6 Yr Old Caught Playing Doctor at School

I would not talk to the parents. I would talk to your pediatrician. I'd find out if your daughter needs to see a counselor. The fact that you just went back to work tells me that she's got a big stressor in her life and you need to get some advice to help with that. (That does NOT mean stop working, by the way.)

Don't just let this go.

Normal. Age appropriate . No punishment needed. Just a discussion of what private means.

Deep breath mama. This is absolutely NORMAL behavior for their ages. Children are naturally curious and don't have the same "hang ups" we have about touching our bodies ... and each others. It feels good so that's all that matters to them.

The discussion should definitely be had about not taking our pants down, doing fart noises (pants up or down), or other such "private" activities in public places.

A discussion with the school is fine ... BUT ... children who want to do something WILL find a way to do it (just like adults LOL). DO NOT be accusatory.

Just a very quick note to say that this is normal. It's age-appropriate. Kids this age are curious. They know there's a taboo about this stuff, and they're drawn to push the boundaries around taboos. Now if she keeps on doing it, if either she or the boy pushes this on a child who's not interested, or if this seems like a big fascination for her, then maybe you can worry. But a lot of kids go through a play-doctor or "You show me yours, I'll show you mine" phase. If it doesn't become an all-consuming thing, it's very innocent -- they don't understand what sexuality is -- they're just trying to figure out what all the drama and excitement is about.

Well, first I'll say that it is your daughter who is pulling her pants down. You need to take some responsibility for this behavior. A teacher cannot stop a child from doing that.

Working in an elementary school, I can understand how kids can sneak under the slide at recess. At my school, 3 or 4 monitors watch an entire grade level (100-125 kids) on the playground. At snacktime when kids are sitting at their tables/desks eating, I don't understand.

I think it's time for a sit down meeting with the teacher and the principal. The school counselor can be helpful too, that's often who deals with inappropriate behaviors that are habitual, and social issues. See if there is more supervision available, such as a monitor or student aide, who can be in the classroom and at recess, to see that your daughter and this boy are not together. The teacher may be busy helping 22 other kids open their juices and snacks to notice that these particular two have both gone off to their cubbies at the same time. She may also be able to do some things to rearrange the classroom so that there are not hiding spaces.

Stop being fond of the boy. He and your daughter are a bad combination. If they have touched each other, moving her to another classroom may be a good option.

I think that by elementary school, this isn't really normal behavior. I've never heard of an incident such as this in the 8 years that I've worked in an elementary building. School doesn't expect to have to have someone follow a kindergartener or first grader around to make sure they don't pull their pants down or touch someone else's privates. Knowing that this is not appropriate or acceptable behavior is expected to come from home.

I don't agree with Leigh that the boy is to blame. There were two participants here, and I think you realize that. Boys are not always to blame in these situations, it definitely sounds like this was two sides,and you acknowledged that.

Good luck.

Normal behavior, but not one that can be allowed to continue.

I give you a lot of credit for accepting that your daughter is at least a willing participant, if not an instigator. A lot of parents say, "Oh my child knows not to do that so it must be the other kid's fault." Good for you.

No, DO NOT call the other parents! It is not your business! This must be handled by the school, which means you and the teacher & principal or other designated staff people sit down and deal with YOUR child. You do not get involved with the other child, nor do you ask the staff to discuss that child with you. If the other parents call you, tell them it needs to be dealt with through the school. You may not get "his side" of the story from them or from him, and it just creates too many layers and problems, not to mention confidentiality issues. And once the parents start talking about who started it, it usually dissolves into accusations and not constructive action.

It would be wonderful if every child were supervised all the time. It concerns me a little that the 2 kids can sneak off and no one sees them, and even more that it's going on during snack time which is presumably a time with fewer kids in one place. That said, I can tell you that a play period or recess is never going to have enough supervision, any more than a school bus is, so it's impossible for a few staff members to watch every child.

On some level, your daughter knows this behavior is inappropriate because a) they hid and b) she said "he started it", and c) she told you, unprompted that she would never do it again. So the messages about private parts have gotten through to a degree, but not enough to overcome the sense of curiosity.

It may be time to get an age-appropriate book on anatomy and private parts, and to let her know where to go if she has questions about bodies (her parents, her pediatrician). It's important that she not feel ashamed about curiosity and questions. It's also important to get across to her that, if she feels she needs to hide what she's doing, there's probably something wrong with it. That's a good lesson for other behaviors as well - stealing, going through Mom's wallet, sneaking snack foods, etc. It may help to put this "doctor playing" behavior in context with other taboo subjects. Let her know her curiosity is normal and not shameful at all - it's what she chooses to do with her curiosity that's at issue.

I'm sure the school has dealt with this before so listen to their advice. They may also be concerned about lawsuits - that is the age in which we live - so there could be some push back as well. Try to do a lot of listening before you ask too many questions, apologize too much, or try to justify/explain. You don't have to agree with everything but let them talk and tell you how they handle this in other cases.

I know others are saying, "It's normal" -- but while curiosity and even playing doctor are normal, it is NOT normal or acceptable for it to happen repeatedly with the same boy AT SCHOOL where they supposedly are supervised. The school needs to tell this boy's parents that if there is even one more transgression with your child or any other, this kid gets suspended. They are not three and curious and uninformed -- they are elementary aged and know that boys and girls are different, and touching private parts is not acceptable. Hiding means they know what they are doing should indeed be hidden. See the post above yours, about the mom whose eight-year-old son is touching girls' backsides at school. I'm surprised her son has not already been suspended and surprised that your school has not dealt harshly with this boy who has done this repeatedly.

You DO know that children can be, and have been, legally charged with sexual harassment for things as simple as kissing another kid? It can get silly, but it does happen. I bet this boy's parents don't know that. I am not saying this boy should have the cops called (yet) but he seems overly interested in body parts, which should lead to very serious consequences at school -- why hasn't it? It also leads to the inevitable question of whether he is seeing and hearing things at home that he should not be seeing or hearing, and whether someone else is showing him body parts inappropriately.

When you have your meeting, please try (I know it's hard) to be very calm and organized. Are you going alone or is your husband or SO going with you? I would be sure to take husband/SO. Have a script in advance and bring in notes -- plan what you are going to say and what you are going to demand of the school; do not wing it, because you will get emotional, sad, angry, and that will not help you or your child at all. Do not leave the meeting without a firm action list of what the school will do, and I do not mean some vague "We'll keep an eye on him" stuff.

This boy should be kept on the shortest leash possible for a time. I replied to the other mom in the other post about how our teacher in first grade handled a boy who touched girls' backsides (and acted out in other ways including very inappropriate sexual talk--he had older brothers who were very inappropriate and copied them). The teacher put his desk so it touched hers. He was never out of her sight. At group times he had to sit next to her. On the playground he was required to stay next to the teacher. (Did he hate it? Yes. So what?) When he got one toe out of line for any reason, he went directly to the principal's office and did his classwork sitting alone there with the principal or secretaries. We were lucky; this teacher had 25 years of experience and moved immediately, calmly and firmly to deal with this boy, and she turned him around by not yelling or fussing but just being clear that he had to be her shadow, period. He needed that firmness desperately and it helped him mature.

And critically, after there were some incidents where boys were having organized fights behind some shrubs on the playground, the school banned any kid from going in certain areas -- behind shrubs, in areas behind play equipment, etc. At recess, at least one teacher or aide was posted where she could see those areas at all times. A similar policy could help at your school -- the areas under slides etc. should be in the sight of an adult at all times, and if classrooms are arranged so there are areas where kids can hide and play doctor, there needs to be rearrangement right now.

One thing -- your daughter may be worried and upset that she "tattled and got Billy into trouble." That is very typical. Tell her as much as you need to that she did the right thing and should always tell an adult -- the first time anything happens. Be sure too that she understands that she CAN say no when another kid asks or tells her to do something; she does not have to "be nice" and agree to anything, ever. Girls are socialized from a very young age to be nice and try to get along with everyone, which can make them feel they shouldn't say no, and can make them feel guilty when they tell what's been happening. You need her to talk to you and not feel after this that she should clam up because she got another kid into trouble.

Okay, somewhat normal BUT BUT BUT kids that are properly being supervised don't get the opportunity to do this over and over and over.

Throw a hissy fit and tell them if they don't start properly supervising the kids you are going to turn them in to child welfare for neglect. They won't let this happen again. School should not be a free play time where kids can openly pull down their pants and play with each others sexual organs.

This same thing happened to my cousins son when he was in kindergarden. He is now in college and just fine. I remember because the school made a huge deal about it and suspended him and my cousin was furious. Both he and the girl were cought with their pants down. It normal for kids to explore. Though their should be more supervision by the school. At this age you cannot blame the child. They should not be alone for periods of time. Recently my daughter told me her cousin my neice who is 7 my daughter is 10 tried to take her pants off??? Ughhhhhhh good luck with the school.

This is normal.

That said, now that the school knows there is an issue with these two children they need to keep a special eye on them. When you are watching 30 kids alone it is easy for two to slip into a corner and do something they should not be, but at this point the teachers now know there is an issue so hopefully extra care will be taken to keep these two with the crowd. Just let your daughter know that while not shameful, what she was doing was not okay for a girl her age.