommy does not have any extra money today, if you act up we will leave the store. If he acted up I followed through on my threat. I really only had to do it a few times and he got the message. Sometimes, you cannot always prepare them, so if they act up then leave the situation. I for one, hate to watch a child carry on. Not to have everyone give up on their fun, you and your husband decide in advance if something happens which one of you will take her back to the hotel room (if on vacation). I am a HUGE believer in consequences, and not making empty threats, it works, and you usually only have to implement the consequences a few times until they know you mean business.

My grandson is a total issue in the vehicle. If we don't have a movie playing his is totally crazy. We had to stop 3 times coming in to town this morning for a doc's appt. He got out of his seat belt once! The other time he was attacking his sister with the seat belt from the middle seat. He's having a med check in a couple of weeks and we hope to see the psychiatrist change them.

I don't know what to do except say no and each time they ask say it louder and longer. Then say Did you hear me that time?

This past week I gave him consequences for bothering me about something I had already said no to. He got a swat on his hiney finally and he stopped.

Spell it out before you leave. Don't wait for it to happen and then have to come up with something. Getting away from the usual grind is exciting to anyone, but especially kids. A 5 yo is at the age when fun really means something.
Let her know before leaving that this is how it will be. ALL kids ask 'are we there yet'. So that I think you just need to deal with it as they don't have a concept of time vs. distance. I don't see a problem with extra rides. One or two can't hurt. But explain that special treats and extra rides don't always mix. A la car sick.
If/when she starts in on her 'demonic' behavior, you have the chance to turn it around on her. "What did I explain before we left?" Then she has to come up with the answer(s). It'll drive it home better when she remembers.

Since you don't clarify what you're doing that doesn't work, it's hard to say yes or no

If you discipline at home, you discipline when you are out. If you tell them that there will be no treats and what the consequences of begging are before you leave the house, expect to follow through with said consequences.
I always told my kids what I expected of them before we left the house. If I told them there would be no treats and if they begged, we would go right home, we did just that. It only takes once.
When we were on vacation, my kids knew I expected their very best behavior. I never had issues with them when we traveled - even when were were delayed in St. Louis for 10 hours. :)
You need to be firm and consistent. No matter what!

You don't say what you are doing, but it sounds like you are doing nothing but enabling her misbehavior.

You should tell her that her behavior is unacceptable and what you expect of her. Do it before she misbehaves and again while she is misbehaving. If the bad behavior continues, punish her immediately, not 10 minutes later or later that evening. She needs to associate that misbehavior with the immediate punishment. If the punishment has to be painful, then let it be painful. If words are sufficient, then let I be words, but don't ignore bad behavior. Don't bribe bad behavior away. If you do, you are telling the child "If you want something, be bad and we will give you something." That is exactly the wrong message and will get you more bad behavior.

And if you reward bad behavior, her younger siblings will take notice and they will do the same things to get the same rewards for bad behavior. One of my sons' wives didn't believe me and my son didn't force the issue and soon all three of his girls were imitating the bad behavior.

Good luck to you and yours.

First you want to try to be preventative--good night's sleep, a favorite item from home, etc. But when they act up, it doesn't matter if you are on vacation, do what you would normally do on an a non-vacation outing or at home. When my kids were younger (now 10 and 12) they knew that I would not hesitate to put them on a time out no matter where we were. They learned this after only a few incidents of having a time out on the sidewalk of a city block in a whole other state with people everywhere, or right outside a restaurant, or on the bench of an amusement park while everyone else got to go on a ride. I am NOT playing around. We WILL stop what we are doing to have a consequence for your actions, especially after you have been told once, maybe twice. Yes, people look at you and yes, it holds up your plans a little, but if you are consistent it will reduce the behavior you do not want. And of course positive reinforcement for positive behavior--but BEFORE any negative behavior starts.

Forewarned is best! Read her the riot act. E plain to her the expected behavior and the consequences if she does not follow thru. If she starts carrying on, take her outside and make her sit in car (windows open of course). Let everyone else continue to have fun. Whatever you choose, consistency is the key!