6 Year Old Daughter - Has Trouble Following What Is Wanted from Her in School

Updated on December 07, 2010
T.G. asks from Beverly Hills, CA
6 answers

I have a 6 year old daughter. Just the other day she told me that she didn't like school as she didn't know what the teacher wanted her to do. Pretty distressing. Can anyone give me tips on how to improve the situation?

She does have trouble concentrating on school work.
The teacher has previously told us that if she is asked to do a list of things, she will do the first one and then stop, waiting for the teacher to come round and tell her to do the next.
Her handwriting is not very good compared to other kids her age or younger.
She does seem more immature than other kids - both mentally and physically (e.g. all of her friends have already started losing their baby teeth)
She is one of the least confident kids I have seen

Saying that, she can concentrate for hours playing with dolls, she is confident when she gets to know people, she is one of the most thoughtful and considerate people I know, is good at reading and seems above average at this. Also, she watches at most half hour of TV per day.

After a couple of great replies I would like to add that unfortunately her school is facing budget cuts - has let go one of the teaching assistants in her class and not replaced a lady going on maternity leave at the school that has been giving one to one help.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I am probably not going to sound very nice. And I am on the other end of the spectrum. However truthfully I have a lot of trouble following some teachers myself and I am an assistant and way old. Some people just do not give directions very well. Tell the teacher your daughter does well with only one instruction at a time. Do not let the teacher bully you as sadly (and thank goodness there are very few of these) once in awhile they do. It is your daughter, you are the wonderful mom and you know what is best. And about the handwriting, have you ever seen a lot of doctor's handwriting?? sheeeesh, how does the pharmacist get it right. Remember just because the teacher is telling you all of this does not mean that she is completely right. And good grief who is telling you these things about immaturity? Not losing baby teeth yet"? That is one more thing that makes her unique. You not have to believe everyone who tells you what to do. Including me if you think I am wrong.

5 moms found this helpful
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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

I would have her meet with a psychiatrist, developmental pediatrician or neuropsychologist to have her evaluated for a possible condition such as ADHD. The person who said it couldn't be ADHD because she can focus on dolls is 100 percent WRONG. Kids with ADHD can hyperfocus on activities that interest them for an extreme amount of time. It's the 99 percent of daily life that challenges them. The websites for CHADD and ADDitude magazine are good places to seek basic information to see if ADHD sounds like a possibility while you wait to get in with a specialist.

I have a son with ADHD and can tell you what your daughter is facing may be out of her control. She is probably less confident because of the negative feedback she receives. I know ... our son went through this early on before he was treated for his ADHD. His preschool teacher and the parents of kids in his class labeled him a bad child. It has to be incredibly disheartening to be told over and over again to do something you know you are trying your best to do -- focus -- and you just can't.

Please get in with a specialist for an assessment.

2 moms found this helpful
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E.G.

answers from Atlanta on

Hey there TG,

Greetings from the Peachtree State. I am actually a native Southern Californian.

Your daughter is a carbon copy of my 7-year old little girl, Mia. She sounds extremely right-brained, and very, very artistic. Am I right? An excellent reader, very engaging, colorful, sweet personality, but has the attention span of a flea? Sounds like Mia!

I am not a doctor, so please do not take this as me trying to "diagnose" your child, but my daughter was diagnosed with ADD early in her kindergarten school year, and I chose to put her on medication to treat this. The results are amazing. I was ADHD as a kid, and would never want to see my daughter go through the same struggles I experienced. I was diagnosed at about age 10. We got on this when Mia had just turned six.

Yeah, the budget cuts are a major issue, especially with kids that may need a little bit of extra help, like my daugher currently does. I think these sort of cuts are all over the country. It is a major drag!

If you are able, make an appointment with a child psychologist who can provide you with a checklist that will be brought into your daughter's teacher. The teacher will check off the appropriate spaces and then then a formal diagnosis would be made. This is then related to your daughter's pediatrician who will, if you choose, prescribe medication. Again, I know this is such a personal choice, but for my daughter, it has made a huge difference.

Good luck!

E.

2 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Losing her baby teeth is not anything that you should be worry about. That is a physical maturity not an intellectual maturity sign.
.
What does the teacher suggest you do to help your daughter? Did she give you some suggestions? Is the school offering any sort of tutoring? Are they giving your child more time to do her work in class? Are they sending home what she does not finish during the day so you can work with her? Do they think your daughter needs to be evaluated?

How is her reading? Does she read aloud about 20 minutes per night to you?
When she reads aloud to you does she have any problems?
If she reads a new book, 1 page at a time, to you and you have her stop and tell you (without looking at the page) can she tell you what she just read?
How about if you read 1 page from a new book to her, can she tell you what the page said?

Have you ever played the "memory game" with her.. Get a deck of cards and pick out 2 pairs of each type. Scramble them the, lay out cards face down in rows of 4, then pick a card and try to find the matching cards? Take turns. If you do not find a pair, lay them back where they were turned over and the next person tries. Eventually you learn where the matches are..

Does she need help building up her fine motor skills? Some children are good at running, jumping throwing, but not so great at buttoning buttons, sorting small items 1 at a time. This can make writing very frustrating. Holding a pencil with the pressure needed can be tiresome for these children. But with therapies, you can do at home you can build this up.

Have you ever made up part of a sentence (out loud) and then have her finish it.
Example.. The was a little girl who went out side and.... Then let your daughter finish the sentence out loud.. The let her continue the story with Part of another sentence and then you add the end to her next sentence..

Have you explained to your daughter when she is working on a work page, to finish the whole page on her own and then come and get you to check her work once the whole page is finished?
How did she do in kindergarten? Or is she now in kindergarten?

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D.S.

answers from Tulsa on

first test her for add or adhd. I normally wouldnt suggest this.second get an iep.push the school for one its a federal thing and they have to do it. if necessary hold her back it wont hurt her it will probably help her. also when my oldest was in school they had a d1 half kindergarten half first grade but that was also 18 yrs ago I dont know if they still do that type of thing.

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T.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

We were in a very similar situation last year. Couple of differences that could be significant or not but I will tell my story and you can decide. Our son (first difference) was 6 years old and we had to transfer schools. He had just finished Kindergarten and done extremely well. So we registered him for 1st grade at new school (private school 2nd difference). I kept noticing similar problems with his work, handwriting was not as good, finishing up assignments on time but usually towards the end of the time period instead of earlier and lots of frustration when he didn't remember what he needed to do to complete assignment. His confidence in class and playground kept sinking. Now I will tell you I noticed all these things throughout the year, but pretty much chocked it up to...he's a boy... not a huge problem. Then at the end of the year during parent/teacher conference teacher recommended he repeat the 1st grade. We found out that even though he was 6 years old... he was the youngest boy in the class by 3-4 months! Fast forward to this year. What a difference, he has completely excelled! His teacher and many of the parents we know have mentioned the complete transformation in my son. He is much more confident, school work is done better and easier then last year and he just seems to be better adjusted. Find out some of the age differences between the kids in your daughters class. Everyone matures at a different rate. I know girls are supposed to mature more quickly than boys... but perhaps she is one of the younger girls and just needs a little more time to get the hang of things. I wouldn't worry about ADD or ADHD since she can focus and sit "for hours" playing with dolls. Work with her as much as you can and be sure to make it fun!!! She's only 6 and we still need to remember we are talking children.

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