6 Year Old Girl Playing 'Doctor' on the School Bus

Hi K.,
You're in a tough position trying to counteract what your step-daughter may be getting at her mother's house, especially since you probably don't know everything she's being exposed to. She is lucky to have you in her life. I don't know if you are a Christian or not, but if so, check out the "God's Design for Sex Series." I believe you can get it through christianbooks.com. It's a very non-threatening way to introduce this issue to young children in storybook fashion, and could be a good alternative to what she may be receiving elsewhere. If you're not Christian, just disregard this, and keep doing what you're doing anyway. Even though you can't tell how much is sinking in, I'm sure some of it is. God bless you.

This child needs a therapist. Not for the Dr. thing - that is totally natural. (However, not on the school bus!) But that can easily be dealt with.

What comes to the forefront for me is the much larger issue here, the relationshiop with the mother. You obviously have an opinion and it is not a positive one...

I would caution you to be VERY careful that your bitterness towards her does not come through. This will only diminish you in the child's eyes. (Hey - I'd feel the same way, it's not right or wrong, it just is... I'd almost say that it too, is natural.)

But be very clear - Mom has the power here, because she is Mom and always will be. It's all very deeply seated and psychological.

So my best advice is for you to find a therapist of your own (I have a fabulous referral in Amherst, NH), and one for the child as well just so she, and you, can navigate this mom - step-mom thing.

This is for the rest of your lives - that's a very long time for a six year old.

It's much harder on children than we think! Any your are in a position to be her strongest ally and supporter. She needs you, now more than ever.

The Dr. thing? No big deal. Private parts, private places. All very factual without any big drama.

Is there any chance you could talk with the girl's teacher? Maybe see if you guys can figure out if there is something going on at school that is causing her to act out. Personally, I don't think this is normal. She seems to be trying to get attention. My question is, "where is she learning this from?" Also, "did she use to flash people when younger?" Ok, if she was "flashing" people in general like some kids will do, that would be kinda normal, but she seems to be targeting boys. My kids pull their shirts up all the time, but they aren't doing it to get attention and they don't "target" anyone. And my oldest who is 6 doesn't do it unless he wants us to see his belly for some reason. Even though the mother is a drama queen, does she know the concern? I would have the father approach her (since she might just give you, she's not your daughter speech) and say we are concerned about this behavior and see if she is willing to talk about it. If she's not, well, you already knew that might be the case and now she knows you are concerned about the issue.

You'd better ask her if any other child or any grown-up has touched her privately - it's better to make sure since she isn't in your and your husband's company all the time, but with her mother some of the time, and you don't know what goes on there. I am not trying to scare you. I am just saying it is better to be safe than sorry. I am sure nothing happened to her, but this way you can get that idea out of the way and focus on her being just naturally curious and deal with it along those lines.

What is she seeing at home and could she be being sexually abused?

Ok, I agree with the other mom that responded with suggestions of a therapist. What jumps out at me is the fact that she does not live with you full time and therefore you cannot attest to what she is or is not being exposed to. You and your husband could have the best family situation, but if she is going home to a "not so good" situation, her issues are going to get worse. Until you can get her into a therapist, I would suggest you stick to your rules, routines, etc. in YOUR home. Make it very clear that this behavior is not allowed in your home (what ever behavior you do not like, lying, inappropriate touching) but very brief and to the point. Focus on her positive traits and I would not even bring her mother into the conversation (meaning don't talk about the mom to the daughter). The mom may be a drama queen, but not dealing with behavior at the age of 6 can only lead to increased trouble when she is 10, 12, 16....

Good Luck.