6Th Grade Son Took Alcohol to School...

You have to let him do his time. He has to face his punishment. You fighting it will make him realize you will get him out of trouble and you may be inviting more trouble. He got himself in trouble and he can pay the consequences. It is not like he needs an attorney and can't pay the fees.

So glad to hear you are not fighting this. It is so hard to watch them take the punishment, but it will deter him next time he thinks about doing something that isn't okay. If you bailed him out he would assume you would bail him out everytime he makes a bad choice. By not bailing him out, you have just saved him from having to learn the lesson another time when the consequences might be more severe or life changing. Way to go!

He should just do the time and be happy he didn't get expelled. Most school systems have "zero tolerance" policies these days about a lot of things. They've really had to crack down because so many kids do stuff like this and worse these days.

If there is ever a time to have a harsher punnishment than you deem necessary, isn't it right now?
1) he's in 6th grade, there is no EDUCATIONAL consequence to his academic future...in 2 years, there will be
2) it was ILLEGAL for him to have it in the first place
3) he is still at home with you and you can support him through this.
As a former educator, Middle School kids are the toughest age b/c there is no motivation for them to succeed...HS is so far off to them.
This is a life lesson that will stick with him and beyond that, they are operating within the law.
By "going to his rescue" you will teach him
1) the school is not an authority
2) his choices really have no consequences
3) mommy and daddy will bail him out of stuff...which quite frankly, you won't be able to do all the time and it will give him a false sense of being "untouchable" by the rules that are laid forth....
it is only 5 weeks, ride it out and have him take his knocks...he knew if he did it he'd get in trouble and he did it anyway.

His stay at alternative school won't ruin his education, but there are other issues here. For a 6th grader, taking alcohol to school is a big deal. I know he's a good kid, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have other things going on. I don't want to scare you, but you need to be aware of alcoholism, even at such a young age. My brother-in-law was a great kid, but he had already started drinking in middle school, and nobody found out until he was in college and being expelled. He is currently 28, homeless, and refusing to accept that he has a problem.

I am an ISS (or OCS at your son's school) teacher, and everyday I see kids who are great kids but make one (or sometimes more than one) bad, stupid decision, and it's usually because they have some sort of unresolved issue. I would suggest finding a counselor for your son just to make sure there's nothing more serious than this isolated incident going on.

As far as fighting the punishment, I also see kids in ISS whose parents have fought their various punishments throughout the years, and most of them think their poor behavior is always somebody else's fault. You will be doing your son a huge favor in life if you let him live with the consequences of his actions. At my workplace, being found with alcohol at school is an automatic 90 days at alternative school. It is a serious offense and is treated seriously.

I apologize if I come off harsh or anything. I bet your son is a great kid, and I bet you are a great mom! Good luck, and I'm praying for strength for your family through this situation!

I must say that I am torn by this situation. On one hand, I can sympathize with your concern about his academic status after having to miss the first 4 weeks of Junior High. On the surface, the punishment does seem a little excessive for a 6th grader. Why did they call you to tell you they decided to make him go to the alternative school for 6 weeks rather than the original 5 days? I mean it's too bad this happened so close to the end of the school year because if it had happened earlier, his punishment wouldn't have to be carried over to the next school year and his pre-AP classes wouldn't be affected.

But here is where my thinking tilts a little more towards NOT fighting this battle. If he had done this 6 weeks ago, would you have even considered fighting this punishment then? I mean, if the consequences wouldn't interfere with his pre-AP class, would you think that same penalty was fair? This is the nature of consequences. We can't pick and choose WHEN they are ok or not. Yes, the reality is he is paying a higher price now than he would have paid 6 weeks ago if the punishment were the same because of the timing, but that's what consequences are.

The fact is possessing alcohol under the age of 21 is illegal. Taking alcohol to school is illegal for anyone at any age. If he were older, he would be suffering far more severe penalties than 6 weeks of alternative schooling. I will assume your son really doesn't have any alcohol problems, because truthfully, that's the most important issue you should address, not how this will affect his academics. But assuming it's an issue of making a stupid mistake over one of far greater concern, I really believe you will be doing him a disservice in the long run if you try to fight this battle for him. The punishment may seem excessive to you because it will affect his academics, but it really isn't. If you try to lessen the consequence of his actions, you would most likely negate the positive affect the punishment is meant to instill in your son regarding any future indiscretions. And believe me, as a mother of a 23 year old son, I can attest that there will be more.

If your son works very hard once he returns to junior high, it's quite possible that he can catch up to the rest of his classmates. You might even be able to arrange for the extra pre-AP schoolwork to be given to him at the alternative school or you could pick it up and administer it yourself during those first 4 weeks.

I fully advocate standing up for your child when they are being treated unfairly, but in this case, I think the punishment does fit the crime. It's just really bad timing...but that's life.

Blessings,
N.

Do not fight the punishment. Your son made a bad choice and needs to face the reality of his actions. If you fight the punishment you are sending the wrong message to your son. Do not let your son think he is the victim.

I am so sorry he has disappointed you. He ounds like a good kid, that made a really bad choice.

Do not fight the punishment. He needs to see how incredibly dangerous and how strongly he can get into trouble, for a wrong decision. This will not hurt his future at school, IF he never has another incident like this again.

Do not make excuses for him, he needs to accept what he did and not blame it on anyone but himself. Even when he is sent to alternative school, they are going to make sure he does his school work, but also that he has learned a lesson.

A juvenile within the possession of alcohol is against the law. Taking it on school property, could be considered a felony for adults.. this is how serious this is.

I am sending you strength.

J., do NOT fight this punishment. What your son did was wrong on many different levels. If the school is like many others it has a ZERO tolerance to drugs (yes Alcohol IS A DRUG), so the punishment is correct. I am sorry to say this but you need to sit down with your son and really discuss with him the problems with drinking, like it or not he maybe drinking and if you are not comfortable with this conversation then have his pediatrician do it.

I know first hand of people drinking even in Middle School/Jr High, back when I was growing up and they swore up and down to their parents that they weren't (and the parents believed them). I also know of students at my daughter's Middle School (6th-8th) are drinking and doing drugs (just like at many schools around the country). Infact, the teachers at many Middle & High Schools routinely check water bottles now for that very same reason.

As for the AP classes, it isn't going to hurt him to miss the first 4 weeks, ask for the work to be sent to the alternate school. BUT if they decide not to put him into the AP class then it will not hurt him academically in the future, if you are really really concerned then ask if he can take the class over the summer or if available online.

My concern though is you are more concerned about the AP classes and not concerned about the alcohol as much. I am NOT saying you are a bad parent b/c the fact that you are coming and asking for advice shows YOU ARE A GOOD PARENT, just that maybe it is time to step back and see if he is crying out for help b/c he is stressed and doesn't know how to handle it.

Good Luck

I would think, that fighting the sentencing time show him that it's okay to get out of our consequences, and that what he did wasn't all that bad.

Kids do stupid things, and since a lot of schools have a zero tolerance policy on things such as this, consider yourself lucky they are taking it so seriously, and use this as an opportunity to see why he did it.

Just encourage him to be good at the other school. He can still take the pre-ap classes in 8th grade if his grades in the 7th are good enough.

And though he may not be drinking, he took it to school for a reason, to drink it there with friends, or to show off to his friends who would think it neat that he smuggled it in, and then they possibly would have pressured him to drink it. Or he could be lying to you about not drinking, it happens with kids his age.

Just take this as a clue that maybe his friends aren't the best influences as well.

I agree with another mom who suggested to speak with the school counselor and teachers to see if there have been any behavior changes.

Don't fight the punishment. 12 yrs old and getting into alcohol (or cigarettes) is a big deal. He can't legally drink till he's 21. This stuff is addicting and he can suffer life long consequences from it if he gets hooked. If it were my son, his punishment from the school would be a secondary worry compared to the punishment he faced at home. He'd have to earn my trust back and I'd be watching him like a hawk. Kids can be sneaky, and I would not be so sure he's not drinking on the sly. (Lock up the alcohol from now on so ease of access is no longer an issue.) Maybe it's peer pressure, and maybe it was a one time stupid prank, but I would still watch his every move for a long time to make sure this was not a habit that was forming. If this is what it takes to nip this in the bud, then getting caught is a blessing in disguise.

Do not fight this for him! He has to learn that there are consequences to his actions and that Mommy and Daddy won't be there to "fix it" for him when he decides to do something stupid. I'm not being critical, I was a smart, sweet, kind kid who did plenty of stupid things, too.

I'm truly not saying that your son's actions are as bad as this, but you know the story of the Virginia Lacrosse player who killed his girlfriend recently? His history sounds like as he was growing up, every time he got into trouble his parents bailed him out. As he got older his trouble got more and more serious and still they bailed him out. My guess is his first run ins were probably similar to this and his parents probably felt that he was sorry and the punishment did not fit the crime. I wonder if they had only let him face the music for what he had done when he was younger how different would things be now??

Good luck,
K.

From a shepherding point of view, you have an excellent opportunity to instruct your child in authority. God gives us, along with teachers and other educators, the authority to impose rules on children. He also gives us the authority to provide consequences. Taking his medicine will be a great lesson in following rules and submitting to authority. He won't do it again. Empathize with your child, perhaps give him an example of when you broke a rule and had to face consequences. If he has conceded that what he did was wrong, then he should be able to handle the punishment with integrity, not complaining or grumbling, but with his head held high knowing he's learned a very valuable lesson.

Well he's not the first to do something like this...and he won't be the last. I did something very similar, except with ciggs. I got caught and got in BIG trouble. I got sent to detention-ish, sort of like what he was given. My parents made me face the consequences of my actions and I NEVER did anything like that again. I know they weren't happy about how the school handled it but they didn't fight it because they were stern and said rules are rules and they apply to everyone. No exceptions. They let me know early on they will not fight my battles for me, if they knew I was in the wrong that is. I don't think he's a bad kid. We've all done stuff like that. I'm sure he was terrified when he got caught (just like I was) and that may have been torture enough and he learned his lesson. I know school rules are MUCH different now than when I was in school, with the whole 'zero tolerance' thing and I totally understand you don't want him get behind in things. I hate that this happened to him but, and please don't think me harsh when I say this because it applies to all of us, but we all have to suffer the consequences and it will make him understand that you and the school are serious when it comes to issues like this and the other kids will see it too and realize they can't get away with as much as they think they can. Good luck to you.

This could have been a dare or he could have done this to impress someone.

As a mom of course you do not want one mistake to ruin his future. But . . . . as hard as it is, you need to stand firm and he needs to suffer the consequense of his actions. This should be a "loud" enough message to make a LONG impression on him.

Even good kids make bad choices. I stand firm in practicing ARM - Admit to your mistake, Rectify the situation and Move on! He admitted to it, the rectification in this case is suffering the consequenses, then let him move on. Do not keep bringing up his mistake. I am sure he will learn from it - if you let him. I really would not try to get his "sentence" reduced!!

Don't worry about how others will perceive his mistake or you both as parents. If any parent has a perfect child, let them cast the first stone - you will quickly see that NO ONE will be able to throw one!!

Good luck mom!!

J.,
I think you should be praising God he was caught. This is your opportunity to intervene before things got worse. If he hadn't gotten caught, he might possibly continue to do things like this. Instead of fighting this, I would use that energy to find out what else he might be doing, how long has he been drinking etc. Then decide what you as parents want to do about it. He is young enough for you to be able to control some things that he does.
If this were my son, he would be getting other consequences on top of the school's discipline. In fact we recently found out he had done something just as inappropriate and there definitely were consequences from us.
Good luck and God bless.
Victoria

No, I don't think you should fight it. Choose the behavior and you choose the consequence. This is a good life lesson and he needs to learn it. It may be a bit harsh, although I don't really think it is. You only do because you're his mom. :) What he did is extremely serious. He needs to truly understand that. I don't think you are bad parents at all. I'm sure he is a great kid, but he did a really stupid thing. Is he drinking, do you know?

This should be an eye opener for you and your son. While he may be a good student and not a troublemaker, he is at a point where he is making decisions that will determine his road for the future. This was a bad decision, and by facing the consequences, hopefully he will learn he doesn't want to go down that road again. Don't give him the impression that you don't support the consequences, or he may think you'll fight to protect him from being punished when he brought it on himself. Make sure he knows how disappointed you are, and that you will take steps so that it can never happen again. This is your wake up call that even good students can be drawn into bad behaviors. He obviously was taking a look at the alcohol in your home, and was interested enough to take some to school. If he didn't drink any, he certainly was tempted, and he could see this as a way to look "cool". Help him learn that "looking cool" through bad choices can ruin his future.

The punishment does seem harsh, BUT what he did was a pretty big deal and could've ended up alot worse. Obviously had they not got caught they were planning on drinking it, right? Why else would he have taken it? 6th grade is really young to be pulling a stunt like this. Although you feel he is not drinking, it sounds like he is heading down that road. Hopefully the severity of his punishment will teach him a tough well needed lesson. No, you're not bad parents he's not a bad kid. But use this as an eye opener. You can never be too careful, and sometimes we take granted that our kids "would never do something like that". Lock up ALL alcohol from now on, and I'd definately let him know that what he did was very dangerous, And things like this CAN ruin his future. Granted this is only 6th grade, but you dont want a pattern forming here!! And maybe, try to sit down and have a genuine talk and find out what he was thinking. Why would he do something so reckless? Good luck to you!

No, you should not fight it. The rules and consequences for such violations are very clear at all schools. Zero tolerance. Period.

I know your son did not do this, but what if some other kid had brought alcohol to your son's school with the intent to share or to sell? What if that is what led your son to do such a thing in the first place (as in he was influenced by some other student who did it first)? Wouldn't you think that other student should face stiff consequences?

Parents shouldn't have to worry that their children will be exposed to alcohol at elementary school. I'm sorry to be blunt, but the consequence most definitely fits the crime. Whether your son is a good kid or not, he did expose other young children to alcohol. Your son's academic future is not going to be affected by missing 4 weeks of jr. high, and I'm sorry, but keeping alcohol and drugs away from elementary schools is much more important than your son's first 4 weeks of jr. high.

I'm sure you are a great parent or you wouldn't be taking the time to get advice on this issue. If I were you, I would focus my energies on the alcohol issue rather than on his pre-AP future. (I also would consider keeping any alcohol in the house where he can not access it, just as I am sure you already do with medications).

I think you've gotten good advice so far.

I'm not completely clear from your post on where he is for the next 6 weeks. It is possible that he won't get to participate in those preAP classes next year, but honestly, whether he takes preAP or regular classes in 7th grade won't make or break his academic future. I would really encourage you to make him take the punishment that he was given. He stole from you. He broke the law. He put other children at risk. He need to know that he has broken your trust and that you are upset, ashamed etc. He doesn't sound like a bad kid, but these kind of actions can be the start of something really bad if you don't get a handle on it.

Also, now might be a good time to talk to the teachers/administrators/counselor and see if they have noticed any changes in your son that you may have missed. I know he says he regrets it and that he doesn't drink, but it's important to realize that he has already lied to you (he didn't TELL you he was taking liquor to school did he?) and that as a bright kid he knows what you want to hear.

Good luck.

T.

It is a completely appropriate punishment. My husband is a MS principal. For having drugs, alcohol and even some prescription drugs prescribed to you (not kept at the nurses office) will earn you a 6 week visit to the alternate school. It is taken very seriously and the hope is to help the child before he/she becomes an adult. He is in the 6th grade and brought alcohol to school! Hopefully, he will learn from his mistake and accept the consquences for his actions and not make this mistake again. He should be able to go into his advanced classes when he returns to his school. I would not recommend fighting the punishment. It sends a message that there are not consquences for our actions.

Sorry J. but the Crime does fit the punishment. I would find out about next year also so you know what will happen. You might have to get a lock or just not have alcohol in your home. I am sure he regrets it now, he got caught. Time to keep a closer eye on your son now that you know his decision making is not that great at the moment. I dont think he is a bad kid at all nor do I think your bad parents. You have just entered teen world the hard way. Now that your there take precautions to prevent your teen or preteen from making anymore mistakes. Its always a shock to think your own child has done something like this, but its an eyeopener. So please let him take his punishment that was given and move on to a bright future.

I don't think he sounds like a bad kid, lots of kids do stupid things.

But I don't think you should fight this punishment. Taking alcohol to school is a pretty serious offense at that age. That is not usual behavior for 6th grade. It sounds like he was showing off and testing some boundaries and I wouldn't allow those boundaries to be pushed back a little bit by fighting his punishment. I would not want to set the precedent that you will bail him out.

This is actually a pretty good thing for him to have gotten in trouble doing, and a pretty good time to have done, all things considered (if you had to pick a dumb thing to do, I mean). He didn't harm anyone, he didn't destroy any property. And he isn't in high school yet where this punishment could really set him back and hurt his future. He has some time to set things straight. But if you fight the punishment and allow the behavior, he might do something worse next time and really hurt his future. Coming down hard on him now might save you all a huge headache and a lot of heartache later on.

Good luck, I hope you get through this tough time okay.

Good for you standing with the school on this one. Little problems turn into larger ones. As far as him and his "friends"--I would insist on supervising him with his friends all summer. I have a hunch this is the first time he's been caught drinking--not the first time he's been into the alcohol.
I tell my coworker with a 2 year old that it doesn't get any easier--
teenagers are toddlers with more words.

Let him suffer the consequences now, with the hope that he will be scared straight.

If your son is in 6th grade taking pre AP classes he is smart enough to catch up. Mine stole from Walmart. I was PO'd to put it mildly. But I let him do his time and let it be a lesson. He had to appear in Juvie among other things. It helped straighten him out.
I also took it upon myself to check his person everytime we walked out of a store He got really frustrated and mad at me but he hasn't repeated his stupidity.

I think that what he did was wrong and you need to watch for warning signs now. You say he isnt a bad kid and seems to be very smart in AP classes you dont want his actions to hurt his chances at school. But since he did do something he knows he should not have he needs to pay the price for it. You need to watch what group of friends he is starting to get into. Because all it takes is that one group and you thinking its not that big of a deal and your son changing into the person you never thought he would be. So just talk to him let him deal with the punishment and return to classes and just watch who he is around and if he does it again or gets into trouble with the same group of kids i would make some changes and make his punishment alot harder. because actions like that can and will mess up your future over one stupid mistake. Good luck. Hopefully he has learned his lesson.

taking alcohol is serious at any age... the punishment will not ruin his future and fighting the punishment will only drag out the processes more. I would get more information on the special school and see how it works with him returning to his regular school and classes. Sounds like you need to get a lot of information on the transition since it will take place at the beginning of a new school year. Did all the kids get the same punishment?

Wow - I am also the parent of a 6th grader and am shocked that a kid that age would even think to do something like that (seems more Jr. High or high school -ish).

If it were me I would look at every aspect of this child's life and try to discern what the best course of action is. It may be better to let the consequences stand as they are. On the other hand, if he is being lead astray by peers then a whole different scenario may need to happen. I would also make sure that I wasn't emphasizing academics over character (not that you are - still, we parents are vulnerable to this due to the constant pressures of our economy and our worry for our kids' futures). IMHO character always comes before academics or athletics. Character is what will guide a child through his/her entire life when the parents are long gone.

You sound like a very caring and concerned mom - just think about this as an opportunity to intervene in this child's life BEFORE he gets bigger and makes bigger mistakes. He is a sweet and precious child still who needs you to help him.

Good luck to you. My heart goes out to you. You will do the right thing - hang in there.

You have to let him face the consequences. If you bail him out now, then you will have to later. He might have to miss out on the AP classes now, but next year or next semester he can get in there. This will be a good lesson for him. It sounds like he knew it was wrong when he did it. This will be a great teaching moment for him.

The punishment has to be an example to others. A woman told me her 15 or 16 yr old took some booze and they had to call the ambulance and he actually died on the way to the hospital and they had to use the paddles. She was never so scared. They waited in the hospital not knowing if he was going to make it. He had a close call. Years ago some girls went out on the field behind the school and the kids dared her to take some of their booze and she almost died. It was a home made brew with high % proof and she ended up in the hospital Locks for sure and sad he does not think he did anything wrong but maybe over this time will understand how dangerous it is. G. W

First off nobody should think of either one of you as being bad parents'. All kids will try something and it just happened to be alcohol with your child. As for the punishment, he is in 6th grade, probably about 12. I think they are treating him like a common criminal. I could see a suspension for 2-3 weeks, yes the ticket is a formality (nothing can be done about this). So your basically talking if I'm adding this up right 11wks. to stay in school!! I dont' feel that he should be sent to a school for trouble makers for 5 days, this is going to label him in his next year of school. Once this is done it stays with him, right up to grade 12. So anything, and I mean anything will have him suspended, kicked out of school. If he is only 11 he isn't even considered a young offender, if this is the case he should not have gotten a ticket. I would definetly fight it, no questions asked. It won't matter what happens in his 7th grade, even if another kid started something, with the red flag on his school records you can bet that he will be called in and be sent home under suspension, or having to do his school work in the office. I happen to know of this red flag because of my own son and it was only because he was slow in a few subjects. The teacher that taught him in grade 7 would call me just about everyday. I finally got the phone one day and I said to her "you don't like my son" she said I didn't say that. My response, I know because you can't. She never called again and in grade 8 he got the reward for the highest improvement of the year award. So yes, if your son hasn't been in trouble prior to this with the system, and I don't mean just school, fight it right to the limit. As for the ticket, in your vicinity things may be different than in Ontario but I would definetly have it checked out, especially if he isn't 12 yet.
I wish you the best of luck, don't back down from anyone. This is where you and your husband have to stick to your guns (no pun intended). Say what you mean and mean what you say. Go for it, this will ruin your sons' reputation throughout the rest of his school years and I know you don't want this for your son. You and your husband have every right to stand by your child. Go for it, I know I would and have.

The punishment most certainly fits the crime! What he did doesn't make him a bad kid but for you to belittle the fact that a kid took alcohol into the school in a water bottle is extremely poor judgment. What if he had passed it around or what if another unexpected student had picked up and took a drink? He needs this punishment to be reminded that there are consequences when you make the wrong decisions.

Texas is SO ridiculous! Are you serious that they are going to put an honor student in the "naughty" school for 6 weeks because he drank some alcohol at school? I took a HUGE big gulp cup full of a rum mixture I made to school every day for a looooooong time. I don't even really drink now as an adult.... just don't have any desire to. I was never caught, thankfully.

I think too big of a deal is being made of this, and your son is now at risk. You might have to say goodbye to those AP classes and a shining future, all because Texas thinks that a little alcohol is evil. They can't just put him in "in school suspension" for the rest of the year? Why not? It's his first offense. They come down so hard on the good kids when they make a mistake, then they let the bullies go. My son was beat up in school over and over and the schools didn't do anything about it but talk to the parents of the other kids, but when a kid has a drink at school, and isn't hurting another person, they'll send *them* to the bad school?

You know, that just really really really makes me mad at our system.

If you fight the school, what are you teaching your son? That mom and dad will bail you out of anything. I say let him do the time, it may be harsh, but if it is a zero tolerance school then it fits. Your son will learn from this, and what do you want him to take away. Hopefully it is that our poor choices have consequences. Kids make mistakes, and that is what this was, but let him learn that, or it could be worse next time. Good luck.

You don't state why your son chose to take the alchol to school, this would help us to make a decision as to whether the crime fits and punishment, which I'm very confused exactly what the punishment is. My only thought is that the punishment should take place this year and not continue into the next school year.